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City Slickers in Westworld feat. Billy Crystal - Duration: 6:32.
[ Westworld title theme ♪ ]
[footsteps]
[ Mitch voicing Bonanza theme ♪ ]
♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin', rawhide ♪
- That's enough. - Roll...
[Stubbs] Mitchie the Kid.
Haven't seen you in here for quite some time.
You know, Mitch is one of the oldest house in the park.
Used to have one of our best-selling narratives.
Dissatisfied city slicker rides out west with his friends
to herd cattle and try and find his smile again.
[Sylvester] Does finding a smile involve going completely off his loop?
Why don't we ask him?
I always wanted to do this.
Mitch... Hellooo?
Do you know where you are?
Uh, the waiting room of the CIA?
Or the waiting room at CAA? [giggles]
This place has less privacy than Trump Tower. [giggles]
Limit your witty affect please.
Hm.
What happened in the park today?
Uh, today was like any other day.
I woke up, hearded some cows, Phil took an hour to pee,
and you know, same old same old, just living the life. [giggles]
Analysis.
- Are you lying to me? - Oh yeah.
This is footage of when he started malfunctioning.
[device beeps]
[gun shot, screams in the background]
What is it with the milk? He does like cows though, so.
[beep]
Do I set it to channel 3 and then press record?
Doesn't matter what channel you're on.
- You just have to press the button. - Ah!
And then you put the tape in?
[shouting] The tape is already in ya moron!
[gun shot]
- What are they even talking about? - They're talking about programming a VCR.
That's a 90s thing.
I'm resetting your annoyance levels and doubling your tolerances for Phil, so.
Mitchie the Kid, you should be good to go.
Thank you, other Hemsworth Brother. [giggles]
[device]
Never gets old.
♪
[indistinct talking]
Get the wood. Can't cook [bleep] without a fire.
Ah, don't sell yourself short, cookie. You can cook [bleep] in all conditions.
[whispering] What are you doing with these guys?
They're digging dirt for gold.
I didn't come here for that, I came here to push cows.
Well, a lot of gold miners are also cowboys.
[cowboy] Hey! Now pick up that [bleep] axe and go chop us...
[Mitch] They're just dirt guys. [stammers] I mean, look at...
How come everybody's frozen and we didn't freeze?
I didn't freeze because you didn't freeze.
Do you have to do everything that I do Phil?
Can't you just be your own man?
[stammers] What kind of man do you think I should be?
♪
- A dead one. - [gun shot]
[Stubbs] Mitch. Phil.
Bring yourselves back online.
Oh, this can't be good.
- Are we in detention? - I don't know where the hell we are.
Last thing I remember is I was riding on the plains with Curly,
and he was trying to teach me the secret to life.
- Secret to life? - Ooh, yeah.
- What was it? - He said it was one thing, just one thing.
- Your finger? - No, not my fingers.
It is one thing. You stick to the one thing in your life,
- and everything else means [bleep] - Wow. What was it?
That you have to figure out for yourself.
That's a load of crap. Seriously, what was it? What was the one thing?
- [indistinct background talking] - Obviously, their core friendship
parameters need to be realigned.
- What is the one thing? The one thing-- - The one thing is this!
[gun shot]
Freeze all motor functions.
So the secret to life is shooting me?
[Sylvester] Now they're not responding to vocal commands.
- ...Go ahead. Go ahead. Right here. - I'll prep for a decommission.
- Shoot me! - [gun shot]
You shot me!
Hey fellas, where the hell are we?
What is this, the Kevorkian Ear Nose and Throat Clinic? [giggles]
Shut up.
Just imagine I am a dentist, but for your nose.
- Tilt your head back please Mitch. - [drilling starts]
[Sylvester] There we go.
Oooh, right in the schnoz.
[drilling stops]
[Phil] Mitch? Pal?
[Mitch sneezing]
Goddammit!
[Mitch] Ah! I can breathe again.
This is unbelievable!
See, I'm from Long Island. We had a lot of allergies when I was a kid.
My parents were gonna send me to Scottsdale Arizona to grow up in a dry environment.
Take it easy!
- Can you do the other side? - That's it. I've had enough.
You're both going into cold storage.
Why is everybody naked?
Because all the hosts are naked.
- Why aren't you guys naked? - Um, cause it's in HD.
- Boobs. Eh. - You guys are cute.
- Hi, I'm Mitch. - I'm Clementine.
Not much of a rind on you.
- I'll give you a discount. - How much?
It's $5 dollars for an hour, it's $4 if you bathe first.
Does it have to be an hour all at once?
Can it be spread out over like a month or two.
- We could-- - We'll work something out.
Oh good, okay.
♪
Holy [bleep]. $5 bucks.
♪
Anybody? I got 5.
- I got 5! Hello? - [cow bellows]
[Mitch] Norman, not now!
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The Alternative Constitution - Duration: 3:50.
There's sure been a lot of hullabaloo going on
with President Trump's last executive order.
Where he banned non-citizens from 7 predominantly Muslim countries...
from entering the United States.
And a lot of people, including me had questions, like...
'Why is Trump Doing this?'
'Is this even constitutional?'
'What In the [bleep]? '
Well, we finally have an answer why Trump is doing this.
Historians confirmed the existence of another constitution.
And it's called the "Alternative Constitution."
We only know of two copies, one of which an archeologist found
cradled in the mouth of a large golden snake-pig deity hidden in a deep underground cave.
And Trump was accidentally given the only other copy when he was a teen.
He's working from the wrong constitution, and he doesn't even know it.
Here for example is the normal Constitution.
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion."
However, Trump's Alt-Constitution goes further than that, adding...
"...but if a handsome brave, scared President
makes an executive order that favors one religion over another,
he shall only experience pure ecstasy."
Of course Trump felt justified banning green card holders,
his Constitution says...
"They with cards of green should be kept away by any means,
by wall, by force, or with magic beans."
It looks like many have tried to destroy the Alternative Constitution,
but it has some sort of dark magic protecting it.
However, even the Alternative Constitution
doesn't explain all of Trump's actions.
As it turns out, Trump has also been looking at the wrong Statue of Liberty.
France sent us the one on Liberty Island,
but apparently Russia sent an identical one a few years later.
It's much smaller, in Queens, where Trump walked by it all the time growing up.
This other Statue's plaque reads a little different, too.
It says, "Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breath free...
so that we may lock them in tiny rooms for days
only to send them back where we think they came from.
Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders.
Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders."
[stammers] It just kind of keeps repeating that fear outsiders part.
He really has been living in a world a little off from ours.
A world that's a little meaner, a lot dumber...
and a whole lot less thought through.
Finally all makes sense. Right?
He's not making these moves because he's an idiot.
He's making these moves because he's lookin' at all the wrong stuff.
Poor little guy.
So please, if anyone's watching who might be near President Trump,
swap out his cursed constitution for a real one, as soon as you can.
It's truly for his own good.
If he doesn't, he's bound to keep making embarrassing mistakes
like he did this weekend.
Mr. Trump, if you are watching, which you may be doing because you... don't read,
and you have a true knack for finding examples of people criticizing you...
we are very sorry.
Your Constitution is just not the one that we use.
There are more copies of the real one.
So that's the one we're going with.
Help us help Trump by getting him the real copies of the Constitution.
- The Statue of Liberty. - Bible.
- Declaration of Independence. - DC Transit Turnstyle Numbers.
The Gettysburg Address.
Seasons 1-7 of the The West Wing.
And the McDonald's nutrition facts that we are all familiar with.
It'll help get him on the same page as all of us.
Because we are [bleep] if we don't.
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Act in Kind, Way; Others Will Follow You - Bullying Integrity Video - Zeni Says - Nikki Karis - Duration: 0:15.
Hello, I'm Nikki Karis.
Here's an affirmation I've written about integrity to help encourage you to stop being
a bully.
Repeat after me: "I take responsibility for my actions.
In so doing, I set an example for others to follow."
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Tips To Grow Your Dick Bigger Naturally At Home [part-4] | Sexual Health - Duration: 0:56.
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Be Uplifting; Others Will Follow Your Light - Bullying Inspirational Video - Zeni Says - Nikki Karis - Duration: 0:15.
Hello, I'm Nikki Karis.
Here's an affirmation I've written about inspiration to help uplift and empower you
to overcome the bullies.
Repeat after me: "I shine brightly as an individual.
In doing so, I help others shine brightly as well."
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Follow Your Heart; Hold Dreams Close to Heart - Bullying Positivity Video - Zeni Says - Nikki Karis - Duration: 0:15.
Hello, I'm Nikki Karis.
Here's an affirmation I've written about positivity to help uplift and empower you
to overcome the bullies.
Repeat after me: "I believe anything is possible.
My dreams become a reality."
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