( laughter ) >> MOM: We will get through this. Be brave.
>> JEN: (laughs) What does brave have to do with it?
(laughter)
Pull yourself together!
>> JEFF: Okay, everyone ready? >> JEN: No. (laughs)
>> MOM: Take 406. (laughter)
>> JEFF: I can't do it. I can't do it. (laughs) >> MOM: Uh, huh.
>> MOM: Hi, everyone. Jeff here. (laughter)
[ INTRO MUSIC: Tops by Lincoln Jesser ]
>> JEFF: Hey, everyone. It's Jeff. I hope you're doing well.
Today I'm joined by my sister.
>> JEN: Hi, I'm Jennie.
>> JEFF: And my mom. >> MOM: Hi, I'm Adrianne.
>> JEFF: And we're gonna talk a little bit about how my transition affected them
and I've got your questions here, so here we go!
You ready?
>> JEN: Okay.
>> MOM: You bet.
>> JEFF: Okay. Don't, why are you cheating? Don't look at them!
>> MOM: I wasn't reading over your shoulder.
>> JEFF: What was your initial reaction to me coming out?
Well mom, I told you and dad before I told you.
>> JEN: Yeah. >> MOM: Right.
>> JEFF: You were the first person of the family that I told.
>> MOM: Correct, and do you want the story of how you did this?
>> JEFF: You can go for it, sure.
>> MOM: It's never probably easy for anybody to come out with something so monumental in your life
and this munchkin caught me in the car in the middle of a car wash.
So there was no escape, even if I had been inclined to do so.
>> JEFF: I planned it that way. >> MOM: Yes.
>> JEFF: I, I planned, I was, I drove her to a car wash and told her in a car wash.
>> MOM: Right. >> JEFF: (laughs)
>> MOM: And I think probably most parents have a feeling when there's
something going on in their child's life.
My first thought when he said, "Mom I have something to tell you"
was that he was going to tell me he was lesbian.
And then he said he was transgender and my first question, first thing out of my mouth was "What's that?"
>> JEFF: Because this was back in about 2012.
So there wasn't, uh, anything really prominent in the media at that time.
It still wasn't something that a lot of people knew, so I had to explain what that was.
>> MOM: And then it seemed like every place I looked there was something
in the media or on television, in the newspapers
and ever since it's been a topic that people can talk about, which is good.
>> JEFF: So Jennie, how was it for you then?
>> JEN: I mean it was unexpected to a certain extent.
I guess, you'd just posted a picture where you'd gotten your hair cut
and donated all, you know, to Locks of Love or whatever.
And, at that time, my initial reaction had been
Oh my gosh. You know you've cut all this hair off, you're gonna be perceived as a boy.
And then you told me, partly because mom told you it was time to tell me.
Like, "Oh you should tell Jennie about this thing, this really important thing."
>> JEFF: Yeah. >> JEN: Because we were on a family vacation at the time.
>> JEN: And so you, you came out with it
and I guess I, I mean, I knew what it was but I didn't know what it was
because I wasn't sure what that really meant for you.
Because I don't think you actually told me what you, how you felt. >>JEFF: Yeah.
>> JEN: Other than that you identified this way. >> JEFF: Mm-hmm.
>> JEN: So then I was thinking well, you know, is that just how you dress?
>> JEFF & JEN: Or what does that actually mean?
>> JEN: But other than that, you know, it's your life. (laughs)
>> JEFF: (a la Bon Jovi) It's now or never.
Would you change anything about how I came out to you?
Is there a better way that you could have thought that it would have went?
>> MOM: No, I don't. Like I said I don't know that there is a good way to come out with something that, you know,
>> MOM, JEFF, & JEN: Personal.
>> MOM: You know, I'm glad that it was not in a public place.
>> JEFF: (laughs) Yeah, no. I wouldn't have done that.
What about you? Would you have preferred me to have called you?
Would you have preferred me to send you a letter?
>> JEN: Oh, well that'd be weird, I guess, 'cause then there's no back and forth.
As far as I remember, I didn't respond in any negative way.
I mean, it's a big change. >> JEFF: Yeah.
>> JEN: It's good that there's some kind of interaction.
>> JEFF: That's why I personally liked coming out to people in person
just because there was the ability to answer questions that they may have had
if they had them at that initial point.
>> JEN: I mean even if someone didn't, it's not like you can't come back to the discussion later.
Someone's kind of taken it in.
>> MOM: People will always have questions after the fact,
after they've had a chance to think about what has been talked about.
>> JEFF: Would you say there were any hints that you can think of when I was growing up?
>> JEN: I mean, I guess, I would say you were more tomboyish than anything else as a child.
Wearing the backwards hat. MOM & JEFF: (laughs) Yeah.
>> JEN: But that I guess to me, that's still just being a kid.
>> JEFF: That's just expression.
What about you, mom?
>> MOM: One Christmas we went shopping for the proverbial Christmas outfit
and there was no way we were going into the girls department.
We were dragged to the boys department
and a navy blazer and tan pants were your Christmas outfit that year.
>> JEFF: Do you remember how old I was at that point?
>> MOM: Six or seven?
>> JEFF: Way to go little me. (laughs)
What has been the easiest part about me transitioning?
I mean, I guess I think that it's all been easy on my end. (laughs)
Other than...
I don't mean it like that. That's not what I meant.
I don't see there as like a defining "Oh this is a weight off my shoulders" or anything.
I don't know if there's any one thing that's easy from my perspective.
It's been pretty smooth sailing for us anyway.
>> JEFF: Mom, what about you?
>> MOM: It's hard to say.
Not necessarily the easiest, but the most, what I don't have/didn't have to worry about
was how the rest of the world seemed to perceive you.
I mean my, if you remember the thing that I was most concerned about when we went
to talk to your psychologist was fear for your safety.
And nothing has ever happened that I've seen.
Our community of friends have been very understanding and welcoming.
I mean, it's just been no big thing.
>> JEFF: What would you say is the hardest part?
>> JEN: Well, I guess I'd put that on the, the hardest section being that
there are so many people who judge purely on how you title yourself
and because it's the other or different, it's not necessarily going to be something they
appreciate or agree with and will respond in kind.
>> JEFF: Has anyone has anyone found out about me and said stuff to you?
>> JEN: Not, no I mean...
So I've had, I have had friends where after the fact, you know,
"Oh how is your family doing? What are you, what did you guys do?"
and, you know, I'll say "Oh, I was with my parents and my brother and we did all this stuff."
and they'll be like, "So I don't know how to broach this subject but did you have a sister did she die?"
You know, like, years before you I know who your family is. Like they never met you or anything.
>> JEFF: Yeah. >> JEN: But just, it didn't bother me that you
went from one to the other and so I never, like, went out and told anyone
especially if they're not within my super close circle.
Like we just happen to communicate with each other. (laughs)
>> JEFF: And mom, you've had people come up to you and ask about the two daughters
and how have you gone through that?
>> MOM: Yeah, a lot of it depends on how close they are to me if
you know, some people that aren't part of our really close friend group.
I'll just, "You know. They're fine, you know, my son's in the cities and my daughter's in Michigan."
And if they catch the son and daughter,
that there are two different genders, that's fine.
Um, but we have had cases where we sent out our first Christmas card
with the whole family and it was obvious that I have a son and a daughter on this card.
One person came up and was praising us for having the
the courage to make such a statement and I'm going
"What? No, we were just sending out Christmas greetings. What are you saying?" (laughter)
>> JEFF: Yeah, 'cause some people see trans people as just making a political statement in whatever case.
>> MOM: Well I don't think that's what they meant either, but just that
it was no big deal really the way we have looked at this.
It's just that's, you were you before. You are you after.
You just have a different gender identity, you know.
But you're still the same child we've loved forever so no big thing.
And then there was another situation where
>> JEFF: How many situations, Mom? (laughs)
>> MOM: Just two! >> JEFF: Okay. (laughs)
>> JEN: I can have a situation, too. >> MOM: Yeah, oh good.
>> JEFF: Oh mom, you don't. We'll, we'll give Jennie an example.
>> MOM: Okay, you go Jen.
>> JEN: I mean there, there are still pictures of the "before" you in the house
and someone had been over for Hospice
and happened to see a picture of Jeff playing the guitar from senior photos.
And then, you know, asked me "Oh, do you play, do you play guitar?"
I said "No, that's my brother." But not realizing.
Or like, "No, my brother plays." Not realizing that she'd been looking at this picture.
And she didn't say anything. (laughs) But I didn't, I didn't catch it at all.
Like, oh. That's not, that's not me.
>> JEFF: Just, no. Yeah, I don't.
>> JEN: I didn't know there was a picture involved.
>> JEFF & MOM: Yeah.
>> MOM: And the other thing I was going to bring up was,
um, some friends that had worked with my husband,
we had sent the card to and they hadn't seen us in quite a few years.
And hey, they called and said, "A lovely picture! Where's [CENSORED]?"
Not realizing that [CENSORED] is now Jeff.
>> JEFF: The people want to know about our extended family and how our extended family
reacted to things and how we came out.
I wasn't there when the rest of our extended family found out.
That would be, uh, you. You would know. (laughs)
>> JEN: Yeah. (laughs)
>> MOM: I think your dad did a lot of the phone calls.
Been a few changes in the family would be his beginning spiel
and everybody was surprised probably, but not
shocked, terrified, or negative in any way.
>> JEFF: And they did this without me knowing.
They just went and did it. (laughs)
Stop. Laughing. (laughs)
>> MOM: I knew this was going to happen. Here we go.
>> JEFF: (sighs) You good? >> JEN: Mm-hmm.
(laughs) >> MOM: She's lying.
[ CLOSING AMBIENT MUSIC ] "Smile Quiet Looking Up" by Puddle of Infinity
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