JUST DO IT: Essential Steps To Achieving Your Goals with Practical & Positive Techniques (Audiobook)
BBC audiobooks presents get up and do it read by the authors beachy and Josephine
Coakley hi I'm bitchy and I'm Josephine ginge
whether good or bad can be stressful and our natural reactions are often fear
anxiety or resistance one of the big reasons why we often think about change
and then do nothing we need to understand more about ourselves in order
to force a your blocks and self-sabotage and deal with them effectively some
people are so afraid of failure they don't even try so as they won't have to
fierce up to things going wrong they've already written the failure script get
up and do it will put you in a can-do frame of mind so that you can stop
sabotaging yourself and start to do things differently
the more you feel like a success the more you will behave like a success and
the more you will be a success we will share case histories of people we have
worked with and invite you to try out exercises which will help build your
confidence and motivation we will urge you to explore the misunderstandings and
misjudgments that sometimes happen when you set out to achieve your goal some
people see a problem as a sign that the goal is not achievable successful people
and you could be one of them know that problems are important staging posts
along the way you can't abdicate responsibility by saying it's bad luck
I'm just not lucky you have to take charge of your goal it's yours and you
have to drive it over rough ground on occasions and not give up may your
journey be an interesting and rewarding one achieving a goal is not primarily
about willpower up to two door skills it's more about self-image and the
messages we send ourselves if we can visualize the outcome of the change and
believe ourselves deserving of it we are much more likely to get there people
label themselves as those who do and those who don't and negative beliefs
pretty much determine a negative end result but anyone can challenge and
change their self labeling all human beings find change difficult the degree
may vary but our reactions are so you may have been exposed to changes in
the workplace that results from reorganization redundancies and so on
can you remember how you felt there can be fear resistance or anger as
well as feelings of powerlessness and loss of control even with positive
changes such as promotion or a house move that can be similar feelings
everyone will feel a degree of resistance life however is about change
birth and death are big ones besides these two divorce marriage moving house
and changing jobs are among life's more stressful experiences fear can often
come from thoughts such as supposing I make the wrong decision supposing
something better comes along or the really big fears
supposing I feel and supposing I'm wrong did you notice how often I mentioned the
word fear f.e.a.r it's a very interesting acronym false evidence
appearing real that's a false evidence appearing real think about something
that you are fearful of we will use the example of failure because it is a very
relevant fear Jeremy wanted to learn to drive I'm very embarrassed because I'm
30 and have never even sat in the driving seat of a car I was brought up
in a big city and I always find the traffic very
intimidating well I've decided to learn to drive because I want to change my job
and not being able to drive will be a negative when I think about driving I
feel really fearful I can actually picture myself from the day of my test
and I'm miserable I will feel and how my friends will laugh at me notice how
Jeremy has all of these negative pictures created by his fear not only
does he have negative images of something that hasn't even occurred but
because there's pictures are so vivid he even has the feelings he would
experience if that event was a reality these pictures are the false evidence
they are very powerful and creates strong feelings despite the fact that
none of this has happened sometimes we can find ourselves stuck in all talk and
no action think about a goal that you
recently had or one that you can remember with some clarity we talked to
Peter who is in his 30s he said I have a goal of starting my own business have a
very solid business plan which has been put together through a lot of hard work
and discussions with peers and friends who have given me some useful input I
find though that I am talking and have been talking about doing it for over a
year and I and I just haven't moved it forward
I find it did move along whilst I was doing the research and the practical
discussions but something has happened that I just feel stuck haven't done a
lot of talking in some action I've grown to a standstill despite doing
brilliantly in carrying out the research and considering all the practical
aspects something was holding Peter back the more we talked to him the reason
became clearer something that really holds me back is the fear of feeling you
can probably see that I'm a very practical and methodical person I've
done lots of preparation and done my some so to speak the next stage feels to
me as the way I'm put in my Fiat and the lumps of the Gods so I suppose I feel
that the next bit is a bit out of my control and that scares me me gone after
my goal means me doing something that I don't like I don't feel comfortable with
moving towards your goal will usually involve going out of control Peters
experience tells him incorrectly that being out of control is always a
negative but it doesn't have to be now that Peter understands this he's
resolved not to be held back by that fear and the very fact that he can
understand what is happening to him actually makes him feel a bit more in
control as you start to formulate your goal you will need to be able to
identify possible blocks to progress think now about some goals that you have
had recently if you did not succeed with your goal ask yourself how do you feel
about taking risks do you have examples in your life that tell you whether you
approach risks positively or negatively do you have an over exaggerated need for
control understanding that we all need to feel in control does not make your
old freak but assess whether your need for control is to grin think about
strategies that you use in other areas of your life are you quite scientific
objective do you look at statistics or probability this can be very useful
under many circumstances but there will also be times when it can hold you back
a good example is someone who tried to apply this to choosing a life partner
the strategy doesn't work because you can't get hard evidence of a successful
outcome you can only judge from how things feel
Nye and project that into the future our heads are never still what we mean by
this is that everyone is always thinking about something some of these thoughts
almost sound like an internal conversation for example someone who is
thinking about applying for a new job could be feeling all excited when that
voice starts up again don't bother you won't guess it or who do you think you
are that's a bit out of your league isn't it with such negative self-talk
having a different conversation is crucial think of how you have talked
yourself about a goal that you have had in the past
make sure it's specific Jane is a good example of someone who starts off
positive and then starts finding the negative she has been on every diet
possible for a very short time Jane has good positive discussions with herself
makes a start and then the counter arguments begin this is going to be so
tough I'm never going to keep this up perhaps I'm one of nature's fat people
I'm useless at sticking to anything why does Jane or anyone do this some
would suggest that she is making excuses which would be correct certainly there
will be people who feel because they really don't want to make the effort and
it is important to acknowledge that achieving important goals often requires
a lot of effort that effort though can be well worth investing most of Jane's
statements are firstly about her perception of how difficult sticking to
her goal will be and secondly that she is someone who can't stick to anything
we are sure that she has evidence to back this up
but we are also sure that if we challenged her by saying you have never
really completed anything her honest answer would be that this was not true
well no that's not truth there are some things I see through but it feels like I
never stick to anything that gets really hard now that sounds very different
doesn't it let's look at the perception of a goal being hard the smoker who is
giving up will be preoccupied with how many hours has been since their last
cigarette the dieter will be obsessed by how
little they of eaten and how few calories they have had all of it will
feel very difficult and stressful and there will be feelings of deprivation
there will be questions like how much longer can I keep this up positive
self-talk choosing your words carefully is crucial here it is almost impossible
for you to feel motivated if you consider that you are depriving yourself
or suffering this is the kind of talk that will get you back into the
situation you're trying to change you need to be talking to yourself about the
positive rather than counting the R's in the minute since your last cigarette in
a negative way you need to learn to reframe it and make it positive Lucy
hasn't smoked for a week we asked her how she's feeling well it's been 168
hours roughly since I last mode I'm not really feeling very good I'm feeling
very tense really wondering if I can keep it up we talked to Lucy for a while
and asked her if she can say something positive or say the same thing more
positively actually if I say I haven't smoked for a week that sounds better I
can also tell myself that it is early days and that I am pleased I've got this
far also I really want to do it and I'm afraid that I'll mess it up when you are
working on your goal it is important to keep telling yourself as many positive
things as possible in Lucy's care some positive self-talk would be I'm pleased
I've got this far I really want to do this haven't I done well for not smoking
for a week if for example you have stopped smoking talked about what you
are starting rather than what you have stopped keep your focus on the
all not the difficulties you have to go through to get there you need to think
about solutions and strategies understand that if you keep telling
yourself that what you're doing is very hard then you will understandably feel
like giving up so from now on you need to talk yourself into completing your
goal rather than finding opt out clauses you will also do better if you have
researched your goals there may be some hard facts that will help motivate you
through difficult periods many reformed smokers say that the worst times are
during the first seven to ten days bearing this in mind this is a huge clue
that on day five of not smoking one of the things that you need to say to
yourself is that it truly will not always be this hard in fact you should
congratulate yourself for completing the hardest bit this is me and I can't
change as a statement we don't buy we believe that everyone can make changes
and we strongly encourage people to break negative patterns fill in yourself
with negative self-talk as a pattern that can't be changed you may have
practiced and reinforced your parents for years so it is going to take time to
change them but it can be done stop making yourself into a helpless victim
of something that clearly doesn't work and start believing that you can't
change aspects of yourself that are holding you back we are all creatures of
habit with patterns of behavior that is fine of the patterns work for you when
they don't people tend to condemn themselves with messages like well
that's just me and you can't teach an old dog new tricks
that is not true as you move through your life it makes sense to believe that
you will have to find new ways of dealing with situations that may arise
and that your repertoire will need to be widened accordingly
don't miss read anxiety is a bad sign most goals and the changes they can
bring all the changes that you have to make to reach a goal can generate
anxiety let's take Steve who is thinking about changing his job I know that I'm
not great about taking risks I'm a methodical person who will think things
through I've been speaking to some agencies and looking at advertisement
and I'm pretty sure that I'm being underpaid by about 25% there are also
aspects of the organization are working that I'm not happy with the agencies I
have spoken to have given me job specifications that will use all of my
skills and pay me more but each time I think of taking that next step to
achieving my goal my stomach churns I feel breathless my palms sweat I just
feel really anxious I think there must be something that is worrying me but I'm
just not facing him what Steve is doing is taking the anxiety as a sign that
there is something wrong or that he is making a bad decision what he needs to
realize is that feeling anxious about pursuing a goal is actually quite normal
it is important to see your goal in context and understand your
circumstances you must always allow yourself to understand how your personal
circumstances and you can impact upon achieving your goal and not compare
yourself with other people there will be times will not attaining a goal could be
spelling out loudly and clearly that you may need additional help if something
repeatedly does not work for you like trying to diet or cutting down on your
drinking don't ignore this some people's problems may need more support than we
can give and get up and do it don't hear this as a negative just learn to be
realistic you are not a failure if you need more
help but know that you can learn from the experience of having the honesty and
the willingness to confront the problem such as depression or an addiction and
seek out professional help if you are unsure go and discuss your situation
with your GP there are also circumstances that make it extremely
difficult for people to find the time to concentrate upon themselves you may have
young children or elderly parents to care for you may be under a lot of
pressure at work and have to work long hours there are many circumstances that
are not excuses they are a hard reality that can make achieving a goal very
difficult but don't give up your goal like any human being you need a sense of
fulfillment just be realistic in setting smaller interim goals and longer time
frame works sometimes people fail because they
expect too much of themselves and set too high a target remember these six
Commandments of change as you work towards achieving your goal CH aan ge
commitment to change hard work anchoring yourself no negatives but be realistic
goals be specific easy dozen and crucially you should
really try to enjoy the journey towards your goal most goals require that you
make changes build new skills and take up challenges it can feel scary risky or
downright hard but achieving your goal no matter how great or small will
enhance your confidence and self-esteem and can potentially be nothing less than
life-changing identifying your goal probably sounds very simple but perhaps
it is however we want you to be very specific and clear
for example Rebecca tells us my goal is to lose weird we asked her to be more
specific I want to lose about two stone and I
want to keep it off I'm fed up with dieting and then piling it back on and I
want to find a way to improve what I eat on a long-term basis without sacrificing
enjoyment I don't want to feel like it's all about denial forever so Rebecca
specific goal is to lose to stone maintain her wit and learn more about
good eating you can see there is quite a difference in stating the goal clearly
with her specific goal Rebecca is starting to fierce up to the fact that
she needs to behave differently with food
Rebecca is learning to be honest with herself and this will help her avoid the
trap of magical thinking that often accompanies people trying to achieve
their goals you cannot leave things to chance or
imagine that something magical will make your goal happen you need to be in the
driving seat at all times take charge and stay in charge success tends not to
happen by accident now it's time to think about your specific goal ask
yourself the following questions can I be more specific can I describe it in
more detail think about explaining go to a third person you would have to
outline every single detail to them be clear and concise it is important to
focus on defining parameters and setting goal posts John's goal is in his words
to get fit this is a great goal that tells us absolutely nothing probably
John doesn't feel very clear either so we asked him to explain the picture that
he has of getting fit what are the goal posts what are the parameters I'm 35 and
I get breathless if I have to run up steps I'm not really over weird but I am
flabby and I suppose I know that I don't look as good as I used to
if I'm really honest with myself I don't eat very well and I think I drink a bit
too much we asked John again to be specific what is don't eat very well I
eat a lot on the run I rush out of the house in the morning and grab a takeaway
breakfast from a coffee bar I get a Danish piercing or a cross on lunch
tends to be sandwiches or I sometimes go to the pub and get something with chips
or a curry in the evening I eat better because luckily for me my wife cooks and
she usually makes chicken and vegetables or fish and vegetables we asked John
what he specifically wants to change I like the food that I eat but I don't
think it likes me what I mean by that is that I increasingly just don't feel
particularly well and as I said I have probably gained 5 to 7 pounds that don't
make me overweight but don't make me look or feel good either
John commits in his goal to eat breakfast a toast or cereal and perhaps
a piece of fruit before I leave the house not eat sandwiches every day and
if I go to the pub to have a salad or a chip free lunch swim at least once a
week at the weekend as I enjoy swimming tip my son to the park and play football
with him at the weekend that will help my level of fitness so you can hear just
how specific John has become his desire to get fit has developed into a goal
that has structure John now has micro goals within his main goal so that at
the end of each week he can say yes I am on target I have done
exactly what I have said I would do which helps build motivation think about
your goal now what are your parameters and goal posts what are your time frames
be specific we suggest that you keep a journal so that you can monitor your
progress and keep yourself on track start right now by making notes and
remember no plan is a plan to fail being realistic is crucial
aiming too high as obviously something to be worried of but you must also be
careful of aiming too low or dismissing a goal as impossible you may be thrown
away an opportunity to achieve something that could be incredible if you are
concerned about being unrealistic set interim micro goals as well as defining
your final goal take James who at the age of 24 has decided that he wants to
be a doctor before he can apply to medical school he will have to do an
intensive course to see if he can get to further science a-levels jim's flits
from getting really excited about his goal - telling himself that he won't do
it we suggested that he said micro goals that will lead to his final destination
qualifying as a doctor he breaks this down into three stages applied to do
intensive a level course work towards exams and get feedback from tutors apply
to medical school after passing air levels gyms like many people has to
decide how much he wants to achieve his goal and he will have to have tremendous
willingness to work very hard and take the risk to study subjects that he had
steered away from successful completion of stages 1 & 2 would certainly give him
the information that would tell him once and for all whether he was in a position
to apply for medical school like many of us he has a fear of failure but we
encourage everyone to give themselves permission to have a go what does James
really have to lose also even if he does not succeed in his goal it may be that
he could use the experience and the knowledge that he has gained very
profitably identifying stating in committing to your goal
puts you in contact with choices it also tells you something about how you view
yourself take your journal now and write down three things that you have always
wanted to do but haven't leave a space to the right of each statement and write
down in those spaces the reasons why you haven't done any of these things these
reasons will tell you a great deal about your self limiting beliefs Judith did
this exercise and came up with three things she always wanted to do I've
always wanted to ride a horse but I'm scared of hurting myself and I don't
have time at the weekends I've always wanted to go to India but I just don't
get ran to saving up and don't have a friend who wants to go and I've always
wanted to speak French but I was useless at school I find it difficult to get
myself organized to go to classes in the evening Judith is not asking to achieve
anything that really looks impossible but she does have some very definite
limiting beliefs her first issue is time which is something everyone will
recognize the second is organization if she organized herself then she could
start saving up to go to India and looking for a travel companion it
doesn't matter how long she gives herself to do this thirdly she limits
herself by fearing that she's going to hurt herself if she rides a horse horse
riders would not dispute that you can hurt yourself but through fear false
evidence appearing real Judith is assuming that this will happen
she also limits herself with study in French by saying that she was useless at
school how can anyone get excited about doing something or believe in themselves
if they view themselves as being useless Judith is entitled to have a go at
learning a language and she doesn't have to be perfect her personal best is good
enough imagining your 80th birthday party is another exercise to help you
think about your goals your family have thrown an 80th birthday party for you
you are asked to say a few words about your life what would you want to say if
you could choose the life that you would like to reflect back on here are
Thomas's plans for his 80th birthday party
first of all I have to say that I look grim I have a perfect head of snowy
white hair and I look fit I'm still nice and slim with a good straight back it
isn't a big party because I don't like large numbers of people but I have my
dear wife my two children and my four grandchildren my brother and sister are
there with my nieces and nephews and their children it's fantastic all the
people I care about are there and one or two old friends when I make my speech I
certainly like to say how important my family has been and the to be a good
husband father and friend has been something that I feel proud of and I
have invested a lot of time in people and have gained enormous ly from it I'd
also like to talk about my contribution to working with young people and working
for charity I have always felt that I would feel good about my life if I could
look back and say that I had given something on a more selfish level I'd
like to think that I've had a few adventures in my 80 years I like trouble
and I suppose I'd love to look back and say that I have travelled extensively
I'd certainly love to say that I've been to India Africa Australia and South
America they certainly would be goals that I'd like to achieve I'm just
finishing my training to be a solicitor so I'd like to look back and say that I
was successful at work you won't be surprised to know that I want to do
something with family law and that I hope to be able to make a difference to
people's lives when they're probably at a very low ebb take a moment now to
imagine your 80th birthday party write it down in your journal to succeed you
have to be smart let's break down the word smart s ma RT s is about being
specific which helps at the planning and resourcing stage and also leaves you
focused and prepared to face any hurdles or obstacles
M stands for measurable and again it is about being specific not only about your
goal but in setting yourself time limits and timeframes a is for ambitious you
need to aim as high as possible and be doing that you're sending yourself a
very powerful message I can do this I am capable
Oris for realistic don't set unrealistic goal
or try and do something when you are not well or have some serious health or
emotional problems that may need to be sorted out first
t is for timed set time limits and timeframes to help you keep on track
time limits also give you an opportunity for positive feelings when you hit the
target you have said motivation is a key ingredient in working on and achieving
your goals it is an energy source which will keep you going seeing is believing
can be a powerful exercise Sarah's been self-employed for a number of years she
has built up a successful catering business but finds herself working
incredibly long arse sir specific goal is to work fewer hours she intends to
have two days off a week and delegate certain parts of her work we are so to
think about her goals and then to tell us what happens when I think about
working fewer hours I feel a tremendous sense of relief and excitement I can
actually see myself at home doing normal things that I miss just watching
television talking to friends on the telephone going to an exercise class and
I get really excited then I go into my insecure head
supposing I lose clients what about the money I'm going to have to pay someone
to do some of the work that I have been doing when this happens I feel anxious
and scared and the screen goes blank I don't see anything in my head I just
hear those thoughts it's a bit like a radio play when Sarah was thinking
positively she actually pictured herself and this is a very powerful tool on the
other hand when she began to think negatively she became more aware of an
internal voice which he likened to a radio play take a few moments to think
about your goal do you think about the positives or negatives first or go from
one to the other part of this process reflects your natural decision-making
style once you have made a decision however you need to keep focusing on the
positives the reasons why you are doing what you are doing and the benefits that
achieving your goals will bring the negatives don't have to be ignored that
would be ridiculous let them comfortably sit on the
sidelines rather than giving him too much power
some people favor the visual some the auditory and some the feeling when they
are thinking about or recalling specific incidents some are a mixture but most
people will favor one sense more than the other if you tend not to fear for
the visual it is still a good skill to develop because it is an excellent
motivational tool now we want to invite you to picture yourself achieving your
goal this exercise is very powerful as you get to sample what your goal will
feel like to do it properly you need to firstly be somewhere quiet where you
won't be disturbed close your eyes think of the screen that you want to play the
scenario on it may be like a TV screen or even better a huge cinema screen take
time to create the scenario start the film rolling project what you are seeing
on to that screen focus on you see yourself doing whatever it is you want
to achieve step inside that image and start to feel
positive feelings of excitement pride increased self esteem or this is
something you can keep doing to keep up your resolve play that video or film
often and see yourself achieving your goal when the image is nice and big and
bright step into yourself on the screen and feel those wonderful feelings you
may be more of an auditory person or find that some of your thoughts and
experiences are driven through the hearing senses like a radio play mark
certainly has a strong auditory side when he is thinking I am genuinely very
interested in words and like to listen to radio so I don't know if that is why
I often hear words very strongly when I'm thinking when I am thinking about
achieving my goal I literally can hear people talking to me about succeeding
well mark you've been a bit of a dark horse how long have you had this
obviously it's tremendous fancy studying and completing an open
university degree and not telling anyone until you had finished there is a lot of
talk inside my head I also do picture myself on graduation day that is a very
powerful image but again I hear lots of things when I do picture myself I also
think about what I'd be thinking and saying to myself the sense of pride that
I would have although people will tend to favor one sense more than another
there is bound to be a mixture of experiences as people play their golf
through in their heads remember your thoughts drive how you
feel they can generate motivation or destroy it you can use your thoughts in
a very positive way as our exercises shown or they can generate fear false
evidence appearing real that will get in the way of you achieving your goal start
to develop more of a sense of the false evidence stop being influenced by
something that has not happened stop living in the dread of what may happen
and start to concentrate more on today the only day you have any real influence
over you need to be in the right frame of mind as you set your goal in the
right mood with good energy levels getting mentally fed is so important
most goals require a good degree of energy to achieve them don't balk at
striving for a goal because it starts to feel like hard work it is going to be
hard work and if it isn't then you have probably chosen a pretty easy and
straightforward goal goals are very subjective so to maintain your levels of
motivation you have to keep feeling and telling yourself that the goal is really
attainable remember also the fear of failure which is a protective mechanism
will constantly try to do battle with the feelings of optimism and that can-do
frame of mind that you are building think of every time you have said to
yourself I couldn't do that I couldn't possibly attempt that I'd only fail it's
not worth it I couldn't take the disappointment of failing if you say
these things to yourself it will stop you from realizing your potential and
from pursuing your dreams hopes and ambitions there are lots of different
ways you can sabotage yourself and awful thing is that it often won't even
feel as though you're doing it it has probably become such an integral part of
the negative self-talk that goes on inside your head that you don't even
notice it it is vital that you are aware of your process of self-sabotage and of
sabotage from others not everybody around you will want to change as a
result of your goal people can feel threatened perhaps you are doing
something that they would love to do but can't or maybe they feel that you will
change and become different towards them we are not suggesting that your friends
or your partner are bad people but some people behave like this because they
fear change as much as you might do here is an exercise called Tim in your
gremlin this will help you examine just how much you can sabotage yourself and
how other people throughout your life can have given you negative messages
that have left you feeling very negative stop for a moment to write down in your
journal the negative things you said to yourself example I'm useless I'm no good
at learning I never succeed the negative things that keep people in your life
teachers classmates friends parents and family have said to you that have really
stuck for example of your teacher said you'll never come to anything or a
parent said who do you think you are things in your life that have affected
the way you feel about yourself example if you were bullied at school or feel
some exams do you have very sad reactions to certain things almost as if
you are programmed example immediately blaming yourself if something goes wrong
your answers are useful pieces of information that the gremlin feeds on
because it is the negative side of you the sides that dodge yourself has low
self-esteem and lacks confidence what you need to do is stop feeding the
gremlin and stared starve it by learning to be more positive with yourself and
understand where some of the negative messages came from here is a good moment
to present you with your bill of Ray think about it you have the right to be
treated respectfully to be listened to and to be heard to ask for what you need
to change your mind to take responsibility if you make a wrong
decision to make mistakes to choose to let things go to say no to say yes to
ask for help to voice your opinion whether it is right or wrong most of you
will recognize areas that you struggle with or don't really believe are your
right many tend to be compliant and will say yes and of course but inside the
dialogue is different why do I have to do this or why can't I say what I mean
some people never speak out until they are told their bill of rights it's time
for you to find your inner voice a good way to gain a greater sense of awareness
is to realize the wares we block or anger ourselves we experience our
negative blocks as though we can't move them but the truth is we can take a
moment to identify your angers and make a list of them say for example you want
to change your job you might be held back by the velvet handcuffs anchor ie a
big salary good holidays perks such as health care insurance or a pension also
watch out for the unrealistic expectations out there as it can set you
up to fall flat on your face we often say to people that the number
one cause of stress is reality for those of you who are not in contact women stay
in touch with reality don't set your sights too high but set them just higher
enough so that you can see them and tell yourself that you're going to get there
let's think about the patterns and habits anchors when you are always doing
something the same way you can fall into the trap of saying this is how I've
always done it nothing breaks habit like habit so you have to work hard at
creating new positive habits to supplant the old the
affection is a manka i can only do it if i can do it perfectly is another very
powerful block the truth is that we rarely do things perfectly and that is
actually okay keep telling yourself that it is okay to do the best that you can
also don't compare yourself to others we need to be ourselves and to give
ourselves credit for our achievements then there's the guarantee thank you
we were all very understandably like a guarantee I can try this because I will
succeed but that is just not possible as there is so much that is unknown in life
if the lack of a guaranteed outcome is stopping you from making changes you
need to rethink moving forward is always positive regardless of the outcome
making changes in doing things differently will open up opportunities
that you would be unlikely to encounter if you keep to your familiar pattern
practical issues such as your responsibilities duties and time
restrictions are three things that can really hold you back I can't do that
I've got responsibilities if you are not prepared to take a different route you
must give this CD to someone else we are not telling you to ignore your
responsibilities but we are saying that you must not let them prevent you from
leading a fulfilling life there are lots of very responsible people who take care
of their families and also achieve their goals the fear and anxiety anchors are
two of the most powerful we fill ourselves full of fear but as you know
now most of it is constructed by us false evidence can appear so real that
we start believing it and tell ourselves that we can't do something then when we
attempt to do it we go against that fear that has been constructed as start to
feel very anxious fear and anxiety are very destructive and also very
controlling another one to watch is the no luck anchor the if I was the only one
in a raffle I wouldn't win anything block it is almost like a superstition
or a done deal I'm not lucky and that's the end of it there is nothing I can do
to change it you will even hear people say that they come from an
keye family think about what this message does to you and how much it
influences the decisions you make you are telling yourself that you have no
choice no responsibility and no influence from now on you need to
believe that you can make your own luck you are more in charge than you believe
and there is no reason why you shouldn't act like and become a winner the clutter
and disorganization anchors also have a strong negative impact if we are
entirely on the exterior we can't be untidy with our thinking we can be
unproductive with our time management and pure maintaining a good work-life
balance the new solution I grow is one of our favorites because we hear it so
many times and we have the joy of watching people's faces when they start
to become aware that there are solutions when people feel stuck they say things
like everything is alright the way it is I don't need to change anything I don't
have to tear new goals there isn't a solution so I won't try anymore there is
nothing that can be done I'm not even going to try it's not worth it remember
the same keep doing what you're doing and you will just keep getting what
you've got the mountains anchor is the one that says just look at the task
ahead look at the size of this I'll never be able to climb this will never
get over this if a goal feels too great break it down into manageable micro
goals the security at any price anchor is another anchor to be aware of if I
have security then everything will be okay and I'm just going to stay here we
are not saying that security doesn't matter of course it does but don't let
your need for security prevent you from expanding your horizons or doing things
differently then there's the stress anchor stress is often mistaken as a
warning sign not to proceed oh it doesn't really matter whether I don't
attain that goal because it is causing me so much stress we believe that making
positive change is naturally accompanied by some stress take some time to write
down in your journal the thoughts you have
about the anchors that might be holding you down it is important that you take
notice of the whole person concept that is take care of yourself physically
emotionally mentally socially and spiritually this will help give you the
strength to face the fears and identify the anchors that have been holding you
back from attaining your goals we all know ourselves but the depth of that
knowledge and the attention to detail can always be improved upon teaching
someone to be you for a day is a useful exercise a new journal described your
day as fully as possible as if you are explaining it to a third party this will
help you become aware of the processes thought patterns habits and behaviors
that you experience you can do this exercise with the trusted friend if you
want to they can ask you as many questions as necessary so that they can
explain back to you exactly what you do during your day let's take a moment now
to explore your personal inventory and discover whether your house is in order
take your time to think hard about each section write in the answers in your
journal first think about your close relationships ask yourself if there are
any serious problem areas and whether you see any of them as potential blocks
now let's talk about your home life ask yourself is my home life working for me
is it in any way a block to progress or is it an area that I am comfortable with
other current pressures at home that are creating problems for example it may be
that you have a partner who is ill or relationship problems or children who
are at a very challenging stage are you under a lot of pressure because of your
financial situation do you feel resentful because you have to work so
hard that you have no life at home we are not suggesting that people must have
perfect lives that is not possible we just want you to take stock of areas
that are causing you serious difficulties do you have a social life
some people really don't these are you in contact with friends do you
have trusted people that you can talk to and have a laugh with do you have
hobbies or are you one of these people who is always working or looking after
children and home hi is your mental and emotional health there is no shame in
admitting that something is wrong and seeking help it can be one of the best
things that you can do do you feel reasonably fulfilled or are you
frustrated and feeling a lack of achievements in your life
how are your work skills if you are working how would you describe your
skills how would you describe your gray areas what do you like doing at work
write them down and remember you're not obliged to do something simply because
you're good at it later on in life in particular people
can feel that they want to stop doing something because it no longer brings
any sense of achievement you may also want to consider going to see a
consultancy that specializes in exploring your strengths and weaknesses
in terms of your professional abilities these sessions may be expensive but can
provide you with a wealth of valuable information not all of you will be
working some will have other skills exhibited in other parts of your life
ask yourself what are you good at are you a good parent are you a good
communicator are you organized in general now think about your principles
values and beliefs make notes in your journal your needs are fundamental and
therefore cannot be ignored or escaped we perhaps rank them differently but
they exist for all of us physiological needs include food drink
shelter escape from pain and sex your psychological and emotional needs
include safety attachment and love esteem self-actualization or fulfilling
your potential remember that to meet you needs you must first recognize them be
aware of the conflicts you may have between competing needs ask yourself if
there is anything you can do to resolve them
during your personal inventory we'll help you to begin to think about your
priorities and not anyone else's remember that this is about your goals
and not other people's expectations of you or someone else's unfulfilled dream
taking care of yourself is crucial think of your personal inventory as your MOT
if you are physically below par then why not consider what you're willing to do
to improve that let's think about empowering yourself perhaps when you're
a child you're exposed to a negative blueprint which taught you that
something is not worth trying because it won't happen not only will you now have
to work hard at silencing some pretty strong messages you also will have to
work harder finding more positive blueprints from people you know or
admire we're sure that you've heard interviews on chat shows with very
successful people who record their school report stating that they will
come to nothing despite such negative messages these people have found ways to
believe in themselves and succeed against all predictions we call these
blueprints for success when you are working on the goal the more you can
keep it in the day the better particularly if you are struggling using
positive self-talk can help I just need to concentrate on today so far I'm
sticking to my plan and that's good if died said in you need not only to
confront the negative but bash it with a positive counter like I'm going to feel
with what's more I'm going to succeed or this time is going to be different
because I'm going to make it different get yourself psyched up by telling
yourself things like I can do it I'm going to do it nothing is going to stop
me I deserve this I can change and I'm going to another key to achieving any
goal is to be willing to accept that it is okay not to know things people can
feel afraid of learning because they're afraid they make a fool of themselves
when adopting a candy frame of mind you need to be willing to speak to yourself
in terms that encourage and allow you the four permissions
these are to give yourself permission not to
give yourself permission to learn give yourself permission to make mistakes and
give yourself permission not to have to be the best the final stage of
empowering yourself is understanding your drivers your drivers can be
powerful positive forces and must be understood and harnessed to make them
work effectively and productively if not they can hinder you and propel you
backwards you need to take responsibility in every sense of the
word if you have become trapped in the failure script telling yourself I always
feel not only do you have to confront the veracity of the statement by asking
always but you also need to look at your part in something not working out take
responsibility be the master or a mistress of your
destiny get powerful believe in yourself watch out for what we call safety
drivers these are the drivers that don't let you take risks these drivers
convinced you to think all about the things that can go wrong and to start to
fill your screen with those negative images and the feelings they bring up
remember the same keep doing what you're doing and you're going to keep getting
what you've got in other words if you want something different you are going
to have to do something different here is a list of drivers to help you examine
your own try to be honest with yourself about what drives you make notes in your
journal so these drivers are fear anger loneliness love trust excitement
spirituality status image self-esteem financial gain power pastoral and human
needs Authority competition defensiveness relationships sex work
Duty satisfaction and affirmation let's think now about the process of using
your drivers effectively identify the goal if you start to think about what
could go wrong ask yourself what negative drivers are in play challenge
the negative thinking and get in contact with your positive drivers such as
excitement and achievement make a commitment
will wake up several potential drivers such as obligation duty competition and
fear of failure which can be used positively break the task down into
stages so that you can drive yourself on each time you have completed another
portion this will help access your confidence self-esteem and satisfaction
drivers you need to decide right now that you're going to stop letting
negative drivers get in your way keep fighting the safety and fear
drivers remember false evidence appearing real planning planning
planning you cannot ever over plan as long as you don't use planning as an
excuse not to move forwards and get into the implementation and action stage of
your goal spend some time now with your journal running through all the stages
we have covered so far by now you should be confronting your mental blocks or
anchors that hold you back you will be moving towards a more positive frame of
mind and getting in the mood for achieving your goal being organized is
very important as is taking care that your surroundings are as conducive as
possible to what you are doing we can't all sit in mahogany paneled offices to
make our plans but we can all try to have somewhere tidy and pleasant in
which to work on our goal using music can be incredibly powerful it can make
us feel sad help us feel relaxed and peaceful well make us feel alive and
empowered if you have a favorite piece of music that inspires you use it when
you're a plan in your goal it can help you get in the mood and enter that
can-do frame of mind on occasions when you feel less enthusiastic you can put
on that piece of music and allow you to access more positive feelings also think
about films that have had a positive motivating or energizing effect on you
write them down Lorien uses the horse whisperer I
identify strongly with the film not because I have ever been involved in a
riding accident but because I was very badly injured in a car accident I use
the scene when the girl gets on the horse of the first time
a very motivating scene for me in fact I first saw the film when I was injured
and I felt very inspired by it and became determined to be that girl I use
it to this day whenever I want to achieve something that feels hard or
difficult I just think of me stepping into that scene and I feel the feelings
of fear and bewilderment melt into confidence and achievement aromatherapy
is deservedly taken its place as credible and extremely beneficial
therapy there is a wide range of powerful relaxant and energizing oils
not available that can be used in massage or oil burners when we look at
our surroundings we should try to create an environment that inspires us into a
work and success mode ask yourself if your space feels inviting am i happy to
sit down and work here does this space make me feel motivated is it tidy and
clutter-free make sure that you have adequate
lighting this might seem a small thing but makes a big contribution to your
comfort you might be lucky to have a window nearby but otherwise get a good
desk lamp more planning planning planning if you
don't plan then you are being very half-hearted about your goal and we'd
wonder what is stopping you alternatively don't rush your plan it is
the foundation for success try not to make it too elaborate keep it simple and
clear first comes information gathering we
want you to listen again to the exercise on talking to your gremlin on track 17
then go on to teaching someone to be you for a day on track 20 finally your
personal inventory on track 21 and add anything necessary to your goal also
think again about your negative blocks anchors and drivers second research and
gather information about your goal you may add to or amend your goal once you
have sought more information third set your micro goals write them in your
journal fourth be smart SMA RT at all times specific measured
ambitious realistic and timed 5 being measured and timed is particularly
important you need to set targets probably on a weekly basis if things
feel very tough do it daily make timeframes make checklists plot your
progress and finally build and maintain your motivation by using this outline
remember to move back and forth between the steps as you plan use new
discoveries to create the clearest goal and the clearest steps to get there
don't be put off by new pieces of information that might mean you have to
rethink use each discovery as part of your path to success the key to staying
on track for your goal is affirming yourself on a daily basis for example
you could tell yourself that you're going to achieve your goals you are
going to make some changes your to work hard continually and not lapse
back in dear old behavior think back to the number of times you have told
yourself I can't do that I wouldn't be good enough or there's no point of me
even asking they'll only reject me instead tell yourself you're worth it
that you can do it and that you are not going to feel self affirmation is easy
because it's so private and personal no one else has to know about it
in difficult situations when you feel that your backs against the wall and
you've nowhere to turn you can always say to yourself I'm not
going to behave the way I would in the past I'm going to behave in this new way
and I'm going to stick to it no matter what if you keep telling yourself that
you are okay and that you are worth making changes for then your life can
only get better yes there'll be ups and downs and
troubles as there are for everybody but you will handle them in a more effective
and productive way you have got to get out of the way of yourself and affirm
that positive side of you that will keep the negative side quiet you can either
do what you've always done or you can turn your life around the choice is
yours don't be afraid of asking for help if you are learning a new skill or
building on an existing one think about getting some tuition to give you the
best possible start some people are almost phobic about being in the
learning situation they picture it as stressful and shaming if this applies to
you why not consider giving yourself one more chance to have a positive learning
experience why not break the ice by speaking to a tutor or teacher about
your fears beating self-limiting beliefs is often a long-term project the sad
thing is that we so often really don't know our own true potential this could
be due to negative experiences at school which may lead us to tell ourselves that
we are stupid and incapable of learning to focus on finish you need to be your
own crowd cheering you on to the finishing line imagine that scenario
what would he be saying if they really wanted you to cross that finishing line
first go on you can do it don't stop you're
almost there just keep going you're going to win
life is a journey and you've probably noticed how quickly the journey is going
we don't have time to wit we have to get up and do this enjoy the journey
enjoy the changes and most of all enjoy the goals that you're going to achieve
thank you for watching this video my friends I hope you really enjoyed it
make sure you leave a comment below and please subscribe to this channel I want to give you so much more thank you and I'll see you next time
JUST DO IT: Essential Steps To Achieving Your Goals with Practical & Positive Techniques (Audiobook)
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