and I'm really sorry I'm late I almost didn't do this at the hall tonight
because I was so I ran into technical difficulties and that I am seeing people
here which is really fantastic maybe maybe this hour later is better
this seems better so um anyway totally on the fly tonight because I don't even
know it set up as you can see I'm what kind of discombobulated here
and hopefully give me a thumbs up and stuff if you can hear me
that would be great and okay so I was going to try and talk about a couple of
things when I got a question about two narcissists together and kids you
narcissists make it relationship will work well we know that they can because
a lot of us have parents in such a case I mean most most of them don't last
obviously but there are quite a few relationships that last forever and
quite frankly some of the worst relationships that I know of there the
people are really the most abusive our relationships where people have stayed
married well look at the couple with us searching kids in California they just
got they just got arrested for the has a kids all locked up and chained up in
their house you know there's a perfect example but my mom my parents have been
you know together forever and then also my sons both they're both of their
primary girlfriends if they had in their lives both had long time married parents
that were truly some of the most dysfunctional people that I've ever ever
seen so I'm not obviously the ideal the ideal is to be like my husband now his
parents my in lot my parents in law they're the ideal they married young and
they're lovely and they're in love and they're great and healthy and they
raised two healthy kids and and all that but among the couples that I know that
have lived out the duration that they are the exception
the rule kids also like we have my grandparents also looked forever
I mean together forever and they were also these my dad's parents we're also
very very dysfunctional very very dysfunctional so but but we know they
can make it work so how are how is that working always and also like my husband
now I mean exhales my ex-husband is now with a woman it was just like him well
maybe not just like him but she's certainly not like me she certainly he
had transferred the target role he had transferred that on to my oldest son
Noah and the woman that he's with is much more like him so you know how is
that working well I actually did some research and I there's nothing about it
out there but I actually I'm consulted with was SamVaknin about it and you know
actually I'm gonna talk to him I'm talking with him in the morning about a
question that I had him and talk to you guys about that in just a second.
But anyway he's kind of a fascinating guy him and his wife it kind of pass
today anyways I so what basically the thing is
there is as long as they're not the same type cuz they'll tend to compete so
if they're both if they're both they say cerebral narcissists and they're both in
say scholars both both professors which actually I know I know a couple exactly
like this and they were competitive and they did last forever and ever and ever
and then they broke up in their 60s very strange or maybe even 70s I mean they
were they were they were grandparents they were you know had raised three kids
into their well into their 30s but maybe 40s even before they divorced so go
figure but they were both professors um and so as long as they they and actually
actually infinity both be narcissist but different kinds maybes are the ideal
because they will be flattering to each other
in different ways so and and the way that Sam Vakninr describes it is that
they will they will they will feel about the other person almost like a art
collector feels that his art collection or you know about like their prized
possession like that so say you have a cerebral is a narcissist with one that's
most somatic so when that's you know the tip of the stereotypical will be the
beautiful woman and the rich successful guy that's the very typical case so you
go right to Donald Trump you think you Donald Trump exactly do that so I don't
know I don't know if any of his ex-wives were current life are narcissists hard
to say but I wouldn't I don't think so because the kid seems sort of like they
have their heads on straight so you wouldn't that you think there'd be some
amount of somebody teaching them some kind of empathy or something of course I
have empathy and I was treated like she but I had grandparents really close by
you know coming I've also kind of the conclusion that if you have we have
healthy sir is where it was what we're seeking you know our our brains our
hearts and our butt or seeking health and so it's like if we can if there's
any way to get it we'll get it you know we'll try and really get it it's you
know and so I really think that even if you have it was just so devastating when
I was discarded and heard happening to me how I lost everyone and that was
because the good people that I had were elderly they let my ground hurts and
they had died but it was enough like I try not being this very empathic person
even without having empathic parents or empathic brother and even you know even
some of my closest friends and I'd chosen and but certainly boyfriends and
lovers and they you know I had picked a lot of people that were really really
you know low compassion low empathy people but yet I still was really I
really intact him see and so I think that if you just have
one person you know one really good person who loves you unconditionally and
is modeling that for you it you'll seek that you know you'll see you'll seek
help and so the thing to about the narcissistic couple is that it has to it
has to feed and so if they're the same kind of competing that won't be in the
narcissistic supply that's just it a little bit they'll bang out because I
mean that's a good play and so a narcissist will only he'll only provide
our six supply if it's doing it if it's also junior for him at the same time and
so that can work that can work in that like the relationship that I talked
about where this thematic in the cerebral were they're really different
also the inverted narcissist which is a term which I'm not completely
comfortable with or not but I I think I think this is what my mother is in fact
or at least was I think she might have become more of a best time went on I
think she changed but when I think when they early on I think that she was more
like he wasn't over at narcissist she had that tenancy she wasn't she
wanted to be that but she wasn't confident enough or didn't have she was
female she grew up poor and she just didn't have modeling know how to even be
that so I think she was attracted to that in my father and got to kind of do
it vicariously through him and then over time as she got a she matured and became
more of a equal and and all that I became more of her own her own over at
narcissistic self but I do and I do think that she's changed over time
well are they all actually they all have them that they've all only just gotten
worse in the disk art you know when the grandparents died straight downhill
after that and but yeah they just don't have gotten worse but the other thing
that's really really important that it is in fact in fact they
they're almost in some ways the only person that could really be with them in
it for the duration because they know what each other needs and they will
create and this is what my parents are doing and they were locked into it they
will they will they will be the keeper the curator and the you know the of the
memories so they will he won't stand out Lee when they get it when they're aging
and they're not now they don't have all the things they can go get the supply
fro now they have the person that will camera tell them
remember when and they can fix their memory for them so so they have each
other so they can both continue to be wonderful parents they can come with
their explanation but what happened to me and you know they can't they can just
rewrite history as a shared history that they like together better and keep it
going that way and there's really almost no one else that they can be in
relationship with and they almost aren't you know they almost really aren't they
have they live in a new place now where people didn't know me at all and so I'm
sure they've just rewritten history completely and written me right out of
it or made up some story about Who I am and then and then they as time went on
after the distaff of the discard I would you know come a contact with them every
every now and then and it had been like several years when my son died and so I
their Kate came some slight amount of contact when he died no no they came
over and you know had to be compassionate parents and loving parents
not like that but I think I got you know like a text message or something and but
it wasn't long before the point of it was where I was clear at the point of it
was to get not to supply that they that it was clear that she had contacted me
to find out that I was in pain and to tell me her version of the story and so
and the version of the story had just continued to get
you know that they'd written they'd written basically it has been like 16
years and they had written all of it out but about six months baby is written
that whole story out except for about six months and you know like and even
that was it even that was really tainted and twisted but it was six months of
served their purposes and so and and then those six months were from about
like 2003 he knows it was a long time ago but you know it said that you know
that they they they anybody else would mess with their would mess with their
false reality so that's that's what I see is they just you know how else are
they going to keep it going so but thanks for being here I'll talk with you
later all righty bye-bye
you
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