hey guys what's up so today I'm going to answer a very common question: Why me? Why me?
fucking narcissist fucker mother fucker
nobody loves like I love. How could they do this to me?
How could they do this to my heart? Don't they know what love means? We got a question from a viewer and I
have been known to address viewer questions and I want to address this one
because it really reflects a very... when it comes to narcissistic abuse it
reflects a common question that happens to all of us.
Marla writes: looks like you found your groove because I clearly understood
every word you said. By the way this is a follow-up video to a
previous video I did called Why Do Narcissists Target Lightworkers
we're gonna expand on that concept in this video but many concept this is a
multi-faceted video. You're gonna love this.
She continues, I am just really looking for a lot of answers and info. Everything
you say in your video I am going through sometimes I think, "why me?" See there it
is: why me? It would just be so much easier
to thank you. Well, thank you Marla! Thank you so much!
This is gonna be a real doozy and I'm gonna try to really tackle this because
I the thing I love about YouTube and doing these videos is I get to I get to
present perspectives that no one is talking about. That's what lights me on
fire when I do these videos is I get to talk about the thing that no one's
talking about. That's what I love to do I love to get really into a subject in
ways that no one's doing so here we go why me I know this is no light subject I
have experienced abuse in toxic relationships multiple times in my life
I had to go through a period of self-reflection and my own healing
process. Doing that inner work I was able to discover so many things that I
didn't see before.Things within myself things that you know things about
... blind spots
it was
it's been incredible. Back to that question of about feeling
especially like right after the breakup maybe you were discarded or maybe you
just discarded the narcissist before they discarded you it's always messy okay I
don't believe oftentimes and toxic relationships it's a messy
painful ordeal for both people and you should never assume that the other
person who hurt us has it easy.
... you'll understand. Why me? why you? Baby it's all about you. Deal with it. You probably didn't
want to hear that. I know when you've had your heart stomped on and it feels like
your heart's been through a cheese grater the last thing you want to hear is it's all
about you.
As a caveat, I want to make sure that everyone watching this understands that
we need to handle and treat this subject of narcissistic abuse or any abuse with
respect and care. I'm going to tell you why. If there's anything I've learned
throughout all these experiences of toxic abusive relationships its to never
underestimate
the people who hurt you the most. Never underestimate them because what I found
is they have been my greatest teachers of everybody. My greatest lessons in life
didn't come from sitting at the feet of some guru somewhere all right. It didn't
come from attending spiritual retreats and I have attended plenty of spiritual
retreats and you know in my life but that's not where my greatest learning
came from. My greatest learning came from the people that who hurt me. The people
who hurt me the most taught me my greatest lessons and that's why you want
to treat this whole journey and experience with great respect.
Never underestimate the person who hurt you the most now this may sound harsh
but I say this with love. I want you to really take what I'm about to tell you
and let it just wash through you.
When you say to yourself, "Why me? Oh God why me?
don't they know who I am?
How could they do this to my heart? Nobody loves like I do." When you say, "why me?",
basically what you're telling life is I don't have a fucking clue what this
whole game is about and frankly I'm drunk at the wheel.
If you think it's that person out there doing this to you... well I know it looks
that way that's only half of it. It takes two people to have a toxic relationship
two people. You can spare yourself so much pain and drama by doing the hard things
but they're the hard things that matter that are helpful all right. So much drama,
we can spare it. We can speed this whole process along and start getting to the
good shit right. We need to start looking at our own history and our own
tendencies all right. That's putting it mildly. I mean really sit down and look at this
shit journal every single day. Write in a
journal. Sure I had days where I I had to sit in a lot of pain alone.
But I learned to be okay with that to stop running from pain. To feel my
emotions. To for once love myself the way I wish someone
always loved me. It doesn't end alright. Life is a lifelong journey of
never-ending love ... self love for yourself so many lessons if you will journal and
just be with yourself and journal. I mean seriously, I know it sounds it
sounds ridiculous but most of my life if someone told me you know journal.. I
would be like "Pfff, what the fuck do I need to write in a journal for? What's
the point of that? I've got it all right here. If your pain is real if you're
really going through a lot of pain you'll do fucking anything. So, nothing is
off the table. It's time to really get serious about committing ourselves to
our own rescue. Yes it's gonna be YOU that gets you through this not YouTube
videos. You're gonna have to put together a self-care plan and that's gonna have
to become your new religion alright. And it should have always been your religion
self-care
that's a religion I can support 100% I want to offer you some technology ... some
hardcore gangsta technology
three pillars that I call my pillars for living a happy and fulfilled life. These
are going to be tools that you can use to guide you through it all
this isn't just healing from abuse it's being a fucking happy person. That's what
we all want to be happy but understand this is a fundamental understanding that
I believe every mature adult needs alright. What we think we want isn't
necessarily what we actually want much less need to be happy most of the things
we think we want we don't actually want or need for ourselves and a lot of those
a lot of the things we think we want are really based on toxic need they're not
really coming from our deeper authentic selves. They're not really
our authentic needs. And what you'll find is the more you heal the more your wants
and desires change the more you you see things in your life very differently.
Three master pillars of living a badass and happy fulfilled life, think of this
like your your Northstar. These are the the principles that you can
trace every other principle that is helpful of value they all trace back to
these fundamental three things all right. Very important for
attracting the right partner for you who will be attracted to you and important
for identifying the right partner when they show up.
So we have number one: 'Awareness'. Awareness that includes 'awareness of
self' and 'awareness of the world around us'.... people.
It's a double awareness ... goes both ways alright. Number two, is
'curiosity'.
Curiosity and inquisitiveness.
Number three, is 'appreciation and gratitude'. Appreciation and gratitude. Now
I want you to write these principles down in your journal all right. Yes your
journal. You're journaling remember, coz that's that's a fundamental part of your
self-care your religion is generally very important part of self-care. So
these three principles, integrate them make them a part of who you are. This is
your map all right. Awareness of ourselves and the world around us is
what is necessary to.... Jesus they're after you guys again. It's dangerous to go
through life without awareness of self in the world around
you. Lacking proper awareness is like literally it's like driving drunk. It's
like being drunk at the wheel. If you have a certain amount of self-awareness
you will probably this probably isn't your first toxic abusive relationship.
You've probably had a number of abusive toxic relationships in your life. There's
probably a pattern. If you're self-aware you will catch that. You'll recognize
them self-awareness and awareness of the
world around us is absolutely critical to survival. We need enough
self-awareness to not only see these patterns but we need another level of
self-awareness to take responsibility for our part in
the toxicity. You do have a part... we all do.
The most miserable people in the world are those who take a victim attitude
about the world, who externalize responsibility. I just dropped a
bombshell on your ass. Bet you didn't even see that coming! The happiest people
in the world take personal
responsibility. It's a way of thinking. It's a way of
approaching life all right. It's very juicy all right. It's very juicy and
delicious to blame the victimizer people who hurt us the most. It's very juicy and
delicious to be the victim in that. I know. But sometimes the hardest things
are what is needed all right. For the sake... you only have so much time on this
planet. Don't you think it's about time to stop wasting another second of your
fucking life - the best years of your fucking life - blaming this holographic
character on this hologram that we live in it is the Matrix Neo... Trinity. We
live in the Matrix. Stop blaming the hologram for your misery and take full
responsibility for your experience in life. That's the only way this game
changes all right. That's the only way this story gets better. We gotta take
responsibility for ourselves in our life even if you know even if
it may look like the other person you know is the one doing it.... You're an angel
you're your unicorn you're an angel who can do no wrong...
but if you can take just a little bit of responsibility, just a little part of
it, this whole game can be a lot different for you. Remember when I said
my greatest teachers were those who hurt me the most I mean that. I truly mean
that. And the only way I was able to heal was to entertain that notion. It's
the only way to grow and expand and really get the lesson from the
experience is taking some of the responsibility okay. The only way. When
you believe someone else did this to you, you put your whole journey and growth on
PAUSE. Awareness of others
is often what we what feels the best. You know, we love to talk about red flags and
that's very important all right don't go through the world naive all right. Don't
go through the world naive that your love map is the same as the person you
think you're in a relationship with. Don't assume you're operating by the
same love maps because you're not. If you've been through a toxic relationship.
Appreciation.... appreciation is
the powerful force and energy that aligns you with everything you could
ever dream of wanting. Appreciation is that force that aligns you with what you
want.
Appreciation is the most direct means of aligning with God within all of us.
I talked about this in previous videos. You want to heal? start feeling
appreciation and gratitude. It's a fastest way to heal from any
discord in your life is 'appreciation' So powerful! so damn powerful!
So what do we have, we have
'awareness' (self awareness and awareness of the world around you),
'curiosity' and 'inquisitiveness' and 'appreciation'. And with that cocktail you
have all the ingredients to be one badass motherfucking master.
Master of your reality. That's your map... your North Star. For everything else, you
can trace everything else back into those three. I hope what we talked about
today helped you. Now remember, self-care is your new religion in case you've been
neglecting that area of your life. Self-care self-care self-care self-care!
It's everything. Everything! Don't even think about wanting or entertaining the
thought of a relationship without self-care all right.
Self-care will solve so much bullshit you think you can't seem to get over,
get past. Self-care will take care of all of that shit all right. So go to the gym
you know
leave the cellphone at home, and enjoy moments with yourself... quality time
with yourself. Take yourself out on dates, hit the gym everyday, take care of
yourself. Journal.... meditate every day (at
least 30 minutes every day... All right my spicy enchiladas, we're gonna wrap up
this video now I hope you enjoyed! Now if you have a
question, something you would like me to discuss in a future video, leave me your
comment below. I would love to discuss your questions in the future video. Those
are my favorite videos to make it where I'm answering your questions so I would
really enjoy that. Also I want you to leave me a comment telling me what is
your self-care plan. What are you doing for self-care? I want to know. I really
want to know. All right, well with that I will see you
later and peace out Gator! bye bye! We like it being about us when we were
getting our way. We liked it when it was about us when in the honeymoon period of
the relationship.
We like it when it's about us when...
we don't like it when it's about us when the coppers are after you... you naughty
naughty...
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