how can a relationship not be personal
that's a good one let's start a little bit back from that because you say how
can relationship and not be personal well a life takes care of that because
is it possible that in your freedom do you stop being a father for instance or
a mother do you become less you stop feeling hungry do you lose appetite for
everything including food it could happen but largely that's not the case
so what life teaches us is that in in with with all of this this love this
universal love for universalization of love and peace and joy and it is great
that we have relatives it is great that you have a partner it is great because
if you didn't you may just think yeah you know I'm not attached to anything
but then you see okay but there's your family does it stand in the way of your
awakening there is we taught that before we go to the relationship between
intimate partners let's just start other forms of relationships also with your
workplace with your friends does it make a tremendous difference in some case you
may find some people who were your friends they don't feel so comfortable
with you they're coming less around that may
happen not necessarily but with the relationships that you cannot just walk
away from or maybe you tried some people feel you know like really right now I'm
not tied to anything let's try to step out of their life
it was also told that the great master sri nisargadatta maharaj as he was
coming in fully into his Awakening he felt he had to leave his family leave
his business and go live in the Himalayas like a sadhu which he tried
until he met one of the same students to his master and he said what are you
doing here this is my life now he said but it's not what it means you don't
have to leave everything in that way leave your attachments to them not
myself to leave the thing physically the thing itself is not the problem is the
attachments and somehow it brought up a deep understanding within him and he
returned home continued to run his little shop and have his family and do
all these things in fact it even makes things really authentic that can you
live in life as it is we don't think you know what I see disturbs me what I hear
disturb me when I taste disturb me everything disturb me because I don't
exist or whatever it is so there is something in that I'm very happy you
brought this question because I think it would be very valuable for a lot of
people then in what way is it possible that one can have particularly an
intimate relationship and I would say that relationship you have with your
children with your parents or whatever with your spouse or whatever that they
are very intimate and they call up this which may feel like a challenge for a
while how did Krishna and Radha get on
you see there are examples of that love how did it happen
well beautifully beautifully but not work it out here somehow within that
within that great field you will continue in your dynamic expression in
life can have a kind of an ordinary extraordinary Ness about it you see and
in fact you will your relationships will improve because you will not be able to
tolerate the things which are not not true you get to them more quickly and
you're less willing to stay in a situation where you're just suffering
suffering and because but you're so needy you can't let go something is more
clear it's more power more brightness inside you and the whole thing if you're
in a genuine relationship where you're both growing know you'll find that it's
a tremendous power there to contribute to each other's growth they say that the
husband becomes the Guru of the wife and the wife is the Guru of the husband
because you're called by the same voice something something develops and it can
be really enriching there is there is a non duality inside the duality it's like
the stillness inside the movement there's the the oneness inside the many
nests the invisible inside the visible there's a harmony that cannot be figured
out by the intellect of the person but only in the intellect of the being
somehow it works otherwise it would mean that as soon as one really wake up you
vanish basically because you know duality offensive
duality is not offensive it's not offensive it's actually and you cannot
have experience without duality including the experiencing of awakening
so there is something there what will happen is that with personal
relationships it's a god design actually because it's also designed to reach
other places that other relationships cannot reach and expose your deepest
fears and attachments they will come up it's not only for that okay it can feel
like it's primarily for that you know but it will show I mean because you know
if you are by yourself in that kind of way you can say well yeah you know
nothing challenges this but in relationships and that especially
intimate relationships often trigger in the human being where our hidden dreams
are still alive or projections our you know design a
relationship fantasies are still alive our tendency to project or to control is
still alive and it will bring them up to the surface for them to be just like if
you have an an earthquake at the bottom of the ocean a lot of bubbles come up
they don't go down they come up they touch the surface they pop and disappear
and in the same way it will happen and can happen does not always happen
sometimes we caught hope and you go to next relationship but it brings up
things that if you are genuinely in search of truth it will bring those up
to the surface there is something beautiful about love there's a piece
about love there is a more space for tolerance and for
introspecting because it will provoke those tendencies those tendencies may be
latent in the person who is just by himself also does not mean that you
should go find a relationship to find them everything has its season if you're
by yourself you can't find a partner right now try and find the gift of being
alone because when you find a partner's you're gonna wish oh my god I did have
those days when I was revealing you see so learn to value all the different
stages that life bring you see and don't try to be perfect in your in your role
in the sense of the human personal role don't try to be perfect there are no
perfect personalities even amongst the sages okay and you will also experience
in life that you can try to do the best you can somebody will just hate you
you know like Christ said they hate me for no reason don't think that being a
nice person is going to secure people liking you like this there's no single
being who's ever loved by everyone including God okay so just be true
inside and you have discovered for me the most important discovery in the
human Kingdom you're discovering your isness which is not which has taken us
out of the forest of of confusion and conflict and distance and darkness and
selfishness and to be identified with that when we didn't know better we we
were swimming in our mud stream and now you're again in the in the expansiveness
of being you don't have to scratch your head so much about life Ramakrishna said
something very beautiful he said the mind is like a stream a very
shallow stream with mud very close to the surface if you wish to drink clean
water scoop lightly go too deep and everything becomes mad and when we are
functioning from the person mud is very close to the surface
we are very protective because we feel vulnerable the state of personhood is
easily vulnerable and selfish as you come back into the immensity of being
those personal things within yourself and subsequently in the apparent selves
of others become less irritating for you less of a fighting point for you you're
mad you're back in your globality you're back in the wider love you're not
perceiving so personally so back to the question again where's the place for
that intimate relationships in freedom does it mean that we should all leave
home and go off as shadows and live in caves and things a net or whatever live
by yourself now because it's just impossible to live with someone if it is
impossible to live with people when you're free unless it is your power up
the Karma which means that it's just what is designed for your life now some
people it is fine to be alone you don't have to have a partner you see if you
feel happy on your own this absolutely nothing wrong with that beautiful if you
find that you cannot stick in one place you keep moving about for a while that
is how your life will feel I can only recommend that you discover and through
the invitation on this this vastness within yourself that that
includes it's not exclusive its all-inclusive includes all of life but
seen from a new perspective so it is possible very much and can be a
beautifying and enriching it can be also an avenue to which greater love and
greater understanding maybe just chew the way in which you interact and grow
in your relationship may actually open up your mind and heart to the wider
field that there's a love in you that is capable of embracing the entire universe
in fact these words are not too big for you when you hear them inside the isness
if you hear them as a person thing whoa that's all for of course from the sense
of a person you may say you know it has been written in the scriptures you know
love your neighbor as yourself love the Lord your God with all your heart your
mind your soul and your strength and love your neighbor as your own self is
the two greatest commandment which was set in the words of Jesus Christ and
people trying I try to love everybody and largely successful my neighbor next
door clean I can't fit them in and if you love from this person I'll try to
love try to love to love this is impossible if you're trying to love from
your person but if you discover the love that arises and that is inherent in
beingness in the isness it is not personal when it's not personal it flows
beautifully is it possible to have a relationship without attachments it's
challenging it is challenging it is even said that a
sage once had a son and somehow he sent his own son to another sage for him to
recognize because of the relationship the son could not appreciate the father
as being a sage sometimes these things can happen that your partner may not be
in synchronicity with you you're already more deeply into your own spiritual
journey maybe they are not that's a challenge you will have to face if you
are not trying to demonstrate your understanding and you can come from
understanding it is possible to be in relationships where you're very
different in your outlook and you meet in a common ground of love their
relationships right now that I know are flowing sometimes even better than
people who are in the same together anything the life it cannot be figured
out you cannot fit it in any mode he will just every time you think I got
it it will put a custard pie in your face it will be so largely we are
talking about the relative and we are trying to speak as though there's an
absolute in a relative and the life is showing you no no no no don't go so
tightly into form stay in your formlessness you can use
every concept if you don't lock them tight there must be space that things
can change that things can change some people feel that the more tight
their hold onto their concepts the more established and more dependable they can
be that's the falseness concepts they come and go
like the clouds come and go there are some things that they help you to see
much more deeply into the nature of the self make use of them but don't make any
tattoos out of anybody teaching make use of the teaching find
what it is pointing to or discard it if it doesn't resonate deep within your
heart leave it alone but don't leave anything in spite beware
of cynicism and watch the mind because it is quick to judge and even to condemn
those who appear to be different from you in your global heart you can
celebrate the differences knowing that there are just the expressions and
knowing that we are one in essence you will not be afraid of the sense of other
the sense of other is a an enrichment a beautifying another aspect in which the
self manifests and we grow like this true anger and pain and laughter and all
of this and that is the the compost before the spiritual mind you will grow
in that so I find no conflict in relationships and so on in fact I feel
that they stand a greater chance to improve and to grow out of their little
nests to grow into beautiful ways but if you are trying to grow as a person
you're gonna find more challenges grow in the beingness grow in the isness
but person of course in the dynamic field there are things that you will
have to face in life and the human side the person side that that that energy
will keep on you know it is very difficult to overcome certain things but
as you keep staying in in the Isthmus your interest in them will fail and if
the thing fades in interest for you it doesn't register in consciousness
anymore and for you effectively experientially it cease to exist it's
not that the thing in itself fade but your interest in it fades and the most
powerful thing that can happen in you towards the without called
mind attacks is that the mind becomes in its psychological expression becomes
insignificant for you its voice its attractions become insignificant for you
because you found a greater thing you found a space of being so we don't have
to try and be perfect but honor the truth in your heart that is already a
kind of perfect thing if I may could you speak some illuminating words upon
intimacy and the body mind can there be intimacy without the body mind sex
without the body mind
can be nicer why not when you all the things if we put them also in the in the
realm of the senses and sensations and so on when you wake up do you less enjoy
eating do you less enjoy the things of life it can be there but the obsessions
go the neediness go supposing by waking up we all wake up and basically I met
one time in United States I think we're going in the States and we were brought
to I was introduced to one group and they were a spiritual group but they did
not believe in in insects basically so where are they we don't know
they gradually faded out I wonder why I don't know but and so if the purpose of
awakening is to is basically to stop proliferating in the in the realm of the
manifest then that would be the will of God but I don't want how will it be
your family you have a child come in and then you have this thing although it's
bad it's bad it's not bad everything is fine the goodness and the badness exists
in you it is in the way in which you perceive it is not outside it's easier
to say outside the unknown which put so much energy to try and change the
outside Ness and not learning that it's reflecting on the inside Ness and to
clean your house from inside as the Lord said himself don't keep saying you know
two people law you know let me take the dirt from your eye first while you
yourself as big dirt in your own eye so remove the dirt from your own eyes and
you'll be seeing clearly enough to see if there's dirt in the other side and so
like this so it is like that I find no fault you see the point in I say
obsessions neediness will again come from person and the distortions within
personhood give rise to excessive neediness and you know addictions and
all of these things which don't beautify they may intensify the sense of passion
but they don't be defined they don't lead to genuine a penis they don't lead
the lead often to abuse and blindly also so everything comes right in the field
of the isness you honor that and you see how beautifully it is harmonizing every
other aspect or facet of your expression is touched and and and elevated from
that central discovery
you
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