- Welcome back to the season finale of The Barkchshler,
the internet's favorite dog review show.
I'm your host, contestant, judge
and Barkchshler himself, Keith Habersberger.
What a time we're having.
Guys, we're here.
There are four dogs.
(imitating gun noises)
(laughs)
These four dogs, for the last five days,
have been posting at least one post a day
and at least one story a day
and I've been watching and judging.
Who's gonna win?
Is it gonna be Charles Avocado Van Gogh
the three-legged Corgi?
Is it gonna be Kenny, the beautiful
pit bul, maybe bulldog mix?
We're not really sure because she's a rescue.
Is it Missoni, the little minx who loves to create music?
Or is it Koda, with that weird voice
but incredible production value?
Who's gonna win The Barkchshler?
(upbeat music)
Okay, okay, alright, we're scrolling down.
Why won't it keep uploading more?
That can't be the oldest thing that
one of these dogs has posted.
Why is Instagram on browser such a piece of shit?
I get it, you wanna be a phone app
but you're a multi-million dollar company.
Make the browser fucking function.
(upbeat music)
Missoni is our only contestant who actually
created her Instagram on the day of The Barkchshler
announcing that she was in the competition.
Missoni did not have an Instagram, so this is huge.
Missoni is currently at 34.1 thousand followers.
Good job, Missoni!
She's sitting there beautifully with
the donut and the card from me.
Oh, that dog is so cute.
The shag to her, oh.
And she caught the donut, she played fetch.
I also love when little dogs, they can't run
on like wooden floors, like...
(slapping)
(sighs)
Okay, alright the second photo set.
It's very blown out, as we like to say.
The whites are a little too hot in this photo.
Just technical note.
Hey, I'm trying to help people out.
It's not just about the creative of the content,
it's how you present it.
You know, if we didn't color this video
it would look flat, it would look boring.
Here, drop the color correction.
(pops lips)
See, alright put it back.
Alright, it's a weird joke.
(laughs)
"Is it Friday yet?"
Oh, she's just in this little bunny rabbit hoodie.
Missoni's got style.
Oh, she's such a sleepy puppy.
Oh, she's so sleepy.
She's like, is it Friday yet?
Is it Friday yet?
I think Missoni's probably got the best
fashion sense of the Barkchshler top four.
Let's see what Koda's got going on.
No, not Kodak Black, no.
I want the Koda that I follow.
Why?
What's wrong with you, Instagram?
Oh my gosh, I'm looking at a photo
of when Koda was just a little puppy
and her pattern hadn't set in
so she's just a little gray blob.
"Saturday's are for snuggles.
"Who's your favorite hashtag cuddle buddy?"
Call to action.
That's a good way to get engagement.
If you want more engagement on your photos, ask a question.
It will drive your stats up,
you'll be more likely to appear in the search or suggested.
I came to Koda, because Koda makes videos
and we got a video right here, let's check it out.
- [Koda narrator] And there was a knock at my door.
(knocking)
What?
A letter for me.
I knew this had to be something special.
- Yeah, it is something special.
- "Dear Koda, congratulations on becoming a finalist
"of season two of the Barkchshler.
"Enclosed is a donut and some bones."
- Why is this music so scary?
It's like I've given her a mission.
Him, him, Koda's a boy.
That was so good, I mean,
that's video content right there,
that was suspenseful right?
That was like part one of something.
What's going on, why was the music so scary?
I don't know, it's awesome.
I love Koda.
This is a great photo series
and what I like about this is it's honest.
You know, sometimes on Instagram,
we only present the best version of ourselves,
and this is a side by side that really is
that sort of expectations verse reality, which I love.
Classic format.
Koda looking sweet wrapped in Christmas decorations,
and then we swipe to the right, Koda's pissed.
Koda's not just pissed,
Koda looks a little bit feral.
They got a...
(snarls)
attitude going on and I love it.
This one is liked by Charles Avocado.
(laughs)
The dogs have been liking each other's content, I love it.
And now this is Koda's sort of origin story.
I've seen a little bit of this,
I tried not to watch too much cause I wanna be fresh.
Some sad stuff, some heavy stuff.
Let's just, let's just jump into it.
- [Koda Narrator] The holidays are always my time
to take a paw back, reflect
and think about how lucky a boy I am.
It's a very bittersweet time for my family
because we lost my grandpa on Christmas day a few years ago.
He was the one who brought me into this incredible family,
and led the search for me
when some bad people stole me from my yard.
- What?
- I was just a few months old and it was so scary.
My mom found me listed for sale on the internet.
- What?
- And my family organized a plan with the amazing
Garden Grove Police Department.
Within a day and a half, I was back in their arms.
I'm also lucky that I was micro-chipped
to make the search for me easier
- Microchips are the best.
- and until we are reunited with Grandpa
over that rainbow bridge,
I will cherish every holiday
I get to spend with my family.
- I'm gonna cry.
This is a dog's Instagram but also,
in a way, this is like how someone
is actually grieving a loss of a family member
and, like, trying to share their story
and it's so sweet.
I'm gonna, like, start crying right here
because that is so sad, that's so sweet.
I didn't think this was gonna
be how The Barkchshler turned out
but all these dogs are so sweet
and they have such sweet little stories.
Hoo.
That was the last post, thank God.
(laughs)
I couldn't take another sad story, that's so sweet.
Koda, I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.
I'm glad your family's doing okay.
I'm glad you're back with your family.
Good posts, let's check out Kenny.
(clears throat)
I'm fine, oh my gosh.
Kenny's been posting up a storm.
I asked for one post a day.
Kenny's been like, I'll do an many as a I can.
Just, Kenny looking sweet.
Eight thousand likes.
Good simple photo.
Kenny's running in.
Kenny sees the donut, sees the treats,
sees the friend, and his aunt,
just going to town on that donut.
Just...
(toy squeaks)
I didn't even know those were squeak toys.
And Kenny has totally ripped it to shreds.
That donut is empty, flat, and there's stuffing everywhere.
Kenny tagged Ned, said,
"Look Ned, it may not be Yale,
"but I went to school, too."
Getting in on the comedy of the Try Guys, I love it.
We have Kenny snuggled up in some blankets.
"It's cold in New England.
"Mom says I have to get up
"but I'd much rather stay in bed all day
"and cuddle under all these blankets."
Mom!
Origin story!
"I wanted to take a minute to share
"part of my story with all of you.
"We don't know a lot about my background,
"just that I was found as a stray living on the streets.
"I was adopted once before my family rescued me,
"but they brought me back
"because they couldn't handle all my energy.
"But now I'm super happy and living my best
"happiest most crazy life."
Kenny was sent back,
and then a new family came in,
gave Kenny a home,
and now Kenny is one of the most famous dogs in the world.
This is too much.
This picture is weird.
It looks like Kenny's driving a car.
"Roads are a little ruff today."
Oh, look at Kenny's little squished up face.
"It's time to spread some wisdom about bully breeds.
"I face breed discrimination on a daily basis
"because people like to peg bully breeds
"as naturally aggressive dogs.
"I've had people cross the street when they see me coming,
"and parents pull their children away from me
"because they're afraid I'm going to attack.
"I just wanna say hi and give lots of kisses.
"I just want to use this platform to spread the word
"that bullies aren't inherently mean, or aggressive."
I think she means pit bulls.
That's right, end the stigma.
Good job Kenny, that is beautiful.
I'm glad you do it.
That was a rollercoaster.
Alright, let's get to Charles Avocado Van Gogh.
Right now, Charles Avocado does have the most followers,
at 49.6 thousand followers.
He's a seven year old Corgi.
We got a little photo strip.
Oh, Charles is sleepy.
He doesn't wanna get out of bed.
Kenny knows what that's like.
Okay, this is cute.
"Hello, I'm here for all of your box shredding needs."
Oh my God!
Doing all that with only one leg,
cause he's only got one front paw.
Oh, this is cute, he's got a little
Try Guys sticker on his forehead.
These photos are really nice.
Picture quality is great.
Oh yeah, we got a booty pic!
Man, look at those glutes.
Jesus!
Yes!
Yes Charles.
- [Owner] Will you nudge it?
- Nudge it, nudge it Charles.
Good job Charles.
Now it's time to get into everybody's stories.
(upbeat music)
(coughing)
Is it x miss, no what is it?
Cassi Mobey, please!
My God!
Little Missoni did a great job for us,
she actually put all of her stories in the highlights
so I'm going to start with day one.
Let's check it out.
"My human just got home,
"so a post from me will be expected soon."
That's great.
She's freaking out that ten thousand followers...
All of these posts are just texts right now,
not the most visual.
Singing one, let's check it out.
(Missoni barking)
- [Owner] Good girl.
- Good girl.
Aw, Missoni's getting in her cat bed.
That's a bed for a cat.
(laughs)
But she fits just fine.
She's just a little cuddle muffin.
Oh, she's so precious.
Oh, she's walking.
She does that best.
"When you're twinning with mummy."
Do they actually write "mummy?"
Over in England, they write "mummy?"
- [Man] Mm-hmm.
- So something different here.
She's nine years old?
Hold on, nine years?
My God, you're the oldest one in the competition.
I thought for sure she was the youngest.
She's so little.
She's like a thousand years young.
Little advertisement for Pedigree's Tasty Bites.
This is her favorite treat.
Congratulations Pedigree,
you got some free sponsorship there.
Hey you wanna pay for more, we can always make more.
Huh, Pedigree, huh, huh?
I don't know.
She's a bi...
A bi-con-friss?
Freeze?
She's a bichon frise and chihuahua.
A little French, a little Spanish.
(laughs)
Oh, she's so cute.
("Thank U, Next" by Ariana Grande)
♪ Thank you, Keith ♪
♪ Thank you, Keith ♪
♪ Thank you, Keith ♪
♪ I'm so grateful for Keith ♪
♪ Thank you, Keith ♪
♪ Thank you, Keith ♪
- Great stuff, let's move on to Koda.
These stories are actually from Koda's email account.
All the other dogs, their parents email,
but Koda has an email.
"Hey @keithhabs, you've heard of Elf on a Shelf,
"now get ready for Koda on a soda."
And they photoshopped Koda's face onto a drawn soda can.
Very confusing.
Having a lunch break, got 10k "fur-riends."
"We love you."
I love the puns, Koda's really the pun queen.
Oh, there's a baby in the background.
A little toddler!
We met Riley in Koda's "paw my life" video last week.
- [Koda Narrator] Welcome to my "paw my life."
- This is so stupid.
(laughs)
All...
This whole show is so silly.
"Good morning, can we go back to sleeps?"
All these dogs really want a nap.
"Mommy forget finals, let's nap instead."
Man.
These dogs I think are just the inner monologue
of the owners just really wanting to take a break.
"Who's your favorite person?
"@keithhabs, my mommy is my..."
Once again Koda, when you ask who's your favorite person,
you answer me, not your family.
It was me.
I'm the Barkchshler.
This ends in a proposal.
Or an adoption, or a theft.
Something, we don't know.
That's very cute.
I'm the Barkchshler.
- Are you sure?
- Well I'm the Barkchshler and then I...
(laughs)
I'm pretty sure I'm the Barkchshler.
Oh, this is so cute.
"I'm six, seven in January."
A Capricorn.
Eugene will be thrilled.
"Do you have siblings?"
We got an older brother named Drexler.
Drexler was not submitted for The Barkchshler
because everybody knows Drexler is not as hot as Koda.
Good job, Drexler's pretty funny looking though.
Oh yeah, this one I love, this is a great video.
Alright, it's Koda trying to walk through
a doggy door with a big bone.
He can't do it.
Keeps getting stuck.
Classic!
Woo, love it.
Really great stories from Koda.
I love Koda so much.
Let's move on over to Kenny.
- [Owner] Kenny, where's your belly?
- Where's your belly, Kenny?
- Where's your belly?
- Where's your belly?
There it is!
- There's your belly!
- Yeah!
Man, Kenny's got a good belly.
Oh my gosh, Kenny's upside down.
What a cute dog.
Kenny is so cute.
Honestly like, Kenny is a dog, like...
I've always joked about stealing the dog.
I would steal Kenny, Kenny's a cute dog.
- Trust fall!
- Oh yeah, woo!
Kenny does this trick where Kenny falls back,
and then gets caught and they rub the belly
and I just love it.
I can't get enough of it.
It's so darn precious.
I've never seen that trick before.
(kissing sound)
- [Owner] Roll over.
- Roll over Kenny, show us that belly.
- Yeah, woo!
Kenny got a treat, Kenny did the trick,
good job Kenny.
Kenny is a dog, Kenny's just out there being a dog.
He's not wearing clothes,
he's not baking cookies, just rolling over.
Kenny is so cute!
My God!
And last but not least,
we got Charles Avocado Van Gogh.
Charles actually has been doing so much content
I can't possibly go through it all.
Really an impressive challenger and competitor in this.
2015, Charles Avocado ate some aluminum foil.
Started being weird, started acting a little restless.
Mom took Charles Avocado to the vet and they decided
that the neurological symptoms were something called
hepatic en-seph-el-off...
I can't pronounce it.
Something neurological.
This made the liver fail.
And I don't know if this is because
of the tinfoil or something else
but basically, Charles Avocado, liver has failed
as of 2015 in November.
They have to get an ultrasound,
they have to plan for surgery.
They go through and get the surgery.
One quick note, they always censor
Charles Avocado's dick, I don't know why,
but it's really funny, like, every time he's upside down,
they put something over his penis.
The vets thought it was just gonna be
one little problem to take it out
but they get into surgery
and of course it's more than that.
Spends the night as the hospital,
they weren't sure if Charles was going to make it,
but Charles is a fighter.
They only thought that the dog
was going to make it a couple weeks,
said the prognosis was grim.
So of course they started preparing for the worst
and we got some photos of Charles with shaved belly,
stitches up his tummy, hard to look at.
But every day that passed, Charles was getting stronger.
Becoming more like Charles' self.
So many snuggles, so much soccer yet to play.
Charles was going for it.
Not gonna to give up.
Before you knew it, he was back to his goofy self.
Now obviously, Charles only has three legs
so how did this happen?
Something started happening, the paw had a problem.
Went to the Iowa State Veterinarian.
They found out that something was wrong with the paw,
that the paw was becoming infected.
Whatever was happening, it was really bad
so they had to eventually amputate.
But, you know, he did fine, he's okay again.
He's alive, he's good, he's got one less leg
but he's not any bit less of a dog.
Such a sweetie.
(sighs)
And they talk about him going to the vet.
They talk about all the difficulties he's been through
and it's just so, like, in depth
and it's really great storytelling.
It's very thorough.
It really makes you feel connected to this pup.
He's really just a great content creator
and a lot of people love Charles so, there we are.
Now what do we do?
Who wins the Barkchshler?
How do you even just choose one?
This is tough!
All these dogs had great posts, they had great stories.
I learned so much.
I feel like I know these dogs.
How do we decide?
(suspenseful music)
I'm gonna go ahead and say that in fourth place,
although this dog is such a cute little muffin,
a darling, a darling among darlings,
I'm going to say that in fourth place is Missoni.
Missoni, I love you so much.
You are such a good dog.
You did a great job.
I've loved you ever since I saw you.
I always wanted to put you on my shoulder.
You're such a sweetie.
I want you use this as an opportunity
to, you know, do more of your art and continue this up.
So congratulations, Missoni,
you are my fourth favorite dog in the world.
Pretty good.
In third place, I am going to give this to...
Koda.
Koda, you are so amazing.
But you are a YouTuber.
The videos you make are YouTube videos.
I think your Instagram is awesome,
I think you should keep up Instagram
cause it's a better place for you to succeed
but I think you should consider
putting some of your content on YouTube.
First of all, YouTube has monetization.
I think you can do it.
You can crush it out there.
And you have a great story.
So here we are, what do we do?
We got Charles Avocado Van Gogh.
Every year has had something rough happen to him
but he has persevered.
And then we have Kenny.
Kenny was on the streets.
Kenny's a breed that has got a lot of misconceptions.
So what do we do?
This is hard, actually I'll be honest,
I tweeted last night that Becky and I
were having an argument over
who should win the Barkchshler
and it was between Kenny and Charles Avocado Van Gogh
and its because both of these dogs
deserve to win.
It's just so hard, it's this really difficult decision.
You always watch those reality shows
and you're like, "Oh well,
"just pick the one you like the most."
I'm like, I know which one I like the most.
I like them both!
I never thought it would be like this, you know.
I really thought I was gonna make a video where I sort of
made fun of a bunch of people's dogs on the internet
and through this I think I've actually grown the most.
Alright, I'm just gonna announce the winner
because if I announce second place
you already know who won.
So I'm going to say of the person who didn't win,
I think that you are doing so many amazing things out there.
I want you to keep making content.
I think that you're a beautiful dog.
I'm so proud of you.
The winner of the second season of The Barkchshler,
which is really the only actual season of the Barkchshler,
but it's the second season of the Barkchshler, is
the winner of the first impression bone,
Charles Avocado Van Gogh!
(cheering)
Make it rain, like, doggy bones here.
Wow!
Charles, I have to give it to you.
Your content is great and ultimately,
this is about finding the most viral dog
and the best content creator
and I think your content is the best.
And what do you win?
What do you win?
Uh, what do you win?
(laughs)
Well you win the honor, first and foremost.
How about I just keep, you know,
posting about you once a month for the rest of the year?
Let's see if we can get you to five hundred thousand
followers by the end of the year, huh?
Not the end of this year, by the end of the next year.
By 2020, we're going to get Charles Avocado Van Gogh
to five hundred thousand Insagram followers.
Congratulations to Charles Avocado Van Gogh
who is the winner of season two of the Barkchshler.
♪ I'll be there for Christmas ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ I said I'll be there for Christmas ♪
(upbeat music)
- Are you tired of sitting at home all alone?
Well why aren't you following Keith on Instagram?
Because I motivated more people to follow dogs
this week than I motivated to follow myself.
Follow me @keithhabs!
I'm the genius here, okay?
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