You're sabotaging yourself as a way of stopping yourself from doing something
you think on some level is gonna create a lot of pain in your life now some
people think succeeding is gonna create pain it's gonna make sure they feel
alone or separate from other people remember we've talked about this so as
they start to get close to succeeding whammo they sabotage why cuz their brain
notices but hey the more I succeed people around me don't seem to get too
jazzed about it when I fail they call c'mere gosh let me talk to you how's it
going but when they succeed they go yeah easy for you buddy
well well that kind of conditioning no wonder people sabotage we've got to take
control back and the way we take control back again as we've done over the last
two tapes of conditioning ourselves is to change our associations to the thing
that we're sabotaging now let me bring up another point that I think is equally
maybe even more important that is this a lot of us jump to conclusions about
sabotage and a lot of people say well gosh you know I just keep sabotaging my
success and when I say to them as are you sabotaging your success or are you
just doing stupid things not everything you do that takes away from your
possibility of succeeding as a result of self sabotage sometimes you just make
poor decisions and you don't want to start making up in your head that
there's this giant pattern dominating your life and a lot of people do that
for example this woman in a seminar recently stood up and she said well gosh
I just sabotage myself all the time I said what do you mean she said well you
know like the other day she said I was late for work for the second time I said
well what does that mean she goes well I was late and that screws things up I
must be sabotaging myself I said well maybe it just got caught up and what you
were doing she goes no I think I sabotage myself I said well why else she
said well because not only was I late but also I forgot some of my things at
home so I wasn't just late I left my books at home so I couldn't have conduct
the appropriate meeting I know are sabotaging I said well how often does
this happen she goes well I don't know maybe once or twice a month I said well
maybe ma'am you're not self sabotaging maybe you're just not paying attention I
mean so be careful about generating this as a generalization in your mind does
that make sense don't get caught up and creating a belief system when maybe
something's not there on the other hand if you do have a pattern realize that
any pattern you have including self-sabotage still comes back to one
thing human beings no matter what we're doing including sabotaging ourselves we
do it for a positive intent I want you to get that anything we do we do for a
positive intent for example if you smoke cigarettes you're not doing it to try
and create cancer in your body and destroy yourself that's not the intent
the intent is your brain long ago linked up hey if I'm bored or if I'm frustrated
or if I'm feeling some kind of pain of some sort that this is a way to distract
myself this is literally a way to get rid of the pain and create some pleasure
that's what your brain is learn to do so the intent of smoking is not to try and
sabotage you to sabotage the physical sabotage and obviously cigarettes create
for us is not about creating sabotage it's about creating pleasure and
avoiding pain do you follow me we do the same thing with alcohol we do the same
thing of used drugs you do the same thing if you watch TV too much you do
the same thing if you don't show up for meetings there is always a positive
intent your brain is trying to do something that's good for you in the
form of avoiding pain and getting pleasure so what's the challenge well
the challenge is in our lives we many times sabotage ourselves because we've
got this approach avoidance thing you've heard me talk about so much in these
tapes where we have mixed neuro associations where we sabotage a
relationship why because on the one side remember we've linked pleasure if I get
a relationship that's gonna be so great others person who loves me and I can be
with this person and we can share so much of life together and yet on the
other hand we've had experiences where it's meant pain and so our brain fries
we start to go in the relationship it seems good and then all of a sudden our
brain goes oh oh but that might mean pain and also we get these mixed
sensations or a brain doesn't know is it gonna mean pain or is it gonna be
pleasure when our brain doesn't know it stops everything it tries to stop the
process of progress does that make sense I'll give you a classic example I was
reading in a book of an example of how our associations can drive us crazy and
what it talked about was an experiment that was done with rhesus monkeys where
they put him in a special cage and what they did is in the cage they put
yellow and green squares well after several days the experimenter set it up
so that the red squares in the cage gave off intermittent shocks that will cause
the monkey immediate pain well you can imagine the monkey became pretty anxious
and pretty soon and learned to avoid the red squares in almost any cost
well next the experiment had caused the red and the yellow squares to give off
intermittent shocks and the monkey began to act as if he was a manic depressive
why because no matter where he went he seemed to get pain no matter what he
tried he tried we thought would work tried but he didn't work he's got pain
he started alternate between hyper anxiety and depression and withdrawal
the monkey soon learned to avoid the red and the yellow squares and then all the
squares were electrified well the little monkey began to bite itself to beat its
head against the bars to defecate on itself you might say a little monkey
been driven crazy now that's a horrible example and I have absolute contempt for
that kind of abuse of animals or people but what I also want to point out is
that this is exactly what some people do to each other this is exactly what some
people do in their own head some people create this experimental cage in their
brain where they literally begin to link pain to everything in life we are the
ones that create the connections that were the ones that establish the shocks
because no matter what happens in your life what you associate to things is
your choice and at least after this program it is you don't have to be at
the effect if you notice that you've begun to wire the relationships a red
square called pain you can get rid of it because you can know that that is a
generalization not all relationships equal pain and so you've got to
eliminate those negative associations otherwise you create your own
experimental box and you pay the ultimate price that never needs to
happen to you you have the skills in this program and if you're not sure
about them listen to a tape again and apply them you can take those
experiences that were painful and use the eraser technique and destroy it so
you don't ever associate pain again to a relationship maybe you can even get it
worth so much humorous or you've at least learned something or you can ask
yourself better questions and say okay it may have felt painful then but that
was only one relationship and what did I learn so I won't have pain in the future
it's not all red squares are painful if that one was
and what can I learn from it so the next Red Square is pleasurable or so that I
can rewire the Red Square so it supports me I just finished doing a date with
destiny seminar this last weekend before I did this taping with you and the
interesting thing happened as a man walked up to me and he said mr. Robbins
um I think I should tell you before we begin that I'm into self-sabotage I said
oh really that sounds pretty exciting he said what I said what am i doing I just
interrupted his pattern a little bit started to break it up he said well no
I'm serious I said well I can see you're very
serious I said what do you mean he said well for the last few years I've been
working very hard at getting out of my body I said getting out of your body he
said yes I said what do you mean he said well in the last six months I've been in
three car accidents I said well that's pretty amazing he's sitting you know
what else I said what he said I've been in the hospital four or five times for
fainting spells I've also fallen off a ladder I also fell when I was exercising
I said well I said how do you know that that means you're trying to get out of
your body I said I don't agree he said what do you mean I said listen if you
want to get out of your body you would have pulled that off a long time ago
I mean that's pretty easy I mean all you needs a good gun or you know nice nice
big knife I'm you could do it quickly I'm if you really were committed to
getting out of your body you had done that a long time ago
obviously this self-sabotage you're talking about has a positive intent what
is it you're trying to get out of this behavior he said well I don't know I
said well if you didn't know he said I don't know I guess maybe I just want to
know that people love me I said hmm interesting he said god I never even
realized that till just now I said see people on Sabbats at you know trying to
kill yourself that's absurd the bottom line is you want to feel loved and I bet
just like the example I talked about with you earlier in these tapes would
jackknife when we talked about that guy who slammed his hand through the glass
and was bleeding and the woman who was rejecting him all sudden is making love
to him I said a long time ago I told him that story and I said you know a long
time ago you obviously linked up that if you get yourself hurt and get in the
hospital especially you got least people who come and tell you how much they love
you and be with you and be worried about you but I gonna tell you something that
isn't love that's obligation kind of funny I said that's what it is
it's obligation it's pain they don't want to come see you they feel like they
have to and they're guilty I said they're not giving you love in fact a
lot of those people probably hate you because they do that but you talk about
interrupting his pattern he started to D focus his eyes start looking inside what
am i doing I'm getting him to link what pain to his present pattern so his brain
will want to change it I said listen if you want love there are much better ways
and you're a much more intelligent person this you don't have to sabotage
in this way you could get it just by you know the best way to get love give it C
be loving to people give them so much love that they have to give you love
back I said there's a law in life it's called reciprocation what you put out
people feel like they got to give it back I said some people stay in
relationships with people that they like but don't love and the reason is they
feel stuck because the other person loves them so much that they just oh
they can't get out they give love back I said listen if you really want love
start pouring it out so deeply and so powerfully to so many people it'll come
back tenfold and he looked around I said and if you do that you have no pain and
you have lots of pleasure you do the other one you keep breaking body parts
people come they're obligated they think God would have schmuck how many more
times is he gonna play get in a car accident what is he stupid but they
wouldn't say that to your face I did this over and over again until I
conditioned him to link a new pattern I said to him as well look if you were
expressing love while you're expressing it what are you feeling he said love I
so that's interesting so you mean you could get what you want the minute you
give it his brain went wow what a concept
here's a whole new way now well this will help him to change his whole life
well he believes it will we'll know in six months if he hasn't had too many
more accidents the bottom line unless he's just like blind or something and
that's part of the problem the point is this any pattern of self-sabotage comes
out of a positive intent do you hear me on this we're always trying to get
something that's good for us even people that commit suicide do it for a positive
intent in their brains mind their brain says hey suicide being dead would be
less painful than being alive which I have a hard time personally believing
but in the moment people who believe that commit
suicide most people never commit suicide because killing themselves is just too
painful so what do they do they just beat themselves up a lot you don't need
to do either one you can free yourself from self-sabotage right now by knowing
from this day forward that if you ever start to sabotage yourself 1 don't jump
to conclusions and assume that because you've done something a few times and it
didn't work out the last minute you screwed something up that it's this
Specter called self-sabotage that's coming to find you try another approach
maybe it's you're just not paying attention maybe you're not focusing
maybe it's got some poor habits you know it may not be a self-sabotage pattern so
don't jump to that conclusion for just bad habits refocus and decide what you
do want to accomplish and - if it clearly is a pattern where you are
subconsciously sabotaging yourself screwing things up hey get excited don't
get upset say hey look my brain is doing what it does best it thinks it's keeping
me out of pain and give me some pleasure but I just got to teach my brain a
better pattern that's all so what's the intent and that's how you eliminate
self-sabotage so let's go through the steps real quickly 1 identify a behavior
that's keeping you from getting your goals something that's stopping you were
holding you back first you got identified that's step number 1 - once
you've identified it ask yourself what is the positive intent here what is my
brain trying to give me so for example if you know you're about to go up to
somebody and ask him for a date and then all of a sudden you shut down and you
can't even talk what's the positive intent well my guess would be that your
brain is trying to protect you from being rejected it's saying well if he
doesn't say anything can't be rejected rejection is pain I don't want pain does
that make sense so that's why you can't think in that
moment but see you got to teach your brain otherwise you got to go in once
you find out that what the positive intent is you go well it's trying to
protect me from rejection then you go to step 3 get some leverage on yourself so
that you can make the change you know how to do that we've done it over and
over again that is teach your brain that hey if I don't change this thing I know
you're trying to help me out of your brain I know you're trying to keep me
from the pain of rejection but by me not going up and expressing how much I'm
attracted it's costing me relationships that could give me a lot more pleasure
it's a little-bitty pain but not being a is big bane I gotta explain this to you
brain you gotta have a little conversation in your head the way to do
it is on paper sit down and write down all the pain you're gonna get if you
don't change this pattern and all the pleasures you'll get by making the
pattern work real simple step 4 interrupts the pattern and there are
lots of ways to do that we've talked about many the simplest one that we've
used in the last day or two of course is the eraser technique so how do we use it
well see yourself beginning to go into a
situation where you're sabotaging yourself and other would see yourself
start to approach let's say an attractive person and you you see
yourself start to choke up only this time watch it happen and scramblin be
outraged it's the key to interrupting a pattern is to do something your brain
would never ever expect and you look rapidly over and over and over and over
again what that does is totally fry the old pattern that used to stop you and of
course step 5 in is install a new pattern condition yourself to have new
feelings what do you do see yourself over and over going up and making the
connection with this person and feeling the pleasure that comes from that so you
clearly teach your brain pain comes from not doing it pleasure comes from doing
it and that old pattern I can't run anymore I've forgotten what the heck it
is I've scrambled my brain simple humorous basic way to change and
eliminate self-sabotage something you can easily do I want to make one of the
point and that is some of the most successful people have patterns of
self-sabotage so remember if you find yourself doing something that doesn't
seem to be supporting you in the long term remember at some level your brain
thinks it's supporting you at least in the short term that's why it's doing it
don't feel bad about a no-go oh gosh Here I am this failure some of most
successful people that I've interviewed and worked with have had self-sabotage
it's just a pattern when once in a while getting you can just change it now it's
very easy so here's your assignment pull out your success journal and before you
turn the tape over just identify do you have a place in your life where you have
a tendency and by the way that's all this self-sabotage stuff is we don't
want to make it into a thing it's not a thing it's just a tendency it's just a
pattern that once in a while you run so is there a place in your life where you
have a tendency to start to sabotage things when it gets to good for example
relationship gets to a certain level and your brain goes uh-oh if I get too
connected if I love this person too much what if they leave me oh my gosh then I
Payne so I better sabotage it first you understand the kind of thing I'm talking
about here so identify if there's a tendency someplace that's number one
to don't feel bad about it instead feel good get excited say my brain is awesome
my brain here is doing a good job of what it believes it needs to do to help
me to avoid pain and gain pleasure so feel good about your brain it means it's
doing its job 3 get some leverage though to make a change get your brain to
associate and teach your brain by writing down here's all the things I
miss out on because of this tendency and really get your brain to see that
there's major pain in sabotaging and make sure your brain also says make a
list here's all the pleasure I get by making a change so your brain has got
both the stick and the carrot it's got leverage to want to make the
shift for then what you need to do is now simply interrupt the pattern and the
interrupt the pattern the resilient ways to do it again but use the erase your
technique us since we that's what we've been using for the last two days real
simple process think about the sabotage you've done and make it humorous run
those kinds of scenarios over in your head and turn them into cartoons back
and forth back and forth back and forth until when your brain things about it
kind of laughs and sees that this is ridiculous where it doesn't run the
pattern the same way anymore and finally five rehearse achieving the result you
want without the self-sabotage in other words rehearse achieving the success you
want and make sure you feel the pleasure of succeeding and do it over and over
again till your brain links hey this really works this is really gonna last
this is something that I really want in my life and the self-sabotage pattern or
tendency will disappear so do this and we'll talk about how to create
unstoppable self confidence creating unstoppable self confidence self
confidence it's something people talk about all the time when they say why
they're not succeeding over and over I hear people say I just don't have enough
confidence this isn't confidence is not something you have it's something you
create and you can create at any moment in time a sense of confidence is nothing
but a sense of power within yourself a sense of certainty that you can pull
something off and you can create that feeling literally in a moment it's not
something that you live with there is no one that I've ever met but no matter
what situation they're in is always confident everybody gets knocked
off kilter at times the key is can you turn the confidence on when you need it
so you can get the most out of yourself does that make sense so far
so you've got to remember that feeling confident is nothing but a state of mind
and you can change and create any state you want at any moment in time no matter
what's going on around you let me give you some specific examples there are
three primary ways that you can create self-confidence at any moment in time to
get the most out of yourself and produce the results you really want approach
number one you're familiar with it's called physiology you've got to remember
that any feeling you've ever had in your body whether it be fear anxiety concern
depression frustration or ecstasy power unstoppable 'ti confidence success those
emotions any emotion you feel comes from the way you use your physical body the
only way you can feel anything is by the way you move the way you breathe your
facial expressions so if you're not feeling confident you don't have to
intellectually try and pump yourself up because it doesn't always work
I'm sure you've tried at times to go well I need to be confident I know I
should be confident but you're still not there let me tell you the quickest way
to get confident is to change your physiology radically listen in our
seminars around the country those unleash the power within programs we
take people through a first evening we call fear into power and it's an
experience where we get you to change your conditioning and feel totally
confident in an area you'd normally you're totally afraid of so at the
broadcast site we use a fire walk experience where everyone walks across
the fire between 1,200 and 2,000 degrees burning hot coals and in the theaters we
have people actually learn how to break through wood karate style and they do it
in about 15 minutes and it requires not only confidence as you might guess but
competence to do something that most people take two or three years to learn
how to do in a few minutes now the purpose of this is to get people in a
state of being totally strong a confident even though they were totally
afraid lacking confidence only moments before let me tell you something to get
yourself a come across a better bring hot calls or to smash through some wood
even though you might be tiny and small but what is much
you've ever done before I got to tell you something to do that you got to make
a major change in your state major now let me tell you how we do that the
number one way we do this is we get people to move their bodies or the level
of intensity and power that they probably never experienced before
remember earlier in these tapes I said to you that emotion is created by motion
the way you move your body physically the way you breathed your facial
expressions instantly affects your emotional state the way you feel and the
way you think so if you need confidence you must move in a confident way you
must literally put yourself at level 10 or above
remember those conversations so what I do with people is literally I'll take
somebody who comes up to the fire and they go oh gosh I really don't think I
could do this and I say and I couldn't do it either if I talk like you right
now stand up breathe strong take a huge deep breath in blow it out hard what I
want you to say the word yes and then go yes I said no no say yes and I have him
yelling go yes say it again yes and pretty soon they feel incredibly strong
and I say walk and I go okay and it's like instantly a moment ago they were
totally afraid now they have the confidence to do it the only difference
was changing their state of mind and emotion by changing the way they're
using their body but I do it radically major explosive changes in other words
if I was gonna make a gesture I wouldn't just like reach my hand out towards you
I'd snap it out there that's the kind of state of confidence I'm talking about
are you following me in other words you've got to move deliberately as if
you are absolutely totally in control you know you can create any result you
want if you meet someone who's confident you know it before they open their mouth
don't you can't you tell by the way they move by the way they speak listen what
if one you turn these tapes on I said well I want to thank you for listening
I'm Tony Robbins and I want to share with you over the next 30 days how you
could have well you know absolute total um self confidence you can go get rid of
this guy what am i doing what's going on here who is this guy
drugs what's the deal see the bottom line is I communicate rapidly because
I'm confident is that I'm competent know confident that's what I'm talking about
hopefully I'm competent too but the bottom line is I'm just letting it go
out of that state of confidence though ideas pop up this whole set of tapes
have been designed to help you get results without limits I didn't sit here
and say okay no I'm going to say this and then I'll say that and we'll put it
in this order I want you and I have a relationship that moves you this whole
set of programs comes from my ability to say I'm confident I know I can reach
this person if I didn't believe that you and I couldn't have this conversation
right now but sometimes I don't feel confident sometimes I don't feel like I
know what I'm gonna say next have you ever been there what I do at
that time is act as if I know what I'm doing which is a useful approach now you
might say well you're teaching people to be confident but not competent I got
news for you if you're confident enough you can develop the competence but if
you're competent and you don't have confidence you'll never succeed there
are many competent people who could accomplish incredible results but
they're missing the confidence am I suggesting to you to be foolhardy no
what I'm suggesting to you is learn how to turn on the confidence rapidly use
enough of it to learn what you need to know to be competent and effective and
produce the results but you'd be surprised how much more you know then
you realize if you really get yourself in the right state of mind does that
make sense try it try moving your body in a
confident way back try it right now please stand up again if you're in the
car it'll be a little bit more difficult oh no no don't sit back down some of you
started to stand up and you sat back now don't do that I'm there I'm watching I'm
telling you stand up and what I want you to do is just try something stand the
way you be standing if you fell unstoppably confident breathe the way be
breathing if you fell unstoppably confident really go for it put the kind
of expression on your face that you'd have if you were unstoppably confident
and make some gestures actually move your hands out with some powers if
you're trying to make a point with real power and what you know that what you're
gonna say is gonna be effective and just notice how that feels
say something say yes and the tone of voice is somebody who is totally
confident don't go you yes with some power and just feel it
feels in your body get a sense of it turn on more intensity than you would
normally use on another person just feel it in your body so you feel what it's
like you want to be able to turn it on just by turning your body on this is
critical with this is a power you can go from being afraid to strong in a matter
of moments now try something really stupid and
silly while you're standing there I'd like you to walk around your room and
the way I'd like you to do that is I want you to imagine there's a cape
shooting off the back of your back I'm gonna have this call we call this a cape
walk now if nothing else has felt stupid up until now this one is guaranteed to
assist you in this process what I want you to do is stand up pretend there's a
cape back there shoulders are back and I want you to walk around just walk around
a circle but like you got this cape flowing back there with a sense of pride
in power Nega I'm not gonna do this listen only
those who are truly secure can participate in this exercise go for it
dry and come on walk around and just notice it it feels like seriously walk
around and those how it feels down a cape on your back and from that state
even though it seems humorous try it right now are you listening to me walk
around and feel what it feels like there this cape flowing off your back there
and notice what happens in terms of your confidence even though you may be
laughing do you feel a little stronger are you more upright you feel more alive
just know this you can sit back down now and don't sit on your cape bottom line
is this if you are making gestures with certainty if you're moving with
certainty with some acceleration with some power if you speak with that kind
of tempo you will feel confident no matter how you're feeling a few moments
ago if you want to feel like you have a lack of confidence move not only slowly
because slowly could still be confident move slowly let's move with hesitation
speak with hesitation and within a short period of time you can cause yourself to
not only feel bored with yourself but also to actually feel like you can't
accomplish anything in essence remember this using your physical body
effectively can put you in a state of confidence no matter what was happening
around you no matter how intense the situation no matter how scary no matter
how difficult you always have that resource
don't ever say to yourself again what those
the dudes break out of that gel if you don't feel like you have confidence
create it right now it's not a thing that somebody gave you years ago it's
not something you missed out on it's something you create by the way speak by
the way you move by the way you gesture that's one here's number two control
your mental focus remember what you focus on is going to determine how you
feel so if you focus constantly on how things might not work out and you look
at in your brain all the possibilities of well what this doesn't work or what
if that doesn't happen if that's your mental focus of course you're gonna lack
confidence remember we experience whatever we focus
on so if you're focusing on how things won't work you're gonna feel the pain
that you associate to that you're gonna create a tremendous amount of doubt and
then it usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy you don't get
what you want let me give you a kind of a simple example I'd like you to try
something please listen and please do this what I want you to do is think of
something you really want to have happen in your future something like to have or
do or be and what I'd like you to do is hope hope that you'll get this to happen
in your life okay try it think of something you really want in
your life something you really want to have happen and hope it'll happen notice
how it feels when you hope it'll happen
you may even notice what you say to yourself and you'll hope something will
happen now what I want you to do is get out of that state completely get out
stay for a second and now let's have you think about the same thing you want to
have it happen in your life but this time I want you to expect that it will
happen absolutely totally expect it know it okay and when you know it's gonna
happen I want you to notice what happens to the pictures in your mind as you
think about it what's different when you notice the difference your body
absolutely expect it will happen you expect this will occur you absolutely
know it now I got a question for you is there a difference in how you feel in
your body first of all and I think you'll find the answer is yes in
addition is there a difference in even how you visualize these two things in
your mind there are several distinctions that I
make usually when I ask people what the difference is between they're hoping and
they're expecting invariably a number in distinction as people tell me things
like well I noticed that when I was hoping that the picture was dim or it
was dark or was gray or as black and white or or it was two pictures I saw
myself succeeding but I also saw the possibility of failing versus what I
expected I saw just one picture I saw it happening interesting when you focus on
it just happening you feel confident when you focus on it might happen or it
might not happen you don't feel so confident is that fair to say also when
people focus on things that they're expecting many times they put it in
color the other thing that commonly comes up is people say things like well
when I was hoping I felt kind of passive and when I was expecting I felt active I
felt like I needed to do something interesting was that true for you
the reason is whatever we focus on we get so if you're focusing on two
possibilities your brain is getting different neural associations it's going
could be painful could be pleasurable your brain doesn't know what to do
it doesn't feel confident but when you expect and focus on one result you say
this is what it is I'm going to accomplish this I expect it immediately
your level of self confidence goes up and you feel active immediately because
your brain says hey if I do this I can get some pleasure in my life does that
make sense that's the process we're talking about we must control our focus
and one way to do it of course is to control our focus by controlling the
questions we ask ourselves invariably people who have a lot of doubt ask
questions that create they say things like well could I really get this done I
wonder or God I wonder if this will get screwed up too versus coming from the
place of saying how can I get this done or better what's the best way I can get
this done see when something comes up for me if I want to be confident I'll
say gosh do you think I can really pull this off I ask myself what's the best
way to get this done and enjoy the process now by doing that listen to the
presupposition there the presupposition is my mind's gonna focus on how to get
it done I'm gonna start expecting it's gonna get done I'm gonna feel confident
first is saying will it work or will it not in which case I start focusing on
two different possibilities and I lose my confidence are you following me good
now third way that we can control our focus is just to change our core beliefs
we've already talked about how to do this over and over again if you walk
around in life believing that the only way you can feel confident
is if you've already accomplished something you got a problem you're
limiting yourself to the number of things you can ever feel confident about
and succeed in other words some people say well how can I be confident when
I've never done it before listen I feel confident all kinds of
things I've never done before you say well that's because you're a screwed up
no that's not why it is it's because I come from a belief system that says this
that if I can imagine it I can achieve it so if I can even imagine it I know I
can achieve it and that allows me to be confident plus I have a belief system
that says if I'm committed there's always a way to make it work and no
matter how tough the situation is if I don't know how to make it work somebody
else does and I can get their help so I come from that place and that allows me
to be confident I know I can get help I know if I'm committed there's a way to
do it and I know that anything in the past I've really been able to imagine
accomplishing and finding a role model for I can't accomplish
hey listen everything you do now you once weren't good at everything you do
now there was a time when you had not done it why wait to get confident
besides that I know I can be confident about what I'm about to begin because I
know look if it doesn't work out I'll learn something and that makes me feel
confident because of that learning will allow me to be better in the future
in other words set yourself up to be able to be confident again I'm not
suggesting me foolhardy I'm just telling you how to turn confidence on when you
need it and most of time you do need it so key questions a lot of people ask me
is well how can I create that level of belief I understand I can change my body
but how could I create that belief so I wouldn't have to work at it well there's
a simple process that I teach people I call it my success cycle and it's for me
is my way of explaining why people who succeed seem to continue to succeed and
get even stronger and people who fail seem to go down a downward spiral why do
the rich get richer and the poor get poorer
not just term in terms of rich or poor financially but rich meaning mental
emotional social spiritual intellectual physiological and financial I put a copy
of the drawing of my success cycle there on your summary now if you take a look
at it you'll see that there are four elements that I think affect the quality
of our lives and I've got them represented there by those four boxes up
in the top left-hand corner there you should see the word potential what's the
potential of any human being I personally believe it absolutely is
unlimited none of us even come close to scratching our real potential the second
element that affects human performance is our actions up there in the Box in
the right hand corner the third element that affects performance are the actual
results that we've gotten in other words what's the impact of our present actions
and potential being utilized and finally the fourth element that affects
performance is our beliefs and you'll see that down in the left hand corner in
that box and you notice that all these boxes have arrows that connect them and
they're all pointing in a particular direction going clockwise as if this was
a continuous cycle how does it work well number one what's the potential of any
human being again unlimited but do most people's results in life that bottom
right hand corner box and most people's results reflect that level of potential
I would say no way what's the problem you might say oh I see what is Tony it's
that second box at the top they don't take enough what action I think that's
true in many cases but that's not the only problem there are a lot of people
who go out there and take a lot of action and still get lousy results why
action by itself is great but it is not enough hey if you're in sales and you go
out and make a hundred cold calls because you're doing lousy but you go
out win a state of mind we don't expect anyone's gonna buy and you turn to
people and say things like you wouldn't want to buy anything from me would you
maybe you don't say that verbally but maybe your face says that because you
don't expect them to is that gonna affect your results you better believe
it's going to you're gonna get lousy results in other words success starts
with our beliefs if you look at that bottom left hand box that is the core of
your performance think about it see the potential is there but if for some
reason you start out with some learning beliefs like well I don't have that much
self-confidence anyway or I don't have the background or I've never done this
before so I probably won't succeed anyway if you have that belief are you
likely to tap a lot of your potential highly unlikely now if you don't think
you're gonna succeed you're not using much potential are you likely to take
massive action hardly now when you tap a little bit of
potential and you only take a little bit of action what kind of results do you
get a little bit of results if any now what does that do to your brain in your
beliefs your brain goes see I told you Sal and now you have this
reinforcing belief pattern because it points back to that experience so what
happens you have even less belief you have even less potential you take even
less action if that's possible you get even worse results and now you're truly
locked into the downward spiral to the point where now you start looking at how
can you do the very least to get by that's called death rattle to personal
success the opposite is also true too sometimes people have an experience in
life where for some reason they get a result or something happens and they
begin to absolutely believe not just hope but know that they can accomplish
something when that happens whether it because you changed your body or you had
a new experience you're gonna tap a lot more potential when you know you're
gonna succeed aren't you and therefore you're gonna probably take a lot more
action knowing you're gonna succeed you're inspired you're gonna go for it
when you take a lot of action and use a lot of your potential what kind of
results you get usually great results when you get great results what does
that do to your belief your brain goes hmm see I told you you would succeed and
sure enough now your belief serving stronger so what do you do you tap even
more potential you take massive action and you get even greater results what
happens your believes even stronger and now you're in that success cycle you're
in that place will you literally have momentum that drives you to a whole new
level that's how beliefs are formed you might
say well how can I get results though what do I do if I'm on the downward
spiral well you don't change your potential
that's always there you don't just take action although that's a great first
step you've got to change your beliefs and that one of the easiest ways to do
that is change your results in advance you
might say what do you mean well let me give you an example would you please
stop what you're doing right now and do this exercise with me change your focus
and pay a hundred percent attention you're gonna like this here's what I'm
gonna do please stand up just for a moment come on stand up there come on
and what I'd like you to do is put your feet together so they're pointing
straight ahead then what I want you to do is just take your right arm and bring
it straight out in front of you and point your right index finger directly
in front of you so you're pointing straight ahead when I say now what I'd
like you to do is turn clockwise as far as you can
comfortably without stretching yourself or pushing yourself really hurting
yourself okay ready go ahead and turn clockwise now as far as you can and just
notice where you end up good now come back again
okay drop your right arm close your eyes and what I want to do something really
simple some simple neuro societal conditioning now it's going to be
simpler than anything we've done so far all I want you to do is imagine that
you're bringing your right arm back up again and I want you to imagine it so
vividly that you actually feel as if and see your hand coming up in front of you
straight out 20 in front of you again in other words don't actually do it but
make it so real that it feels as if it's happening and you can see it occurring
then in your mind's eye see and feel yourself turning clockwise again only
this time going twice as far and make it effortless and expect to enjoy it good
and then come back around in your mind and again in your mind see and feel your
arm coming up in front of you with your finger pointing straight ahead and when
I say now turn clockwise and see and feel no don't actually do it but make it
so real it feels like it's happening see and fill yourself again turning and this
time going three times as far as you did the first time excellent and now do it a
third time do it very rapidly and feel and expect yourself to go almost four
times as far will you turn almost all the way around very good now open your
eyes bring your right arm back up physically this time with your finger
pointing straight ahead and when I say now turn clockwise and go as far as you
can without hurting yourself and watch how much further you go this time go for
it if you're like most people you've gone much further in fact the average
person goes at least a third further than they did before so I got a question
for you go ahead and have a seat my question is this what happened here
did your potential change no you always had the potential to turn that far
did you like make major changes in your actions no way you didn't make it major
changes in your actions but your results did change
why because by reversing in your mind over and over again you conditioned your
mind to believe to feel certain they could go much further you created
an association in your nervous system and said this will feel good and I can
go further and now you've gone much further in fact if you did it again you
could go even further again so this is a perfect metaphor for what has to happen
in life if you want to succeed you need to rehearse over and over succeeding
until it's so real for you your brain begins to believe it now you'll tap more
potential you'll take better action in real life you'll get better results then
we'll reinforce your belief and now you're off and running does this make
sense this is the way to create lifelong unstoppable self-confidence this is what
I did for myself because I was on the downward spiral all I did was create the
results in my head so vividly I began to believe them when I believed them I
tapped more potential I took more action I started to get those real results in
my life emotionally economically and my relationships in virtually every area of
my life and let me leave you with two more things on confidence one if you
really want to be confident know what causes people to lack in it focusing too
much on yourself and not enough on other people will guarantee that you'll lack
confidence what do I mean I mean some people like confidence because they pick
themselves apart they spend all day every day
analyzing themselves why did I do this why don't I do that how come I never
accomplish these things they ask lousy questions they get lousy answers and
they create a tremendous amount of self-doubt he won't have more confidence
stop analyzing yourself so much and focus on other people and how you can
contribute to them and as you start giving that of people you'll feel more
confident about what you can even do for yourself that make sense and finally
this you can feel confident if all you do is remember some of the things you've
accomplished in your life you are a successful competent person you've done
a lot of things in your life extremely well no matter who you are what your
background is there are things in this world that you are really good at things
you've really accomplished in your life that you've got to be proud of every
human being I meet I know is my superior because I know all of us in life have
focused our attention on various things and whatever you focused on a lot you're
good at and every human being I meet in my life I know that I'm superior to in
some way as well that makes me feel confident as well knowing I can learn
from other people and that I can give to so in order to help yourself
really have reasons to feel confident not just put yourself in state but to
feel like you got reasons all you've got to do is manage your memories better
pull out some of your memories of tough situations in your life well you didn't
think you could pull it off but you turned it around you have some of those
don't you situations where you think they can never figure a way to pull this
off and yet you did you need to remember more of those and less of the times and
you felt overwhelmed what I want you to do is take out your success journal and
your assignment for DES is simple I want you to come up with five of your
greatest successes in life things where you've really turned it on maybe some
situations where it looks really dark looked really difficult and you didn't
know how you're gonna pull it off but you did and all I want you to do is
write down a paragraph or so about each one of those in other words pull out of
your memory files some of the references that can show you that you deserve to be
confident that you're competent and confident that you can make things
happen even in the toughest of times and use those examples to remind yourself in
the future that whatever's going on you can find a way do that today and have
some fun filtering through your memories and picking five of your favorites
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