Hi everyone I hope you are having a good July so far
I can't believe it's
pretty much exact to the date on the 28th last month that I did a video
on How to Heal from a Heartbreak (Link in description box)
Thank you for writing in and saying that it has helped you
I decided to do a second part of the video to expand on certain
pointers that I didn't really go through in the first one because I cannot make
a 2-hour video yeah, it'll be information overload. So in the first video I
expanded on the "How" to heal a heart break so
This part I'm gonna tell you the "How-to"
"Recognizing Red Flags, Types of Toxic Relationships, Identifying Narcissists and Manipulators Taking Back Control of Your Life"
"Eliminating Toxicity, Discovering your life purpose Being ready to love again Restoring Faith"
So I believe that if you have watched it(Part 1) your energy would be different you'll
see things a little bit clearer and that's okay because that's a good sign
and we are going to take baby steps towards healing
One of the first things I mentioned in the first video is how to pick up on red flags
Red flags is when you feel that something is wrong like a gut feeling that is just
something off. It can be applied to many other parts of your life
when you're meeting someone new- is a friendship or a business partner that
sort of thing. One of the most important things that I practice myself is
I read energies
Don't be weirded out by the word "energy" because
you know when when someone says oh there's a like "A glow about her" or
like there's "Something about him" that, I'm so attracted to him
that would be your energy, that will be your aura
So your energy is
something that you can't really tell from the naked eye so that's your gut
feeling telling you "oh this girl has got something going on there"
Except the fact that you should distinguish between...
Take her resume out of the picture
I don't care what top lawyer she is or I don't care
what a great actor he is and all the movies that he has under his belt it is
the aura around him that you'll pick up
That is I think the most
objective and subjective way to feel out a person
For example if you look at a baby it feels so pure and happy and you
feel comforted and hugged and you know things are just, your heart just feels
great okay on the other spectrum when someone has been really, let's say a
very very horrible ex-con or something like that and then you feel like a
certain type of way when you get close to the person that is an aura that you
cannot see through the naked eye
Actually aura can be scientifically
explained right if I take a(special camera) picture of you there are several colors that can
appear right around your head right and the colors mean something you can
actually read with the photo if the person has good energy or bad energy
What I like you to note is: there is "low energy" that would be people who lie
manipulate, deceive, betray, cheat... that will be the low energy, negative
And there will be the "high energy" people where they are forthright
with you they are true to you even though it hurts but they're honest and
they're open and they're loving okay and their intention is not to manipulate their
intention is to make you feel comfortable and just be one with them
okay this is business partnerships or friendship or loved ones so that is one
of the most important things of course I'm not having you to be all judgmental
you're reading people off... no but it is one of the things that really
helped me because to me is just so easy to read whether you are low energy or a high energy person
To be honest if you are depressed right now
okay I'm not laughing but because I've been there right we all have been sad before
See, when you caught up with these emotions of depression, jealousy, sadness
loneliness... that would be low energy. So what we're trying to get here is
we're trying to be high energy okay so make sure that you're always hanging
around people with high energy and not low energy
This has got nothing to do with your socioeconomic status
it's got nothing to do with everything else
so you have to trust your gut instincts right
Your gut instincts is actually
your years of experience that constitutes your knowledge of gut
instincts so as you build up your experience in knowing people you will
get a hang of it all right
So before getting into a relationship with
someone you kind of have to suss it out, the red flags and stuff
maybe let's say you get to know a new person um I would say right
about in the second or third date you will kind of know right okay first
impression is definitely it
First impression if you're drawn to the person
with good energy I will say yeah you know go along with that but then again
wait till the second or third meeting okay and if you're gonna date make sure
is like a productive date
yes have fun have romance and friendship
so what I mean by be productive date is not half an hour of eating and
then two hours of movies where there is nothing to talk about you guys don't get
to know each other and then 20 minutes of sending her home or
something like that no...
I think what's fun about a date is you get to know one
another and have important conversations right
well you keep it light of course
you're not going to try to find out, put the person on a spot of interview, no
you just have conversations about their
hobbies and maybe their family or where do you see yourself in X X X amount of
years that kind of thing okay because I'm talking to the people who are
looking for a great friend or great companion great partners and not just a fling, right
I don't judge but if flings- then you don't have to talk so
much, who cares isn't it, it's physical attraction right so yeah
That's how I assess what I think who would be considered as my friend, or further or
who I will cut out of my life
It's very simple
"Toxic Relationships"
Let's say you are already in a relationship this could be a friendship
romantic or just started off dating um one of the red flags of
having a toxic relationship is first, identifying that there are different and many types of toxic
relationships, some of them are obvious and some of them are not
for example, one example would be he or she's a control freak- gotta know where
you go, who you're calling and just always suspicious and spying on you
the whole time that would be controlling
how about binge drinking for example he
will drown his sorrows in alcohol that's not good because that's not bringing the
issues to the surface right and you're just escaping the issue as I mentioned
that's not a good thing to do how about the narcissist right and I will talk
about this this is ooh this one is delicious to talk about narcissists are
people who care about themselves and not about you so they go into the religious
relationship with a win-lose battle
it's like a plan for them you know
I will definitely expand on this because a lot of my friends including myself have
bumped into some narcissistic behaviors and yeah
Alright
Another example would be a debbie downer right or someone will
competes with you, that sort of stuff that exists our even physical abuse that's
really horrible you should never ever lay a hand on anyone
Kids, friends especially partners, NO
okay also psychological abuse it's even worse
because as we know it is very very hard to heal when you are really
hurt on the inside right don't do psychological abuse because that
constitutes manipulation okay when I say "cheating" in my first video
I was referring to not only cheating with the person but also betrayals,
manipulation those low energy behaviors so be very aware that in the
beginning stages you will pick up if it is a toxic or an enabling relationship or not
When I said I will be your partner "not your nurse not your mother"(first video)
okay let me just explain on that part I think partners we should support one
another yes and not because you have lost an arm and a leg from their last
relationship and I am here to rescue you to use my arm and leg
because if not you cannot walk every day this is just an example and what that
does is it drains my energy and you cannot live without me
that is not a good thing to do right, you should heal first and able to walk
yourself and use your hands/legs and then I'll come here and then
we built a relationship together because if not, that will be enabling
There are two types of people who will get into such relationships, when they clearly
obviously see that you're hurting, when you're not able to be in a relationship
yet okay one person has a good heart- she wants to help you or he wants help you
but then again this is called enabling and it's a very toxic
relationship okay it is just not love it's very different from love this is
having someone to need you and you cannot live without them that sort of
thing and you may mistaken it as love but it is not
so what this is doing
is these two people the person who has "no arm and leg" and is recovering and
the person will try to "nurse" the other one
these two are insecure because this person with no arm and leg is still
hurting, and this other person is insecure because she or he feels that he
needs to fix something to prove to herself that this relationship is gonna
work let me tell you
once the person who is hurt
it's healed this person would have definitely healed, or she... the "Savior" who
enable him will be definitely out of the picture because the purpose is gone
that's why I clarified the purpose should be love, not to heal
Heal by yourself. Yes she can be there to support you but she cannot be there to enable
you okay that's the first person who will look at you when you're hurting and
will rescue you: good heart yeah but still doesn't work in a long-term relationship
this is called enabling
The second person who comes into your life the
other type of person who will get into such enabling situations would be the
bad person like a low vibrational energy person it would be like
the partner sees
that you're bleeding okay either from your ex relationship or you
had a fallout with your family or whatever. Basically you're not in the
good solid place to love, you're still hurt and you're so bleeding
Guess who smells blood?
Sharks.
So this person is gonna come into your life and going to
continue to make you bleed not going to heal you, in the guise that they are
going to heal you but they're gonna suck your blood
You're not closing up your wound?
She's gonna get there or he is gonna get there and leech more because
she or he knows that you are insecure you still got lots to give
and you know that too you're just hurt from the- whatever it was
Be very wary that you are taking appropriate steps to heal first that
you're completely independent, healthy and well to get us and receive love
"Narcissists and Manipulators"
How do you identify if your partner is a narcissist or a manipulator?
Okay
A narcissist is a manipulator but not all manipulators are narcissists
Let me explain
A Narcissist - okay where did the word come from?
That's Narcissus. Narcissus in Greek mythology is a person who every
day loves to go to the lake and look at his own reflection in the water
because Oh he's so engrossed about his perfect feature and just doesn't care
about anything else in the world he'll just go to the lake every day and be
mesmerized by himself that's all he cares about
what happened one day is he was so engrossed in his own little world of himself
that he fell into the water and drowned and died
that's where the term "narcissist" came from
How do you know if you are dating a narcissist?
They would usually pretty much almost always
lie to you
usually they will figure out what you want for example you want a
stable, loving family life and they will claim that they want that too
except for the fact that they do not want to put the work in so at this point
you will double time
they will use sweet words which is all you have to
hang on to just words and dangle the carrot right in front of you but all they
care is themselves whether it is they need you to enable them, to make them
happy or in the career or they make use of you
because of your social networking or of your wealth or your looks or whatever
because you have a verified Instagram with 10 million followers whatever
That would be a narcissistic behavior
Let's put it simply when you go to bed
at night and you don't have their cell phone you don't think about your
business and stuff... it is the person just you
just your character, your personality
your energy. A sane person would appreciate that about you
that's the thing that they like, just you.
But narcissists will like everything else except for that.
That would be a huge red flag to, No
Because at this point what you're just hanging on to is just words
At the breaking point
when you really want to get out of the relationship, the Narcissist will
pull something from you
they'll pull something out that will make you
think that you can just stay in their relationship, something happy so if
I were to give a ratio you would give them ten times happiness and they'll
give you one not that we are calculating come on and we really shouldn't if you
feel safe with someone there is no, you know tit-for-tat, nothing like that
but with narcissist they will
and you will know that you're over giving
because they're there, sleeping well but you are here worried every time
they go out or they don't call you you'll sneak up on them or you know in
the middle of the mall when you're still shopping you're so checking up on them
and their phones or whatever
If somebody makes you feel bad, worried when
you are with them as compared to, when you're single and you're happy
You should not be with them
Plain and simple
On the other hand, manipulators are
people who tell lies and actually manipulators are common. Some of them are
white lies some of them are lies of omission but the difference between a
narcissist and a manipulator is a narcissist is so much more toxic
They show not much empathy, underneath it all they don't really care
they have no guilt they are very fixated on their own
status or their own beauty or just like Narcissus right, he's so fixated
on himself and ultimately it just ended in one way street basically
Narcissists are people who are very very, it's actually very common around here
and I hate to break this to you but narcissists will never change
They will not
it is something that they were born with or from an early child stage where it's
just ingrained in them or they just have this low vibrational energy about them
that it will be forever in them and it is hard to pick up because they are
also manipulators so it's very very hard to pick it up so but then of course you
will be protected by the red flag so you have to listen to the red flags if
you've got the red flag already but you chose to ignore it that that's on you
Just be aware
Manipulators on the other hand, like I said are pretty
common too. They actually do care but maybe they have some insecurities or in
certain circumstances they cannot tell the truth yet but underneath it all
manipulators who are liars little white lies they can change and let's hope that
they do and make them prove it it can okay
Narcissists, no way. Uh-uh
they are such deep like level 100 manipulators that you know like when
you're in a relationship with the narcissus you will know because it's
like one of those internet things that they have you know like when someone is
going up the stairs but they look like they're going down actually
they'll come back around one of those things you call? In the Internet it is
floating around and it's like one of those MC Escher drawings where basically
it looks like you're going up but you're actually going down and you're just
going in circles okay that's what narcissists will make you feel like
In the beginning stages of the relationship yes they will probably be
progress okay... Like turns to love and then you'll build on something but then
later it'll just Plateau
The narcissist is just gonna kick back and you're
gonna do all the work and all these while they'll make you feel less then
make you feel that you're not good enough make you feel that you have threatened
in their relationship that sort of thing so yes those are the people who I will
say completely cut them one of your life because they are going to drown in their
own thing never just gonna be just stay stay over there. They belong in that corner
Move on!
Yes it is harsh for me to say that but if you are in a
relationship with a Narc, it is a never ending story because they're just gonna
be leeches to your life and they're always going to throw you out of balance
by making you feel that you're not worth it, that you have to try, and try
"Not enough give it to me c'mon" that would be a narcissist where all you want to be
is in love. They don't want to be alone. They are plotting ways to suck you dry
and then later without you realizing at the drop of their finger you just you're
out of their life and then they'll be with somebody else
That's how it works
and I'm sorry to break it down to you
If anybody walks into your life and tries
to take power away from you don't do it it's not worth it
you are your whole person don't settle for a relationship that is less than
because it's easy or convenient because it's safe. Well actually it's not!
How is a relationship based on control either one of you is safe? It's not
Let me tell you something - ultimately what we're looking for is love and happiness
ask your mom ask your dad why do your mom go through nine months of pregnancy
painful irritating and 14 hours of labor or something like that for you in this
world and your dad has to go through working overtime, missing the times that they see you
they want you to be here yes be successful yes be happy but most of all
is to feel loved and be truly happy if someone who you wake up to every day or
is pretty much your partner makes you feel that you are not worthy of them or
you have to work extra hard right and all you get is a little bit of our time
or something like that it's uh uh
So consider that
You are your own being and
if a partner wants to come into your life is to compliment you
Both of you support one another and the common goal is love
"Taking back control of your life"
Always take control of your own life and be responsible for your own emotions
let's say you just recently got heartbroken you should now feel that
everything is clearer to you because we always do those things right where we
look back and then we think about what happened yes you analyze those things
and then it's to make you realize where you were wrong or your other partner but
don't stay in that energy of looking at what you have lost
okay because if you look in my position like this, if I keep looking at
my history books my old phone, old photographs right with my loved one
I don't see what's around me right beautiful flowers or
this hot guy over something like that Yeah no don't focus on what you have
lost focus on how to regain your balance and new things in life
I did say if you were the "victim" of the relationship i.e. you were "shortchanged"
yeah but don't stay in the victimized mentality because that's where things
are gonna spiral down that's where you feel depressed. Depression is a very
low-energy thing so we have to strive to be happy again just learn from your
mistakes okay and at this period of healing it is very crucial
It doesn't matter whether you've just had your heart broken or it happened a long time ago
probably you didn't know how to heal so we can always start a clean slate
it's never too late okay but when you first start it has to be
How to say, yeah?
Because you've just experienced a "death" in quotations
the person who used to be with us not with you anymore the
memories are gone gone gone so there is a part of you that died okay
so with every death there will be a birth
that is how this world works
so you're actually going through a rebirth right now
because you're being renewed, from the old situation because you've let go of the past
So this is what I call the baby period... "Baby Time" because you're
gonna mess you're like Ah in this new world
I just came out! Whaaat am I supposed to do? What what was going on?
So at this period I would advise you to sleep a lot, well be on time let's say
before the 11:00 p.m. okay don't go wee hours into the night
Eat great foods, fresh
I would suggest whole foods, whole vegetables and whole fruit
cut down on the meat meats are largely toxic and at this "baby time" you
would really want to be as pure as possible
you know how certain foods
make you feel lethargic and tired?
Other foods make you feel energetic yeah, find the pure versions of that
Don't result in alcohol
like I said this baby time you treat yourself as how you would treat a baby
even the music you listen to for me when I'm feeling not really
myself and I want re-generate myself, I don't really listen to music that is
too fast or a rock music, I mean no offense to rockers
I have many many friends who love rock music, I like it too
but just not at this baby time okay listen to maybe you can actually go and
listen to the sound waves of the sea or the birds singing
I am not sounding crazy
you take this habit and then you will realize how much this helps to you
okay Oh Mozart or something like that
because I explained there's a low vibration and there's high
vibration even in music there is, even in frequencies
TV programs don't watch
movies or television that's over-sexualization or over-glamorization of
violence because essentially what it is nowadays this is all what TVs about
If you want to watch TV- news or educational, edu-tainment style
That will be fine okay
just not like "The Walking Dead" No offense but this is the baby time don't
you know because right now you're you have new skin everything is new you know
just protect yourself at the first three to six months it's very important so
people are like, "Why am I taking such a long time to heal?"
Well what have you been doing? Have you been taking precautions?
Because what you've went through is a devastating period
you crashed and burned
you literally just crawled out of the Armageddon little hole and you survived right
you're just looking up and it's all burnt right, so this is where you really have
to take care of yourself okay take active steps to heal
This is life lessons like being street-smart
Being street-smart is not only knowing how to
talk or have a lot of swag on you but this is important knowledge as well
you really have to actively apply to healing when you are going
through a heartbreak and also when I mentioned in the first video
going through what went wrong in the relationship is
Let's say the communication wasn't good enough or you guys didn't really
meet up with one other too much, so these are real practical things that you can work on
For instance, communication skills. You can work
on expressing yourself more for example and this is not only good for your love
life it's also good for your work life as well or your family right
also how about scheduling
if your ex-partner says Oh you guys didn't have enough time
which is true sometimes you know, we are very busy people we
work we have other stuff to do so we can
This is a practical thing right, to
schedule for your partner because yes
this is supposed to be love and romantic
and balloons and pink elephants but there are practical steps that you
have to do but all of these is backed up by love right
These are the personal improvements you can do to yourself
"Eliminating toxicity from your life"
When you start getting rid of your old habits, like I said you are being
rebirthed right, new born okay
There are also other toxic relationships that you
have to consider- who are your real friends and for those who are not
really your real friends okay so those are the people you also have to just
detox your life. Not only diet but exercise is great
some people will raise your vibration easily- they are supportive
they're positive and be careful at this baby time
Who you get your advice from
In general you have to be careful of who you get advice from
For instance let's say I was heartbroken but then I'm healing and then I'm starting to love again
and then I'm interested with a guy
but then my friend says "Oh you know Vindy, don't... because this person is not that good" or "he's a play
play boy play play girl..." something like that.
And then you took the wrong advice
because at this point I'm pretty sure you know your potential partner
better than your negative friend right. So what did you do? You don't listen to
your own self, you don't listen to your instincts but you listen to the advice of your friend
So what happened? You lost your girl but you still have your friend
Misery loves company
Be careful who you listen from they
have to be in a place where they're qualified to give you advice, they've
been through it and they are in a position of being positive and happy so
people who see possibilities rather than people who spot the impossibilities okay
so be very careful in this baby period to protect yourself
"Discovering your life purpose"
Something I find interesting to consider is also what is your soul purpose in life
Hear me out ok
it's not only to you know, have a great career and have a
family and kids and the end Everybody has different purposes in life
just don't be so focused on the resume things
look into the big picture
For example, Bill Gates's purpose in life is to give us a lot of advanced technology or
Steve Jobs's and also through philanthropy work he can help out a lot of
disadvantaged people from all over the world
Mark Zuckerberg's life purpose would be connecting people even though we are worlds apart
Or a farmer's purpose would be to preserve his heirloom
tomatoes from his grandparents and preserve the heritage and tradition that he has
Everybody has a life purpose
For me I found it pretty early. It is to
spread knowledge and education and be vocalized about things that people need
to know or that can help them
For example in cooking, I've always
you know I have cooking classes and books and whenever I'm on TV
ok I've never auditioned or went to a casting in my life
it is- producers will call me and "just come" and that's how I just go with the flow and
then I realized that's one of my life purposes is to spread education and
knowledge I also have another thing where
this is just sharing okay so you will understand what your life purpose could be
I have been rescuing birds since I was a teenager Especially since 1998 where
baby birds fall from the trees I will take them in
nurse them okay they will fly in and out of my house until today I have
birds around me they seem to be baby birds who want to be with me
The hardest years was when I was in LA where I couldn't take care of birds but then
somehow when I was staying at 11th floor I don't know how the bird can fly so
high because it was a little bird, fell into my balcony and when I looked out it just
looked at me so okay so I took it in it's okay so I find that one of my
life purposes is also to rescue birds
Consider what the bigger picture is
what your life purpose is it will make you feel more grounded
"Being ready to love again"
So with all these healing and you take awareness of your progress
How do know when you are ready when you are open to love again?
When you are independent of other things in life whatever is happening outside around you
of course you will be affected in like, a bit stressed out or a bit
compassionate or yes because you have emotions but at the end of it all you
will feel still happy and content in your life when you're self-sufficient
When you don't need a crutch to make you function every day
When you are open
When you see the big picture
When you see the good in everything
Yes, good and bad but
you don't think of a new opportunity and the first thing you have
across your head is what is "what if I crash and burn?"
See you know I think
you've also heard this right, success is not a straight line it's like Oh yay! Oh
my god! Yes I'm back up! What the F? Yeay! FML! Okay we're back on again..!
This is like, from here to there or it could be in circles right
but what I'm saying is
don't be dismayed if you have hit a little you know rock bottom or a little
bit of a plateau
the most important thing is how you rise up
Rise up!
You cannot control what's going on in the world but you can control your reactions
and who you choose to engage with
From a different vantage point is when you can see
Oh this is why it happened and why it happened
Be glad of what happened in the past so now you have a clearer picture
it doesn't make that person any better
Be glad that you've learned it, it's out of your life and you progress from here
Be sure that you learn the lessons
Be open to new things
I think was it
it just came to me
one of the things that Carl Jung once mentioned is
It is when a man is cornered then you'll make gold out of fire
then the Phoenix is going to rise up from the ashes
Same to you my friend
it is the same thing you have
being reborn and stronger and
RISE UP!
"Restoring faith"
We did not come this far just to give up
Good things are right there as you progress
Definitely because this universe whatever the higher power it is
that you believe in is here to help you
if you're a good person for sure
Trust that this universe is going to take care of you and this is nothing
about religion okay whatever faith it is that you have
you definitely have guardian angels as well right
maybe early ancestors or something like that okay
Slow down, enjoy the things in life it's okay to indulge
little bit here and there
just really slow down and take care of yourself and
you will be on your way to a better, happier and a more fruitful life
I wish you all the best and until next time take care you
Bye!
For more infomation >> How to Split Test Landing Pages with Elementor - Free Plugin Review - Duration: 13:07. 
For more infomation >> How to Boost Metabolism - Secrets To Boost Metabolism Fast! - Duration: 3:29. 
For more infomation >> [Medibang Paint Pro desktop version how to] Create Rain background - Duration: 3:33. 
For more infomation >> Hướng dẫn vẽ hoa Bồ Công Anh bằng tăm bông | How to draw dandelion flower - Duration: 7:53. 
For more infomation >> Origami Paper SpeedBoat. how to make a cool paper speed boat?Paper speed Boat that floats on water. - Duration: 6:34. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét