Hi, it's been awhile.
The last time we talked we were talking about Implicit Bias: From Awareness to Change.
And during our talk, we touched briefly upon microaggressions.
And I'd like to talk a little bit more about microaggressions, what they are, and how to
respond to them.
First let's start by defining what a microaggression is.
There are three types.
We have microassaults, microinsults, and microinvalidations.
A microassault is a very intentional attack upon a person based on their difference.
This is an attack that can be based on race, on gender, on sexual preference.
And in a microassault the person may use racial slurs.
They may physically attack someone.
The key here is that a microassault is an assault.
It's an attack and it is intended to hurt and cause pain whether emotionally or physically.
Next, we have a microinsult.
And these types of microaggressions are very, very difficult.
People engage in them on a subconscious level usually they're not aware at all that they're
engaging in a microinsult.
They're subtle little ways of demeaning a person and making that person feel that
they're not part of the group.
They exclude people.
They make people feel shame.
They make people feel like they don't belong.
And then you have a microinvalidation.
And a microinvalidation is to invalidate the experience of a person based on their differentness,
based on how they're different.
Let me give you an example of each.
With a microassault that's calling a person a name, using a racial slur.
That is what we saw just a few days ago during the World Series when the guy hit the home
run against an Asian person and made that very demeaning gesture.
If you haven't seen it, you can Google it.
I'm sure it's out there.
It's calling a person who may be homosexual a derogatory name.
That's a microassault.
Now a microinsult comes in various forms and one just happened to me just yesterday when
I was reading the newspaper after I was involved in a wonderful early childhood summit in another
state.
And in reading the paper they called the white woman who was also involved in this conference
Dr. So-and-So but only referred to me as Rosemarie Allen.
Believe me that happens more often than not.
It can be racial or it can actually be sexist.
But in this case, I'm assuming it was racial because the other doctor was also female.
Another way we invalidate experiences of people is to shrug things off or try to explain it
away.
For instance, if you attend Florida State University and the Native American community
is saying, "That Seminole mascot you have and the chant that you do is very offensive
to our people," and you go, "Oh we're just having fun.
We don't mean it like that.
You're being too sensitive."
That is a microinvalidation.
So, we said microinsult is just demeaning a person, a microinvalidation is invalidating
the experience of others.
Because we're people, and as I said during our talk, b/c we breathe biased air we all
have biases.
And I believe that microaggressions are the action based result of implicit bias.
And because we're all impacted, we will all engage in microaggressions at one time or
another.
The first step is to forgive yourself.
The second is to work really hard not to reoffend.
Let's talk about some things that we can do.
A microassault – the rule of thumb, don't do it.
Don't engage in a racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic type of activities.
Avoid it.
Do not engage.
And a lot of those gestures and actions are based on stereotypes.
Stay away from it.
Another thing, what happens if you witness it.
When you witness a microassault, first you have to make sure that you're safe.
That everyone is safe.
And if there's any way to stand near or close to the victim and if it's safe enough
for you, or a group of you, to say, "Hey.
We're not gonna let you do that right now."
Then try to do something to sort of disengage that person from the person who is being microaggressed.
Call 911.
But do something so that person feels that they are supported.
Two, a microinsult.
And this one is tough because microinsults are not intentional and they're subconscious.
And you may not understand when you've done it.
So, if someone says, "Wow.
What you just did hurt.
Ouch.
It offended me."
What should you do in that situation?
And one of the first things that I want you to think about and understand at that point,
it's NOT.
ABOUT.
YOU!
Resist the urge to defend.
Resist the urge to explain.
When a person says you've offended them, the absolute best response can be, "I'm
sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'll make sure that doesn't happen again."
The other thing is to sit with your own discomfort.
So many times, when someone is brave enough to tell us that we've hurt them, we did
not mean to hurt them, it wasn't intentional.
So, we want to defend ourselves.
And sometimes it hurts us so we may cry.
Just imagine this scenario, that I've been microaggressed, I've found the courage to
tell you that and then you become upset and you begin to defend yourself and cry.
Then me, as the victim, now must come to your aid, to comfort you as the person who microaggressed.
Let's try very hard not to put the victim in that position.
I can't tell you how many times victims end up comforting the microaggressor.
So, sit with your discomfort.
When it comes to microinvalidations, I'll tell you the same scenario about the doctor,
about the title, it happened to me just a couple of weeks ago while I was presenting
a workshop with another doctor, a male this time.
The person who was introducing said, "Now I'd like to introduce Dr. So-and-So and
Rosemarie Allen."
And he did the best thing that anyone could do in that situation.
He said, "Oh I'm sorry this is Dr. Rosemarie."
And that was everything to me.
Because had I corrected them then I would've come across as an arrogant, pompous person
who demanded to be called doctor.
And if he wouldn't have said anything I would've felt that slight.
It would've made me a little bit uncomfortable.
Because these things happen so often they wear on you day after day after day.
Another response to a microinvalidation, if someone says to you, "Oh I didn't get
that job because I'm Hispanic."
Please do not say, "Are you sure it's because you're Hispanic?
Maybe it's because of blah blah blah…"
That is a no-no.
When someone tells you about their experience and if they feel it was based on racism, sexism,
homophobia, xenophobia then your response should be, "I'm sorry that happened to
you."
Or, "Oh my goodness, I can't imagine what that felt like."
Or, "That couldn't have felt good.
Is there anything I can do?"
Those responses, help that person to feel validated.
Just remember that we all see things through our own lens.
And it's very difficult, especially if you think of yourself as a good person, it's
hard to believe that other people would openly engage in these types of activities.
But to totally invalidate that experience it makes the person who was microaggressed
feel much, much worse.
So, I hope these things are helpful to you.
I hope that as you go through life and when you microaggress, because you will, that you
will first, again, forgive yourself, do intentional work to avoid it, and keep in mind some of
these very simply strategies that can help the victim feel a lot better.
Thank you.
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