I'm not against celebrating someone's birthday.
I think it's nice to wish someone a happy birthday.
But what I am against is forced gift-buying and socialisation, especially in the office
environment.
I had my first experience of forced gifting during my second stint in Japan.
I went over as part of a group of six Australian teachers to represent our city overseas.
Each of us were assigned to a separate middle school, so we didn't actually see each other
on a day-to-day basis.
However, one of the boys took it upon himself to arrange a weekly social gathering – just
with us Australians.
It went okay for a couple of months, but slowly as we settled down in Japan, we began to have
our own lives.
Girls got boyfriends, boys got girlfriends, and our little social group became a less
frequent occurrence.
Anyway, the same guy who had originally arranged these groups decided it would be a good idea
to celebrate each other's birthdays.
So he went around and found out everyone's birth date and started planning the first
party (which happened to be for the other guy).
He asked each of the other members for some money to pay for the party and to buy a gift.
I went along with it, as it was our first little party together, so I didn't want
to rock the boat.
But it wasn't cheap.
He asked for ¥5000 from each of us, so like $50 or $60.
So in total, he was planning to spend like $300 on this little do.
He ended up buying the guy a baseball bat (which he loved, by the way) and we went out
to a little Izakaya – a Japanese bar.
We all seemed to have a good time, but then a couple of weeks later, another person's
birthday came around.
So, another $50 out of my pocket to celebrate the next person's birthday.
This went on for a year until I finally had my "surprise" birthday celebration.
The gang had got together and bought me a Japanese boy-band CD – I think the band
was called Glay, or something like that.
At the time, I was into heavy metal, so Glay was the last band I wanted to listen to.
I played it once one morning while I was doing the laundry, but since then, I've never
listened to it again.
I don't even know where the CD is, actually.
The next round of birthdays came around the following year.
I already had a steady girlfriend by that time, and had my own social life.
I really wasn't interested in doing this Australian round-robin gift-buying thing anymore.
So I met the guy for coffee and told him I wouldn't be participating anymore.
He had a bit of a shocked look on his face, but he didn't kick up too much of a stink.
Of course, he went around and told the rest of the Aussies that Andrew won't be participating
anymore, so I was treated a bit like the odd-man-out.
In hindsight, I probably should have just gone along with it as our work contracts were
only for two years.
I had already done one year of gift-buying, so I'm sure another year wouldn't have
hurt.
Thanks to my "selfishness" I'm no longer in contact with any of those people.
Oh well – live and learn.
A few years later, I got my first real office job in Brisbane.
I was put into a programming team of about 20 individuals.
Just to be clear, they weren't all programmers.
We had business analysts, testers, database guys, business reps, and so on.
I think there may have only been about five or six actual programmers.
Anyway, during my first week on the team, a couple of the ladies came around collecting
$5 from each of us to buy something nice for Susie's birthday.
I didn't want to rock the boat, so I paid.
A couple of days later, a large cake was wheeled in with birthday candles and the like.
Everyone stood up and started singing Happy Birthday.
Susie was presented with a large bouquet of flowers.
We all stood around eating cake and chatting.
About 30 minutes went past – 30 minutes I could have been using to finish off my current
job.
The following week, the ladies came round again and asked for another $5.
This time it was for Stephen's birthday.
Again, not wanting to rock the boat, I went along and paid the five bucks.
A couple of days went past and another cake was wheeled in – I think it was the same
type of cake!
Happy Birthday was sung.
Cake was eaten.
More time was wasted.
I had only been there for a few weeks, and already I was starting to hate these forced
birthday celebrations every week.
The following week came round, and as seemed to be their custom, the ladies approached
me asking for more money.
This time, they wanted $10!
I noticed that everyone else was happily paying, but I wanted to know why it was double the
amount this week.
So I just asked.
They said that Peter is leaving next week – not to a new company – just moving to
a different floor in the building.
It was like a "going-away" party.
So, I begrudgingly handed over the money.
The next week, a cake was wheeled in – this time a bigger cake.
I didn't realise they made cakes that size.
They had also bought him a voucher to get a free meal in a fancy restaurant.
I tried to gobble down my cake and get back to work, but I simply couldn't, because
Peter was "encouraged" to give a speech which seemed to go on forever.
Over the following month, a couple of more birthdays occurred.
Again, I begrudgingly handed over my $5.
The following week, I found out that Jenny was leaving the company.
The ladies came around to collect the money, so I pulled out my $10 expecting it to be
a bit more expensive this time.
But then they said, "Actually, Jenny's been with us for about seven years, so we're
planning to buy her something nicer.
We're asking that everyone contributes $25 if possible".
My jaw dropped.
20 people at $25 each is like $500.
"What the hell are they planning to buy her?".
My heart wasn't in it, so I told them that I didn't even know Jenny.
I think I had only ever spoken to her once.
I told them that, with regret, I won't be participating.
They looked a bit shocked, but didn't harp on it.
Anyway, Jenny's farewell card came around to be signed by everyone.
The person next to me handed it to me to sign.
Just as I was getting my pen out, one of the lady's rushed over, grabbed the card, waved
her finger in my face and said, "No, no, no, no.
You didn't contribute, so you're not allowed to sign the card".
I couldn't believe it.
Because I wasn't willing to buy some useless shit for Jenny, I couldn't even sign her
farewell card.
A couple of days later, the obligatory cake was wheeled in.
I looked over at the lady who had censured me the previous day and she gave me the evil
eye.
She shook her head indicating that I wasn't invited to participate in the cake ceremony,
so I stayed seated at my desk while the others gobbled down the whipped cream, icing, chocolate,
and strawberries.
After they had finished their cake, Jenny got up to give a speech.
I decided to be courteous and go over and listen.
The other lady started staring at me and tried to indicate that I should sit back down.
I refused, and stayed and listened to Jenny's speech.
I decided from that day onwards, I'm not going to be coerced into buying people gifts
and forced to socialise with people I barely know.
Luckily, that project finished up a month or two later, and I was assigned to a different
project with a new team.
If people came to collect money regarding birthdays and the like, I just told them right
off the bat that I won't be participating in those sorts of things.
I said it in a polite way, but I made it very clear that I won't be buying presents, and
equally I wouldn't expect other people to celebrate my birthday either.
At first, it was met with a little bit of contempt, but people got used to it.
I think people ended up knowing me as the guy who didn't celebrate birthdays.
As I said in other videos, I'm a misanthrope living in plain sight.
I don't get on well with the other humans.
I fail to see the purpose of many of these strange customs.
I don't understand why I must purchase a gift for people I barely know.
Yeah, it probably ruined my chances of getting any sort of promotion, but quite frankly,
I don't want to work in the corporate environment.
I'm happy to muddle my way through life doing odd-jobs here and there, working casually
in jobs that don't require me to deal with large groups of people, and spending my days
complaining about it all, here on YouTube.
I'll finish with a rendition of a scene from Seinfeld.
Elaine Benes is in the office, participating in one of these forced birthdays:
"Elaine, cake?"
"Oh, no thanks."
"It's Walter's special day."
"You know, there are 200 people who work in this office.
Every day is somebody's special day!"
Later in Jerry's apartment…
"What is so bad about having a little piece of cake?"
"It's the forced socialising!
I mean, just because we work in the same office, why do we have to act like we're friends?"
"Why aren't you there now?"
"I had to take a sick day I'm so sick of these people!"
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