- How do you know if people are toxic for you?
The fact that you are asking me that question,
The fact that you're watching this video,
already hints at the fact that you might suspect
that you aren't hanging out with the right people.
In order to prove it to you,
I wanna go back to an article that appeared
in the New York Times a few years ago.
It's called are your friends making you fat?
You can Google it.
Are your friends making you fat?
You know what the researchers found out.
The answer is yes.
If you hang out with fat friends you become fatter.
If your friends, friends, friends start smoking
or stop smoking, or get fatter or get skinnier,
so do you, and you might not even know those people.
This is proven in a book called connected,
by Nicholas Fowler, if I'm getting his last name right.
Maybe Christakis, okay we'll look it up,
put a link in the show notes. The books called connected.
The point is we're all connected,
and we all, are all the average
of the five people most closest to us.
Don't let anybody out there fool you
into thinking that they actually have
a hundred friends, nobody has a hundred friends.
It's impossible, with time,
to maintain a hundred deep relationships.
You just can't do that,
that's a myth, okay?
What you have is a slowly sliding scale
of the five people you spend closest to you.
What I mean is, they form 80%
of who you spend time with, right?
Mothers, Dads, roommates, sisters, brothers,
boyfriends, girlfriends, close friends,
person you talk to all the time, mother-in-law, whatever.
You are the average of those five people.
If none of them smoke, I'm betting you don't either.
If all of them smoke, maybe you probably dabble
a little bit, or maybe when you're drunk or whatever, right?
You are the average of them.
Interestingly, you're also the average
of their approximate intelligence.
You're the average of their approximate looks.
You're the average of their approximate height.
I'm not joking. The next time you walk by a group of people
walking down the street that are like
a group of five teenage boys or five teenage girls,
and they all kind of look the same,
that's the proof, point right there.
They all have the same baggy pants,
and they're all wearing the same chain.
Whatever they're looking like,
they're all doing it 'cause they're all doing it.
They're all doing it because they're all doing it.
How do you know if your friends are toxic for you?
Do the five people test.
Ask yourself, who are the five people
I spend time with the most, and am I happy
with being the average of all of them?
If you're not, you're like,
they're all negative and I'm pretty positive, eee.
Gotta kinda do a little bit of a left turn a bit.
You gotta spend more time with people that give you energy.
You're like, oh they all do something
I don't really love, that's where you swerve,
that tells you if you're with the right people.
Because we have trouble looking into ourselves.
We do, we have trouble growing our own self-awareness.
It's not easy to do that.
So the best way to know how you're doing,
is to take a look at the five people
you surround yourself most, and remember,
you're the average of them, and are you happy with that?
Who are your five people?
I know it's a hard, funny question to answer,
but tell me, let me know who you're spending your time with.
Let me know one characteristic, one trait,
one behavior, something they all do,
that either you like that they do, and you do yourself,
or you don't and you kind of wonder
if you should make a switch.
Let me know one of the questions you have
as well in the comments below.
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