So, let it be known that yes, disabled people can have relationships.
Hello and welcome back to the channel
and the return of #GetToThePoynt.
If you weren't here last year, well,
last year I made this series and you got to ask me question,
preferably on Twitter through the hashtag that I created
so that it would always be there
and I would see it
and I would give you an answer as quickly and to the point as possible.
Is it always successful?
No, but we try.
Quite a few of you were very excited to see that we were bringing this back
and I am very happy and I plan to do this twice a month, on Fridays.
So, before we begin, just so you know,
if you would like advice on something deaf -related,
disability-related, mental health,
LGBT - hi, I'm bisexual, just in case you weren't aware,
body image, eating disorders, food, that kind of thing,
and child abuse,
#GetToThePoynt on Twitter.
You can leave a question in the comments
but just know that Twitter is going to be the easiest way.
But I will bend the rules a little bit if it helps you out
because I want to be as helpful as possible.
So, now let's begin.
"Was it hard for you to find someone that would love you for who you are
"and look past your deafness?"
So, before I get to my answer, I do also have an article about this
that I posted on Medium to go along with this video.
So, if you want to also read something, I'll have that link down below.
So, when I was younger,
I very much felt afraid about the future
about if somebody would like me or not.
I was never really social in school and what have you
because just one, I was shy and there were communication barriers.
Those two probably were together, you know, because I was afraid.
"I'm not going to understand so-and-so so they're going to make fun of me,
"they're going to hate me,
"they're not going to hang out with me,
"because who wants to hang out with the deaf girl because we can't talk to her, you know?"
And it was one thing with friends but then I was thinking into the future like,
how many deaf people are in relationships?
And I don't know, I didn't know.
So yeah, I would never really meet anyone in real life.
I mean, I had people that I liked.
I had boys that I liked but it never really went anywhere.
I had high school boyfriends
but I mean like, we would date for three weeks
and it was just holding hands in the hallway and then saying goodbye.
And then I had guys that I would like.
I had a barista at Barnes & Noble that I liked a lot but it never went anywhere.
He didn't like me and it was just you know, whatever.
I had tried a couple of dating websites.
I was on OkCupid a lot, PlentyOfFish, and yeah, I even tried Tinder.
And yeah, we would have matches and we would talk and flirt and whatever
but it never really went further than that.
Sometimes even on my profile I would say "I'm deaf"
and some people would have curious questions.
I don't recall really anybody making any rude messages or anything.
But when it came down to it,
I never wanted to push, I never wanted to meet them in person.
There are a few reasons - one, couldn't really drive until I was 20 so that was kind of out.
Two - it's meeting people off the internet which...
Well, my relationships were meeting people off the internet now.
But we have Webcams and stuff now and connections with other people
so we just kind of know, right?
We have a better understanding of how these things go.
And also it was just, what if I don't understand what these people are saying?
I didn't know any sign language back then when I was on these dating websites.
And even if they knew any, how was that going to help me
because I can't communicate that way or I couldn't communicate that way before.
And I would just get so anxious.
And there are a couple of other people that would message back
and be like, "Yeah, I'm not really sure how this would work either.
"I'm not opposed to it but yeah, it's just... "
So, I always felt really down about myself because of that.
So, that was the tough part.
But at the age of 23, I had my first relationship
meeting someone through YouTube and getting to know each other
and we worked together for almost three years
and yeah, I was a little bit awkward at first
but you know, some ASL was learnt
and you know, I started learning ASL as well in the beginning of that relationship.
Then I broke up with him
and at the time I was feeling ooh yes, I'm single,
I don't want to deal with any new relationship or any of that type of thing.
I wanted to find myself because I spent...
When I got into my first relationship was also when I was starting to do a little bit more,
started having that YouTube career,
public speaking, activism, writing, whatever.
I wanted to spend a little time being single
and try to figure out myself as just myself, not with a partner with me.
But also at the same time, at some point, I was thinking, what am I going to do?
It's feeling like I'm not going to find anybody ever again
and that sort of feeling was starting to come up.
And yeah, got a little bit paranoid.
I mean, people on the internet get comments all the time from viewers that are like,
"I would date you."
"I would marry you."
"Please marry me."
Blah, blah blah.
But we don't know you and that's also creepy.
So, that isn't... That's completely somewhere else.
I was just trying to find an actual connection with somebody.
It's not like I was near any deaf community.
Well yes, but the deaf community here, locally, is a little bit older.
(CHUCKLES) Like, older, older.
So, that wasn't going to work out.
And everybody else would be in Los Angeles and DC and Toronto,
and you know, I was here.
But lo and behold, met somebody,
because of a collaboration I did with someone else
and then we got to know each other through my streaming and whatever
and here we are again,
I'm in a new relationship with someone who does love me
and deafness is not an issue.
I mean yes, there are some complications that come with that
because he doesn't really sign yet.
He's got some fingerspelling down and whatnot.
It's a guy who loves me
and I don't have to worry about oh, my god, I'm too deaf,
I'm too disabled because I've got other disabilities for this relationship.
That's not a concern.
At the end of the day, in the beginning of the journey,
it was an issue.
I had lots of anxiety over it
and I felt like I was gonna die alone.
Now, I don't have them anymore.
There are people out there that don't want to date a disabled person,
don't want to date a deaf person.
My response to that is you don't want them anyway.
Move on, you will find someone else who isn't going to be about that kind of life.
So now I want to pass the question off to you, viewers,
whether you are let's see...
to make it more specific, disabled viewers.
Do you have a hearing or abled person as your partner?
Let me know how it is.
Let me know if you've felt the same feelings that I felt whether it be past tense or present.
And yeah, let's have a conversation about it.
Again, if you have a question to ask #GetToThePoynt hashtag on Twitter
your question might show up in a video.
As always, I very much appreciate you watching,
and I will see you later.
Bye.
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