Okay, so, hi everybody!
This is gonna be a super off-the-cuff kind of unorganized video.
Um, I told you in the last one that I am moving to a new place, and that I wasn't sure if
I was gonna be able to make a video again in the apartment that I live in right now.
Um, but that I was gonna try just because it would be kinda cool to do my 50th Letters
to an Asexual video in the apartment where I started them.
Of course, this isn't my 50th video.
I've done many other videos that are outside of this specific series.
But you know, it just seems like a cool round number.
Um, and, but anyway, I'm moving, like, tomorrow.
So, everything's kinda packed up.
I still have so much to do, but I just really wanted to get this in, so, um, I'm gonna tie
in my Letters video to the theme of this video.
First I'm gonna show you, uh, what's kinda going on in my house, here.
Um.
Everything's all packed up.
Like, the place behind this loveseat that you might've been used to seeing those posters
there, and all my stuff is gone.
My computer's still up, but I'll take that down in a little bit.
Um.
Wanna see a whole bunch of boxes?
Hopefully you won't get seasick here, but I'll stop pretty soon if this kinda thing
makes you seasick, the shaky cam.
Look at all this!
I've got boxes just about everywhere.
Oh my goodness.
Um.
Ahhh!
Look at all this nonsense.
Anyway, um.
Yeah, um.
So, I found a house.
I'm renting a house.
It's a three-bedroom, two-bath house with an extra room that's not a bedroom, but it
has a fireplace in it.
And uh, I'm gonna make it into, like, my baking nook or something, and that'll be awesome
to be able to have that.
And my living room is, like, ginormous.
So um, I'm gonna be able to have like a library and a music room and stuff.
It's gonna be kinda cool.
Ya know, um.
Heh.
Sorry for how, uh, awkward this is.
I'm trying to find a good place to sit so I don't have to deal with all the shaky cam-ness.
I hope you can see me.
I haven't checked, but I've filmed enough videos that I think I'm in the camera.
Okay.
Um.
So, Letters to an Asexual Number 50, I'm gonna do it about endings.
And, uh, I'm not ending this series, but the, uh, common idea associated with asexuality
is that it's a phase, and that one day we'll grow up or grow out of it.
We'll move on to a different label, and you know, a lot of people consider that to be
just a type of maturing, um, and they may assign us an immature life outlook if, you
know, we continue to identify as asexual, they'll act like that's by definition a, an
immature way of living your life, because you know, they just can't process the idea
that some people's adult lives and adult relationships do not involve what they think of as typical
relationships.
So, you know, um, but what that does is it leads to some asexual people who may be exploring
and uh, may have been using that label for a good long time, and then they realize it
doesn't fit them.
And I, I'm really tired right now and I just didn't have the energy to dig up an actual
letter to this effect, but I have received, um, several letters from asexual people who,
well, I guess I should correct myself and say they were people who identified as asexual
at one point in their lives who are considering changing their label and feeling like they
are gonna be considered a traitor for doing that.
Um, you know, as if they're going to be adding fuel to the fire for the people who insist
that asexuality is a phase, and that for them, it kinda was.
And uh, that is a legitimate fear.
You know, you never wanna come to a place in your life where, you know, a community
that treated you well and was a comfort to you when it described you, that you realize
it's not fitting you appropriately anymore.
And you feel like you're betraying them by, you know, using a term that works better for
you.
But um, what I wanna say is identity is complicated.
Identity is sometimes fluid.
Identity is sometimes more nuanced than we give it credit for.
And maturing for everyone is--is associated with becoming more aware of who you are and
tailoring your life to the extent that you can to fit that person that you became.
But none of us are, you know, exactly the same as we were when we were children, or
young adults if we're not young adults anymore.
You know, just, it's natural that we change from who we were.
But, um, my perspective is that you don't ever completely leave that behind.
It's not like you crack--you crack out of an egg and you leave the shell behind even
though the shell helped you develop into who you are and it's no longer part of you.
I feel like if you're "growing out of" something, if you're changing your mind on what you wanna
call yourself, that doesn't mean that it wasn't an appropriate label for you when you thought
it fit you.
And it's also true that that fed into an understanding of yourself that helped you find the next
step.
It wasn't completely useless.
Um, and you probably met some great people if you were involved with the communities.
Um, for a specific example, I knew someone who identified as asexual for many years,
was very active in a couple of communities, and then they were also a trans person and
after they went through a medical transition over some time, they realized, "You know,
now that my body is closer to matching what I perceive myself as and what I wanted it
to look like, I'm starting to feel, you know, more comfortable with how I present and who
I am, and it's led to a sort of confidence that has made me feel like 'hey, um, I may
actually be interested in, uh, having sexual relationships with other people, and I can
actually see myself in the role that, ya know, I always thought was impossible before.'"
And ya know, that doesn't mean that for the rest of us it's all about insecurity or having
body image problems or something like that, and it also doesn't mean that that trans person
was an inauthentic asexual person at that point in their life, they felt that that was
appropriate, and that was what they experienced.
That was the right term for it.
And like I said, identity is really complicated.
There isn't a place you can go to get the test and say "Are you asexual or are you not."
And even though it changes, it doesn't mean that over time, like, you would come up more
asexual or less asexual on a, on a, on a test you can take.
It's just, it's just not a thing.
Um, so, there is no objective way to determine "Hey, are you asexual or are you not."
And therefore, it's all subjective.
It's a subjective experience.
It's a subjective term.
And you know, that's one of the reasons that I get so irritated when, um, science bros
who don't really understand, uh, some of the finer nuances of asexual identity and the
study of sexuality and identity, like, really wanna put things in boxes, ya know, gender
and sexuality, they wanna say it's a dichotomy of, you know, you belong here or you belong
here and there's no in-between, there's no changing, ya know, either ya know, you're
lying about who you are or you're wrong about it or some--ya know, just people like that,
they're very hard-nosed about what it's okay to call yourself.
And, ya know, I've never understood that level of investment that they have in other people's
identity, but ultimately it is, it's subjective.
It's SUPPOSED to be.
It's all about how you feel.
And it's a word for how you feel, so it should be something that CAN change without shame.
Um, so, first of all if you're an asexual person and you have questioned whether you're
really asexual and you've come to the conclusion that you really are, you're not less asexual
for having questioned it.
And if you're on the other side of that coin and you identified as asexual and then some
things have happened that make you doubt that or make you think "maybe I should explore
some other options," that's perfectly okay too.
And the rest of us are not gonna treat you like a traitor.
Uh, at least, you shouldn't treat people like that.
Um, I think that the community of asexual people by and large is an accepting community
that will encourage people to explore their identity whatever it is.
Um, it's not like you reach that conclusion that you're asexual, then you just stop thinking
about it.
We all continue living.
We all continue learning.
So, it's, uh, it's inevitable that some of us would, uh, maybe reconsider it.
And you know, it's not like there aren't straight people who realize later in their lives that
they aren't straight.
It happens frequently, but it's not like there's ever any campaign or focused smear tactic,
uh, associated with making it seem like straight people shouldn't be believed about their identity
'cause they might end up becoming something else.
It doesn't make them less legitimate overall.
And individuals who make those changes are not less legitimate either.
So um, anyway, I just, I, I, I've also seen, um, this is a complicated one, uh, that I
may have mentioned before, there was a person who said that they had been diagnosed as autistic
and that they no longer felt comfortable calling themselves asexual after they found out that
they were dignos--diagnosed as autistic.
And, like I said, it's complicated, 'cause there are plenty of asexual people who are
also autistic, I mean you can be both, and not feel like one thing is causing the other,
although some people feel that it is sort of a subgroup of their autistic experiences
if they're autistic.
But that's completely that person's prerogative to say, you know, "I feel like I'm asexual
because I'm autistic," ya know, it's allowed.
And if that person feels that "asexual" is an inappropriate term for them now, then they
can stop using it if it's making them uncomfortable.
But it doesn't mean they HAVE to, it doesn't mean that they're no longer an accurate representation
of the orientation.
And it also doesn't mean that they're embarrassing the rest of us or something, like, that's
kinda what the person had expressed is that, um, they were afraid that they were gonna
feed into a stereotype that asexual people are autistic or have developmental disorders
or something like that, and that if in their case it happened to be true, then they would
be contributing to damaging beliefs about asexual people.
But there just--there's so many ways to be asexual.
And there's so many ways to come to different conclusions after you use that for a while.
Who you were when you identified as asexual is still gonna be part of who you are even
if you don't.
And uh, it's certainly going to give you a, an insider perspective of what it's like to
be in this community, what it's like to be reacted to as a member of society identifying
as asexual.
You'll always have a special perspective on that, and that's also valuable, so um, I,
I heard a story of somebody who identified as a lesbian for many many many years, and
then when she was middle aged she realized that actually she was romantically attracted
to women, uh, which is still something that would allow people to call themselves a lesbian
if they chose to use that term, but um, that they were an asexual lesbian, and they said
it was actually harder to come out as asexual than it was to come out as lesbian, just for
that particular person at that particular time, because it was less known at the time
that she was talking about coming out to her relatives, and also she had this other stigma
to deal with where they had all gotten used to her saying she was a lesbian, and now she
was saying she's sort of this modified version of it, they don't know what to think.
They're thinking she's just like changing up the game or something.
But um, we should always be open to understanding people, um, with more information that they're
giving us, not clinging to previous definitions that WE think fit them better, or that WE
are more comfortable with.
Um, it's all about being able to communicate with each other.
Being able to share with other people what we're feeling, and being able to talk about
those things if we need to.
And uh, that's, that's really important.
Terminology is very important.
Labels are important.
I'm not one of those people who says, like, "Well just forget about labels 'cause we're
all human."
Ya know, that just, it just makes it meaningless, because things that exist have words, and
it's good to have a word for it if that's what you're experiencing and you're feeling
alone.
Anyway, um.
My ukulele's over there.
I think I will play you guys a song, sort of as a goodbye-to-this-apartment serenade.
Yeah.
I dunno if this is in the way.
Let's see.
Um.
I'm gonna play a song about, uh, the way things endure despite that they change, which is
by one of my favorite artists, Rebecca Sugar, so hopefully this won't be too embarrassing.
I'm super tired, so uh, I hope you'll enjoy my tired voice.
♪ Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting, ♪
♪ right there where you left it, lying upside-down. ♪
♪ ♪ When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded, ♪
♪ the underside is lighter when you turn it around. ♪
♪ Everything stays, right where you left it. ♪
♪ Everything stays, but it still changes. ♪
♪ Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, ♪
♪ in little ways, when everything stays. ♪
♪ La da da da da da, la da da da da da, ♪
♪ la da da da da da, lada la da da. ♪
♪ La da, la da da da, la da da da da la, ♪
♪ la da da da da, la da da da da. ♪
♪ Everything stays, right where you left it. ♪
♪ Everything stays, but it still changes. ♪
♪ Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, ♪
♪ in little ways, when everything stays. ♪
♪ Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, ♪
♪ in little ways, when everything stays. ♪
Thanks for watching me for ten years or however long I've been doing these videos,
and I'll see you guys in my new house.
Thanks.
For more infomation >> Dự Đoán xổ số An Giang hôm nay XSAG 28/9 - Bạch thủ lô xổ số AG 28-9-2017 - Duration: 4:01. 
For more infomation >> An app that aims to reduce smartphone addiction? Yes, such a thing exists - Duration: 2:19. 
For more infomation >> EXPLORE UK // SNOWDONIA - AN EPIC WEEKEND - Duration: 6:20. 
For more infomation >> Episode 15: CÁCH TẬP MỚI CỦA TÔI | Ngày 18: Ngực vs Xô Lưng | An Nguyen Fitness - Duration: 32:25. 
For more infomation >> Soy Luna - Ambar lügt Luna und Simon an [S2E78] Deutsche Untertitel Einschalten - Duration: 2:01. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét