So I I had the chance to meet with some of the kids in the program today
where are you scream out there you go I love those kids and so I thought I would
do cuz they gave me a little bit of time to say whatever I want is offer you a
little bit of some observations for your future I have five little rules that you
can follow as you find your spark and bring your spark to life the first is to
go after the things that you want let me tell you a story so a friend of mine and
I we went for a run in Central Park the Roadrunners organization on the weekends
they host races and it's very common at the end of the race they'll have a
sponsor who will give away something apples or bagels or something and on
this particular day when we got to the end of the run there were some free
bagels and they had picnic tables set up and on one side was a group of
volunteers on the table were boxes of bagels and on the other side was a long
line of runners waiting to get their free bagel so I said to my friend let's
let's get a bagel and he looked at me and said that lines too long and I said
free bagel and he said I don't want to wait in line and I was like free bagel
and he says not let's it's too long and that's when I realized that there's two
ways to see the world some people see the thing that they want and some people
see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want I could
only see the bagels he could only see the line and so I
walked up to the line I leaned in between two people put my hand in the
box and pulled out two bagels and no one got mad at me because the rule is you
can go after whatever you want you just cannot deny anyone else to go
after whatever they want now I had to sacrifice choice I didn't
get to choose which bagel I got I got what
ever I pulled out but I didn't have to wait in line so the point is is you
don't have to wait in line you don't have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can break the rules you just can't get in
the way of somebody else getting what they want
that's rule number one rule number two I like this one in the 18th century there
was something that spread across Europe and eventually made its way to America
where opal fever also known as the Black Death of childbed basically what was
happening is women were giving birth and they would die within 48 hours after
giving birth this Black Death of childbirth was the ravage of Europe and
it got worse and worse and worse over the course of over a century in some
hospitals it was as high as 70 percent of women who gave birth who would die as
a result of giving birth but this was the Renaissance this was the time of
empirical data and science and we had thrown away things like tradition and
mysticism these were men of science these were doctors and these doctors and
men of science wanted to study and try and find the reason for this black death
of childbed and so they got to work studying and they would study the
corpses of the of the women who had died and in the morning they would conduct
autopsies and then in the afternoon they would go and deliver babies and finish
their rounds and it wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s that dr.
Oliver Wendell Holmes father of Supreme Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
realized that all of these doctors who conducting autopsies in the morning
weren't washing their hands before they delivered babies in the afternoon and he
pointed it out and said guys you're the problem
and they ignored him and called him crazy for 30 years
until finally somebody realized that if they simply washed their hands it would
go away and that's exactly what happened when they started sterilizing their
instruments and washing their hands the black death of childbed disappeared my
point is the lesson here is sometimes you're the problem
we've seen this happen all too recently with our new men of science and
empirical studies and these men of finance who are smarter than the rest of
us until the thing collapsed and they blamed everything else except themselves
and my point is is take accountability for your actions you can take all the
credit in the world for the things that you do right as long as you also take
responsibility for the things you do wrong it must be a balanced equation you
don't get it one way and not the other you get to take credit when you also
take accountability that's lesson 2 lesson 3 take care of each other the
United States Navy SEALs are perhaps the most elite warriors in the world and one
of the seals was asked who makes it through the selection process who is
able to become a seal and his answer was I can't tell you the kind of person that
becomes a seal I can't tell you the kind of person that makes it through buds but
I can tell you the kind of people who don't become seals
he says the guys that show up with huge bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
want to prove to the world how tough they are none of them make it through
he said the preening leaders who like to delegate all their responsibilities and
never do anything themselves none of them make it through
he said the star college athletes who've never really been tested to the core of
their being none of them make it through he says some of the guys that make it
through her skinny and scrawny he said some of the guys
that make it through you will see them shivering out of fear he says however
all the guys that make it through when they find themselves physically spent
emotionally spent when they have nothing left to give physically or emotionally
somehow someway they are able to find the energy to dig down deep inside
themselves to find the energy to help the guy next to them they become seals
he said you want to be an elite warrior it's not about how tough you are it's
not about how smart you are it's not about how fast you are if you want to be
an elite warrior you better get really really good at
helping the person to the left of you and helping the person to the right of
you because that's how people advance in the world
the world is too dangerous in the world is too difficult for you to think that
you can do these things alone if you find your spark I commend you now who
you gonna ask for help and when are you gonna accept help when it's offered
learn that skill learn by practicing helping each other it'll be the single
most valuable thing you ever learn in your entire life to accept help when
it's offered and to ask for it when you know that you can't do it the amazing
thing is when you learn to ask for help you'll discover that there are people
all around you who've always wanted to help you they just didn't think you
needed it because you kept pretending that you had everything under control
and the minute you say I don't know what I'm doing I'm stuck I'm scared I don't
think I can do this you will find that lots of people who love you will rush in
and take care of you but that'll only happen if you learn to take care of them
first
lesson four Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the
leadership world because he is universally regarded as a great leader
you can take other personalities and depending on the nation you go to we
have different opinions about other personalities but Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a great leader he was actually the son of
a tribal chief and he was asked one day how did you learn to be a great leader
and he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father would meet with other elders one they
would always sit in a circle and to his father was always the last to speak you
will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen I would say that
you need to learn to be the last to speak I see it in boardrooms every day
of the week even people who consider themselves good leaders who may actually
be decent leaders will walk into a room and say here's the problem here's what I
think but I'm interested in your opinion let's go around the room it's too late
the skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does
two things one it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard it
give me gives everyone else too the ability to feel that they have
contributed and two you get the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to
think before you render your opinion the skill is really to keep your opinions to
yourself if you agree with somebody don't nod yes if you disagree with
somebody don't nod no simply sit there take it all in and the only thing you're
allowed to do is ask questions so that you can understand what they mean and
why they have the opinion that they have you must understand from where they are
speaking why they have the opinion they have not just what they are saying
and at the end you will get your turn it sounds easy it's not practice being
the last to speak that's what Nelson Mandela did number
three number five this Monty Python one two five three four all the other nerds
in the audience there's one number five my favorite one of all true story
there was a former Undersecretary of Defense who was invited to give a speech
at a large conference about a thousand people and he was standing on the stage
with his cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup giving his prepare to March with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he went off-script
and he said you know last year I spoke at this exact same conference last year
I was still the undersecretary and when I spoke here last year they flew me here
business class and when I arrived at the airport there was somebody waiting for
me to take me to my hotel and they took me to my hotel and they had already
checked me in and they just took me up to my room and the next morning I came
downstairs and there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they drove
me to this here same venue they took me through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a copy cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup
he says I'm no longer the undersecretary a flew here coach I took a taxi to my
hotel and I checked myself in when I came down the lobby this morning I took
another taxi to this venue I came in the front door and found my way backstage
and when I asked someone do you have any coffee he pointed to the coffee machine
in the corner and I poured myself a cup of coffee into this here Styrofoam cup
he says the lesson is the ceramic cup was never meant
me it was meant for the position I held I deserve a Styrofoam cup remember this
as you gain Fame as you gain fortune as you gain position and seniority people
will treat you better they will hold doors open for you they will get you a
cup of tea and coffee without you even asking they will call you sir and ma'am
and they will give you stuff none of that stuff is meant for you that stuff
is meant for the position you hold it is meant for the level that you have
achieved of leader or success or whatever you want to call it but you
will always deserve a Styrofoam cup remember that remember that lesson of
humility and gratitude you can accept all the free stuff you can accept all
the perks absolutely you can enjoy them but just be grateful for them and know
that they're not for you I remember getting off the Acela I took the Acela
from New York to Washington DC and I got off the train like everybody else and I
was walking down the platform like everyone else and I walked past general
norty Schwartz who used to be the chief of staff of the United States Air Force
the head of the Air Force and here I did you see a guy in a suit slapping his own
suitcase down the platform just like me and just a couple months ago he was
flying on private jets and a tan entourage and other people carried his
luggage but he no longer held the position and somehow he got to drag his
own suitcase and never did it sort of remind me more that none of us deserve
the perks that we get we all deserve a Styrofoam cup it was a pleasure meeting
you guys this afternoon I was blown away by your honesty and your curiosity and
your poise and I am confident that the future is bright despite the fact that
America looks like an absolute mess right now I am confident that the future
is bright for one reason and one reason only because you will grow up and you
will be our future thank you very very much guys you're
wonderful
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