so how do you deal with an anxious person whenever you come across them
today I want to help you with that and teach you six critical questions that
you can ask an anxious person so that they can actually overcome the
problematic situation that they're in change their frame of mind and become
more confident about themselves I don't know if I'll be able to do it can I
really overcome this but what if I fail I don't know if things will ever go my
way anxious people are all around us and it's important to recognize that they
need help and that's why if we frame things right if we help them out they
can overcome their anxiety today I'm going to break down exactly what you
need to know about anxiety how do people start feeling anxious in the first place
how can we help them and how can they overcome their problems keeping all of
this stuff in mind let's start off with the most important thing why do people
feel anxious well let's realize one thing that people who
are anxious are always thinking about the worst-case scenario they are either
pessimists they're sad depressed people who are you know fearful of the smallest
of things often this is a learned majority of the time it's learned and
sometimes it's something that we are traumatized by due to something in the
past anxiety provoking thoughts can dominate our mind and cause us to not
see the bigger picture or see any possibilities so keep that in mind every
time you're dealing with an anxious person this person is always imagining
the worst-case scenario and often this can be very hard to be around especially
I mean if you're someone who's not doesn't have an affinity for being
around anxious people or you don't like having that energy drawn out of you it
can be really problematic so imagine that it's really
to be around these people and it's also very debilitating for them which is why
if we help them out and make them see different possibilities on how they can
come out of the situation that can be super powerful for them so that's
essentially why someone feels anxious someone feels anxious because of the
fact that they have learned it they have learned to not deal with the situation
they have learned not to take action I'd like to reframe this for you and
make it simpler to understand by putting forth an example think of it like a
student who is bound to take an exam at the end of the year at the start of the
year the student knows that hey I need to write an exam what do some people do
well the smart ones are the front benchers usually start preparing from
the very start of the year and what do some other people do the average
students they start maybe a month before the examination and of course the the so
called last benchers who do not really perform well someone like me they
typically study in the last moment you know we have like two days before the
exam sometimes people start studying the day of the exam and unfortunately the
performance curve usually is in reference to that and you realize that
everyone starts on the same level when they begin however how the situation
frames itself later on is based on what each person is doing so the person who
scores the highest marks typically starts from day one they are preparing
themselves and what happens to them they are confident about themselves they are
sure of themselves and they are confident about the fact that they have
studied and they can ace the exam come what may the person who is average on
the other hand is thinking hey how can i overcome this oh okay let me be a little
more careful and let me study so this person starts maybe a month before the
final examination and the last one he doesn't really think too much about it
hey the exams are going to come and then you will deal with the situation when it
does come by and this person usually feels the most
anxiety compared to anyone else think of it like this it's something of a picture
a picture frame that you can draw as you see fit but it's behind you now this
picture frame grows as a problem based on how much amount of time that you
choose not to spend on it now if I space it this way and I don't see the problem
that's behind me the problem continually grows as I come closer to the exam and I
ignore it now I know that as things are moving forward there is something that I
need to actually do I need to deal with the problem but ok now I see that
there's a problem that I need to do but I just don't want to do anything about
it until it reaches a point where it goes above your head this is the
situation with most people who face anxiety because they do not take action
soon enough that's when it creates problems for them so if you or you know
anyone who is unable to do this make sure that they take action every single
time that they want to prevent a futuristic problem situations go out of
hand because we fail to act and if we do act on time then anxiety can be
prevented ok so what do you do now in case you haven't been able to do that
it's simple you need to understand that you have to work through the anxiety you
need to face the problem you need to confront yourself bring that problem in
front of you and then face the issue at hand the unfortunate situation is that
most people tend to ignore it for so long that it seems so daunting and when
you actually confront them with the problem it's so huge and so daunting
that you know imagine you haven't touched your books for an entire year
and now it's time to study for the exam and once you are confronted with the
problem it just creates so much anxiety that you can't study and you can't
really do anything about the situation that you're in these are the issue
and what happens you create a vicious cycle where you're always thinking about
the worst case scenario you're always being dominated by what could go wrong
and you fail to see the possibilities in the end keeping all of this in mind
don't worry about it if you know someone who is doing things
this way either prevent it or do what I'm about to say ask them these six
critical questions and I promise you that you can help them come out of their
anxiety and this works even if the person is sad depressed facing an
anxiety disorder or just has some general anxiousness or is being
triggered by something that provokes a little bit of fear or anxiousness all of
this stuff works if you use it effectively I promise you that this will
work just follow these steps number one question to them is you ask an anxious
person what exactly is your concern notice how I am trying to get it across
to them number one exactly when I ask them exactly what they are thinking
about it tries to narrow down their focus to what the problem actually is
people often think about multiple possibilities can I deal with this in
the first place so many thoughts pictures and things are going on in
their head that they cannot deal with the problem but when you ask them to
narrow down their focus and find out exactly what they are thinking about
then they can deal with the problem so what exactly are you so concerned about
remember that if you want them to see possibilities you need to make sure that
you give them time someone who is emotionally provoked is feeling anxiety
they have the survival mechanism running long time I mean their cortisol levels
are really high they're extremely stressed out you don't want to create a
frame where you come off as standoffish and you're trying to get through the
problem very quickly give them a little bit of time so that they can actually
deal with the problem that's the first thing
to ask them exactly what they're concerned about set the tone of the
conversation and give them enough time make sure it's in a safe environment so
that you can talk to them in a more convenient fashion which will allow them
to open up to you that's the first thing so ask them exactly what they're worried
about number two realize that we want to
understand their worst case scenario make it come out and let them see it for
themselves so the question is what can we do to prevent this worst case
scenario that you have just mentioned now let's say it's a student who has to
give his exam in some time the student is extremely worried and believes that
he or she is going to fail however that thought can be a very daunting thing in
their mind but we want to bring it out so that they see it for themselves that
the worst-case scenario was the worst thing that could happen is that I'm
going to fail once they see it like that or once you frame it for them like that
that that's the worst thing that could happen yeah I'm going to fail so what
people fail all the time so how you frame things is also important so frame
it in this way and ask them what is the worst-case scenario and how can we
prevent it after you have done that again you want them to start seeing more
possibilities and that's where question number three comes in question number
three goes like this what are all of the hurdles impeding factors and problematic
considerations that you need to keep in mind if you're going to deal with the
situation so actually make them list all of these things let them become aware of
it okay someone who is writing an example what's the issue that they need
to face okay I don't have study time I do not have enough knowledge I need to
be tutored by somebody I don't really understand these concepts I'm not very
confident about the fact that I can score the marks that I want to so many
variables to consider but make them say it ask them to bring it
out I would go so far as to say make them write it down make them list all of
these things and once they have it on paper they realize that it's not that
big a deal and once they start doing this they start to dilute the problem
they dilute all of the negative outcomes that may happen and at the same time
they have an option of seeing the different possibilities that can
actually come out so having said that you want to make a list of all of these
things and then frame it moving forward about seeing possibilities or allow them
to see possibilities moving ahead so for that you need to move into question
number four question number four is very interesting because question number four
is going to help them see the different possibilities or at least see one
possibility to start off with and you ask them so what exactly can we do to
improve the situation is there a possibility that you see coming out of
this so once you ask them this question what happens is they see what exactly
can be done and remember that it has to come from them what can they do in order
to alleviate this concern when you say it it really doesn't mean anything
that's why suggestions aren't always going to be the best thing for them
because they are concerned about what they can do you want to be empowering
them throughout this entire process keeping that in mind frame it in the way
that I just said that what is your concern and how do you think that we can
alleviate this concern right now what possibility do you see and once you say
that immediately they start thinking more positively about the situation when
it comes from you it means nothing or it means something to them however
when it comes from them especially an anxious person it means everything keep
that in mind move into question number five question number five is
very simple ask them this based on the current situation do you think that
things will repeat themselves as they have in the past the exact same way
again we're looking for specificity we want them to be specific about their
response because they think about so many possibilities about how things have
gone wrong in the past and now that they cannot correct it in future that's the
whole problem frame it in a way that they see that hey this situation is
different this time things are going to be different this time I am going to
conquer this time I am going to correct the situation I am going to do things
differently that's the kind of framework that you
want to create for them so ask them this question do you see this situation that
is going to happen right now repeating itself exactly the way it did in the
past and if you've done all of the other four or five questions right the last
question will become a breeze they will bring it out themselves a lot more
easily but again remember that an anxious person typically takes a lot of
time to come out and to open up it's a matter of trust it's a matter of opening
up to the right person lot of things to consider and that's where question
number six comes in if you've done everything right what could go right
what could go right this time it's a matter of practicing optimism I have
spoken about this in a previous video about the success triangle and how today
if we are going to become more emotionally intelligent people we need
to exercise optimism remember that someone who is anxious is also typically
going to be a pessimistic person someone who thinks negatively or doesn't see
possibilities however someone who exercises optimism who does it on a
frequent basis always sees possibilities you want them to see possibilities too
so ask them the question what could go right and as they keep doing this
constantly seeing that hey these are the different possibilities that I have at
my disposal when they see the options that they put forth in themselves the
positive results that they want to see are
to be so much more likely it's so important all of this has so much to do
with framing and asking these questions not only framing them in the right way
in the sense that how you actually word them across but also the way you say
them so many things to consider that's why watching all of the these
videos and also bringing all of this content together is so important so ask
them all six of these questions spend time with an anxious person make them
realize that they can overcome the situation but remember frame it so that
it comes from them because when it comes from you it means something or nothing
but when it comes from them or it means everything it means everything to them
and they will thank you for it once you help them out so keep all of this in
mind ask them the six questions I would say mildly nudge someone who is anxious
do not push them or pressurize them into doing something once you bring them to
that state then they come to a state or a sense of power and confidence and once
they learn the skill of how to overcome their anxiousness you need to make it a
habit for them make sure that they have everything laid out for themselves
that everything is clear and I promise you that they will overcome their
anxiety work with all of this let me know down in the comment section below
if this works for you is there someone who is anxious in your life that you've
been struggling to help ask them these questions and let me know if it works
for you down in the comments hit the like button if you found this video
useful if this is your first time here remember that we are dedicated on this
channel towards making you the best version of yourself and having you
perform like a champion in every single area of your life that's my goal I want
to make your year awesome 20-19 is going to be your year and every year beyond
that we are going to keep going and making you better that's the goal if
you're looking for stuff like that remember subscribe hit bell
notifications watch the entire playlist that I have made 52 different kinds of
people that we need to cover and we need to talk about
so that you can deal more effectively with different people across the
spectrum of your life I want to help you out with all of this all through
psychology all through science this is Vikram signing off and I will see you in
the next session
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