-How does one decide
whether one should or should not have premarital sex
and does it prepare us for a better marital life?
Sadhguru: See, different people are made differently.
This happened.
There was a little turtle, baby turtle.
With great difficulty,
it climbed up a tree,
went and sat on the edge of a branch and jumped.
Fell flat on the ground.
Again it took another twenty-four hours
for it to slowly climb,
get to that branch, again
jump, again fell flat.
Like this, it… day after day, it was doing.
Then there were two birds in the opposite tree.
They were sitting there,
and among themselves they shook their head and said,
"I think it's time we tell him he's adopted"
(Laughter).
For everybody, we are trying to draw the same prescription.
This's not going to work.
Because I've seen… you know, everyday I'm meeting thousands of people,
they are… pour their problems on me, all kinds of stuff.
What I see is, all these people
who talked about great amount of freedom,
when it comes to their personal lives,
after thirty-forty years of marriage
– not two, three years,
after thirty years of marriage
– still what the wife did, or the husband did
thirty-five years ago, still point of conflict (Laughs).
Have you seen or no?
Participants: Yes.
Sadhguru: You have also seen?
So when you know this is the state of human mind,
you must know what to do and what not to do (Laughs).
It is not…
It is not a question of morality.
It's a question of what kind of life do you want to craft for yourself.
It's about that.
Is it a morality?
Is it that nobody should get into anything,
or everybody should get into something –
there's no such thing.
What kind of life are you wanting to craft for yourself?
A kind of life
where your relationships mean really binding yourself
in such a way that
truly you can depend on yourself,
or it's like visiting restaurants every day
you want to taste something new and see.
But you could get very unhealthy with that.
There are some people who stick to their home food,
though it tastes about the same every day.
But those people are generally healthy, isn't it?
(Laughs)?
This is not…
I am not trying to teach you a moral class,
I am not a moral class person,
but these kind of things are happening in the society
– people are trying to draw prescriptions,
"Everybody must do this, otherwise you are no good!"
Or, "Everybody should not do it
otherwise you are no good!"
No, that's not the way.
There was a time,
in this culture and in every culture,
by the time a girl is fifteen or sixteen, she was married.
By the time a boy is seventeen or eighteen,
he was married.
Now, because of our education systems
and professional requirements,
and society has changed,
everything has changed,
because of that,
average marriage age for girls is around
twenty-four in this country, right now.
And for boys, it's crossing twenty-eight, thirty.
The peak of hormonal impact on human life is somewhere between fifteen to thirty.
After that it's not the same thing.
So, this is at least something we must debate,
but we should not be hasty to draw a conclusion,
"This is the way, that is the way."
We must give enough awareness to people
that they don't get into something compulsively,
which they regret later.
If consciously, if people see that
"This is the way I want to craft my life,"
that's up to the individual,
but there is no common prescription.
There should never be a common prescription.
Because individual requirements are very different.
Moderator: Sadhguru, my next question for you is,
why can't one husband be with multiple women,
and one woman or a wife can be with multiple husband
in today's society among consenting adults?
And what impact do these people have
when they involve in such relationships?
Sadhguru: Well, there are many aspects…
Historically you know there has been a Draupadi
who had five husbands, all right?
There is…
This has been a matriarchal society
where in many parts of the country
- even today in some parts of the country,
it's still practiced that
five brothers are married to one woman.
These things were done at a certain time
when the social situations were such,
or men were married to many more…
I mean more than one woman,
this was mainly because
men died more often than women.
Today both men and women are outside,
both may get killed,
that's different but at that time,
largely woman stayed home
because she was continuously pregnant.
From the age of fourteen to forty-five, fifty
she's almost all the time
either she's pregnant or she has a young child.
This is how life used to be.
So because of that, she stayed home and
she took care of the property and the agriculture and stuff.
Man went out to do business,
or for war, or for something else he went out.
So men always died more often.
So generally in most societies in the past,
the number of men was much less than
the number of women – always.
This has been the state all across the world.
So, naturally when so many women were there,
they needed care and they needed support in the society,
and those days a woman could not exist by herself
unless she's protected by a male partner,
it would be very difficult for her to exist by herself
because she would be exploited in so many different ways.
So, always they attached themselves,
so naturally a man ended up having two, three women
because the population ratio was like that.
But now largely it's leveled out.
If some individual does it, it's not a issue.
But if that becomes a social norm,
then how do you decide
somebody has whatever, multiple wives,
and how do you decide somebody has no wife?
This will become a social,
you know, collision, it will become.
It'll become lot of problems in the society,
because we may act civilized
- I'm…
I'm very particular,
I'm very clear about saying "we act civilized,"
but when we are denied basic things that we need,
all our civilization evaporates and
we will behave… behave like animals.
Yes or no?
Participants: Yes!
Sadhguru: So, when fundamentals are denied
people will go clashing,
so that's not going to work in today's world.
And above all,
the woman's condition will become very bad.
Those days there was no dearth,
if you had land it was okay,
you had five wives it doesn't matter,
you had twenty-five acres it was good enough,
everybody ate well and that's about it.
But today our requirements are not just about eating,
it's about many things.
So that kind of thing will lead to
lot of complicated situations in the society.
It's better to stick one on one,
and
anyway forever people have been doing their own things
beyond the legal relationships,
things have been happening in the societies.
That involves a certain risk,
somebody who is willing to take that risk,
that's for them,
but others will live within the legal format,
it's a balanced society.
If you are asking this question in a more existential way
– well… see,
this (Referring to oneself)...
this is a certain framework
of… not just of bone, and muscle, and flesh,
there is a certain energy framework,
only because of that, it takes in a certain form.
See, if you eat mangoes every day
and let's say a cow eats mangoes every day,
at some point will you or the cow get confused
whether you're a cow or a human being?
Or will the cow get confused?
Such a thing never happens
because there is a clear cut inner framework
to which flesh and blood is added,
but there is a framework,
an evolutionary memory framework is there,
it never gets broken, isn't it?
So, in this framework…
how strong you keep this framework,
how much integrity is there to this energy framework
will determine many things about your life,
many aspects of your life.
Especially if you want to
raise this life to another level of function,
it's very important you maintain this integrity.
This is why irrespective of which religion, which spiritual process,
if people want to raise themselves to a certain point,
first thing they will talk about is becoming monks
or bramacharis or sanyasis,
because the idea is to create such a level of integrity that
this is a whole life by itself
that it doesn't lean on anything else for support.
Either for physical well-being,
or emotional well-being,
or psychological companionship,
it doesn't lean on anything,
it stands by itself
because you want to take it somewhere else.
If you want normal function,
these things are not necessary.
Now, you want to become a rocket,
which breaks through a certain dimension of space,
now you need to be in a different level of force and integrity,
otherwise it will crack up.
So, you don't want to open your body to anything,
and especially opening to multiple partners has its own negativity in that context.
How much pain and.. you look at Draupadi's life,
how much volatility, how much pain,
how much suffering
she went through in her life, and
how much pain and suffering she caused
because of her anger, and jealousy, and whatever else.
So, these things happen for a variety of reasons,
you can't blame everything on that one aspect,
but that aspect also has a… a say in these aspects
because you are opening up your memory body,
your energy… energetic body
which is essentially ruled by memory to variety of memories
– this will cause a whole lot of turmoil within the system
which could affect
that life and many other lives.
So, Draupadi's life is in a way a sample for that.
It's not an absolute... this is not an absolute,
but this has an influence.
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