(Whapoosh!!) TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA LADDIES! I'm Jack-a-boy-man, and-
Welcome back to "South Park: the Fractured But Whole!" 'Kay. We're chasing Classi, Classi with an "i".
You know where the L is fucking the A-S-S, and the I is a little penis? I don't know! Can't remember,
There's alotta shit goin' on.
Uhh- The game broke here last time, The game- uh- froze.
Okay! We're movin' on. Nice. It's not frozen this time. It didn't- it didn't crash or anything.
I should really check my- hold on a second,
I know I should be chasing her,
but I should really be checking my artifacts to make sure that I am as strong as I can be
Uhh.. What does this do? "Forged in the mines of S'moors. A powerful Artifact that gave life to a beer drunk Randy."
Okay, so this one does that... this one... This is 16% umm-
what's it called? Status effect damage, but this does /knock/ back damage.
35% knock back damage and ultimate recovery. Ooh
Mmm, okay, maybe not that one. Maybe I can put in a better one here. Yes! Here we go.
Uhh... Yeah. The knock back and the ultimate recovery. Eighty might! Okay. We are stronger than we've ever been!
Okay, cool. Umm- I'm just gonna check around here for a sec...
"Management"... that's locked, okay... I (unintelligible)I got diabetes. Okay. LeT'S GO!
Okay. 'Scuse me ladies!
Ugh- Gross
D-don't- don't stop me! Don't-!
Oh-
...do I have to?
Dance?
Okay, nice. I like it. Umm...
Okay, Imma just set you on fire. Is that okay? Are-are-are you fine with that?
Imma set you on fire lady!
She's fine with that!
How dare you?! (laughing) "Fuchsia." Oh God, is she gonna fart on me?
OH- God- no! she's just fucking- she's TWERKIN' on me! That's illegal, sir! I'm calling the police!
Umm-
'Kay. Imma /fuck/ you up, okay?
Urragh-
Buah!
Buh-Bum!
Ohh...
Okay.
Nice, right, so we gotta get to the other end. This is perfect for Captain A-Diabetes!
(copying the DJ) "Esmeralda"...
Imma confuse them! IS THAT GOOD?
I'm confusing them! Oh god it fucking straight up killed her! (laughs)
Yes, please.
Rrrgh!
Puh- Pew!
Fffuck yeah!
Okay- Hup!
I really, wish it was- I really wish it was /my/ turn... as... my guy.
Shit- if I had pressed "a" twice that time I would have been perfect. 'kay, here we go.
FLAME ON!
Yeah, take that!
Oh- I'm sure she can smash a lot more than that between her thighs! She looks like she can fuckin' break a windscreen of car!
(With lisp) DIABETES POWER!!!
(continued lisp) Let's see if you are some match for the power of candy corn!
Get him Scott! I mean Captain!
Fuck yeah.
Okay, that didn't really do a whole lot of damage to /her/... Oh... I don't want that.
THAT'S IT!!
GETOUTTAHERE! Yeah, dawg! Do it!
Mess with her shit!
(giggles)
Boo- Boota-
B-Boo- "Bootay"?
Oh-
Daaaamn!
Oh- Mama! OH- Jesus!
Please don't, I would rather not- DESIST!
DESIST!!
Fffuckin' hell! Okay.
Yeah, I'm legitimately terrified right now.
Okay, so I gotta keep going that way, or she'll destroy me. Okay. Got it. "When this meter fills up, Spontaneous-a-Bootay-
will interrupt the current turn and attack immediately."
If you go fuck yourself... then maybe /I/ won't have to do any of that! [...] Hey- come on! I damaged you before!
Oh!
Oh- I didn't kill her. I thought- I thought I killed her- Oh I DID kill her! Nice!
Bootay- NO!
Bootay- stOP IT! Okay. I gotta get my lil' dude out of here. [...] Towlie- what?!
Towlie- GET OUTIE!
SHOO! SHOO! Towlie- SHOO!
Oh- Fuck. (x2)
Why can't I attack with my other dude yet?
Oh shit- per meter goes up /naturally/. I thought it was going up /per tern/.
Oh- fuck, she's already here
Ohh-
OHH!
Owwww-! FFFUCK me!
She's infinite health??
Aw- fuck me man, this sucks! I thought her thing with turn based, not just-
Uh oh.
Her thing is just time-based!
This fucking sucks! Don't knock me back! Don- ahh you son of a bitch. (deep announcer voice) "Ultimate Ready!"
Okay, can I not just do my attack?
My poor dude! He's already dead! Oh god... He's- okay, He's still there. I thought he was just crushed to death.
Wait! It was my turn!!
What is this fucking bullshit?
It was my turn and I had ultimate ready, okay, I have to do this one just to get out of the way
FFFUCK Yeah!
Captain diabetes, what a captain destroyer!
Oh- thank fuckin' Jesus!
Oh- God- I Thought Bootay was gonna destroy the shit out of us! You saw that! It was my turn
And then all of sudden Bootay showed up, and then- Whatever. We're out.
I'm not the cops.
(Laughing)
(More Jack-a-boy laughs)
(Throw some giggles in the mix)
Oh that was awesome!
Get into Buca de Faggochini. Okay- I- what? H-how do I- how do I get in?
(copying Scott) "RRAAGE"
Do it Scott Malkinson, I've got diabetes.
Oh- It's not working, is it?
Shit!
Damnit.
Rest up easy, buddy, rest up.
Oh- Fuck.
SCOTT MALKINSON NOO! Captain Diabetes..
Welp :/
Uuhhm...uhhh...
Hey!
Uh- He's dead.
-Sucks in breath-
Welp-
D-do I have- Do I have to craft tex-mex?
I-is that what you're telling me? "Consumables." I- uhh, don't have any tex-mex... revive serums!
Gotta make those!
Uhh- Let's make some more burritos?
Just cause I can...
Hm.
"Girding Chains"? "a Fanny-" Ohh. I had that already... Uhhm, Ooh! Let's just make some suits. Imma just, uhh, spend my time doing this.
While Scott Malkinson is dead...
Ookay... oh!
What did I do?
-suspicious/confused Jack stare.-
I-I do?
"Press 'A' to eat the enchirito"- (gasp) I forgot!
Oh yeah... oh god!
"Hold left trigger and right trigger."
Oh- It's building up. Oh, it's building up! Oh God!
I rewound time!
"Time fart unlocked"!
(whispered) Damn...
I'm powerful.
Okay. Here we go. My farts have bent space and time before it!
Time is my bitch!
(stuttering) Come on.
-giggling-
Oh I got Coon!
Nice!
Uh- Who do I want to replace?
Oh wait now. That's my team. Okay cool.
'Kay, I'm just stealing all your meds. Thank you.
Why don't you shuuuuUUUUUT UP!
Oh- Back here! -gasp- I got it!
Sorry this is steal all your food Oh
Motherfucker he wanted to attack me when I got the advantage. It's
jackaboy time
Though everybody make any changes now. I know what Coons powers are yeah?
Dorian stand back the real superheroes are here now. Yes real superheroes are here to save the day
Okay, I can't do anything you guys are all in my way
You guys you guys are all in my way. Okay. I'm gonna have to destroy the flower unless I can do something like this
Connect connect can they use this on anybody skinny, please no
no, okay imma have to destroy the flower I
can't destroy the flower I
Can't do anything
Everything's everything's blocking my way my valuable drinking on the job time damn it. I'm sorry I didn't meet you
I can't do anything from where I am
Fuck goddamn it man
Okay, I'm gonna dip my balls in your size
Okay a terrible scratching that plays bleeding or charge into the fray Claus flying or
Damages to our places places with a phone. Okay. I'm gonna do this one oh
Yeah here I can fit your whole body in a stockpot little shits. Hey gonna put boogers and come on
Come on
Nullify an enemy turn Wow do that more powerful you can use time Franklin's to counter the enemy's turn hole every
What I
Get to use this three times burning. Love you. I'm gonna grill you under a brick
Hold still. Oh god. I can't use it shit
I'm gonna force-feed you corn and harvest your fatty, liver. Oh
Okay, sorry crown
step aside
Cram for the power of diabetes go to work. I'm offending you home to mama in the doggie bag. Oh is he healing him
Motherfucker, they're alcoholics here we go
Nice nice
Some healing dense
Shit I can't heal Eric shit ah
Man, I can't do anything to him
Crap okay, I can just attack you guys if I want which I'm gonna do
And let me use the ultimate with you someday. I don't know what it does
Close old foes and makes them bleed. Oh, hell. Yeah, go Eric
He's in sexy excess diggity go
Holy shit
Nice Eric's gonna die now though isn't he hey kid before
It's okay I'm totally in the shit here, I guess we can store your cock up dripping all over the place yes
Okay, this is good. This is good this works for me, and I'm gonna do this to you. So you can I?
Knock you back further into the action. Not new like a like a data disappear demon there. We go stop dealing
Piece of shit here we go, that's a good use of my time and powers
To be a nice, please real earnest
Okay, and I'm a confuse you just for the hope that you might attack your own guy and not attack me and that gives me
more time
Haha here we go stop that fucking attack
Mac take Teddy fuck you up, I know that enough she back
I just push the shit out of you
You have a turn after this though. I'm gonna push the shit out of you, maybe because you might heal your dude
And I don't want you to do that
Fucking awesome we kick the shit outta. That was a tough battle
The freights are certain to get really hurt
Use 15-time first look that's what they're called
Yeah
Maybe my diabetic whose push the shit oh
But I hate you I just do this
Without my insulin okay that didn't do anything
Maybe I can
What's the button okay this
Don't can I not open these and
That's shakes, oh wait maybe something this
Hey fellas, how possible it puts me into a state of my rage except wait that's it I
Kick your terrible fights throw me against mr.. Bates
Oh, yeah, the Coon wasn't trying to make me feel insecure Lee told me that my mom gave me diet
It was trying to help me unlock my true power sure
We've got you through there and get the hi he psychic for the good of Napa for Cunha friends. I need you
Okay
I'm analyzing this hold on
Move to the body diabetic rage ready when you are okay, oh
Good I'm so sorry
Nice
Make hard for me to lose control of myself
But if we're ever in a guy's figuration like that again second is that even countless diabetic rates they?
Can't really be diabetic rage if you're not using your diabetes to do it kind of just getting angry
That's a lot of pussy
a whole
Negative none of them are fat enough then what about the girl we're still tracking her
Going are they cooking because
Keep crafting all the things we can forget forget make a macaroni picture I
Keep forgetting that I can just craft these and Moses will come out and save me what Sydney this cat thing I
Can move it both ways oh
Wait I couldn't get past it okay, so the thing I did was actually proper, okay?
Oh
Hi
Chasing me and you let them hear you stupid bitch
Who you calling a stupid bitch? Do I look like your mama?
These kids are cops that ain't no cop
That's captain diabetes when he was born his mom farted during labor, and it gave him diabetes that he uses to fight crime
If they aren't cops then we can shoot them along with this bitch, too, how do they know
I knew I shouldn't win in a visit without Tony Soprano look at mother fucker how long
Captain diabetes, let's see your diabetes Savior now
Red
Wine red wine drunk is the worst truck there
Captain diabetes this is it
My fucking case
Wait he's the boss Oh
God will red wine drunk brandy
hahahahaha
Fuck okay here. We go make changes. Who who could we bring in instead?
Hey, I have to fight I have to fight with him place ally with
Ya, let's use Jimmy one sweet
Although he won't eat he can heal anybody because he change his position with them kya can heal more than one
Yeah, I don't really think anything I change right now is going to make it back
Okay, I'm stopping this
Time it's get people tarnish it hey shut up classy. It's my fight now
Shit
Crap I can't hit him from here what am I supposed to do? You can move all the way up here? Haha?
Whoops
There we go
Okay, let's confuse him. That's about all I can use from here hang on Sharon's texting me can't type why the fuck
I type my right thumb so big hey Siri fucking take a note tell my wife
Fuck off and fight poop emoji
Was that his turn is because he's drunk or cuz I confused him
He get two turns
Fuck oh fuck Jimmy, No
Shut up Chris talker I need to start doing some status effects
Crap I can't use his attacks from here
Okay so in this scenario, I'm gonna have to revive my little buddy, buddy
Come back to life, Jimmy your time is not yet
Okay, can I shit I can't kill myself
Okay can do this and then turn invisible
Nice is he gonna get two turns again
He's fuckin three turrets Joyner that kind of
These two turns again
Anyway
Okay, I have my thing ultimate ready
We can do this oh shit shit
Here we go this should be the end of it fucking Scott malkinson bringing it out for everybody meeting the hero that we all need
Do it Scotty fucking rock dad nice all right. I'm gonna take a cab. Yeah you fucking better
That's how you win a fight y'all yes level off. I got a major slide sick
Nice one dudes
There's a kingpin trying to get new high-grade drugs out on the street
It's somebody trying to bring the Italians and Chinese crime families together as she and not smell touch. Where is scramble
Scramble we need the reward money for our super hero
Francesco he just saw them low-class asshole three months ago
He be talking all this shit about making money off the crime in the city cuz some bigshot white boy be running all the drugs
not hookers and shit, right
Okay, uh-huh but not me. I'm my own pimp. You know what I'm saying. It's like I got one investment in this world
That's my pussy, and I ain't putting no mortgage on that to some high-paying nigga
Talk about trying to make more money off crime and shit classy. I'm sorry, but what what about the cat's own Aircast okay?
That's this little asian freak named Jackie Mambo some shit like that
He going around paying all these little things greater to take people's cast that's fucked up
I think taking that pussy and like taking mine. You know what I'm saying. That's like criminal shit
Where do the cat go I can tell you but I ain't saying it shit until I know I'm safe you understand
These niggas ain't playing and I need to know you gonna protect my ass Eric Cartman. Do you have any idea?
What time it is this is a school night mom not now? We're seriously onto something
You kids all get home now or I'm calling your parents
Don't tell my mom and
Who is this stripper woman these comb friends offer me protection?
Well, she's not staying here fine Fastpass take her to your house, okay
Whoa
So did the parents see when this actually happened as now the news program that starts your day off right good morning, South Park
Good morning, South Park a new vigilante took to the streets last night
And is apparently single-handedly taken down the fam bony crime family here with more is a midget in a beginning
Tom I'm standing outside the buca di faggocini where the vigilante declared war on crime in South Park
Security camera footage showed a young person farting in people's faces on their balls
It was just terrifying the kid came in and just started farting on people it was out of nowhere mad
Maybe someone's finally standing up to what's wrong with this city this new kids a hero the kids a menace if you ask me
How long before he or she kills an innocent person how long before daredevil becomes the Punisher, huh?
three season three seasons
The scene found a treasure trove of illegal items that they claim might tie the Italian restaurant to a larger crime
Syndicate this may be just the tip of the iceberg certainly chilling stuff and their reports the vigilante possibly had a sidekick
There was thought to be a sidekick Tom, but further investigation showed it was just some little twerp with diabetes
Thanks midget, and of course the question on every time getting all that who is and getting all the credit furred
This is going to make us look bad
You fucked up. It wasn't our fault
This kid just came into the restaurant and started farting like there was no tomorrow
All you Italians are supposed to do is move the product the Chinese and Russians do the rest
Everything has to be discreet and quiet or people are going to learn the truth
And we put the product into people's drugs and alcohol in order to create more crime
You just keep doing your part in getting the cheese out on the streets
Or maybe I'll start dealing directly with the Russians or the Chinese
or
the 6th graders
So fucking dumb I love it
Hey, it's me and what a great sleep, yeah
I haven't slept that well in weeks hmm, so you guys do anything interesting last night
Oh, no, you know the usual just watch some TV and went to bed. Yep. Nothing exciting an art, but boring lives
Well, then I guess I'll just be seeing you guys tomorrow
Got a big day ahead of you new kid get changed into your superhero costume and wait for a message from the king
Got it wait Eric Cartman's the Coon
So look at this Stacy. Don't look there look ha ha
How do you do that that was dumb
Hey
Okay
Time for us to get the information we need from classy any good superhero should know how to interrogate
Get over to Jimmy's house and find out what she knows King
Okay, only head to Jimmy so many other missions up
On go right now point 10 yo in South Park where sir all raisins Ripper character. She's - yeah?
I don't want to do those oh
You do main story. That's the most fun need to get somewhere
Yeah your house actually shit
Fastest word to get there is just walk
Well here we go walking again, just like Christopher alright, well we got
All right, yes, you were yeah
sup hero, don't be farting in my faces shit a
Fastpass one of your super homies is here
Oh, hey, new kid the Coon told me he wants you to question the witness so go ahead
Go ahead new kid ask anything you want
Alright, I can't I don't speak. Oh, that's smart using the silent treatment can really make a witness aunty
Hi look
I know y'all need my help is shit, but I ain't talking to you go get my medication, but can you shoot him yeah?
I can't think say without my medication you gotta go pick up my prescription. Eye
Until your stupid scripts in I telling you little heroes
Man
Alright, fine looks like you got more work to do new kid, but before you go back out in the world
I want to show you something that might help your crime-fighting. Let's get up to my room all
Right it's time to take your super powers to the next level go ahead and stand in the DNA forget to pick another power
All right, you kids deal cuz I don't like psychic now watch something else
High pain threshold in human accuracy you can say okay take out the new hero DNA flat
I opened up these step you insert here will make a big impact on your combat pipette your combat have affected me
Okay nice
Day, I can swap these out now as well if I want
So it's still good. That's so good
Potent conduit of cock magic recovered from the underworld of Randy's drawers the nether talisman. That's just a cock ring
What does that do bonus Ally health or this
Is shit, why would I pick this over this this gives me 60?
Holy fuck this seems like the way to go
Give yourself a hot injection of home owners train pairs of powers because oh no I don't have any physical power
Think so this one alright now. You know what real power feels like pretty dang good
That's a do it. You kid hope you have a grasp of it now get out there and kick some
Booty oh. Hell. Yeah, well. Thanks. Jimmy appreciate you pal
Nice one
Jimmy the bass shit in your toilet
ya think I did I've got around to all the houses yet, but
That's just collectible type of stuff. Okay. See you later classy bye
Wait do you actually have a penis tattoo?
No if I actually saw it
Map where is her thing the post office?
Go to medicinal fried chicken, that's heads your oh my god. That's your fucking medicine
God damn it
Okay, so we have to go to the post office to get around that so
Yeah, okay keep going right down here, or I could just find a fast travel slot and do that but okay?
What problem
Coil
coils back at your house
Okay, yeah, thanks for coming. It's over here
It's over here
Where is he
coil
Yard you can come over and play later
But I'm already here playing
Will you deal with him please look guys in Cairo if that mean kid who beat me up before
Yeah, Oh, No somebody stop him. Don't worry cousin kayo
I have developed these super sensors, which will make it almost impossible for him to beat us up this time
I have to stay out of it
They can go away prepare to meet your doom evil bully kid
Hey, fight, keep the shit out of them again, okay?
Here we go it defeat the imposter humankind again
What if the whole team this time you represent the Red Sea would you be unable to part without mode is on your side? Oh?
He is a bunch of shit in the way this time
What am I supposed to do, I'm I'm I'm powerless
I'm powerless against him. I I can't I can't do anything
except this
Okay, can I actually may attack anything here? Can I can I do anything?
Like a little bit deer-in-the-headlights
Supposed to attack now. No you're not you supposed to stop right now right. Oh, my god. The bug lord fuck you
man, but lord I
Know give me give me some time
See I'm doing it oh, I'm doing it
Nice let me guess you Kyle you're pretty much dead
We're gonna fuck you up in a sec it's in a second scope hold on here we go
I'm gonna make you bleed. Oh, my goodness. Is that my blood. I've never seen my own blood before
Do you want me to go again I can wait no
Right I don't want to cause any primitive damage
so powerful
But not as powerful as the attack. I can't use a man. It's so close to be able to hit him with this
Oh come on
Okay not okay the attacker from here I
Can't do anything
Sure is you go up here?
Yeah tingly micro does anyone have a lozenge shit I moved them into I move them into the positioning I can't hit him in this
nice
Sure
Okay, okay that does it you
guys asked for it
And now human kite shall use his Hebrew faith to call upon the power of the wind
ignition
What's happening the strength of the wind oh Jesus it came off oh
Jesus Mike I just blew up into the tree cousin Kyle, then give up. Don't worry super buddy cousin perhaps
I no longer have my kite, but I still have my super weapon
What's that?
These kids are picking on me oh
cool
I
Have to fight her and the fucking cows mom's a bitch song is playing in the background no
I'm gonna make this happen here. We go Oh
Okay here we go what'swhat's Sheila's supposed to do if I'm kicking the shit out of her
Casas bitches big fat bitches biggest bitch in the whole wide world she's mean our bitches ass your business bitch bitch bitch bitch, bitch
bitch, bitch
Shit, he can't actually hit her from here. Oh
fuck
Man I wanted to use that power
I'll just use this thing take that she let me go Jimmy
This one is cool
Fuck you
Okay, I'm gonna try something a little crazy, but everyone crazy, dude. It's over
Sheila's dead Kyle our clowns fighting against us
oh
Okay well no problem pile carpet is always having to kick the shit out of you anyway
That's fine shit out of you anyway
And I'm the kid oh yeah fucking hit you
And that's what you get when you met daddy. Oh, you're really good at this game
Kick the shit out of Kyle's mom doesn't seem like it should be a good idea what I'm into it
Get inside and call the police we have to get these kids a lesson no no mom no police
This is all my fault. What look. It's just what what won't take my cousin copying everything
I do the human kite is about saving people not about Judaism and now look at all the damage you've caused
I should press charges against your friends and look my kites up in a tree
I'm sorry, please I'll do anything you are going to let your cousin play with you from now on is that clear
Oh boy, Kyle and Sheena said I get to play with you
Yes, sometimes you can play with us you be now get your cousin's kind out of that tree
You're not playing anymore until you do fine
Because it gets on my fingers and I get eczema from the lidocaine
Okay, I'll get your crap
Do you have a superpower I can use all right pinwheel
Much great idea
Thanks, man he's my first to propel his kite
That's a Mickey City
Give me a call and we'll fly up there then I hope I never need to do that public though kind of embarrassing
Nice okay pinwheels around the place I was wondering how I get to use them there's also electricity
Wait did we order you take a picture together. Yeah now this may sting a little bubby
Oh is it supposed to burn aunt Sheila because it's stinging and it's burning. That's how you know. It's working. Oh
Hahaha as annoying as he is in the episodes. He can't help, but feel sorry for him
Locked
What we're turning the kite children alright, I have to give him back his kite never mind I
Forgot now this couch hey I did it
See okay bye, thanks for being annoying
Okay, well, I think we fought crime and save the day enough for right now kiddies. I got porn to watch
Right oh, I think there's sixth graders next to me um
Yeah, so we got some fat core
We did some more missions
But we also have Craig's thing to do next which I feel like is gonna unlock a new power as well
Because it seems to be doing that all the time you go around and talk to your friends
And we also made some great progress against the stripper. That's good until next time
Thank you guys So Much For Watching This Video If you Liked it, PUNCH THAT LIKE Button, IN THE FACE!!!!
LIKE A BOSS!! A-
And High Five all-round!!! (*Whoopsh!! 2x)
But, Thank you Guys! And I will See you Dudes , IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!
(Outro- I'm Everywhere By Teknoaxe)
Nice one, Jackaboyman out!
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