Are there any ways there on the top of your heart where you believe I can support you?
I've written a few things because as you probably realize, I'm French. I'm not english, so it's not my
first language and it's a bit harder for me to express in English.
Awesome. I understand you pretty well. I think you speak English great.
When I actually first met Diana, it was the weirdest thing. She spoke
English so well but she was her biggest critic. I was like "I understand you. I
understand you." She finally believed, I think that I understood her and she
started speaking such better English. So you're good. You're good on my end.
Thank you. So, well, my challenge is that I feel like I'm an iceberg person.
Meaning I feel that the deeper part of me is hidden from my family and all the
persons around me except my near, near family like my husband and my kids.
My big family, my parents, my brothers and sisters.. they are very, very conventional
very normal people. And I am out of the box. I am the creative one.
I am the more mind open, I guess. I think I am. I imagine what they imagine about me is
negative because I'm always the alien in the family.
I don't know if you understand.
Oh I think I do. So you're the weird one in the family and you're saying that you
don't feel.. you haven't ever given yourself permission for your family to
fully see you in certain emotional elements. Like what is it? What
have they not seen about you? Have they not seen you when you're mean or mad or
angry or sad or what do you mean? She's going for my microphone.
Im gonna have to hide that next time from her.
Like my real.. my real me. Like not wanting to work always, just wanting to be with my kids.
Just wanting to do what I love, not what I should love or what I should to to get paid.
And like, I'm.. in my heart I am the Breaking Normal person. You understand?
And I'm always fighting not to be it because my family roots are very down to conventional and
down to "you have to work there. You have to work hard. You have to work even if you don't feel like it."
What's the issue? Like I hear the.. I'm understanding that your family and you
think very differently and is it that you don't feel connected to them?
like y'all have not figured out a way to team up beyond agreement? Is that the
situation that everything's okay as long as y'all agree and then if you disagree weird things happen?
Yes. And I feel like I have to just stop talking to keep their love.
Okay I get you. I get you. I get you. So I am hearing
it. This is what I'm hearing. That you believe if you are truly yourself and the full
color and your full spectrum that your family may not want to be around you.
Ya.
That you all may not be as close as you.. you want to be?
Yes.
Okay, well.. if that's the
case first of all I would say like welcome to life like the reality of life
for so many people. So many people including myself.
I've had countless situations with my family who I love dearly
where I used to.. I used to hold back my truth and hold back my true beliefs
especially around religion or work or politics or school or my lack of
interest in the big show of politics and the news and
all that stuff. I used to hide that more and although as things were more
peaceful.. I think I was playing a peacekeeper rather than a peacemaker.
When I became a peacemaker instead of a peacekeeper is when I started truly
sharing my opinions and truly being me regardless of what my family thought and
it didn't look.. at first it didn't look as peaceful. There was a lot of
combativeness. There was a lot of disagreement. There was a lot of even
even I've had times when a family member asked me... like they decided they no
longer wanted to talk about something. Which was kind of shocking or jarring
for me because I was always under the belief "I can stick with to someone.
I can stick with someone even if it's fun-comfortable. Even if it's challenging
or hard or someone's getting angry I'm gonna stay here. I'm not gonna fly away
or I'm not gonna freeze or I'm not gonna fight or I'm not gonna do a facade I'm
gonna stand here in my presence." And I've had it come to the point where then my
family.. someone in my family no longer wants to
participate in that conversation or actually talk to me about certain things
and I've gotten to sit with that. I've gotten to realize they even though my
family members night might not want to show me love the same way I want
to show them, that maybe from my judgment they would rather play a role than be as
real as possible. And then I get to be even realer and with myself.
I get to sit with that. I don't have a solution for you. I don't even have a
solution for me. The solution is for me to continue being me and what I realize
is that not only can I hold space for my family to be who they are..
now I'm B I'm even becoming more of who I am regardless of who's in my presence
and then I feel like I almost everyone becomes more of a family member. The
people that do want to be in my presence while I'm being fully me are starting to
feel more even more like family, even closer friends while the other people..
I'm just spending less time with. And it's not easy. I'm not saying
that's an easy thing. I love my family dearly. I love my friends dearly that may
not want to see the true me. And I still love them.. I love them because they put up
a boundary they even.. their boundary, just as I'm putting up a boundary.. I'm putting
up the boundary like "no more faking. I'm gonna be me regardless of what it looks
like." And you know what they're doing? They're doing the same thing. But they're
saying.. they're like "I'm gonna be me and being me means I'm not gonna talk to you
about this topic." So we both get to sit with that. We both get to. Maybe they
don't want to hear my true feelings about God or my true ideas about God and
that's their freedom whereas my freedom is to share that to people that want to
listen, maybe like you. And maybe we find more people like each other around the
world that are.. that are actually family in a way. Even though we weren't born in
the same same place or from the same parents. So yeah I honestly don't have a..
there's not a thing to fix. I think the only thing to do is to be more of you
regardless of who you're with. And if it's.. if it's your husband or if it's
your mom or if it's your child, I mean this sounds crazy but if they do not
want you to show up as you then I'm not sure if it's aligned for you to show up
for them until they're ready. I just can't.. like personally I can't imagine
asking Divina to not be who she really is or to play.. to act a certain way
around me so I can be comfortable. If I ever like.. Wow. Divina if I ever tell you
anything like that you make sure you correct that please.
So I all I can say is like I trust that maybe I'm giving you a shoulder to lean
on metaphorically that.. Keep being you. And if your family.. Your family or
whoever it might be will figure it out. They'll figure it out and you
may even just inspire them or shake them out of their spell of trying to fit in
when they were born to stand out in my opinion.
Did you have any other questions written down?I don't even know how much time that was.
That's a big topic for me as well so thank you for asking.
Thank you. Thank you to you for your answer.
It's a hero's journey. What you're talking about is a hero's journey.
Have you heard of that before? 'The Hero's Journey?' It's
actually like a salmon. So the salmon in British Columbia.. they basically are born
in the rivers. They swim out all the way to the ocean, they leave their family,
their whole reality is redefined, they go from this small stream to the big
expansive ever-ending blue ocean, and then they come back a new person or a
new fish in this case of the salmon and then they actually.. they actually give
birth and die. It's like the cycle of the hero's journey. So they had to redefine
their reality. They come back to where they came, and they give birth to a new
generation and then they leave. And I think in a way that's metaphorical to a
lot of people.. a lot of our lives. Like I'm not with my family where I was born
in Florida or Georgia. I'm away. I'm finding out who I really am. I'm now
starting my own family and I get to go back to Georgia and show them who
I really am. I'm not I'm not there to show them a manipulated version or a
version that they want to see more so of the truest version and I trust that the
truest version is truly what they want to see even if they don't act like it.
Even if it's scary for them. And I'm talking myself out loud because if I'm
remembering the future maybe this one will challenge me in a similarly
metaphorical way. Maybe she won't be interested in what I'm interested in.
Maybe she'll want to be a big faker one day and I'll be I'll get to be with that.
I trust that won't be the case but that would be kind of like the flipped of the
script. Yeah I thank you for asking a question to me that I don't necessarily
have an answer to. But I those are my favorite type of questions. My favorite
types of questions are the ones that leave us with more questions. That
leave us in the curiosity of life.. that curious space rather than a convicting..
like a convicting delusional idea that I think I know what's going on and to
believe everything I think. No. I'd rather stay curious and open so
thank you for your questions to catalyze that.
Thank you so much for your.. for you giving us your truth because this is so precious.
And it's inspiring.
Thank you.
Right back at you. Right back at you. And yeah you're talking about the truth
and she's grabbing my nose making sure I'm not telling a lie. Is that what
you're doing? I'm not Pinocchio don't worry. Man I don't know what y'all are
doing January 4th to the 8th but Maui would be a great place.. that's where our
next big meeting is. Our next big tribe design where we bring the families and
friends together and see what we could.. see how we can come up with better
questions to this topic that we're talking about. Like how how do we do this?
How do we.. I mean it's a great question. So those are the kind of questions that
we tackle and that we we dive into in experimenting with new solutions that
only get better and better. And they're always changing.
It's not a one-hitter quitter. Not a one fix thing everything.. like fixes everything.
But I think this mystery.. This is an opportunity of life. This is
the hero's journey and a lot of ways of what you're talking about so thank you.
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