I lost a good friend of mine this week
Who was one of my leaders in church when I was a kid and
If there was ever a man who absolutely met the title "bear of a man" it was him
He was tall his massive shoulders his massive hands
I mean you know anytime you went to shake his hand you know I remember as a kid just
Trying as hard as I could just to match his grip and I'm sure he wasn't even trying hard
But if there was ever someone who probably taught me the proper way to shake hands without ever really saying anything
We'd just have these contests
just about every Sunday when I came to church and
You know he taught me how important a firm grip was
and what an impression that made on people and he taught me a great many other things
But after I heard of his passing I reflected back on not only his life
But many many men who have been positive role models for me
And I was fortunate to grow up in a two-parent household. My parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary recently
So I had a I had a good dad. I had a great dad
my dad spent a lot of time with me hunting and shooting
But still there were other men who
Provided a good example for me in little ways, and I think we get this impression sometimes that
You know role models are supposed to be this super active role in our life, and they're supposed to replace our fathers
I was talking about that with my wife this morning
As we were coming back from a little hunting trip this morning, and and I don't think it's possible
To replace fathers with a role model. I think you know programs we have in underprivileged areas
They're just never going to work because you're never gonna have the intimacy you have with your father
But role models are important, and we get this idea that role models are supposed to be these big
Impacts in our life, but that hasn't been true for me at least I had many people on the way that I took
Little things from, you know a handshake the way you
Give a talk in church the way you
Treat a woman the way you make compromise
There were many different
Not just men, but you know men are more important in this example
Who taught me how to be a man without ever really saying anything to me
I just watched them, and I didn't realize until I heard of this good man's passing
How fortunate I was to grow up in a setting where where there were so many men who provided a good example for me
too often in this society were busy putting men down
We're busy reducing fathers to these drunk bumbling idiots, and I didn't know any men who
Made that true. Every man I knew was,
As far as I knew, good to their wives
Good to their family. They weren't perfect men. I'm sure they made mistakes. I'm sure they lost their temper. I'm sure they
You know chose the wrong words. I'm sure they hurt some feelings in their lifetime. Good. Great. That's life. It makes you human
It doesn't make you a bad example
It doesn't make you someone not worth looking up to and I think today we have such a hard time accepting there are
people with faults who are still worth looking up to who still set a great example and
This man who passed recently is definitely one of them. He's one of the people who when I get to the other side
I definitely believe in a life hereafter. I absolutely believe that life is eternal and I believe when I get to the other side
He's one of those people that I looked forward to seeing on the other side. I look forward to seeing his smile
I look forward to gripping that massive hand of his and
there are a few others who have passed along the years who weren't policemen (like he was) one was a photographer
who was one of the kindest people I've ever known
Who
just
Beamed with joy to see you every time you saw him
Another man was much much older than me
When I was a kid, and he was always glad to see me every Sunday at church
and he was someone who converted to our religion from another and
He brought his whole family with him
And he was a great example to me of why being a patriarch in your family is important of
Why looking after your family as the patriarch is important. So there are many different ways to be to be a role model and
There are many
you know
Different kinds of people that we can take different things from. You know people don't have to be perfect
There's this effort out there these days to just make everything seem like it's got to be perfect, or it just sucks
and to make fathers in particular
seem unimportant
not worthwhile.
Yesterday
The verdict came back that Bill Cosby was guilty on all three counts of sexual assault and CBS News
Tagline was "America's Dad"
Found found guilty of three counts of sexual assault
And if you don't think that's intentional that they're intentionally trying to say something to make a statement about fathers in America
about who our role models are
then you're not paying attention because it's absolutely intentional someone intentionally chose that tag under the guise of "fight the
Patriarchy" #metoo and all this other garbage
Look absolutely any anyone who's guilty of sexual assault
Lock them up throw away the key I don't care
Sentence them to the maximum sentence. I don't have any sympathy. People are talking about him appealing. I don't care about him appealing I
Used to work on Criminal Appeals. Do you know what the odds are of
Your appeal being overturned? You either have to come up with new evidence
I mean especially when it's a jury verdict.
You're screwed unless you can come up with some new evidence that absolutely negates it.
At best the only thing you can hope for is a new trial and even that's extremely unlikely
the Innocence Project has overturned very few convictions
over many years
There are not that many innocent people sitting in jail at least not those whom the evidence is significant and substantial
Enough to overturn
not gonna happen
but saying things like
"America's Dad" calling someone like Bill Cosby a convicted sex offender
Calling him "America's Dad"
And I don't care if that's you know was what people called him
Back in the days of The Cosby Show. I don't care it doesn't matter
It doesn't matter if we grew up believing that someone we thought was good and had an impact on us
It doesn't matter if it turns out later
That they weren't good people
Because if we took the good thing from them if we took the right thing from them if we learned the right thing from their
example
Then it doesn't really matter that much
We have to learn to see the good in people and not look backward and say oh that
That good thing that I thought that person did
Or that good example. I thought he set, well
He's done this terrible thing so now I've got to question my life that's not the way it works
We need to encourage young men in particular, and young women, but young men in particular
To find people to look up to and to learn that that's not this grandiose thing
They're just you know you take little things from many different people
And it doesn't matter if it's only in church certainly there are other places moral men exist
I have brother-in-law's I look up to, I have
Lacrosse coaches from high school I looked up to, I have friends
I hunt with I looked up to, I had classmates in law school I looked up to,
Professors, it it doesn't matter. There are good people everywhere, and we've got to stop focusing so much on
The political divides and everything. I never cared about that when I was a kid. I never cared
What anybody's political affiliation was I never thought anything about it. And politics matters today, the truth matters. No question about that
But when I'm at church or I'm playing a sport
I don't care about any of that, when I was in the Corps. I didn't care about any of that
All I cared about was the person's character
And it wasn't until the days of social media that I think anybody cared
You know I mean I remember distinctly many times that someone I looked up to when I was a kid
You know something scrolled across their Facebook. They posted something on Facebook or some other social media platform
That seemed pretty liberal to me
And I was surprised, "oh, I I didn't know they were Democrats." You know because they weren't this they weren't these belligerent people
They weren't these people that we see portrayed in the media. They were just good people who worked hard and
And were good examples, and I know I said Fridays would be
History Friday, and this is kind of a personal history for me
But it's important it is absolutely critical that we have role models that
We have good men who are not an
overwhelming force you can't replace the importance of fathers you just cannot and
If you're a father who's struggling or thinking about getting divorced? Just don't do it your kids need you
That they have to have you in your life. You're essential
no one will be able to provide the constant guidance and correction and
Direction that a father can give because you know all the guidance counselor's in the world all the therapy in the world all
The role models in the world can't be there for you like your like your father can and should!
He can't be a phone call away, and you'll never be comfortable with that anyway
The only person who can fulfill that role is your father
He's got to be there to guide your path
I'm thankful for the many many good men in my life
Who set a good example for me who were not perfect and they taught me to accept the fact that
You know people are not perfect. I wasn't perfect many of them were great examples of being willing to forgive
You know my many foolish ways when I was a kid
Be that role model for someone else
Be that father to your kids and encourage others to do the same and encourage your kids to find those people in their life
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