Hey, guys! It's time for 'Tech News Day'.
And we talk about lawsuits all the time on this show
because big tech companies, they just love lawsuits.
Being in Silicon Valley's success stories
just as much about making a useful and innovative product
as it is about having hundreds of lawyers on staff
ready to get to work at a moment's notice
when they inevitably get sued for all of their worth.
Usually it's about patents and intellectual property.
You got your Samsung versus Apple,
Oculus versus ZeniMax, Uber versus Waymo and so on,
but that's just lithely.
You haven't really made it in the tech world
until you've been sued by the government.
That's when you know you're truly disrupted.
Mm-hmm.
So this week, it's Google versus the entire European Union.
Thank God, the UK got out just in time before this.
And the... the fine that the EU was seeking from Google
is just the astronomical sum of €2.42 billion,
which is 2.7 in green freedom dollars.
And just to be clear, this isn't really a new story.
The EU has been formally investigating Google since 2015
and this is the outcome of that.
It's the biggest antitrust fine
that the EU has ever levied against the company,
more than double the $1.2 billion fine
that they imposed on Intel back in 2009.
So, what did Google do that was so bad
that they now owe so much money?
Well, antitrust cases are about unfair competition
and the EU says that Google abused its position
as the dominant search engine
by systematically prioritizing its own sponsored results
for shopping specifically.
Basically, if you go to Google
and you search for something that you're trying to buy,
right there at the top are Google's shopping results,
which only appear there
because the merchants have paid Google to put them there.
Other non-Google shopping comparison services show up,
but they're way lower
and they're sometimes not even on the first page results.
So the EU's commissioner for competition, Margereth Vestager.
-Sure. -Sure.
They... she led the whole investigation.
She said this in a statement,
"What Google has done is illegal under EU antitrust rules.
It denied other companies
the chance to compete on their merits and to innovate.
And most importantly,
it denied European consumers a genuine choice of services
and the full benefits of innovation."
And Google's official response is,
of course, to respectfully disagree
and vow to fight the decision
in what will almost certainly be an extremely long
and drawn-out process. -Yeah.
The whole situation is actually
part of a much larger picture though,
with that lady Margereth Vesta... she's Danish.
She seemingly is waging an all-out war
in the U.S. tech industry
and its domination over in Europe.
She's gone after Apple and Amazon for tax dodging,
Qual-Con for selling chips below cost
and Facebook for acquiring WhatsApp.
The Apple case involved alleged collision
between Apple and the Irish government.
And last year's result
is in a massive €13 billion fine for Apple,
which they of course appealing as well.
Yeah. So she doesn't fuck around. -Yeah.
Many of the big U.S. tech companies
see this whole thing as economic protectionism,
it's a way to slow down the U.S.' global tech dominance
so that EU tech companies have a better chance in success.
In this particular case about online shopping results
it was brought forward by UK-based foundem.co.uk.
The "UK's Top Price Comparison Site"
according to something called The Gadget Show back in 2008.
It doesn't look like they've updated that UI,
since around that time
and we also have a sneaking suspicion
that, that just might be one of the reasons
that they're not doing as well as Google.
But hey, you know, that's just a theory.
Yeah.
Also, we would assume that the EU is aware of this,
but pretty much every shopping comparison site
that exists shows results
that companies and vendors have paid to be there.
That's how they make money.
Google is just doing what all these other sites do,
but with the added advantage of being by far
the number one search engine on earth.
And that's really the key here,
Google has a virtual monopoly
on both Internet search and Internet advertising.
So, the fact that anyone who wants to sell a product
basically has to pay Google to succeed.
That's going to set up some antitrust alarm bells.
I mean, she's just pointing out
that it's a bad deal with another country.
-It's a bad deal! -It's a bad deal.
We got to renegotiate the deal.
To make European great again.
Mm-hmm.
This case is likely going to be debated for years
before Google pays a single cent,
but in the meantime,
they have 90 days to submit changes
to their business operation to the EU
or face even more fine.
And this is isn't even the only Google case
that the EU is currently investigating.
Another one involves the Android operating system
and the fact that it comes preinstalled
with Google Search and Chrome.
What a world? -Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it recalls a similar huge US antitrust suit
against Microsoft in the '90s about Internet Explorer.
Something that I wish wasn't the case.
I had a fresh computer last night, got it fixed
and again, first thing you do, you go in,
open up Edge or whatever it's called now and download Chrome.
But now you can at least uninstall Edge.
Yeah, that's true.
There's another one actually
that specifically targets AdSense,
which is Google's ad network
for requiring clients to not buy ads
from any of Google's advertising competitors.
Yeah. All antitrust, the general vibe here
is that the freewheeling capitalist shenanigans
that the U.S. tech companies tend to get away with here
because they're big job creators,
they're not going to be as easy
to pull off on the other side of the Atlantic,
but you know, that's business, baby! -Sure!
On the... another Google news though,
Google Glass is back baby! -No!
Put them on!
You guys remember that super cool
$1,500 face computer prototype
that Google showed off a few years back
before eventually shutting down the operation,
discontinuing sales
and erasing most of its web presence.
Well, it just got updates for its firmware
and its companion app.
So, at least one person
that Google seems still give a shit.
I thought that Snapchat's spectacles
were going to be the new Google Glass.
No! Google Glass is a computer for your face.
Those are just... that's just a camera for your face.
What happened to yours?
I gave them away.
Anyways, Google Glass and this whole thing,
it's the first update in almost three years
and it allows the dozens of Google Glass users out there
to not be able to use paired devices like keyboards and mice.
Wooh!
Okay. The update came as a complete surprise
to the few remaining Glass owners out there
and it's absolutely unclear why it's being updated at all.
Is it coming back?
Probably not.
But then again, it was never meant to be in the first place
and was merely an attempt to testing some new tech
that might eventually be useful.
If anything, this indicates that somewhere at Google,
they're working on something similar to the HoloLens,
which... it shouldn't be surprising.
But even that tech,
still long ways out from being worth anything.
Yes. The HoloLens, it's garbage.
And it looks dumb.
After years of watching all those awesome tech demos,
the first time you actually try it on
is probably one of the most disappointing experiences
you will ever have.
It's exactly like the first time I tried the Virtual Boy.
Yes. Oh, really!
It also just looks so incredibly lame on you,
like 10 times more lame than Google Glass,
which is really saying something
because Google Glass looks fucking lame.
And HoloLens looks especially stupid in cases like this
where a guy has successfully programmed
a 3D augmented reality version of Super Mario onto it,
very cool.
And then for whatever reason, he demoed it in public
where complete strangers were forced to watch him,
interacting with literally nothing
like a crazy homeless man. -Mm-hmm.
And yes, sure, the video here makes it looks so cool.
But I'm telling you, these videos are all alive.
What you see in the HoloLens looks like shit.
It's all just... you know.
It's... the field of view is that big.
Yeah, you're looking like through a weird window
in the center of your vision.
And nothing works correctly.
Yeah, you're just like, "Come on! Come on!"
Literally, I would give it a 0 out of 10.
It gives you motion sickness
because it can't sync with surfaces.
Yeah, and if something starts glitching
and jumping around on where it's supposed to be,
it is... let's just say
that you're not missing anything by not trying it. -Nope!
But anyways, before we get into the second half of this show,
it is time to let you know
that this episode features a paid promotion by Audible.
You can go to audible.com
and have a look at their selection of audio books
narrated by many of your favorite actors.
Right now, Audible is having
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That's a $50 discount from the usual price.
That annual membership gets you credits for 12 audio books,
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which... if you read books, you know, they're expensive.
-They are. -Mm-hmm.
It's Audible's biggest sale ever
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So head over to audible.com/binge
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Just a heads up,
your membership will automatically renew
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for the regular price of $149.50,
but you can cancel any time
prior to the end of the year membership year
and you won't get charged. -No!
The sale ends on June 28th, so hurry!
Again, that's audible.com/binge.
That's good for more than books
because you... they have their own show, their own podcast.
Yeah, they're starting making their own podcast.
Dr. Katz is back.
-Yeah, he's back, baby. -Yeah.
Do you remember Dr. Katz?
No. Well, now is better and a good time to start.
Ask your dad.
You ask your dad.
Anyways, sad news for the Phil fans out there.
Our resident curmudgeon is on vacation. -Ugh!
-Ugh! -Ugh!
Back on the east coast
and we wanted to have him on via satellite
but his accent is already back
and we don't have time
to translate and subtitle everything.
-It takes... -Yow! This is me, it's Phils.
Hey! Babadapupi!
And we already have to like deal with Shiby
not making any sense,
so we'll give him a break, let him enjoy the vacation.
In the meantime though,
you should definitely go check out the videos
that he and Nick have been making on their channel,
Action Figure Comics.
He reviews terrible comic books.
And his most recent one is about some weird ass series
from the early 2000s about Spider Man's Aunt May
as a slutty teenager.
Sorry, sex positive teenager, sorry!
Sex positive, we don't use the S word around here. -Yeah.
Back to the tech news though and back to Europe,
there has been yet another massive ransomware attack
that is very reminiscent of last month's WannaCry attack
that crippled Windows computers
around... around the world.
This one is mainly focused in Ukraine
and it has affected their central bank,
their public transit, their telecommunications,
their airports, ATMs,
and oh, side note, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant,
which is not really a power plant anymore,
rather an entire town made out of deadly radiation
that really, really needs to be
carefully monitored at all times. -Mm-hmm.
They're doing that manually now.
Just send the guy out with the Geiger meter.
Yups, still dangerous.
Yeah.
As for specifics about the ransomware,
it's still too early for details,
but it appears to be a new strain of ransomware
that uses some of the same exploits as WannaCry
to spread between systems.
As for who's behind it, I don't know.
It could be anyone's guess.
But, if you compare the list of entities known for cyber attacks
and the list of Ukraine's enemies,
Russia, right at the top of both of those lists.
Probably just a coincidence.
I don't want to put too much weight into it,
you know, but it could be.
Anyways, the Ukrainian government is handling things
with a decent amount of humor
or at least the people running their social media accounts are.
Yeah. Over on the official @Ukraine account,
they tweeted that classic KC Green
"This is fine" GIF with a message
that there's no need to panic.
They're working on a solution.
And the Ukraine Ministry of finance tweeted in Ukrainian
that their IT staff is hard at work,
along with a GIF of Joel Rubin.
That was jarring.
Well, this just got a whole lot weird.
Yes, that is Joel Rubin, formerly of Inside Gaming,
formerly of FUNHAUS, formerly of SourceFed.
Current job, unknown.
[MUSIC]
Joel, if you need money, you can ask.
You don't have to go work for the Ukrainian Government in IT.
That's below you.
I can Venmo you $10, $10 to get you back. -Yup.
Well, let's move on to space news.
Your dreams of becoming a space marine... -Space marine!
...may soon be a reality
if a congressional bill manage to pass,
would you like to know more?
[CHUCKLES]
Republican Mike Rogers of Alabama
and democrat Jim Cooper of Tennessee,
believe it or not, they're coming together.
Yeah.
They're pushing for bipartisan legislation
that would create the United States Space Corps,
a brand... a new branch of military
that would be under the command of the Air Force,
which would protect America in space. -Whoa!
Or something.
It's good to see people reaching across the isle
for very important topics.
What can we agree on?
The movie 'Starship Troopers' is pretty fucking sick.
As long as... -We should make that real.
As long as Neil deGrasse... not Neil deGrasse Tyson.
What's Doogie Howser's name?
Neil Patrick Harris.
So I got the three names Neils mixed up.
I'm Neil, I got three names.
Neil Patrick Harris. -Neil O'Brien.
You know what, put deGrasse Tyson in there as well.
Neill Blomkamp has got some great ideas.
-Yeah... no, but he only has two names. -Oh!
Neil deGrasse Tyson, Neil Patrick Harris.
I don't know, sure. Anyways.
Yeah, but... so this proposal...
not all that clear about his goals, very vague.
And it's especially confusing because...
hey guys, the Air Force actually already created a branch
called Space Command.
It's been around since 1982.
Sounds way cooler.
Yeah. They handle stuff like communications
and surveillance satellites and ballistic missile warnings,
all very important stuff.
I feel like they just want to squat on this name
and sell it later.
I don't know, Space Corps sounds pretty cool though.
We, we kind of own this. We kind of developed this.
So, if you...
I know that there's aliens attacking right now,
but if you guys want to use it,
it's going to cost you.
Yeah. Air Force, they've already come out and said, "No!"
Like, "We kind of got these guys.
We don't need this."
So, yeah. Unless this whole Space Corps thing
makes it to congress,
it probably won't. -Yeah.
Your space soldier options
are going to be limited to space command.
Sorry, kids! -Yeah.
Well, I would like to see...
you know, the thing is,
is you've got to put people back to work
and you know, horses, they are might...
they're mainly for show and racing.
Yeah, dressage.
-Yeah, and dressage. -Dancing.
You know what they're not doing anymore?
Going to war. -Yeah.
You put one of those astronaut gloves on a horse head
and send them up into space...
Just to see what happen.
...and then the astronauts ride them.
Yeah. Yeah.
This is what we need to be researching.
Just trying things out in space.
Someone from NASA was saying...
-Well, NASA is just a brand. -Right, right!
-They just sell t-shirts and stuff. -Yeah.
They were talking about like
maybe trying to make wine in space to see what happen.
Also like how Maynard James Keenan
tried to make wine in Arizona.
It turns out it's really hard and it's just dirt.
[CHUCKLES]
Especially this time of the year.
It's just fucking desert.
The sun just sucks that wine up into space.
Yeah.
The first space elevator
is to transport wine to the astronauts. -Mm-hmm, yeah.
Anyways, another space news.
KFC is about to pull a PR stun of galactic propositions
by live streaming a chicken sandwich's journey
into space via a balloon.
You know what, I don't need to see the end result.
Just send a live chicken up there.
On a balloon.
That's more interesting.
No, actually, we killed this bird for no purpose.
Watch the chicken suffocate
in the vacuum of space live on Twitch.
-Yeah, it's got to be great. -Kappa.
[CHUCKLES]
Then you send up a fryer up there and...
Yeah, cooking chicken.
What is the point of watching a chicken sandwich go up?
You're not going to learn anything scientifically in that.
Have you ever seen a chicken sandwich in space before?
-I'm pretty sure students have done it. -Nah!
They send... they send pizza up all the time.
This... I don't know.
But not chicken.
Well, yeah, I'm sending a live chicken up.
Pete is going to be on my ass.
Yup.
Well, I guess there was some scientific purpose.
I'm Ingrid Newkirk
and I... I hate the fact that people test on animals,
although I need to use those drugs.
Give me, give me.
I don't know who you're talking about.
The chick from Pete,
like she, she uses like Insulin or something
when she was developing animal...
Oh!
Anyways, the whole thing is dumb
in... in a very subtle way of course,
especially the URL,
yesweareactuallysendingachicken sandwichto.space.
But it's actually... it's a...
whatever, it's a tie in, it's a cool tie in
I guess to a company
whose goals include making civilian space travel
more attainable through the use of a balloon
instead of pull on the spacecrafts.
I... dumb, bad.
You don't want to see space?
By the chicken sandwich?
No.
The chicken sandwich is going to go up in a balloon.
They're going to be like,
"Hey, you want to see the same view
that that chicken sandwich got?"
No, that sounds fucking terrifying.
Is that an actual sandwich?
You're not listening.
Anyway, World View Enterprises,
that's the balloon company
who wants to send balloons 19 miles into the air
to use stuff like communication, pretty usable shit.
They think they can manage to keep these things up there
for up to a year using sensor technology
that changes altitude depending on the wind patterns.
They eventually want to be able to use this tech
to send people up there for several hours
to enjoy a spectacular view of earth in a floating...
they have a bar in their plan.
You get drunk in space.
It's only going to cost you $75,000.
You know, you'll get drunk a lot quicker up there
because of the... -The altitude.
Yeah.
Ah!
I am drunk and exhausted.
That sounds like a terrible, terrible idea.
-I would do it. -Motion sickness.
Anyways, I'm going to go use the bathroom.
Whoa!
No, there's going to be bathrooms up there and Wi-Fi.
No, just they... they just hook onto your penis
like the astronaut... -You'll be able to...
You'll be in Periscope from up there.
Well, I drop my phone.
I've just murdered someone.
-Sounds like a real bad idea. -Whatever.
What if the balloon pops?
Anyway, the KFC flight is mainly just a test flight,
a PR tie end to try out their method
without the overhead cost.
The colonel is paying for it. -Oh boy!
-So it's... -Get off that wall colonel.
It's win-win for both parties though.
The fact, the launch has now been delayed twice
due to weather,
just drives on the point
that even going up to space in a balloon
is a giant dangerous pain in the ass. -Yeah.
It's currently scheduled Thursday.
We'll see it today actually.
Well, I don't know.
I'm pretty sure KFC is pissed by now.
They keep wasting all these chicken sandwich.
You told me the sandwich... we cooked the sandwich.
We cooked the sandwich.
It's fine, it's ready to go.
I want to know, are they going to eat the sandwich afterwards?
Yeah. So they can get space disease.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean that's what you... you eat the sandwich
then you have the venom thing and you turn into venom.
-A bug. -Yeah.
-You turn into a bug. -Yeah.
-And you get blast. -A symbiote.
Would you like to know more?
But if you want some
technological ridiculousness right now,
just go up to the search bar after this video
and type in, "Japanese sumo robot."
We're still not entirely clear
just what the fuck is going on here
because it happens very fast.
But based on what we've read,
the robots are entirely autonomous,
fighting, only using their AI programming
in a shrill, high pitched,
tiny robot version of Japan's national sport
where they try to push their opponent out of a circle
in order to win.
And unlike traditional fat guy sumo,
these fights are over in like two seconds.
It's very quick. -Brrrrrr!
You could do a whole tournament in one time.
I know. I want to go to one of these events.
They need to bring one to America.
I will pay.
Well, was that mech fight still happening?
Yeah, they're just... it turns out...
I think they realized early on, they're like,
"Oh, someone's going to die if we try to do this."
Like, now, their whole thing
is just making it safe enough to actually do it.
They should have just made it remote control
with these giant robots, then it would be safer.
You know it'd be crazy
because we have like the battle bots, the big arena.
Do it with these, whether you have AI
and they can beat the shit out of each other
instead of just pushing each other around.
I want to see these sumo robots
in an ultimate epic battle simulator situation
where you have like 50 sumo robots versus 50 sumo robots
and you just let them, let them go at it.
And they have to push each other off of a... the flat earth.
And then they'll fall onto the tortoise
that's carrying it on their back.
Yeah.
So, I mean there's a lot of stuff
they can do with these robots. It's pretty cool.
I like the one that goes like this...
like it's a bird, like... -Mm-hmm.
...showing off to female birds.
Yeah, it's a peacock.
Yeah.
And nagging.
[CHUCKLES]
You're probably not good at robot fighting.
Oh, you look too skinny.
[CHUCKLES]
Anyway, that's our tech show for this week.
I don't know if we're even going to do one of these next week
because of the holiday.
Probably, we'll try. -Yeah, we'll figure it out.
In the meantime though, check out our video from yesterday
about VidCon and how it's terrible
and we're glad that we didn't go.
They actually put out a statement.
-Oh, yeah? -It's on medium.com, you'll read it.
Oh, medium, the America's number one apology website.
Yeah.
And watch a new episode in News Dump
where there's going to be a watchman show.
Get ready for it!
And that big blue dick is coming to a TV screen near you.
It's going to swing right in your face, it's on HBO.
-Oh, yeah! -Yeah.
Bye!
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