so you decided that you want to explore Kings but you're already in a vanilla
relationship here are a few ideas on how to broach the subject major partner
hey guys is Morgan with BDSM relationships and education thank you
very much for checking out this channel feel and done so already please don't
forget to hit the subscribe button and that way you can keep up with all the
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I'm doing three videos per V so there's lots to see and learn anyways let's get
into the subject of this video which is introducing a vanilla partner to pink if
you find yourself sharing it and already in a committed relationship with a
vanilla person so the first thing though that we're going to talk about is what
you need to understand that not everybody is TV there are a lot of
different studies out there none of which are terribly accurate but the
estimate is that anywhere between like five and ten percent of the population
is kinky but that's when we ask them are you into BDSM if we ask people with
specific specific activities that number does go up quite a bit so we say to
people are you interested in like maybe a little slapping tickle in the bedroom
then a lot more people are going to say yes if we ask people are you interested
in Fifty Shades comments up then a lot more people are going to say yes so the
key here is that first off not everybody is kinky but approach matters so we're
going to talk about both of those things now if you find that you have brought
this up with your front and in the past or through you know from the tips that I
have in this video of your partner may not be interested that is okay your
partner may not be the role that you want them to be so if you have read
Fifty Shades of Grey and you crayon that you identified Montana and you want to
try the submissive role you go to your partner and you may find that they also
want to try the submissive role so you do need to keep in mind that that is
something that could happen you could both be the
same role even if they are interested you might end up being the same ball
so that can be a bit of a problem they may react badly this is always a
possibility you know your partner best and you know if they're probably going
to freak out or not over something like this
and this is their approach really really matters they may also be angry that you
can take it something like this for so long and now this isn't for everybody so
it's usually for people who knew in the beginning the favorite kinky but just
try to you know either suppress it or hide it and figured I'll tell them later
I'll tell them later and then you know five years later you're married you've
got a kid on the way and then you're like oh by the way you know I know I
personally would be upset about something like that because well I don't
want kids but also cool because I would like to know these things upfront right
so I have set up the deception there but they could be upset for that very reason
they may just not be into it whatever it is you're into and maybe what it can
doesn't do anything for me they may be into different aspects of
kink but not the thing that you are - and they may be hesitant because BDSM
can be terrifying especially if the only thing you know about this is what the
media has told you because the media as we've discussed in other videos really
doesn't do justice to the kink world I will put up a video here I'll link to
one of the very first videos that I did and it was 10 myths about BDSM because
you should know some of the things that people believe about BDSM you can don't
yourself believe those it's because I think that it's pretty common especially
when we're talking about vanilla folk that they believe the way that the SM is
presented in media and movies and all that kind of stuff so be aware now the
first step obviously is going to be bringing it up to your partner apologies
we're going to have to our partners who would have guessed but there are
different ways you can go about it and looking at your partner and saying
alright so I decided I'm kinky and I want you to like chained me up in the
bedroom for like most of the hours of the day and just take me out whenever
you're like horny and you know call me all kinds of derogatory names and maybe
sit on me a little bit or could you pee on me - that would be great right that's
not going to go over well for anyone really I mean we have any kinky on my
life and I look at you nuts you know so all those things are fine
but that should be your first conversation so what we want to do is
you know bring up some stuff perhaps in a conversation of those
fantasies right so we're already on the subject of things that make us hot
things that we fantasize about things and with any luck we're in a relaxed
situation perhaps having a glass of wine or a beer you know maybe we're having
some sexy time and so it's a good time to sort of broach the subject and gently
introduce the idea of BDSM you could attend trade shows like sex Palooza the
show that I've done here in Ontario there are similar sideshows everywhere
around the world you know you could do more specific BDSM shows as well but I
think that the sort of general sexuality shows are a really good way to sort of
be introduced to it and to introduce a partner you could also attend various
kink workshops in town so often your local sex store will have different
workshops and often when the workshops would be a BDSM 101 style thing so you
could go you could have that you know more gentle introduction to BDSM where
you're going to be learning together and you're going to be an unholy a
comfortable environment to do so and you know you're not going to be just the two
of you where you'll have other people that are more experienced there to help
you and help you talk about the subject of course you can also go
two classes at your local dungeon or other key areas clubs that sort of stuff
I know I done BDSM 101 classes at the local dungeon so that's certainly a
thing that happens where you know I teach at Texas Palooza and then I do a
week or two later a BDSM one of the one class for the people that I met there
that want to explore in more depth I didn't also sort of bring it up by
watching a kinky movie together you know Fifty Shades of Grey I hate to
keep bringing that one up because I don't think it's a very good movie but
it is a chance to open a conversation about kink you know there's always
secretary oh my goodness I'll I'll think of more and if you guys
can think of good key movies leave them in the comments below and
that way we've got some different options for people or television shows
or whatever you know you can also bring folks together or suggest a book for
your lover that you know say hey I read this book and I found this to be really
you know titillating here maybe you might enjoy it too so you can do that
you can share images that train you on so if you're online and you see
something that is like wow that's really hot you can you know forward it to your
lover or just call them over if you're in the same room and be like hey what do
you think it is but again let's not pick the picture that is really really
extreme okay that is a key thing here we want to when we're first introducing the
partner we want to introduce them to the you know very mild stuff so is you see a
picture of somebody like struck down with their you know anus stretched so
big and like a fist in there probably not the best picture to broach
the subject about kink but if you see something where it's just a person know
bent over and getting a light slap on yeah that is a good picture to share and
say hey this is sexy right so it's just and I we wanna stick to the mild stuff
basically the other thing is that I mean six of
the things is have the water appeal right spanking is going to appeal to a
much wider audience than anal fisting anal fisting has a small niche audience
so you know try to you know show things that are you know universally more
attractive bondage is usually quite popular but again we can do mild bondage
shabari bondage is actually a fantastic way to
introduce people because it is a lot more extreme but it's also very artistic
and beautiful so if you are into bondage that will be a way to you know introduce
the subject and say hey like do you think it would be fun to learn how to do
this I know we take some classes locally so I think there's a lot of possibility
there so pouring and having conversation with your partner you do need to figure
out a few things first so you need to figure out what we need so you need just
kinky sex and play do you need a dominant and Submission so Authority
transfer sometimes do you need 24/7 total power exchange or 24/7 authority
transfer are you just into some fetishes and you really don't want all the rest
of the other stuff what are you into what do you need and you know that way
you know what to approach your you know what subjects approach with your partner
because it's going to be a lot easier if you're like hey I'm going to do specific
thing rather than I'm into BDSM which is a huge huge thing so if you just say
like I'm in the BDSM and leave it there you know they're going to check out the
computers making videos them and who knows what comes up and it might be
something there's really extreme and scares them off whereas if you were like
hey I think I might be into a little like spanking every now and then you
know then they can look that up and we all know what thinking is but you know
like it's not as scary as much frightening as some of the stuff that
King stirs get up to and you need to learn how to express these things in a
way that than it was going to understand so you know again in
the news spanking and an example so hey thinking we turns me on do you want to
try maybe sometime you know that's a good way to sort of brooches as opposed
to like I don't use the in charge of our sex life all the time you know that
might be like they're like what do you mean and why and uh or like I want you
to tie me up and hang me from the ceiling and then be black and blue you
know that's going to be scary right so not the right approach but hey I am kind
of insane tameless you want to try that someone is a good way to approach it
try not to use a lot of specific language because somebody is not into
the video some world is not going to have any idea what you're talking about
but if you start going on and you're using really like if you're like wearing
an HDL and I'm into type r 7 PPE you know your printer is maybe like it
isn't what you're talking about it's confusing and I don't like it you
know you want to be able to explain things in terms that they're going to be
able to understand you know they can learn what a video is later they can
learn what 24/7 CPG is later but in the beginning you should just you know the
mild stuff and you know not using all of these terms and abbreviations that are
going to mean anything to your partner you know I thinking is that I want you
to be in charge of our life all the time is like dumping a huge responsibility on
them but hey I think we'd be kind of hot if you were in charge in the bedroom
sometime you could tell me what to do and it could be kind of fun you know
something like that is a much different approach and it's probably going to get
you a lot further you can also you know just try throwing out there something
that you like ok I thought it'd be kind of fun if I maybe like tied you up to
the bed and tease you and you know just drive you crazy
I think that would be fun you know like great foreplay you know something like
that is or a lot better than I lost you up in
chastity you know so you can see the difference between these things right
we're taking a more gentle approach you're going to get a lot further that
way something that I think is really important is to have the appropriate
educational materials available so I you know have websites that you can point
them to they can learn on their own without you there you know specific
shreds or groups or whatever have some ebooks available if you know we found a
book that really speaks to you and you know that you like your partner to read
you could have that available for them some videos you know bring them to my
user general give them my book all this kind of stuff but I mean I don't mean
just my channel or my book but there are a lot of people out there because do
different educational things so find someone it speaks to you and style you
like and who's teaching the stuff that you like and share that with your
partner it can be a wonderful way just to learn and grow together and think of
it as like taking a journey together neither of you are going to be perfect
in the beginning of course right because you're just learning you're brand new so
take this time and look at it as a way to grow together and hopefully grow
closer together something to keep in mind is a lot of people who aren't
familiar with medium view it as really extreme and all about pain and suffering
and that kind of stuff so we want to make sure these all those many other
stuff to talk about sensual play and you know like Ryan full and soft touch and
teasing and light bondage and stuff like that it's going to get you a lot further
again than just going to the hardcore stuff but really do your best to allay
their fears that which means that you're like some crazy sadist or masochist that
it's going to be like after blood all the time right you know you want to
start flow and you going to rip your way up to blood all the time because it's
fun hmm maybe that's just me
but you know I get distracted so easily but you want to start with the more mild
stuff I can't even tell you how many times I've said that in this video but
it's just that important so again mild bondage is the way to get
into things you can try basic obedience bend over you know and then have them
respond yes ma'am or yes sir little things like that you know and
then you can kind of take it from there just those little things that that can
start out that are pretty mild they a lot of vanilla people I think already do
in the bedroom I don't really know that I mean with the vanilla version that
more years than I can count but I'm pretty sure in the vanilla people do
some stuff that would technically be considered kinky and they don't even
realize it so you know giving those you know my older orders and doing that sort
of gentle obedience in the bedroom is a great way to get started and most
importantly of course be prepared to communicate what you want and this
applies even if you're on submissive sizing you still need to be able to
express what it is you want what you're interested in you need to be able to be
clear about that because if you just go to your partner and say I want you to be
dominant what does that mean you know we're running to you what there's a you
know how you want this done and if you have a specific idea of what a dominant
is in your head and don't tell your partner chances are they're going to do
it wrong right they're not going to be doing it the way you have envisioned so
if you can say hey I would like to be the dominant person in the bedroom and
here's what that means to me here's what I think that should look like then they
can be like oh okay that's really cool and hey maybe I'd
like to add this in or you know and you can have that conversation but if you
just sort of our lay on your dude on then it tells us something and finally
very important pieces I make sure that you
understand the difference between fantasy and reality and then make sure
your partner also understands the difference between fantasy and reality
because I think there's a lot of people who have seen movies read books and have
this like hot idea in their head and when we go to try it and it doesn't work
out at all like the way it did in the movie or in the book or whatever and
they're really disappointed so you'll need to be able to tell the difference
between fantasy and reality and you need to understand how you can take the
elements of that fantasy and turn it into reality so that's what I was trying
to do with my look at the shades series and I'll link that up here because I
know a lot of people enjoy the fantasy of that book however the reality of it
is much different so if you want to you know if that is something that you enjoy
you can learn how to take those hot scenes and turn them into something that
is much more realistic so just remember a communication is super important
negotiation is super important and I will leave videos to all this stuff for
you bye so that you have it at your fingertips
and you can do the research that you need to do before talking to your
partner anyway sighs um if you have other questions or suggestions on how to
talk to a vanilla partner about BDSM please leave that in the comment section
and I always try to answer questions within a couple of days I don't always
succeed but I do try to answer everyone's question and if not I will
totally make more videos on this subject if you want to explore deeper into this
so thanks very much for watching please give me a thumbs up if you enjoyed the
video and I will see you guys in the next one
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