hi guys okay yes I've been processing this whole thing of you know it's like
we wouldn't think when you first learn about your DNA is actually it didn't
surprise me the fact that I'm mixed in a lot of ways I the part that for me that
hurts most of all is the fact about the lie and I guess you know even one of the
things I was thinking about too like I think about you know the people in my
life it's that lie I think that lie that comes from the TV to you know about
people with their fingernails and stuff and some of the things that hurt most of
all like when I was a kid you know like my mom would be like well you would have
pretty hands if you didn't bite your fingernails you know or you hear people
oh that's a nasty habit you know that's what I would hear you know either on TV
from my mom you know and and it's just like maybe it's in my DNA maybe it's in
my DNA and and like how is that I don't know did Neanderthal people actually do
that I mean I know my dog does it does that mean I'm related to my dog possibly
I don't know but but it's like it's that thing that's kind of painful you know
when you have someone on TV you know or they have products you know they put
stuff on your fingers to put that nasty tasting stuff on your fingers to try to
get you to stop doing something you know and that was put on my hands when I you
know that was stuff was put on my hands to try to get me to stop biting my
fingernails I've done it for what what is it like
forty seven years you know my dad did it I just remember watching him do it and
I've done it ever since you know no matter how much I try to stop it's
really hard and I don't know why I do it I have
absolutely no idea is it a trait from from ancient man
maybe it is it very well could be I don't know but but it's painful you know
to think that when you're a little kid there's these shitty-ass products you
know it's like torture you know you put they put something on your fingers and
it tastes nasty and and it's just like torture you know you know telling you
there's something wrong with you for what you're doing
you know maybe it's a part of the DNA I don't know
telling you that you're nasty that what you're doing is a nasty habit you'd have
pretty hands if you didn't bite your fingernails and I know some of it comes
from the TV all in selling products you know like oh if you stop biting your
fingernails you know we got this nail bite stuff and they ask me stuff and
I've tried and tried and tried and tried something I started I was like second or
third grade when I started doing it and I saw my dad I probably always you know
it's just that was the first time I remember actually seeing him do what I
probably saw him do it before and didn't even realize it but like he was a always
a nail biter himself and you know so yeah that's all I have to say right now
but but and the thing is it's like okay but it this is where I met by not
talking about things and that means the people in the narrative of the past are
still in control because I don't talk about things so I'm taking ownership by
talking about things now because you know in the past you'd always have that
ear of well don't say anything because you know you might hurt someone's
feelings that's like what about my feelings what about my feelings all
these years and and you know I mean I and so yeah that's where I'm at I'm
talking about this stuff and I'm not going to self-censorship myself
anymore I'm not going to do it I'm just not I'm tired of it you know so yeah I I
I'm mixed ethnicity I don't know where I come from well I actually come from the
earth and I'm a mutt but but I'm processing the lie the hardest part for
me is the lie that's the hardest part is the lie
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