Connor why do you only film at night recently? Number one, okay, I'm tired.
Okay? I'm a tired person. Number two, it's ungodly hot in the world right now. I
don't know if you're experiencing this. And at the night it's a little bit
cooler. And if there's one adjective to describe me and everything I do it's
cool, so. I received a message on my tumblr that I wanted to unpack and maybe
share a little bit of uh of past mistakes I've made in hopes that we can
avoid making the same mistakes again, shall we? I'm gonna get nice and comfy.
Put both legs up and read this sucker. "I think I'm in love with one of my best
friends and I know he doesn't like me back. I have to lead a Bible study with
him at college this semester and I don't know how to deal with my feelings when I
can't avoid him?" None of this, nobody relates to any of this right now.
I should just skip it, right? Unrequited feelings?
Nobody relates to that. I'm going to regale a tale (nice) of a lovesick
puppy that is me. I thought I was in love once.
And what that love consisted of was me pining after an individual from afar,
someone who I too knew didn't love me back in the same way. Highlights of that
experience include periods of intense anxiety waiting for this person to text
me back, in fact staring at my phone for hours on end... hours on end literally
staring at my phone waiting for them to text me back. My phone would go buzz buzz
and I would be smacked in the mouth with this dopamine hit that was so intense
yet painfully short lived. Was I finally getting the affection that I
wanted from this person? Nah. Was I getting something? Yeah.
Was it nearly enough? Nah. I did that for nine months. Nine friggin months I
did that. Don't do that please. Please, like, if you care at all about me
you'll not do that yourself. Do it for yourself too but if
that's not enough, sometimes it's not enough, do it for me. Do it for my cat.
I don't know much about love. I really don't. Oh god I really don't know
much about love. I should just end the video right there. I don't know much about
love, but what I do know or at least what I've heard from those who are
in love that I know, is that it's a mutual thing. I think some of the worst
things we do to ourselves are things that we know are bad for us, but things
that we think that could maybe be good eventually, but they're just not
good for us now. I think so much has been made of in like so many stories about
the chase and about like being persistent and going after the people
that you want and stuff. None of that's real. Not one bit of that is real.
Oh my god, no. I think people if they want to be with you they'll express
that and then it happens. And even if it's the right person at the wrong time,
it's still the wrong time and the wrong person because it has to be right. Dear
anonymous friend who sent me this message, I would very much
suggest attempting, as difficult as it is, to distance yourself from these feelings.
And I know that's essentially what you've asked here, so I'm going to give
advice on how to do that. I think the biggest reason why we keep ourselves in
these cycles of thoughts about other people and what they could potentially
be for us in our lives is because it's not real. There's a safety in the
hurt that you know as opposed to the hurt that you don't know. When you look
at somebody and you know they can't love you back in the same way and you're
stuck on that person, you stay stuck on that person. Part of you is stuck on that
person because you're scared of what not being stuck on that person is like, and
you'll subconsciously pick that over loneliness because loneliness is
apparently the worst thing in the world. Come in close. Come in close.
Loneliness is not the worst thing in the world. It's one of the best things in the
world if it's productively. A little tidbit for you. A blanket statement. I'm
gonna put a blanket, I'm not gonna literally put a blanket because it's so
freakin hot. A blanket statement here. We all deserve the things that we want
provided those things don't hurt other people. Our standards for the
relationships that we have in our lives for the people that we have our
for the jobs that we have for the dreams that we go after all of that. We all
deserve all of that. You don't want somebody who doesn't want you, and I know
you probably know that, but you may not feel that. You really don't. You
really don't want somebody who doesn't want you because that's not
what you want. You want like to hold hands. Sorry for the graphic content
here. You want to hold hands, maybe put your mouth on somebody's mouth, who also
wants those same things. And they really want those things. I know when
I've been stuck on people, oh gosh it is it's so hard to get out of that. It's so
hard to get out of that. What has helped me is not only focusing on like
my job ,my career, my life, but to actively look in different directions for that
same thing that you very clearly want. It's okay to want to be in love. It's
okay to want to date. It's okay to want all those things. Like those are perfectly human things to desire and I want to encourage
those kinds of things. But something I feel that we can all do better in this
world is recognizing when we're not getting what we need and looking for it
elsewhere. Crushing on people is an active process. It is something that you
in some ways have to choose to do. Dear anonymous friend here, look at other
people and think gosh they're cute. It's a small step, very small step. But start
thinking it. When you stop fixating on a person that you've effectively turned
into a fantasy because you know it's not gonna happen, and you know it's
not real, that's all it's going to be. And that's clearly not enough for you and
it's dangerous to get stuck in those places. And it's disappointing to give up
on things that we want, but there is really big value, a really great value, in
learning to accept that there's some things that we're not gonna get that we
want. We got to be nimble in this life. That's a word I've learned at my job. We
got to be nimble in this life and learn to be flexible and react and fix
things that aren't working and try and find better options for ourselves.
And I wish all of us well on this journey because I mean it. I really do
mean it that there is really no reason why we can't have the things
that we want. I think one of the saddest reasons why we get into these phases
where we're locked on to ideas and people that are just flat-out not real
is because we kind of intrinsically don't see ourselves being happy and
seeing ourselves with the things that we want. And that is something that deeply
saddens me. It saddens me because I experience it on an everyday basis. I'm
always fighting the feeling that someone's gonna find me out. I don't know
what they're gonna find out, but they're gonna find me out and everything that I
hold dear in this life is gonna be taken away from me because they found me out.
Impostor syndrome is unfortunately common I think especially with creative
people, but I think everywhere. And maybe it'll take some washed-up d-list
youtuber to like convince you. I probably won't, but maybe maybe one of you. I'mtelling
you that you do deserve the things that you want. You deserve to be happy.
Like holy crap you friggin deserve all of that. To the person that sent me this
message, I hope that this gets better and improves. In fact I know it will. Things
tend to improve over time or at least resolve in some way that you grow from. I
also know that feelings are temporary for the most part and this is something
that you'll grow from and get stronger from. I know that and I hope you find
some other cute person that you maybe want to like hold hands with like pretty
soon that actually wants to do that with you too cuz that's real. That exists. You
know I'm still a sucker for the romantic crap, like I believe it's real. And don't
ever, like don't ever ever sell yourself short from the things that you want in
this life, because it's out there for you. The healthy good version of it. The real
version of it. It's out there. You gotta look for it though. That's all I have to
say on that. Do you all have any experience with this? With this junk?
Again, nobody relates to this, right? Having feelings for someone who
doesn't like you back is the least relatable content. If you have thoughts,
stories, ideas, things that you've been through here, I would love if you left
them in the comments down below. It would be so cool if you did that because I
think we're at our best as a little corner of the internet here when we're
we're just sharing and helping each other out. Just makes me smile. Thank you
guys so much for watching. As always if you're unaware
I have a page on patreon which is an opportunity that you have to directly
support the things that I make and the things that I do. It's a cool little
community that we're kind of developing over there. Every single time I upload a
video on my main channel or Facebook or wherever I'm uploading videos these days
there is an exclusive video for supporters on patreon only that exists
on that website. There's more information in the description down below. It's like
one of the first links down there. You'll get access to those exclusive videos and
anything else I post on there for as little as one dollar a month, and I
really really appreciate the support, like so much. That's about it though. I'm
getting sweaty again. I'm getting very sweaty again. I'm gonna get off of here. I
love you a lot. Goodbye now
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