I'm gonna be honest, there is a lot of news.
Almost too much news. Luckily, though,
too much news is just the right amount of news
for a segment we call Ain't Nobody Got Time for That.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
Beyoncé. She took over Coachella,
she took over the Louvre,
and now she's taking over Vogue.
Beyoncé has reportedly been given control
over the cover of the September issue of Vogue.
The singer selected a black photographer
to shoot the cover-- it'll be the first time
that's happened in the magazine's 126-year history.
NEWSWOMAN: How is that possible?
-(cheering, applause) -Yeah. That's right.
Beyoncé will be the first guest to be given complete control
of Vogue magazine's September issue cover--
which is the Holy Grail of fashion.
And on top of that, she's hired a black photographer
to shoot the cover.
-Yeah. Which is insane. -(cheering, applause)
I'm... I'm just excited,
because it's finally a good headline
with the words "black person" and "shoot" in it.
-This is dope. -(laughter)
-This is so dope. -(applause)
And you know what's funny about this story
is that by having the first black photographer
shoot their cover, they've inadvertently exposed
that they've never had a black photographer shoot their cover.
In 126 years.
Like, if they hadn't fixed this mistake,
we probably would have never realized, you know?
It's sort of like when a beverage company
starts advertising, they're like, "Now with real juice..."
You're like, "What the (bleep) was I drinking before?"
And this story has once again brought up the conversation
of how the fashion industry has so often taken inspiration
from people of color without actually involving them.
And if we had the time, we would get into that,
but we've got to move on, because the country of Zimbabwe
is also looking to make a big change.
High turnout and high hopes in Zimbabwe's historic election.
Votes are being counted in the first election in 37 years
without former president Robert Mugabe on the ballot.
NEWSMAN: They queued in the dark,
and as the sun rose, and Zimbabweans waited
to cast their vote,
there was an unprecedented feeling of optimism.
I feel so excited. There is freedom in the air.
I would expect the counting to take place quickly
and for the announcement of the result
to be done as quickly as possible.
So congratulations to Zimbabwe
on hosting its first democratic elections
-in 37 years. -(cheering, applause)
37 years.
Because that's how long Robert Mugabe was a dictator for.
And if you in America don't know what it feels like
to have a strongman in power for that long,
-don't worry, you will. -(laughter)
You know what's funny about Robert Mugabe,
what's funny about Robert Mugabe is that he was in power
for all this time, and technically he held elections,
but he just wouldn't allow any opposition onto the ballot.
But then they'd still have the elections,
they would still count the ballots,
and then he would still act surprised when he won.
Like, they would count, and then he'd be like,
"Oh, I hope get it, I hope I get it. Who's...
"Oh, I won again! I can't believe it!
"Oh, I can't believe it!
Oh... I can't believe I have beaten myself."
-(laughter) -Now, if we have the time,
we could talk about how this is only the beginning
of Zimbabwe's difficult road
back to being economically successful on the continent,
but we just don't have the time.
Because while Zimbabwe's celebrating a president,
Akron, Ohio, is celebrating a king.
He is known as King James, and now some might be calling him
LeBron the Headmaster.
The basketball superstar opened an elementary school
in his hometown, with every single detail
carefully designed to change students' lives.
In his new school named "I Promise,"
240 third and fourth graders identified as needing support
chosen for the first classes.
No matter if I'm playing in Los Angeles or not,
Akron, Ohio, is always home for me.
-(cheering) -Always.
Wow.
(cheering, applause)
Yeah. Wow.
That is such an amazing and heartwarming story.
And I love the way LeBron was like,
"I'm leaving Ohio for L.A.,
"and I'm building a school!
"I'm building a school. What was the first part?
Never mind, never mind."
And now some people are asking
why LeBron needed to open a school.
But, you see, after what happened to him in the finals
with J.R. Smith, LeBron was like, "Yo,
"everyone in Cleveland needs to learn how to count, okay?
We're gonna make sure that that doesn't happen again."
(cheering, applause)
And although this is a really beautiful story of philanthropy,
it does raise the question of why communities need celebrities
to provide services that should be provided by the government.
You know? No one should be out there going,
"I hope my team wins the Super Bowl
so they can buy us a fire department."
You don't want that. But, look, we don't have the time
to talk about all that, because the situation
between Iran and the U.S. just took an unexpected turn.
President Trump also making news on Iran tonight.
After ripping up the Iran nuclear deal
and then exchanging harsh words with the Iranian president,
today President Trump declaring he would meet
with the Iranian president.
No preconditions. No. They want to meet, I'll meet.
Anytime they want. Anytime they want.
It's good for the country, good for them, good for us,
and good for the world.
NEWSMAN: With President Trump's offer
of a face-to-face meeting with Rouhani,
Iran immediately took the upper hand.
The Iran Fars News Agency reporting that it sees
no value in a face-to-face meeting.
Wow. Wow, Iran.
I mean, I know Iran seems extreme,
but I get why they're not eager to meet with Trump.
Because you've got to admit, he blows hot and cold,
like one of those psycho boyfriends.
He's like, "Iran, you will suffer consequences
"the likes of which few throughout history
"have suffered before... I'm so sorry, Iran,
"I'm so sorry, man, I haven't had my Big Mac today, man.
"Can we meet? Can we meet? I'll meet you wherever.
"Where do you want to meet? Where do you want to meet?
"I just want to talk to you, before I bomb you into the st...
"You know what, let's buy a puppy, you want to get a puppy?
I wanna get a puppy with you, man, I just wanna get a puppy."
-(cheering, applause) -Crazy.
And, look, I... I understand why Iran
would think a meeting with Trump would be unproductive.
Right? He's totally unreliable.
But if they take a page out of North Korea's book,
Iran might be able to use that to their advantage.
Now to North Korea, and evidence it may be building
new long-range missiles.
NEWSWOMAN: These new satellite images,
according to The Washington Post,
showing construction of one, or possibly two,
liquid-fueled ICBMs
at a facility on the outskirts of Pyongyang.
This would seem to validate concerns
that North Korea had absolutely no intention
of getting rid of its nuclear weapons
despite Kim's very big promises following the summit
that took place in June.
(tsk'ing)
So Kim Jong-un made a promise to Trump
and then did the opposite.
Which basically means Trump is getting a taste
of his own medicine.
Although, not literally, because, knowing Trump's doctor,
his actual medicine is probably Vicodin
laced with ostrich semen-- but you know what I mean.
(applause)
-(cheering) -And...
and you know... you know Trump will never admit
that he got played by Kim Jong-un, right?
Like, North Korea could fire a nuke at San Francisco,
and Trump would be like, "That was actually part of the deal.
"They have a hall pass for one boom-boom a year.
One boom-boom a year, folks."
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