so that's it but now what can we actually do what can you go out and do
to help bring Australia and this world closer to equality I happen to know a
few cool people who have some ideas but before I let you go thank you so much
for watching from the bottom of my heart and I hope that this helped you in any
shape or form you are so loved now go out there and spread that love and use
what you've learned to educate other people do some good love always wins
so I was born and grew up in Melbourne my parents are from China and they
immigrated here when they were at university so I've lived in Melbourne
all my life best city in the world I work at a firm called EY which is
Ernst & Young and we employ hundreds of thousands of people across the world at
my workplace I'm involved in an internal network called EY unity which aims to
make our workplace a more comfortable environment for our LGBTI colleagues so
we do things like organising events organising ally training for people in
the workplace facilitating discussions getting merchandise out there and
increasing awareness of LGBTI issues we also act as mentors for people who
identify as LGBTI in the workplace in case they need someone to speak to and
our overall aim is to make the workplace as comfortable as possible so that our
people can focus on being productive and doing their work instead of focusing an
energy on trying to hide their true selves so there's some really simple things
that you can do at the workplace to make people feel more accepted and welcome
some things are really cliche like when you ask someone about their weekend
don't assume what gender their partner is so I'll ask like 'are you dating
anyone?' or 'are you seeing anyone?' instead of saying like 'do you have a boyfriend?'
because it's a really simple change but it makes a really big difference in
making people feel accepted the second thing I think is asking respectful
questions so I think when you're someone who's straight who doesn't know a lot of
LGBTI people it can be scary to ask questions because you're afraid of
saying the wrong thing but I think 9 times out of 10 it's actually easier for
you to just ask the question show you're curious and show that you're you have an
open mind and are willing to kind of hear what differences you have most of
the time it will work out pretty well I also think that I've become more
comfortable over time with calling out behaviour that I think is not
appropriate when people say like 'oh my god that's so gay' I'll actually call
them out and say as respectfully as possible 'is there a better word you
can use for that?' or like kindly suggest that they try and find a different word
and like no one at my workplace at least says it in a
derogatory way it's just that no one's ever called them up on it before so I
think that's a really important thing that you can do as well if you're
comfortable with it and the last thing that you can do is be
visible so myself as an ally I try and be as visible as possible so for example
I have a pencil case that has a big rainbow flag on it and it shows you that
you are willing to accept the people around you and being visible can be a
really good way of showing that you can start a conversation so while I'm out at
clients often they'll see my pencil case and be like 'oh that's really great that
EY is doing stuff in that space' and they'll know that they can feel
comfortable around me to talk about whatever they want to I see the role of
an ally kind of from the lens of when I was doing a lot of work in the women in
leadership and women in the workplace space because there's this concept of
male champions of change for women in leadership and the strength that the
male voice has for women's issues is really important and I've seen firsthand
the difference that it makes when the message comes from someone who who's not
a part of that group and I saw that there is a lot of space, a lot of work that
needs to happen in the LGBTI space and I feel really passionate about this
I have heaps of friends that identify as a part of the community and I also I've
also seen how their workplaces have impacted them I recognise that I have a
place to be able to respectfully from my opinion speak about why I think that
inclusion is important businesses are based on creating value so the more that
we can do to articulate that the value of diversity and the value of diversity
in creating values for businesses the more buy-in that we'll get from more
organisations ranging from companies to government organisations and beyond I
like to see it as a diverse thing so it's not just about who you like what
your preference is how you classify yourself but it's also about where
you've come from and adapting to others as well and accepting that others
do you have an opinion from both ends of the spectrum there's people who don't
necessarily agree with people being gay people being transgender and whatnot but
then on the other spectrum gay people for instance who think 'well that's
bullshit that you can't you're not allowed to think that you can't have
that opinion' but unfortunately people are allowed their own opinions so it's
like okay sure you're allowed to think that I'm not acceptable for you know
liking a boy and having a boyfriend I will respect that you have that
opinion but it's when people will try and inflict that opinion that's when
lines get crossed and I think to alleviate that and to really like draw
back to the question it's about just understanding what people come from and
like even the questions you're asking you know 'what was your upbringing? Where
did you come from?' And all that you know it normalises things because it says 'oh
like you're born you know born and raised in Melbourne and lived here for 20 years
of your life we share that similarity' so it's about seeing those common factors
as well within everyone so that can kind of normalise it to not say 'oh well
because you're gay or you're a lesbian or you're trans you had a completely
different upbringing to me you're not like me' it's kind of drawing back on
like those common factors there's a school of thought that in replacing
LGBTQIA, the whole alphabet of letters with an all embracing term DGS: diverse
genders and sexualities that seems to be a more embracing term easier to say and
just wider and more inclusive around you know sexuality and gender identification
DGS don't mind it at all, give me a bit of DGS
over my short so far life I have
seen so much change from people that I wouldn't expect it from and the
politicians and companies and things on Facebook and to those people I applaud
you for turning around an opinion because I know it can be so hard to
admit that you're wrong and it's still a pretty big statement I mean if you look
on Facebook and a company posts something with a pride flag on it they still
receive so much hate so to those people I mean I guess I
say thank you we need to get rid of the gay panic in South Australia so good
that they got rid of it in Queensland incredible but South Australia we need
to get rid of it 21 year olds need to stop saying 'oh my
god that's so gay' I hate it do you hate it I hate it you can't say that shit you
can't then I love it because you pull people up on it 'oh no I didn't mean it
that way' there's only one way to mean it stop it
Australia stop Australia babe what's happening like I know you were founded
on a genocide and things haven't gotten much better since then but we could try
harder we need to take responsibility and like myself very much included you
can't sit there and say that you've done everything today to deal with our issues
with like people seeking asylum in this country or that you've done
everything today to ensure that like there isn't abuse towards like our
trans brothers and sisters in schools because like every Australian really
needs to step up and start looking at our blind spots people are like 'well it seems a
little bit tokenistic like you know you that you're trying to do all these
things are you trying to change the world' and like well I was like 'yeah well
it's going to be tokenistic and shit for a while it's going to be really like
people reaching out in the dark and trying to be like how do I fix this
problem?' But it's like it's better than nothing what's the other version like
being cynical and sad about it like and if you march once a year you're doing
the first thing but we need to find other ways to strengthen ourselves as a
community and the fact that the indigenous folks of this land are still
like treated like subhuman by our government is really sick and like you
know also queer folk and the whole Safe Schools debacle is just insane to me a
lot of those kids that are like out of the club they're like 'and we can't, we don't
have the right to marry' I'm like 'yes and I completely understand like that's a
frustration but like there are people like getting assaulted in the streets every
day' and it's like it's like it doesn't mean that you can't care about getting
married but it's like that's how they distract us that's how a
conservative government distracts us by saying like 'marriage is very important'
and then we all go like 'yeah marriage is very important' it's like no it isn't
it's a f**king bullshit outdated institution that puts people into contracts that
generally favor the men and f**k over the women and have done that since the
beginning so let's not focus on trying to put ourselves into that straight
world where we can be like 'me and Tom got married' it's like 'okay' like for the legal
reasons yes let's get married but we let's think about the other things we
can be doing but at the same time I think we need to be understanding and
accepting of others and the other community and what they might be facing
their differences because they've also had their own struggles and especially
being a coloured person I kind of just I never really saw myself as living in a
white person's world I kind of was just like well I'm just here in the world and
I don't have to be different because I am different I kind of embraced that and
went 'cool so you're different as well and I don't understand where you've come
from or what roads you've walked on so we're here at this point in time let's
just make something of it' that's kind of what we need to do is just to stop going
'oh they're the others and they don't accept us' to 'yeah we're both different
that's cool let's hang out' well need to start being more inter-sectional, acknowledging race and when we start acknowledging
things like race, people with different disabilities and like sexualities and
genders it's only more ground for us to come together and be stronger as a movement towards things like
marriage equality and not even just marriage equality like LGBTQIA+ issues
in general I think that the safe schools thing is a real real shame it's
not good enough you know you just have to look at the higher suicide rates
for LGBTQI you know kids not good enough you've got to stop losing lives come on
just for like to like to run your own political agenda or whatever nah not
good enough at all sex ed classes need to actually acknowledge that not
everyone is going to have heterosexual relationships and
that some men trans men and non-binary people do get their periods and trans
women have penises like none of that was addressed none of that was addressed and
it made it so complicated for me and so many other people to navigate who they
were the one thing that bugged me oh the lack
of sexual education surrounding same-sex relationships was appalling the lack of
sexual education surrounding sexual pleasure is just appalling in itself I
remember so vividly it was just one of the girls got up and like showed us her
Implanon - how did you come into working as a
safe sex educator?
well it was a volunteer program called 'yeah' which is
youth empowerment against HIV/AIDS, they're a youth run organisation which I
joined in Brisbane yeah it was really really enlightening because in high
school I didn't receive any well the bare minimum safe sex education you know
I think in primary school we watched one video and in high school we watched a
video of a woman having a water birth and that's pretty much the only safe sex
education that I received in high school
- f**k
I guess it was a really important thing
for me to do especially in my younger years when I was first coming out as a gay man
living my life and having sex to understand everything that goes with it
so yeah we would go to music festivals and hand out condoms and show people how
to put them on dildos and just educate them on STIs and how to prevent it and
what to do if you get one and trying to reduce the stigma around using a condom
when you're having sex with somebody and we did learn a lot about safe sex
education for LGBTIQA people because that's a super important thing to teach
people especially when they do receive sex education they quite often don't
receive any sex education that has to do with LGBTIQA people so you're seeing back
home in your small town hmm that's changing mm-hmm I know the education
system is trying very hard now I mean I mean I know that they have programs in
school they did not have those programs when I was there
I think I knew of one person from from the high school that was gay or at
least what everyone said they were gay but there was no outreach there was no
there was no program to help me come out or to come to terms with that
but I know now that luckily with with our government they were trying to help
and fix up that little bit of a hole in the education system no kid is
born racist homophobic not understanding all kids are very open-minded
my sister Sienna absolutely adores Monique has from day one absolutely
loved her one day at this school thing that they had for their year level it
was talking about marriage and relationships and family and the lady
presenting, making the presentation called out to all the girls in grade 1
and said girls 'what is a family?' and Siena put her hand straight up and I
was interested as to what she was going to say and I was sitting there and she said
'a family can be either a mum on their own or a dad on their own or two mums or
two dads or a mum and a dad' and I looked at her and I was like I had tears in my eyes I was
like 'where did this come from?' so it showed that obviously Monique and I our presence in
her life was making a really big difference because we're working with
kids in Greece, I'm doing Greece the Arena Experience by the way, I see it in the
way people are teaching kids at the dance school that I was at when I was
doing full time the littlens were doing a Wizard of Oz number and half of
them were scarecrows half of them were Dorothies there was a boy that was beside
himself that he could not be a Dorothy and the teacher was like 'well you can be'
so and the parents came behind stage at the concert and were like 'thank you for
letting our son be who he is' like it's just things like that that wouldn't have
happened for us that I feel are happening now well the big one is
creating that awareness around the third gender that exists under law and and
making it compulsory that you know when a giant mall is
built why are we only respecting two of those and completely denying the
existence of the other how much integrity is lost when you can't go to
the toilet and and we're not just talking about non-binary people we're
talking about people who don't fit the common image people who aren't allowed
to enter women's spaces even though they're a woman and same for men
obviously I don't want to necessarily disenfranchise those people people have
their fears for a reason and we can address those fears but we can also
respect those fears and so I would like to see a third bathroom agenda neutral
bathroom so I think that's a great way in terms of allowing non-binary people
and people who don't fit common images of people to even access society on
a normal basis to go shopping at the mall to go out with friends and see movies
then we will exist visibly because right now I'm staying at home because I don't
want to go out, 'cause I'm scared of going to the bathroom I've been beaten I've been
harassed and and verbally abused and I'm a little bit tired and if there's days I
don't want to face that then I can't go out maybe share some more stories of
just regular people and maybe not and I'll probably get in trouble for saying this, just don't
sexualise it so much it's just something that I personally have found and the
comments that I received from a lot of men around me especially when I went the
whole coming out thing was referencing to Mardi Gras in g-strings and leather
and the voice and whips and glitter and all these sorts of things, which is nothing
wrong with it it's all fun and I love it like that's great but it's just not me
there's a lot of people living here and and all over the world that are we're
just different gay guys if we showed more of that just you know regular
families or two two guys going to the cafe with their dog and it wasn't always
the stereotypically feminine sort of gay guy then probably a lot of guys
especially would feel more comfortable in themselves and you know even TV and
things it's my partner loves Will and Grace and all those sort of shows but
the guy is always a particular person like I don't relate to that so I'm sure
that there's many people just like that and that think that 'Oh
got everyone's going to think when I'm gay' just like my dad did he did that he
thought Mardi Gras and all these other things and it's just yeah I think it's
just something that puts people off wanting to come out because they don't
want their friends and that thinking that they're going to be different to
who they are right now and you know for all the men that like all those sort of
things that's just who they are so there's nothing wrong with it it's just yeah we
all need to be comfortable and I think the gay community can just yeah we can
make it just a little bit more every day like on Australian TV I can think of one
show
- Wentworth?
Nope, that's the other show, Wentworth, Please Like Me that's
about it Australian TV also has a massive race
issue which yeah like everything is white everyone is white if you watch
any of the main TV shows that people watch almost every character is white
we've started getting a little bit of good indigenous representation which is
nice but other than that it is just white city everywhere because one of the
hardest hurdles that I've had with getting people to take my identity
seriously is the fact that there aren't really any aromantics on television so they
don't understand it because the characters that you do see that 'oh
they don't want that relationship' eventually they find the one and they're
not sentenced to a life of spinsterhood or anything and it's just the
idea that if you don't think you want a relationship you will still find someone and
that person is going to make you change your mind and you see that story
happening all the time so people go 'oh you say you don't want a relationship
but look at all these characters they found someone' aromantics they're portrayed
as like commitment-phobes or spinsters that are just like these sad
old women with cats and there's no positive portrayal and we really do need
more positive portrayal of LGBTQIA+ characters so that the general public
can relate your experience to this character because they can learn things
about characters that you never learn about people themselves I think I was reading
something the day where people were like 'I don't understand why we have to
have you know some unnecessary like queer romance in the TV series' and someone had
a comment like 'what about every unnecessary straight romance or hetero romance in every single
series ever?' and it was like 'oh yeah duh' and I know the
difference it makes seeing it in you know video games or in comics or in books or
short films or whatever having that representation having those
stories people can see themselves reflected in what would have been
amazing and what I would love for like past teenage me or for other people who are
living in rural areas or places where they didn't have access to community
whether it's like in you know people who face to face or online being able to have
games which they can play or media whether it's books or movies that have
stories that reflect them so you do get like 'oh there's that that's the
possibility for me' like there's something I can relate to and I can see
myself in and have that for them I think that would've made a tremendous difference you know having
those stories where I think really relate to different characters and see
how they dealt with problems and be like 'oh wow I had that exact same problem that I
deal with sometimes' and that's what I would love to see in games as well
for across across the board not just for you know gay male characters but
characters of all different backgrounds and all sorts of awesome characters
whether it's like race religion sex gender orientation I'd love like that and we
make I think would be really cool we love Dungeons and Dragons so we play a lot
of that now you really get to kind of create who who you want to be at any
given moment and I think people forget that that's also the case for real life
like you don't have to just wait for a video game to do that or and you know
tabletop game you know you know what today
you know like we were joking before like 'I'm a tree' you create yourself however I'm obsessed
with Orphan Black and like Cosima and Delphine and like why
isn't there more of that where it's just being like 'we're together' like it's not
a big deal like I needed that from such a younger age I think it's important to
just show like you can be anyone and you can just
happen to be gay I promise I don't work for these guys: Butch is Not a Dirty
Word which is a fabulous magazine so it represents say women like me trans
non-binary butch afab folk, assigned female at birth, and it creates visibility, buy
these magazines put them in the doctor's office physiotherapists any waiting room
hotels just create visibility. There's fabulous stories in there written by
butch women butch people and written by those who love them yeah just creating
awareness and visibility and and that will stop people from being afraid in
the end no one's really here for a very long time and we're all just people just trying to
be comfortable and it's important to understand that when you speak about
trans people or gay people or lesbians bisexuals in such a demeaning manner
that you're affecting like such a huge group of people and you can say words
don't affect you know whatever, but they do even if you have those opinions
I don't agree that you should because opinions like that do have like a death
toll if you're intending to live your life by just constantly spilling hate
then you need to kind of re-evaluate because it hurts it really hurts
It would be nice to like have someone care about something that isn't a gun or
whatever's in someone's pants that'd be beautiful
I think realising that who you have in your life whether they're trans or gender queer or
what have you that at the end of the day they're just people I truly believe that we're all
people first and identity second
why don't you do that at the end of the day for a secular society religion
shouldn't be running our Constitution it should be nothing there about it ah to
put it really simply the whole world's getting on board so get around it
Get out of your arse about it
Australia, hurry up
Catch the f**k up Australia
get over yourself
get your shit sorted
we need them and we deserved them and we actually like deserved them decades ago
but we're still waiting
we need it and we don't have it yet we're lagging
behind in the world and it's embarrassing why do we want to keep
putting marginalised groups through the same things that you're inevitably going
to have to apologise for in 20 years? Like you have to keep doing because you
keep messing up you know
oh my goodness just let whoever wants to marry each
other marry each other I don't want to marry anyone so take my ability to get
married and give it to like a loving gay couple that just need that legal word
it's very difficult for a straight man to come up with rules and regulations
for for our community it's not it's not something that they should be making
solely on just their own personal or religious beliefs
seriously f**king
legalise marriage like that's all I've got to say it's not going to
change anything it's not it's not going to have an impact it's just allowing us
to do what everybody else is allowed to do I cannot comprehend
the fact that so many people perceive our cause for equality as asking
for more it's literally just us on the pursuit for equality we want equal the
exact same not above you the exact same it hurts my feelings that we aren't seen
as equal I think it's very selfish for them to have an effect on our lives when
it really has nothing to do with them if everyone can get married does that mean
your bills aren't going to be paid does that mean this world's going to come
crashing down hell no it means that everyone's going to be equal and if
we're going to preach and say that we are an equal society that we are a
democratic society then we need to actually be that we just
always say you know we were married in and Zealand so it's clarified
we haven't reported our relationship to any officials because we're like well
you're not going to take our tax money if we can't get the rights it was kind of
like as soon as we came back to Australia we just high-fived and went 'hey
friend' so obviously the huge equal right issue
these days is still in 2017 I can't believe I'm saying this marriage
equality you know something popped up in my Facebook feed the anniversary of a
March that I attended four years ago and you know it's been intractable with
political infighting so I would say to Australia let's get on with it of course
you know I think when we eventually do have marriage equality and it
is an inevitability as far as I'm concerned I think the rest of the world
is going to look at us and say 'you mean you didn't have it already? Fun-loving
Australia relaxed you know kind good-hearted Australia you didn't have
marriage equality?' And you know it will be kind of a bit of a laughing stock I
mean when they realise that we didn't have it
my mum got married to her partner
who she's been with since I was 15 or something it was the most beautiful wedding
but it was in Canada because they couldn't get married here of course it just sucked
that it had to happen in another country because it meant that all the cousins
and family that were in Australia couldn't make it to Canada for the ceremony and
marriage should be a family it's a family get together isn't it?
It's like, it's when the whole like collective family comes together and celebrates it is just
doing families a dis-service because in our extended family there's like say
100 people there's only a couple people within that family that are
queer so the fact that they couldn't get married in
Australia affected all those people that are supposedly straight and a lot of kids like most of the
people that got the worst affected were kids who were like grand-kids
and young kids ciuldn't understand why they couldn't be there they were missing out on the
party you know so it's not fair for families,
for anyone that is undecided or in opposition I guess in
particular to same-sex marriage at the moment I urge you to talk to gay people
talk to trans people go and ask them and don't offer your opinion because
they're not giving their opinion they're telling you about their life and I think
if you can see the difference that this is people's lives they're talking about not
their feelings and to understand that an opinion is not harmless if it's
oppressive so this ring airbnb are giving them out it's a marriage equality ring it
says inside 'until we all belong' and it has a gap which signifies the gap in
equality in this country and I'm pretty sure it was like $3.50 for the shipping or
something so I get to be a good person and have a cool ring and it was very cheap
I'm really proud to work for a company that supports same-sex marriage our CEO
came out along with a whole bunch of business leaders in an open letter to
the prime minister encouraging the recognition of same-sex marriage and I
think that's a really important step the next step I think is for more business
leaders and also future business leaders like the ones in our in our generation
to come out and be bold and be brave and speak up for things like this that that
need to change and they recognise as changing and that will go towards
creating a better set of circumstances to help encourage the legislation to
change marriage equality is only the beginning it's not our biggest issue
it's just is our front page issue but once marriage equality is
done and dusted and we're in and we have equality under the law still stand
beside us and know that trans people have the highest rate of suicide and
know that bisexual and trans youth are the most homeless and know that housing
is really hard to get jobs and discrimination on a social basis is
constant even the fact that people fear their parents we need that to end
you know if you're not homophobic if you're supportive express that at some
point because your kid might be freaking out inside that you hate them even
though you don't know them so have those conversations let queer society
community coexist with the entirety of society in your life move forward
together
- alright that's it
yaaaay
- Donezo
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