hi guys okay I'm experiencing a lot of revelations lately and another one is
like just move you know people telling other people to just move if they don't
like something just move and like I've heard that like too many times recently
here over the past few days but but the thing this is where I connected at is
you know being in a place okay so you know my history has been of being a
military spouse and so in 2000 I got this job and I was a supply clerk and I
was making only $7.25 an hour I actually I really liked the job it was
a lot of fun I learned a lot about the government
how things worked I learned but the only difference was okay I got paid less than
the soldiers got paid and so then if it I would have been in another type of
position may be working for oil company oil company or a manufacturing company
they would have got paid even more you know so I was kind of at the I suppose
the low end of the totem pole when it comes to pay you know $7.25 an hour and
that was back in 2000 it was a non appropriated funds job but it taught me
a lot how the government works so I learned how well how like the assets and
things were taken care of and they did inventory and and so they would like buy
things and well the towels was one of the ones that went through a pretty fast you
know because the towels when they started looking raggedy then they take
and put them in this box and then they donate them for rags to the to the O to
the carwash and to the soldiers when they were working on their cars and
things like that so they would have some grease
rags or they donate them back into the motor pools and things like that so they
would have something you know the cleanup spills and you know or just
clean themselves so so they were actually recycling them into a you know
into a place and some of the ones that were a little nicer you know I admit
like you know they they were getting rid of them and so me and my boss we took
towels home so I had some government towels myself and because I was thinking
actually the funny part was these towels some of them even though they had a
stain on them they said they had to get rid of them because they had a stain or
a mark on em like a big long mark and and so they said that that was one of
the guidelines for getting rid of them and I thought well heck even though it
has a mark on it it's nicer than the actual towel that I have a home so but I
was just thinking like okay there came a point that you know I don't know I kind
of felt like things needed to change and you know but I had nobody to actually
help me there and so there was a point like my parents came to visit at the
time of my daughter's graduation and my dad would be like we'll move you need to
move you need to move back to Iowa and you know and I couldn't figure out how
to do that on my own and he did help me my parents they did help me you know I
didn't have much money I didn't have much money saved and I just gone through
a divorce and I was doing really really poorly in Kansas in Junction City so I
went up to Iowa and I signed up to go to school college and you know do
everything that we were being told that was supposed to help us you know do well
and I went into multimedia marketing and for a couple years I was going to school
working at retail for $5.00 and it was started out as 5.95 cents an hour and
then he bumped it up to $6 five cents an hour (jcpenney) you know but it was
the only thing that I had that would fit in with what the school that I was doing
at the time then my son was going to school and my mom had told me that my
dad said he would help and but it was obvious over time that that became a
burden for him and he didn't want to do it anymore and but it was one of those
things you kind of wonder you know it's like you've got people in your ear all
the time telling you what you need to be doing but you kind of wonder it is it
actually just empty dialogue you know that that they really don't want to help
because what good this is what I'm asking
what good is telling someone what to do when the whole system is rigged against
them because I did everything I had the Pell Grant the government pell Grant I
went to school and then would eventually well a lot of stuff I actually it was
like everything for multimedia marketing was pretty much teaching ourselves
everything just about everything was teaching ourselves so that we paid for
overpriced books there was one of them lynda.com and that taught us I think it
was Photoshop and so then I did an internship and so I had to teach myself
how to work the videos and this was when they did the high eight and they
transferred from the camera onto the computer itself so I had to teach myself
how to do that and it was I always thought it was strange its like here I am
paid to go to school but yet I'm teaching myself everything in these
courses that you know that didn't make sense to me well actually the government
paid for me to go to school college but in order to get the degree I had to go
to college to get the degree and and so anyway but then anyway to make a long
story we'll just pare it down a little bit I guess
I graduated and allows by myself trying to get jobs and all that was available
was temp jobs and that didn't make sense to me so there was really nothing in the
field of what I wanted to do and so and I was just getting temp jobs I was it
was still hard for me to make it there was nothing there but it's like no
matter how much I would tell this to my dad it was like he would just blow up it
was just like if me and my son wanted to talk about something he just would blow
up at me you know if we wanted to just express ourselves and say things he
would just blow up and say you you don't know what you're talking about you know
shut up and he you know actually it made me feel bad even with my son Caleb when
he was trying to talk about things and to hear my dad say that to him
it just cut it just cut and hurt and you know and I was just supposed to be quiet
and not say anything and it really made it uncomfortable and to the point where
I kind of felt like I didn't even want to go visit him for that reason because
it's like everything was so sugar-coated on every holiday and everything and you
know then I end up right back in the place where there's nothing you know the
place that I left you know the the place where in decades before you know I
started a bad marriage that I really didn't want to get into so really what
was there it's like these companies you know you'd have people telling you why I
came from the school of hard knocks you know and and it's like okay well that's
good but now we're being told that we have to be taught go to college and you
know so I mean I didn't know what that meant you know I was from a different
generation and I'd been out in the world and you
know when I moved back to Iowa I did see how people were kind of still the same
you know I mean in some senses there was a little
of oppression even in that community you know where some people were favored over
others and even the same thing like with women it kind of seemed like I went into
Walmart and the oh the eye doctor I was I want I went in there to apply for a
job and he was like well are you married and and I thought maybe that was there
was a law against that you know but the only thing I'm thinking is that by
saying are you married I'm assuming that he probably meant the job didn't pay for
he could you know so so I kept trying and trying and you know and it's just
like I was right back I was right back at where I started I went in one big
circle so I started there got into a marriage that that was horrible and you
know but but the thing is is the experience throughout everything you
know I can't dismiss that because the experiences I loved meeting the
different people and everybody and everything the places that I went even
though I wasn't happy with you know the marriage that I was in you know I mean I
have great kids and I end up right back where I started with nothing that's that
that's what it was and so that's the thing that I don't get with just move
because when you have nothing when you start out with nothing and you go back
to nothing how do you get something that is not intended for you that's by design
that's rigged for you to have nothing how do you get it and that's the
question that I have for well I mean what I see is this up of the attitude of
sorts that comes from certain places it's an uppity attitude that's past
based on the jobs that people are given and so how does someone who has nothing
get something when they've done everything that's described by your
telling them and you end up in one big circle how do you get something from
nothing and and so it doesn't make any sense to
me yeah it doesn't make any sense to me you always have someone in your ear well
moved you need to do this don't talk about that because you don't know you
don't know anything about that well the thing is this we're supposed to ask
questions we have the right to ask questions and what you it's this is my
opinion in what you guys who are saying is you know nothing what you're doing is
oppressing my voice you're pressing my children's voice you're oppressing
everyone else's voice and the thing is is that politics is mixed deep in our
families deep in the fabric of America politics is is part of it but yet you
want to hide it that's what you want to do is hide it and then you blow up when
we ask questions and say we don't know what they're what what we're talking
about and you won't have a discussion that's what that's all it boils down to
and that's the kind of home I grew up in when I was a kid as if we asked
questions if we asked questions about God I got punished I got my face slapped
and oh and I remember when I went to my dad when I was pregnant and my sister
and I had a conversation about that not too long ago she said that my dad got
mad and yelled at me and you know I guess some of these things I probably
shut out because of the fact that well I was yelled at a lot when I was a little
kid you know nothing I could ever do was right you know I was always always
yelled at all the time and you know I've always been trying to
figure out like what where it was the stem from doing this biting my
fingernails for 47 years where does that come from that's the thing I'm trying to
think where in the hell does that come from and I've tried and try to try to
stop doing it but I'm beginning to see that it's
something that comes from my child but it comes from
maybe even church you know the church the school system which was set up well
you know Rockefeller was heavily heavily invested in the school system and kind
of designing it I am thinking designing it based on product placement that's the
only thing that I can see designing it based on product placement and selling
products and ideas agendas ideologies and keeping people oppressed from even
asking questions that's wrong that's like the connection that I can see
because I otherwise it's like it's really hard to see because it was
happening before I was born you know I mean there's a lot of connections and
revelations here that I'm seeing and and so it's like but we were told not to
talk about anything to not question anything not to ask questions about
anything and it's like how do you have a conversation with people and you go to
your family and and and I I realize not everybody was like that which I'm
thankful for I am so thankful that everybody wasn't like that because
otherwise we would just like this would be it would be a terrible country you
know because there were other families who let their kids explore they let him
live fearless they let em be fearless and you know that was the thing I
started seeing on YouTube but what was it about you know what was it that
caused my family to have such the strict indoctrination or that we drew on things
that were I don't know it doesn't make any sense to me you know that some
people were targeted you know I mean it is there some some type of technology
that existed back then that targeted people in their homes you know aside
from the TV that's the thing that I wonder about and if so why did it target
the people because the things that the connection that I'm making here is that
it is the fact that my ancestry and I'm beginning to wonder
about the ancestry because it shows that I come from ancient ancestry
I have Balkan and native-american and so and then but then my maternal group
comes from somewhere in Africa even though the DNA marker is not there well
I don't know it is it went back further than eight generations maybe it could be
there I don't know I don't know if there's more that can be done with
ancestry or not but just the recent markers you know so I don't know that
much about the DNA but just the fact so were we targeted to try to get rid of
our DNA was that it that's that's what it has me wondering what were we
targeted to try to get rid of the DNA and fit into that it's almost kind of
like Germany and Hitler in the Jews and with Germany wanting to create the super
race of humans of blond hair and blue eyes and and it's kind of like that's
what was happening back then the blonde you know blond hair blue eyes and but
yet they you know because the thing is when you come from from from a place in
migrated around the world you know it kind of makes sense and and
I guess the thing I'm thinking is that what it was
I don't know love you guys thanks
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