It's just [stressed noise]
so, uh in June, I had a spine setback where my spine pain was just like [opera singer sound]
really but not like yay cultural opera owww, like owwww, that's the volume, like lots of pain. lots
of pain. um, and so I had no choice but to see doctors about that.
so as I've been trying to get help from doctors, I keep coming across the same
phrases and the same problems. so one of the most common phrases that I hear from
doctors is "that's nothing". so yesterday I went to a spine doctor. took me two months
to get an appointment with this person and I had... I had recently had the MRI which I had to
fight for but that's another story. the MRI shows that, you know, um, there's
more herniations and problems in the the cervical and thoracic area than
there was before. and hmmmm that's where her pain is so, maybe, hmm, I mean I'm not a
doctor, but maybe it's connected. just what seem like that makes the most sense.
like it hurts there, things are not fully connected there. no, the doctor goes, no
that's nothing. yes, number two. um, it's your age. that was
the thing, I was told that the fact that I'm getting even more herniations and
disc bulges and all kinds of problems with my spine, is totally normal
I could have the same problem at like 38 39 and I wouldn't hear that but the
moment I turned 40. boom. number three. another reason why I'm in pain, according
to doctors, it's because I'm in a wheelchair. I don't know why doctors view
wheelchairs as a problem, instead of what they really are, is a
vehicle of freedom. it allows you to get to the bathroom, it allows me to leave my home.
it also helps my spine because guess when? when I have my, like, custom spine support and my
proper spine support it actually helps my spine pain. I am not, in pain because I'm
in a wheelchair. I had spine issues before I was in a
wheelchair. I'm in a wheelchair because I have spine and brain issues. my
wheelchair is not the problem. you know, they don't even ask me, like "do you do your own
physical therapy?" do you do any kind of exercises? they assume I don't, that I'm always in the
wheelchair, I never got out of the heelchair, which is the next thing that I hear a lot is: you need
physical therapy. first of all I do my own exercises and I do them in my home,
when my body is able to do them, not when there's an available time slot. because
just the process of me getting dressed, getting on the bus or wherever you know,
and... and going where I have to go, just to get physical therapy? I'm already tired.
I'm already in pain with my spine. But second of all, I've had physical therapy
before. every time I go to physical therapy, I get really like full-on
spastic. I tell them this is what happens to me, they're like "oh, don't worry. don't
worry. you'll be fine, you'll be fine. we can help you." cut to me getting full-on like
full body spastic, and they're like "*gasp* we've never encountered this before! we don't
know what to do!" I don't understand why the medical field does not know about
spasticity, about spastic-ness. it is an established medical thing, and it's just like, it's
not even like a new medical thing. it is an old medical thing and yet you're like
"well I get spastic spastic" "spastic? hmm. I've never heard of this word. I don't know -
what to do with people who are spastic." that's like why? how? did you... did doctors just skip
that day? like they're like "well, there's Spastic 101, but pft. we don't need to know about
that. let's play hookey and go to the bar" and the last problem that I have is that
you know, if you follow the show, you know that sometimes I am not able to engage
in conversation in real time. I can't always process what people are saying to me in
real time, and so verbal communication is not always my forte. and because, you know
even on a good day, you can't always remember everything you
want to say a doctor, all your questions. what I do is, I ... I type it up and
they look very very easy, it's not even a full page. would take minutes to read, I type it
up. but the problem is, so many doctors do not even like, if ... they'll maybe read
like like partial... partially read it, if they even read it at all. and... and then
they ask me questions, that they wouldn't need to ask me, if they just read the
fucking notes. I don't understand. I'm not handing them a thesis. you know, this is
not like I'm handing them, something like, "oh, did you... did you read the
article all about like, the rainbow popcorn?" shit that would be
completely irrelevant. this is like, relevant! so, it's safe to say that the
appointment was pretty fucking useless and by the time I got home, I just bawled my
eyes out. and I get, I get really depressed. it truly is like very a specific
kind of hell, when you are in need of medical help and you can't get medical
help because, you have doctors who are just ignorant um, and illogical and just...
and just are going too fast to like, properly do their job. when do you think? leave
your comments in the comment sections, because that's where they belong.
take care of yourselves. do self care as needed, she says to herself and to you. *tired laugh*
hang in there. hang in there, man. 'cus wooo. life.
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