There are so many great weapons in Fallout New Vegas, it's almost impossible to pick
a bad one.
And even if you do somehow manage to find yourself with a sub-par weapon, Skills and
Chems can carry the load for you.
Most of the time.
There's one weapon that nothing can save, a weapon with absolutely no redeeming qualities.
Can You Beat Fallout New Vegas With Only A Rolling Pin?
Our SPECIAL Stats this time around aren't anything crazy.
It's the same setup you'd use in a normal melee-only build.
But because I don't want to be reliant on Speech, I dropped the points out of Charisma
and put them into Agility.
Strength is at 10, obviously.
Perception deals with Energy Weapons, Lockpick, and Explosives, so it's not that useful.
Intelligence at 9 lets us level up faster and Endurance at 9 ensures we aren't a wet
noodle once we get into the Mojave.
For Skills, we go with Melee Weapons, Survival, and Lockpick.
And for Traits, we have Skilled to boost all skills, and Wild Wasteland because why not.
After looting Doc Mitchell's house, my first stop was the General Store to sell Doc Mitchell's
stuff and pick up a few Stimpaks.
I also sold all the weapons that came from the DLC packs.
And here's the first challenge.
This is a Rolling Pin only playthrough, which means using fists is out of the question.
So…
I have to find a Rolling Pin.
Sounds easy, right?
Well, sort of.
They have a chance of spawning inside Metal Boxes, but there aren't many boxes in Goodsprings.
You can use the Fallout Wiki to see exactly where Rolling Pins are located, which is what
I used.
The first stop is Primm to get a quest started.
A Rolling Pin is important, but more important at the moment is getting my Melee Weapons
skill up as quickly as I can.
When Johnson Nash didn't have a Rolling Pin, I ransacked his house, but still didn't
find one.
I knew where one was, it was just a real pain to get there.
Novac.
Lovely.
On the way out there, I discovered Hidden Valley and passed through Scorpion-ville.
This was not the best idea I've ever had.
It took a good while, but I finally got my Rolling Pin.
I stole it from Cliff Briscoe's Bungalow.
I finally had my weapon, and man do I look fucking cool now.
Now that I can defend myself, it was time to bash in some skulls.
I started with the Convicts in Primm who were mean to me earlier.
Then I ventured south towards Mojave Outpost.
The Jackal Gang Members out that way, specifically their leader, proved to be the first of many
challenging foes who would ultimately fall before my mighty Rolling Pin.
After arriving at Mojave Outpost, I took a job from Ranger Jackson, who wanted me to
kill some ants.
I killed the ants and made a big decision.
Thus far, this run didn't seem to be challenging enough.
So I upped the difficulty to Normal from Very Easy.
This isn't supposed to be a cake walk.
Not long after making things harder for myself, I discovered something that almost negated
that.
Almost.
One of my concerns was weapon degradation.
Was, weapon degradation.
Turns out that Major Knight is a pretty handy fella, and he's also cheap.
He can repair my darling Rolling Pin up to 100% for just a handful of caps.
With my weapon essentially being immortal, I thought it a good time to go rescue Deputy
Beagle from the Escaped Convicts.
The leader was tough to kill, but he finally went down after I bonked him on the back of
the head really hard.
Primm needs leadership and considering what's coming, it felt right to have the NCR takeover
the town.
Johnson Nash seems like the kind of guy who'd enjoy paying taxes.
With the town safe, I was off to check on Nipton for Ranger Ghost.
Along the way, I fought some more ants.
A lot of ants.
Also more Jackal Gang Members.
The Normal difficulty was definitely not very easy.
The trick with the Rolling Pin is to hit people with it over and over again.
If you hit them enough, you'll cripple their brain case which'll stagger them a bit,
allowing you to hit them even more.
In Nipton, I immediately went after that cunt Oliver Swanick.
He's a runner.
But no matter how far you run, no matter how safe you think you are, you're never safe
from Ethel and his Rolling Pin.
I named myself Ethel, just in case you couldn't put that together yourself.
I met wolf boy, tried to kill him, only succeeded in killing a dog and then dying, beat the
ever-living fuck out of this Powder Granite's legs, went back to Mojave Outpost to tell
Ghost what happened, spread word of the Legion's atrocities, sold my wares to Cliff Briscoe,
did some sweet parkour, and was off to Boulder City.
I stopped by 188 Trading Post, got Veronica as a companion, fast traveled back to Hidden
Valley, and used Veronica to get me inside the Brotherhood bunker.
Then I sent her packing, got a mission from the Elder, killed a few Centaurs, found a
holotape, and entered REPCONN Headquarters.
Putting all my Skill points into Melee Weapons came back and bit me in the ass here.
In order to get to the 2nd floor of REPCONN, you need a Lockpicking skill of 50.
I don't have that.
Which means the only way for me to get in is to kill the Mr Handy with the key.
But the other robots really don't like that.
The Sentry Bots found it especially upsetting, and are as tough as they are persistent.
Once I figured out how doors work, I was able to get upstairs to recover the holotape and
somehow made it out alive.
The last one would have to wait.
I've got a Boulder to see.
Jessup was surprised as hell to see me.
And Jessup is one tough cookie.
I shit you not, I was beating him with my Rolling Pin for more than 2 minutes.
I started to fight the other guy but decided it wasn't worth the effort and left, signaling
to the NCR soldiers that they could advance and open fire.
I got my Rolling Pin repaired again and was headed for the Strip.
And for once I didn't get sidetracked with some other nonsense and actually made it there.
Some things never change, though, because I kicked the Tops doors open and started swinging
away at all the Chairmen.
And for some reason, when I started giving Benny the ol' one-bop two-bop with the Rolling
Pin, he just stood there and took it.
Didn't even attempt to fight back.
With the Platinum Chip back in my possession, I completed my delivery to Mr House, got my
payment, and went to talk to Ambassador Dennis Crocker.
That's right, I'm not siding with Yes Man this time.
If any playthrough called for it, it's this one.
Since I'm siding with the NCR, there's lots to do.
First up is to convince the Boomers to come to the aid of the NCR at the 2nd Battle of
Hoover Dam.
This means I can't just meet Pearl and then kill her.
I have to help them.
When Melee Weapons reached 100, I started putting the excess points into Medicine, making
it trivial to help the Boomer's doctor with their patients.
I also talked to Pete, then Loyal, then Raquel, and I got to kill more ants.
I really didn't feel like helping Jack or repairing the satellite array.
Luckily, you can boost the Boomers affinity for you by giving Raquel missiles.
So I went to the Gun Runners, bought 30 missiles, and gave them to Raquel.
I raised the plane for Loyal, got word from Pearl that they'll help me in the upcoming
war, and was done with the Boomers forever.
Next up is Pacer.
This one's tricky.
I couldn't just outright kill him, Crocker wouldn't like that.
Option A is to spike his Jet with Psycho and kill him that way.
I tried to find his stash, failed, and read online that it's a whole ordeal to do it
that way.
So I'd trick someone else into killing him.
I got the guard job from Gloria Van Graff and took my place next to Simon.
I antagonized Pacer and got him to open fire.
I thought Simon would help me.
He did not.
I was almost out of ideas.
I also thought that my Rolling Pin was in the crate next to Simon.
But that too, was not.
Then things got tricky again.
See, I had my Rolling Pin and could beat Pacer with it, but if you go stray too far, Simon
thinks you ran off with the Van Graff's shit, and he'll open fire.
It took a bit of trial and error, but I was able to kill Pacer and have it pinned on the
Van Graff's.
I'd been summoned to Hoover Dam to meet with Colonel Moore.
She gave me a new mission: Deal with the Great Khans.
Maybe if you've got a high Speech skill, you can convince them to not hate the NCR.
I do not, which means it's time to finish the NCR's job and finally end the Great
Khans.
To do this, I'll need to kill 15 of them.
The good news is that they aren't as tough as Jessup.
The bad news is that they're still a real bitch to kill.
By the time the Great Khans were no more, my poor Rolling Pin was almost broken in half.
Next, I was told to see if anything fishy was going on at Gomorrah.
Seemed like busy work.
Instead, I got the last Brotherhood holotape from the dead Paladin just outside of Nellis.
Elder McNamara has a strange affinity for 3's.
Three dead Paladins to track down, three scouts to meet, three A's in his last name.
It's suspicious as all hell.
I got the Scout reports and guess what…
MORE THREES!
I had to go to three different Vaults to track down the parts needed to keep the bunker's
lights on.
First up was Vault 3.
This went about as badly as something could go.
I set the difficulty back down to Very Easy because I'm a pussy and charged inside.
These Fiends were not nice to me.
After trying for a few minutes to kill them, and going through all my Stimpaks, I found
out that I couldn't even get into the Maintenance Room without a key.
Rather than fighting, I ran passed all the Fiends in an attempt to find the key.
My plan worked to perfection.
The NCR Ranger hiding in the Vault had traps.
I set those traps off and used them to kill most of the Fiends that wee following me.
The Ranger died and I picked the key from his still warm body.
I avoided Motor Runner and his dogs, got the part, and was off to the next Vault.
All that was in the next one was Giant Mantis's and Rats.
Easy Pete-sy.
The last Vault was sort of an inverse of Vault 3.
Inside was nothing frightening.
To get to it, though, that was scary.
Cazadors are always a pain to fight.
And when your only weapon is a Rolling Pin, fighting isn't an option.
I channeled my inner Skyrim Horse and walked the walls.
It took longer than I would have liked, but I got inside the Vault, got the part, returned
to the Brotherhood bunker, and was thanked not as an outside, but as a friend.
Lower case on that F, not upper case.
Let's not get carried away.
I'd put it off long enough, the time had come to see what the flipper was going on
inside Gomorrah.
I really didn't want to go through that nonsense, so I started beating people with
my Rolling Pin.
Then I tried to lie about it to Colonel Moore.
Turns out it doesn't matter if you lie or not, yeah!
No morals!
By this point, Mr House has usually been dead for quite a while.
I corrected that mistake and finally figured out what happens to Victor when Mr House dies.
Then I killed Victor for the last time.
No resurrections this time.
Then I convinced the Brotherhood to form a momentary truce with the NCR, prepared for
President Kimball's arrival, stopped a would-be evil-doer, stopped an assassination attempt,
saved the day, and took the final steps towards the point of no return.
General Oliver told me the plan.
All that changed when the Legion attacked.
I could have fought tooth and nail alongside the NCR to defend the Dam.
But that would've been hard, so I just ran passed all the Centurians with their big guns
and fancy hats.
They followed me inside the Legate's camp and I discovered how truly fucked I was when
I hit a Praetorian.
My Rolling Pin did fuck all against him.
Things were not looking good for me.
And then, a miracle happened.
Something nobody could have predicted.
Here's what happened: Legate Lanius doesn't become hostile towards you unless you attack
him or you speak to him.
But before either of those things could happen, two NCR soldiers arrived on the scene and
attacked the Legate.
There were also Praetorians attacking me.
It was a giant clusterfuck.
Through some AI error in the game, the Legate started attacking the Praetorians and was
eventually felled by them.
I did not kill the Legate, but I took all the credit.
Oliver wouldn't arrive unless the Praetorians were killed.
And that sucked, oh my god, did that ever suck.
My poor Rolling Pin was closer than ever to snapping in half.
Despite that, the NCR won the day, and I beat Fallout New Vegas With Only A Rolling Pin.
This was the worst Fallout New Vegas run I've done yet.
It took a long time to kill anyone, siding with the NCR made the entire game take longer
than it needed to, not putting at least some points into skills like Lockpicking or Speech
made some sections more annoying than they needed to be.
Overall, it just wasn't that fun of a run.
But that's why I'm here.
I suffered through this stupid idea so you don't have to.
And that's gonna do it for this video about whether or not you can beat Fallout New Vegas
with only a Rolling Pin.
If you enjoyed the video or learned anything, leave a Like.
Leave a Dislike if you didn't enjoy the video or didn't learn anything.
Follow me on Twitter @MittenSquad.
My name is Paul of Mitten Squad.
Have a wonderful day.
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