The state were in in the moment the state we're in at any moment
powerfully impact impacts the meaning we associate to something the state were in
in the moment powerfully impacts the meaning that we
associate to something or that we assign to something so one way to change what
things mean you just change your darn state it's that true I mean if you're
feeling great new things just kind of bounce off you that normally if you're
feeling upset would you change the way you look at and probably change the way
you feel about it you bet so we need to really still manage our state we talked
about that a great deal last session I want to make sure that that's part of
your life's work your life's work is really learning how to live in a way we
need to spend most of your time enjoying yourself very little time and paying
most your time implies you're very little pain and living your life
hopefully in a way we're not with you you feel good all the time but the
people around you feel good just by being around you that because they're
around you they feel less pain and kind of pleasure you have my idea of success
success is when you've learned to live your life in a way where you experience
tons of pleasure every day and almost no pain and simultaneously where the way
you live also causes the people around you to experience very little pain and
tons of pleasure then you know you're really successful because if you feel
good nobody else does you're a failure now that doesn't mean you go around try
to make everybody feel good some people have an investment in feeling bad
because they think feeling bad equals feeling good are the people to believe
that yes or no because they think if I feel bad then people will notice me or
they'll love me more they'll help me more I'll get more attention which means
feeling good people have weird crap they we were gonna come inside their head
about how to get to feeling good some of you think I'm gonna feel good when I
make a billion dollars some people like when I have this this
and this when I get married have these many children this one it's then I'll
feel good some people have well I'll feel good if I feel bad because then
people notice me and make me feel good or you could just like choose to feel
good which one you think might be a more intelligent approach cuz who's in
control there you are you don't worry about the environment by the way when
you're feeling good it tends to make you want to feel better it makes you share
good feelings other people which makes them feel good which makes them
reciprocate usually not always we usually
kinda nice so the bottom line is we got to manage our state still and as
reminder as far as that's concerned changing state means changed meaning the
way you can do it is either by changing your what anybody remember from last
session change your wet change your way change your physiology physiology again
means the way you move the way you breathe your facial expressions your
gestures the way to use your body determines the way you feel you gotta
remember that for the rest of your life if you're not feeling the way you want
to feel first thing you do is just came to where you're moving emotion is
created by what motion emotion is created by emotion these are 50 muscles
in your face a slight change and these muscles will radically change the way
you feel then when we did this last time I think what I like to do right now
real quick is create some tension in your body some tension then put a big
huge smile on your face while you're doing it notice I filled how many feel
somewhat excited when you feel this and he sees our hands you know why
excitement has tension in it the only difference is you send a different
biochemistry in your body to fire off different bio chemicals when you make a
smile physically it changes you want to get depressed what do you do
drop your shoulders look down breathe shallow drool I change what you move
some people have limited emotions because they have limited motion or
trying to express their feelings they go have something important I want to share
with you hear me feel me I am man your lives versus listen to me
let's make this happen let's do this you understand what I'm talking about here
more emotion you have the more emotion you have and the certain emotions you're
not feeling because you're not making certain movements happen in your face I
want to change that you want to go for more see that I mention to you last time
when we talk about how certain people live together for a long time to get to
look like each other dimension remember why cuz in order be in rapport you like
people like us so we mirror back similar facial expressions you do it enough will
they literally mold our muscles to me in that way we use those kinds of emotions
on ongoing basis a lot of people look like their dog I don't have the
explanation for that I don't know if they're mirroring in that case right
there's a big somebody like it right let's see the thing we got to realize is
we've got a controller physiology so throughout this day as last time I want
you to remember to live at level 10 remember that means living level 10
means you got to do is ask yourself on a scale from zero to ten where's my level
of energy zero is dead 10 is unstoppable which level is gonna allow you to get
more of this weekend which 110 without a doubt if nothing else happens from you
coming to these forts and programs but every time you get here you demand from
yourself for four days a little level 10 you think you might develop a little
stronger emotional muscle yes or no and pretty soon what used to be hard to do
like demanding 10 is the way you live it's easy it's like you can live that
way easy no problem and now you go home you live at that level does that impact
your patience yes or no does that impact each other and then office yes or no
does it impact your home life does that impact those ecstacy ideas we had about
the relationship at home yes see if your level 10 every time with your personal
relationship with that enhance it yes or no so how do you determine whether
you're a 10 or not you decide to go there and the way you decide to go there
is you gotta ask yourself in regular basis where am I
see I found the more you measure something the better it gets if you
don't measure it you're not gonna do well you set a goal on New Year's Eve
and then you check the next New Year's you're in trouble because you had one
correction it was at the end of year it's too late once a month you got a
better chance once a week you can really have
today you won't have a bad year you won't have a bad month well wish a bad
debt more when there's you the better we get so we've got to do is ask yourself
whirlwind to scale from zero to ten where are you right now
let's go zero to ten hmm sit right now like you would if you're at level ten
that's clear you weren't a 10 mm isn't it come on so the way you'll be at level
10 I mean how silly totally energized excited having fun being outrageous and
playful super levy sitting right now for your level 10 come on and most of all
you're not a ten come on come on this is not ten let me see ten here come on even
more energy come on most of you will probably have to make some noise or some
of your body to get to level ten come on wake you bow to you come on come on come
on come on
now this is level 10 now go to level 2
and imagine trying to learn in this pace for the next three days go back to now I
want you to commit you're not going to drop below level 8 for the rest of the
weekend are you gonna do that yes or no yes or no
great now if it's tough to stay at level 10 you want to put yourself at level 20
so just as a reminder Skanda remember we do this put ourselves in a yes state
I'll remember what that means good then what I want you to do right now is take
off your jackets you have that not your blouse ma'am just the jackets and we're
gonna put ourselves in that yes state we're gonna put ourselves in that state
I talked to that last time member I gave you a metaphor the last time we were
together reminder I said there's a puddle of water here in front of me and
I'm an old person I got out of that water what will I do now and I just walk
around it I'll walk around it and ditch about it while I walk around it okay but
if I'm a kid how do I deal with a puddle yes that's the state we're going in all
those ones that for the weekend say aye if you're in that state and somebody
like Tim Long's again how do kids feel with that would that be a healthy
response thing on this okay looking for new ways the hiss and get this person
would that be more healthy yes or no sure it's more playful tomorrow
outrageous next time somebody is real bitchy just real bitchy back we'll do it
funny well that break your pattern yeah you're manic piss them off even more
well at least we're moving them in some direction so when I say now what you're
gonna do is you're gonna wake your body up like a little kid again you gonna
scream wait wait wait yeah screaming yelling be totally
outrageous like a kid if you weren't here before you'll catch on quick then
at the peak of our being totally bizarre weird outrageous playful seductive fun
adventurous and outrageous again but we're gonna do it the Piedad is we're
gonna go and we're caught my hands and say they would guess right at that
moment when you copy insane say yes at that moment your job is getting more
energy more excitement more outrageous just in the moment before will do it
faster and faster at the amble to the world clap but what I want you to do is
go to level 20 on this on a scale from zero to ten you're gonna go to level 20
you know that's impossible that's why we're going to do it cuz also
once you've been to level 20 level 10 feels like you're relaxing by contrast
okay first let's just try the word yes strongly knows how it feels again ready
again strong good now let's put it all together
yeah we'll get again be outrageous rates and energy come on
now how many of you how many are in at level
three now some of you here for the first time I would have I got myself into it
it's a cult if the yes cult now how do you get a
mouthful you push yourself beyond what's comfortable and you do it consistently
and that creates growth so we're gonna do it again I barely survived the first
one outside again right about here be our latest tomorrow
now in this state if somebody have some petty upset with you could you handle
it's great they can get a bouncing hug from the person next to you in grab a
seat
all right we said there were two ways though that we could change our state
one was to change our what now nice and loud or the other is to change our focus
change the way we're representing things to ourselves like picturing things in
our head is one way we focus somebody else's show up on time we picture our
head I'll see why because they're out there messing around they don't care
about me cuz listen listen is another one we focus is by what we say to
ourselves we represent oh well they're not doing it probably because they don't
really love me we talk to ourselves in certain ways the kettle's negative
feelings but if we change what we focus on we change what we feel if you think
of something you're afraid of in you focus on it we feel it you bet if you
wanted to feel depressed right now how many could pull it off no problem how
would you do it you remember don't you little reminder here just put yourself
in a lousy physiology or easily by the way you could do it of course mess up
your biochemistry eat in a way that drops your blood sugar through the floor
or an ounce good you pull it off all you have to do is think of something that
once happened it made you feel bad something I'm gonna pass and remember it
again that seems very intelligent doesn't it and feel bad about it once
again how many of you would go to a movie that was terrible over and over
and over and over again how many would think that would be real intelligent let
me see your hands if you look one of your friends said yeah I'm gonna hate
sucks I'm going back there again the contention is my got about 4,000
what would you probably ask them why would you go back there well because I
have to would you believe them I don't believe
you either when you tell me that but I always
believe in you cuz I know you know better you don't
need to go those movies anymore don't want to miss anyway made by poor
directors lousy writers lousy producers you're a better producer director and
writer now you're probably even better actor or actress so why not create it
the way you want it it's the scene the same old movies over and over again most
producers I know don't sit and watch their worst movies over and over and
over again and feel bad about them again well the Muslim girls they go that was
part of my learning experience time how else could you feel bad by the way
you could do it currently couldn't you all you have to do is think of something
you think you lost that maybe hasn't even happened well think of something
that you want but you're not getting right now I feel bad about it or you
could think of something it hasn't even happened yet and feel bad about it in
advance can you do that like oh my god and focus on what if this happens oh oh
feels they're all gosh remember a coward dies a thousand deaths a courageous man
or woman only once because a coward runs through the head eight million times it
feels like you're dying a million times you have any faith and courage that if
it really ever does happen you'll just deal with it once you feel the pain only
one time stead of stacked over and over and over and over again you want to feel
good could you do that sure who the producer go back to some of their best
movies and see them again do you think yes or no will they even share some of
those movies were their friends you know what some people do some people actually
take the worst moves they pass and go share them with their friends their
worst movies tell them all about all the gory details of it and the Franco's yeah
that's really great let's see a real great producer director shows in their
current films shows them some examples of films that about to come called
previews previews are rather exciting usually or they show them about films in
the past and share those with them so the people get to enjoy more of their
life maybe even learn something who knows you can remember something once
happened it was great feel good about it you can think something right now that
you can feel great about or you can think of something hasn't even happened
yet and feel good about it in advance what determines what you focus on though
is one thing the questions you ask yourself a question you ask yourself
determine what you focus on in that moment what questions you ask are
usually controlled by your beliefs but you could ask any question but unless
you do it consciously you'll just ask the same questions that are in line with
your old beliefs your old BS belief systems so the bottom line is gotta have
better questions and I will tell you the question I want you to learn to ask the
next time you get upset with someone this is the first question I would ask
myself if I were you what else could this mean what else could this mean I
will know a person is intelligent when I say this one is have an eye
forgive accept and I thought to myself well what else could this mean you know
maybe it doesn't mean what I think it means maybe they weren't really being
harsh maybe what means is their stress maybe what I'm hearing from this person
about what they said about me is not true maybe what it really is is a
distortion not that they mean to distort but it's a distortion maybe what I've
heard this person said about me as a deletion maybe this person is
generalizing maybe this person heard it through somebody else maybe that person
misinterpreted what I said maybe this whole thing isn't accurate
maybe it's accurate but they're stressed maybe I'm just stressed right now maybe
what this really means is I'm stressed I need to get more resourceful and be more
loving and I can handles maybe what this is what this means is it's a chance for
me to go to the next level what else could this mean you're only upset when
you've decided on a meaning that creates of upset so if you're feeling upset what
else could this mean cuz again how many of you have ever thought something meant
something a bit upset about it later on fine you were wrong how many have done
this so wouldn't be smart as a first step to always ask what else could this
mean and search for other possibilities see with my friends I always do this if
I care about somebody I always do this and what I've learned to do is even
people I didn't so much care about or didn't even know what else good as me
see that makes your whole life open up and expand see once you think you know
what everything means you're in deep trouble because when you're a kid you
know what happened you just have this big giant doorway but then you became an
adult and you notice the door you start to say I know how this door works and
you close it a little bit he said I know in the world isn't closed the more I
know the world isn't pretty soon now you know how the world is you absolutely
know how the world would see when your kid you didn't know how the world was it
was just amazing how big the world was it was amazing how much wonder that was
in the world and what you can learn how much you grow stimulated you where you
stimulate about all kinds of things because you didn't know for sure what
everything was you're always curious about what things were but as an adult
you now know what everything is and it doesn't fit in there it's wrong hmm
we want to open a door back open by saying well yeah but what else could it
mean what else could it mean what else could it mean what else could it mean
what else could it mean feel a little freer hmm the other question I tend to
ask myself is do I know everything there is to know about this do I know
everything there is to know about this somebody says something to you they're
really upset with you or something raises their voice I mean say me what
else could it mean well kameena stress could mean and understand
could mean they don't even realize they're yelling could mean that they
need some support could mean what I know it means it's a cry for help could mean
that I'm oversensitive right now could mean I react to voice tonality instead
of real feelings could mean that could mean nothing it could just be something
that came a win do I know everything there is no about this no I don't know
everything guys know about this I mean there's all kinds of things could be
going on I don't know opened your world again we're gonna
teach you do this in a format that makes sense now the thing that happens though
if we want to be able to really take control of our meaning is we gotta pay
attention to our emotions so in your notes write down emotions under emotions
now in fact you might want to write there were negative emotions negative
emotions negative emotions and then so you write it down and cross it out the
word negative anyway what are some of your negative emotions tell me what they
are fear what else Tommy
hate what else anger what else guilt what else worry what else upset guilt
what else frustration I got a question for you
are they really negative I'm going to tell you there's no way they're negative
every emotion you've ever had in your life serves a purpose the problem the
reason it's negative is you've been calling it negative instead of getting
the message it's been trying to give you every emotion you have including those
you think of as negative those ones you call negative emotions I call them
emotional messages I also call them calls to action all those negative
emotions are used to label them are really a call to action fear is a call
to action by the way do you feel that call to action in your body
you're afraid yes or no does your dremel and start pumping your whole systems
start gearing up a motion to recall to action and the call to action says one
of the two things has to happen that column action it's a message every
emotion is a message a call to action and the action of the message is trying
to give you is that you need to change either number one your perception of
this or number two your current actions every negative emotion you've ever felt
is not negative now you may be overusing them I'll agree with you you may be
indulging in them I agree with you you may not be getting the message from them
what's making it negative is you're not getting the message it's trying to give
you but every emotion fear frustration hate anger guilt all of those emotions
are here to serve you if you get quick the message but most of us do is we just
indulge in the emotion so we never get the message and that's why it's a
negative because it starts screwing up your body because what it is is a signal
signal to act and you're not acting that's why you feel sick to your stomach
you're not acting you just keep on indulging emotion not hearing the
message so the message is always you must change something negative emotions
are saying you got to change something either change the way you're perceiving
this change the meaning you link to this change your perception change your focus
or change your actions change what you're doing cuz it isn't working that's
why you're having that emotion don't make your motions wrong I
appreciate them be grateful for them but immediately then ask yourself hey what's
the message that my emotions trying to give me here what do I need to change
I'm reception of my actions this makes sense yes now so then how do we make use
of it well first of all notice this how do most of us deal with our emotions
most of us deal with our emotions by suppressing them back before you write
that down actually I put over here four ways to deal with emotions four ways to
deal with emotions I think the number one way most people do with their
motions is they try to avoid them by the way how effective is that no you might
do if I wanted to but most people they just try to avoid feeling isn't that
true people like who don't like to be negative dinners are so afraid of
negatives I try not to feel any feelings now if you don't feel any feelings
you're really gonna have some pain that's what life is for life is part of
the juice of life is expressing feeling but sometimes people have so
much pain they say I don't want to feel anything it never works because
eventually it comes out anyway and then you feel bad about never having felt bad
you feel bad about the fact you didn't feel good you have a sense of loss
because you didn't feel things second way people try and deal with emotions as
they endure them they're gonna grunt it out we render these I'm gonna make it
through this I'll hang on to this and again this doesn't work now they may try
and disassociate after a while here again or they may try and suppress the
emotion I'll just endure it I'll just keep pushing it down and I'll make it
through it I'll just endure it that doesn't make it better either third way
but some people do I don't know if you've ever seen this happen I'm sure
you've never done this people compete to see who feels the worst some people just
they keep track of their emotions so they can share them with other people
and compete so somebody says oh man I feel like hell oh you feel like hell let
me tell you I feel you think you got a problem let me tell you my problem you
think you got the biggest problem check out my problem it stands out to hear and
people sit there and try and argue about who's got the worst problem or the
fourth thing they don't have up there that say the fourth thing that people do
is try and share their pain share their problem they think oh I get rid of my
motion by sharing with others they try and get other people to feel bad too
that way we'll be friends we can share in the pain together let us love each
other are these very intelligent ways to deal with your emotions yes or no now
you don't want to avoid them you don't want to endure them you don't want to
compete who's got the biggest and worst emotion try make yours worse than
somebody else's you don't want to share them make them feel bad to what a friend
you are it's then what you want to do - step 5
learn from them and utilize them you want to learn from them and utilize them
now in order to learn something utilize the more a change in emotion we have to
change what's something what's to us starts with an end we have to change
what something Wyatt means to us we change what something means we transform
our emotion we have a transformation does that make sense in other words if
I'm feeling really upset about Sun I'm angry angry angry do I have to
communicate that to get off my anger no not necessarily I'm angry because of the
meaning I linked up what if I change what it means in my end I realize that's
not what it means then what I feel angry yes or no yes or no if I'm really angry
about something I'm angry because of what I've linked up to it I'm saying
well I'm angry because they did that and that means this but if I really analyze
it and I look at it for a while I go that's a bunch of crap
it doesn't really mean that then I've transformed my feeling do I now have to
go to that person and say what you did made me angry yes or no yes or no no
because I don't have that feeling I truly don't have it I'm not suppressing
it I transformed it suppression however is when you keep the same meaning that
you keep the same meaning you're upset about something and you keep the same
meaning you don't change the meaning all you try and do just stuff the emotion
you try to pretend it's not there that's suppression so if you keep the
same negative emotion you don't change how you feel about it you just try and
pretend it's not there that's suppression and that's when you get in
trouble so our goal is not just to take things and not suppress them and just
express whatever we feel because if you just go express whatever you feel you
don't think it out are you gonna always communicate well yes or no now in fact
you may say things later on you'll regret in the heat of the moment because
you're in state so what you first want to do is see if you can transform it
honestly and sincerely and if you can't then your goal is to get someone to help
you to transform it go to the source and get the source to help you to transform
this so you know what I felt this way about
this I made it this bizarre meaning I know it's not true because I know who
you really are but this thing a crap I did in my head can you help me today to
change this can you give me some more information or some feedback or help me
to clarify this thing because I'm kind of screwed this up in my brain because I
know that's not what you meant that's what I did inside my head now it's that
different then you know something the other day when you do this I felt this
which by the way implies what they did made you feel something is that true yes
or no does anybody do anything and make you feel something yes or no yes or no
absolutely not absolutely not now you've a right to
feel the way you feel but that isn't true that it's actually what made you
feel that way you chose to make yourself feel that way you communicated that to
yourself so instead of saying when you do this that made me feel this that's
implying that somebody made you do something that takes responsibility away
from the one person who can change your life meaning you so I request in the
future this nothing wrong with any of that I want to do is enhance it the way
one enhance it is come from the place of I'm communicating as I want to transform
something and I'm responsible not them you know I need your help and your help
the other day when this thing out happened I use that to interpret that to
mean this and I know it's not true because I know who you are I need some
clarity can you help me out I gotta clean this up and me who's responsible
by the way will they want to help you yes or no by the way what you're really
doing here is making clear what you're really doing which is you're doing a cry
for help maybe in that crime you're making a request for help instead of
crime make sense and people here this is a request for help do we want to help
other people yes or no especially else we're all in the helping
business that's why we do what we do that's the bottom line
so we're gonna develop a format like this where we don't suppress but we
don't just express because you know what happens and you just go out there
whatever you feel you express what you really do is you vent and then you make
it right or you demand see venting and demanding does not make communication
better in the long term how many would agree with me on this I
want to go to a different level we want to transform our communication
when a transformed form what things mean to us now
here's what I want to be able to have you do I want you to be able to take the
emotions that you're experiencing and be able to deal with them quickly so I want
to give you six steps to changing or dealing with not dealing with but I
guess utilizing is the right word six steps to utilizing any emotions you feel
that you used to call negative which now I call emotional messages or calls to
what calls the action whenever you're feeling a negative emotion which we're
now going to call emotional messages it's a call to action and a saying you
need to change something what do you need to change one of two things repeat
back what are that change either number one you're wet know while you could
change your physiology but if you are getting feedback right now you're
getting a negative emotion that negative emotion is a message it's saying you got
to change either your perception or your actions and your actions could be the
way using your body or your focus or whatever change your perception of your
actions now here's what happens when you get a negative emotion or now an
emotional message number one you want to identify what the emotion is so you
start to feel negative things want to do by what is the emotion
now when you identify the emotion what the emotion is like you're feeling
you're really upset ask yourself well what am I really feeling underneath it
you might write it on the question what am I really feeling what am I really
feeling
so when you say I'm upset so what am I really feeling and what might your
answer be when you say what am I really feeling I'm gonna set with this person
what am I really feeling I might be feeling hurt does that change how you
feel and that moment you identify that yes or no yes and when you say what am I
really feeling you might put a little note in your notes use some TV use some
TV when you come up with your label transformational what vocabulary so
instead of saying I'm destroyed I'm devastated I'm humiliated you might say
I'm feeling a little bit hurt use TV and use what I call softeners softeners are
the words like a little bit Oh softeners and TV here's the second key once you've
identified what it is and by the way usually it's gonna be I have a sense of
hurt or a sense of loss almost all emotions will probably come down that in
most cases is that true in most cases not all second thing you do acknowledge
and appreciate the message it has for you don't deny your emotions don't avoid
your emotions don't suppress your emotions don't make them wrong don't
share them start by identifying what they really are and then acknowledge and
appreciate the message it has for you in other words acknowledge hey this is a
real emotion I'm glad it having it it's gonna have a great message for me then
go to step 3 get incredibly curious get incredibly curious as to what it has to
offer you as to what the message is get incredibly curious as to what the
message is underneath this one number three is you get incredibly curious as
to what the message is write down the question what is the real message this
emotion is giving me what is the real message this emotion is trying to give
me what is the real message of some emotion is trying to give me and offer
you some ways to do this let's do the all six those who you know we're going
step 4 get the question on 3 some you're still there question number 3 is what is
the message this emotion is trying to give me what's the real message number 4
get yourself to feel reassured that you can deal with this emotion
yourself to feel reassured then you can deal with us emotion see a lot of times
the stress is oh my god how am I gonna deal with this so get yourself reassured
you can deal with emotion the way you do that is remember a time when you've
dealt with this emotion successfully in the past we remember a time when you've
dealt with this emotion successfully in the past so if all of a sudden you start
to feel depressed that's pretty negative feeling I first of all wouldn't call it
depression I'd say a little bit down but first thing you do is you go all can
feel this terrible feeling I'm starting feel depressed so what am I really
feeling well I'm really just feeling a little bit down okay great you know what
that's great I appreciate that's a message I need to get curious what is
that message what's the message this thing's trying to give me and what
depressions message usually is by the way is you need to reset your priorities
that you don't feel like you're in control you got too many things going at
once you know you feel out of control when you're depressed so what I do is
set some priorities and go do the first one on your list that's what the message
is telling you you feel out of control the way to get in control reset your
priorities and go do one thing and complete it the minute you do your
self-esteem will go right back up so that's a message so what's the message
it's offering me by the way I'm gonna teach you the nine most powerful
emotions that you probably experience what their messages are so you don't
have to wonder about this you'll know what they are
step 4 get yourself to feel reassured by remembering times will you dealt with
this in the past have you ever fell a little bit down
before what used to call depressed how many have ever felt that way in the past
misuse of hands how many have dealt with it let me see a show of hands great if
you remember that two things happen you're gonna feel reassured you can deal
with it plus you're gonna remember how you did it which means you can usually
eat in the past to change it right now why wait most of us forget the best
parts of our past which is how we dealt with things and turning around we just
remember the negative feelings that's kind of weird and we need to manage our
memories better remember the things that have resources for us and forget the
things that done number five get certain yet certain that you can handle anything
like this in the future get certain not only can you deal with the emotion you
have right now but what you should do is use this as an opportunity being certain
for yourself get yourself certain the bitter happens the future I'll handle
this emotion quicker and easier get certain that you can handle anything
like this in the future by rehearsing yourself dealing with it in the future
in other words think of a time in the future where this depression could come
up and see yourself feel yourself rehearsing again use this as a tool of
empowerment so you remember time when you were
depressed before a little bit down you turned around tricular while we can feel
right remember what you did I dealt with this before I can deal it again and then
you say let me take this opportunity to get certain that I can handle this if it
ever came up in the future no way I'm gonna do that I'm gonna sit down right
now I'm gonna think I'm okay what kind of things might happen the future I
might get well I might expect something didn't work feel bad about it let me
think of a time like that okay let me see myself hear myself feel myself deal
with it you see hear and feel yourself dealing with it easily and you do this
two or three or four times if you keep doing it two three or four times then in
the future when it comes up guess what your brain will do your brain with all I
can handle this I'm already prepared how many you're following a logic of this
let me see your hands okay so get certain you can deal with in future by
rehearsing and by the way remember this you might want to put the singing notes
your brain cannot tell the difference between something you vividly imagine
and something you actually experience your brain cannot tell the difference
between something you vividly imagine will you see it you hear it you feel it
taste it you touch it you smell it and you're in your mind and something that
actually occurs if you doubt this have you ever had a dream or was so real you
got every physical response to it how many had a dream like that okay you can
have a dream anytime you want even while you're awake all you have to do is
rehearse something your mind enough times vividly enough and it's real if
you over and over again rehearse yourself dealing with emotion easily
then it's real next time it comes up you've already got the programming you
already have the resources to turn it around in a heartbeat
then this emotional message it's dealt with in the future not just for today
and the six-step take action and change your life whatever the message is take
the action that you need to take and change your life do something doing
something always will change how you feel
he feel bad because you're not doing anything and by the way you'll continue
to feel bad until you do something to change so you do anything it'll improve
you and move you in the direction you want to go so let's take another example
what's another a negative emotion you feel that's your an example when you
felt recently somebody raised your hand rejection so what's the first step when
you think you're feeling rejection what's step number one come on guys what
is it identify it specifically identify what the motion really is let's call it
that identify what the emotion really is identify what the emotion really is so
you ask yourself what am I really feeling so a person said rejection what
were you really feeling Shh no let him answer that's your answer his answer was
disappointment is that different than rejection yes or no yes or no yes and by
the way when he realizes he's just disappointed it's not as intense as
rejection is it what happened with one question his pain just dropped it's
still painful probably but 90 Lanier's intense am i false or true and then okay
great now so he's disappointed right so now he knows what he really is
disappointed he might even add some TV or a softener here and the softener
might be he might say I was a what a little bit disappointed a little bit
this point okay that makes it even less now what does he do number two does he
make himself wrong for feeling that way yes or no yes or no what does he do he
needs to acknowledge and what else appreciate the fact that he's getting a
very valuable message and the message he needs to change something easy to change
his perception about it so he's no longer disappointed we need to change
this action so he doesn't be disappointed now or in the future step 3
wasn't you do get incredibly what like a little kid what curious what we're
curious did we learn things more do we learn better were curious you bet so
need to get incredibly curious about what this message has to offer him if
you were really curious what do you think that message really had to offer
you
perhaps this was just an unmet expectation that was plaguing place up
here and wasn't even reality what's happening to his level of emotional
intensity right now how many see that it's dropping can you see that okay it's
dropping right now we're great can you remember time next step is get
himself really wet we wait great and the way to do that is get into
what remember time we've done with it have you ever been disappointed before
and dealt with it can you remember a specific time and you turn it around
made it good you remember specific one think for a moment time when you turn
around and maybe gray you actually took it to meet it to your advantage
remember time like that how about feel so you know how to deal with us don't
you why are you a question for it what did you do back then that changed it he
redefined the terms he's gonna use he changed his perception or his rules
great how that feel when you resolved it so great so when he goes to reassure
this two things happen in the reassurance one is he sees he can deal
with it he sees and feels he can deal with this easily and number two he sees
how and number three he remembers how good it feels to to relieve himself from
the feeling so remembers how good it feels to get rid of it which by the way
makes him want to get rid of it right now what's the last two steps step
number five what do we want to make sure we make sure he doesn't just not feel
bad about anymore now but we want to make sure his future is better we want
to get him what get way certain that he can handle this in the future so he
probably feels pretty certain right now but you know what I'd like you to do I
like to think some other area in life where it possibly in life you could have
gotten disappointed in the future some kind of thing that might come up do you
think of something that could come up and do that look he's already knows
close your eyes for a minute and just Ramon what I want you to do is I want
you think of that things starting to happen when you start to get
disappointed or feel rejected actually is what you did initially then you
realize you're just despondent then you just handle it see yourself handling in
the future even better than you have in the past and notice how good it feels
admitting Hamblin can you feel that think of another time something else
that could happen in the future where it might been a real a real major
disappointment but see yourself handle it real quickly
real easy getting off and making it work and notice how good you feel soon as you
handle it yeah I do it one more time do three the third one some other area life
or you're really disappointed see and feel yourself handling that real easily
real quickly you got it how do you feel about your ability to deal with us in
the future more confident how many can hear at his voice you hear
that either depth in his voice the last thing is go take action and change it
you may have already done that if it was changing a perception or you can go do
it physically how many follow the system okay we're gonna do one more I need a
volunteer up here so everybody can see this person cuz if you would've saw his
face just now changed somebody who's had an emotion that you really you know
recently had and bugged you or crayon some negative feeling free somebody's
got one of those Oh nobody in the whole room I don't want to be out there I
don't know what it'll do oh boy all this all these people here a point to this
guy here that your staff pointing at you dr. Bob dr. Bob give me in yes indeed
great no sir he's gonna reward you guys for this later he probably will actually
dr. Bob what's the negative amount negative message a negative feeling that
you've had recently that you'd like to change
you really are committed to changing that's been bugging you disappoint me to
rejection well it seems like that's going around let's potential him
rejection virus people are spreading it okay well which one would you like to
deal with are they tied together well actually it's funny what question
we just asked for him to say actually inside he's already done step one what's
the question he just asked friend already say actually it's uh what did he
ask yes he first of all sir identify what the feeling really was the name the
question he asked is what am I really wet feeling what do you really feeling
anger anger ah what what's that really well what that really is is uh I was
angry because I felt rejected okay and I was really disappointed about
what happened the circumstance so what's he done he's managed to stack his
negative emotions one on top of another and by the way this is unique to dr. Bob
nobody else you know does this do they but what are you really feeling all that
stuff what's that what's behind all that stuff you just really feel what
projected projected disappoint I mean it's just kind of discounted by it look
like a computer that keeps running the same program over and over again hey
Jeff redjac this is what he's running right
back through the thing do you feel hurt yes
yeah you feel rejected or do you feel hurt I feel hurt do you feel
disappointed do you feel hurt or do you feel a sense of loss a sense of loss you
feel rejected if you feel a sense of loss sense of loss do you feel angry you
felt a sense of loss sense of loss you feel her do you feel sense of loss loss
what does it always come down to loss yeah we can call whatever you want okay
so he's identified it so next question is what we wanted to do should he feel
bad about having those feelings yes or no no you know what these are valuable
messages that are coming to you they really truly are but they're what you
shall feel bad about is indulging in them and not using them not learning you
want to go back feel bad if you don't learn anything then feel bad and then
get tired of feeling bad and just decide to learn something because you learned
something as soon as you ask what kind of learning for this right
so right now instead of thinking wrong why wait for a moment is really
appreciate those emotions acknowledge the fact those emotions are have a
valuable message and then immediately get what like a kid get what they're
curious for a second is what those messages really are what it what can you
really learn from that what does that message really offering you in other
words let's go back up to the first one you said rejection I being rejected or
disappointed what do you really what is that motion of rejection trying to tell
you
the relationships important love's important it's telling him that
relationship is important that love is really important him is that a valuable
message yeah what was that disappointed and then telling him what was the
message he was trying to tell you
person they say I don't know if you did know and it had a positive message what
it's always telling you to change something I'm telling you to change your
perception about something or it's telling you to change your actions so
what is that emotion disappointment telling you to change what what do you
need to change how do I love how he loves very interesting and what way do
you need to change how you love how its communicated shown how it's
communicating so how what do you need to communicate and show your love more
effectively I'm curious is that better than feeling rejected disappointed in
loss yes or no is this a powerful transformation in this man yes or no
okay so stay curious cuz that's it instead of oh I don't know the answer we
don't know the answer and you're a little kid what do you do you get even
more what if you don't know the answer of all got into the entrepreneur damn it
off feels there they go I'm getting more curious you're plenty of time
that's curiosities what would you guys
need to be more I'm confused good confused means we're about to make
a change is that true see when you know what things mean you'll just keep doing
it the way you've always done it he was not confused we went I'm just warning
I'm rejecting russia-backed he kept doing it over and over he was not
confused you know exactly how to do that now he's confused his little brains
going this little computer program that work on the same way so you know so I
should always help them out with this what do you need to change in order no
longer feel this you can change your perception or your actions are both and
what what do you need to change about your perceptions wouldnt you change
about your actions you don't want to write that down so my action should be
different but that work if what I did didn't work I need to try something else
that's right so I need to communicate that differently I behave differently
okay how many hear what he just said did you understand what he said he said what
a saying is where in fact I got rejected as a message that
was really important to me and then I need to change the way I'm communicating
so I get what I want because obviously it didn't work so I got to change my
approach is that true is that different then I'm not worthwhile as a meaning or
they don't love me as a meaning yes or no huge difference in how I feels have
you ever felt rejected or disappointed in the past and dealt with it really
powerfully or really effectively yes remember a specific time yes okay go
back to that time and remember how you dealt with it and then you turned it
around and made it something positive
okay how'd that feel first of all great a sense of accomplishment
yeah that's right and how did you do it I took action what did you do take
action how did you do that what'd you do I I start doing things differently I'm
expressing myself differently did it work yeah by the way what is this doing
now it's teaching his brain if you do this you're gonna get pleasure well you
used to do gave you what Hey the brain is always trying to avoid what and move
towards what he's teaching his brain right now he's rewiring his brain a
little bit here now by the way like he isn't these computer metaphors and I I
see something you get pained when I do that I think it's because you think oh
do you think I'm just a computer no I didn't see you as a spiritual being who
also has a filtering system and that filtering system sometimes you allow to
take control and keep you from doing what you do naturally which is just love
and appreciate other people including yourself okay so we got to deal with
both sides how it is how we operate unconsciously as well as who we are we
want to deal with how we operate so we can be more of who we are now I'd like
you to think about this for the future first of all you feel pretty good about
your be able to deal with it right now yes yeah and by the way it doesn't
really look like any other now yes or no so think about the future I can think of
some place in the future where you could have felt rejected or disappointed
something that could come up that could cause you to feel rejected or
disappointed okay okay close your eyes if you would and see
yourself using your skills family at ten times better quicker more easily turning
around right away and feeling good appeals are turning that around okay how
does that feel it was good can you do it yes easily your heart
I can do it you can do it okay great so now I want you to do it that's great so
now it close your eyes don't you think of another time we'll come up only just
talk my way I do it easily I want you your resources inside of
yourself you haven't thought of before and I want you to do it even in joy turn
around make it happen easier and quicker okay
okay looking I'm asking to do it can you do that yesterday yes I'm asking a
better question it gives me better resources okay you see yourself handling
a quicker and easier in that one yes how does that feel great how many see the
difference in hearing his voice great let's do one more think of something
else they've come on the future we could have felt rejected disappointed but now
Jack now you'd handle really a real quickly just like this okay
have you already done it mm-hmm he's going faster this isn't he it's got
some experience how do you feel when you do that super super good look at his
face now if someone were to say I'm gonna reject you now thank you very much
so I want you to try this let me help you another step would it be useful
instead of you seeing where you are inside here trying to search around goal
what is this emotion mean I don't know what it means let me give you 9 emotions
and what they usually mean ok would that be helpful right sit up in your chair
with some remote energy then put yourself in a peak state and let's take
a look at what 90s emotions are eight or seven or whatever I put up here our
number one fear so if you're feeling fear what does that mean usually what's
the message the message always is that you need to change something is that
true yes or no so every negative emotion means I've got a wet I've got a wet
change something either my perception or what I'm doing fear means that you've
got to prepare for something you're afraid because your brain saying
messages prepare change what you're doing and get more prepared prepare for
something that's going to happen so you're better prepared for it physically
now sometimes we just indulge in the emotion and we stay in the fear we
really are prepared for example it's said you're gonna give to speak in front
of a group and you're prepared but you still have fear it's because you got the
message you did the work but you didn't shut the motion up and say you know I am
prepared no reason to be afraid anymore I'm ready I'm ready
you never told your brain it's okay don't forget the message in where I've
done my work okay so it's saying you need to prepare for something maybe it's
a physical challenge maybe it's preparing for some loss that
may be coming up something's about to come up you need to be prepared for it
okay just get prepared but once you get prepared get off it let your buddy know
okay I am prepared move on focus on what you want now what's hurt hurt usually is
telling you an expectation you have is nothing that just tell ya you have this
expectation it's not that so what should you do when you have an expectation
that's not met you should focus on what you do want now write down your notes
focus on what you do want now don't keep focusing on why you're disappointed or
how somebody disappointed you or how you feel so hurt by them
okay an expectation wasn't met and you need to change your approach focus on it
or it means you need to change your communication hurt means you expected
someone to treat you a certain way and they didn't treat you that way so you
need to change your communication you to come to them and say you know I need
your help you know when you communicate that way in the past I've interpreted
out to mean you didn't care I know you care because I know how much you love me
and I love you but you know could you help me out this way
what does it really mean to you when you do that and then listen so you know in
the future I really appreciate it if you do it this way instead would that work
for you would you be willing do that okay great fantastic
it's a message says you got to communicate your needs better if you're
feeling hurt hurt means I need to communicate my needs better or hurt also
means I need to meet someone else's needs see if your heart but didn't meet
their needs that's why I didn't meet yours either you're not meeting their
needs or you're not communicating how do you need to be met or you have an
expectation you move on this is not gonna work out so focus on what will
third anger aneurysm Esther says you have a major rule that's been violated
when you're angry you have a rule that's been violated we all have rules about
how things must be and how they should be and boy some rules if somebody
violates some of our rules and we really get angry know it by the way you may
also be angry because you violated your own rules how's that true yeah you're
not doing what you believe you must do and you get angry with yourself
sometimes we get angry yourself we spread that out toward somebody else
find something lay blame on for frustration frustration is a message
that what you're doing isn't working and that you need to what change you're
frustrated it means you still can succeed but you got to change your
frustrates us Scott something's here and you know you could
succeed you're frustrated because what you're doing isn't working change and
you can still get what you want flex
disappointment is appts a message again you'd expected something happen it's not
going to so immediately focus on what you want now focus on what you want now
it's a message that you have to get off it and you let go on something and move
on and focus on what you want now guilt guilt is a powerful emotion if it's not
abused and overused and indulged in any of these emotions are lousy if you
indulge them would you agree with me on that sit there indulge in your fear and
your hurt your anger and dull Jimena keep focusing on the feeling instead of
getting the message of moving on learning guilt bill can be valuable it's
telling you you have violated one of your own standards and you need to do
something immediately to be certain you won't do this again you're having that
pain of guilt because your brain is saying you just violated one of your
most important standards of your life you've gotta live with your own values
and you're gonna keep you in this pain until you make yourself certain you're
not going to do this again you know what some people do they just keep going back
and feeling guilty about what they did in the past the message is saying get
clear you broke your own rules and commit no matter what you're not gonna
do it again they can clear be certain you're not going to do it again and your
will go away like that because that's the purpose of guilt to make sure you
don't violate your standards and make sure you do it well in the future
could you stand as we had reasonable you bet there's a woman in this room I heard
about it was feeling guilty because last night she came here and she wasn't with
her kids on Halloween
but let's all look at that person I don't know where they are let's pretend
we can see that they give them dirty looks I would train president a dear
Dayna something's funny we all have rules our rules always fair yes or no
now sometimes we have totally unreasonable groups like an or be
successful or we have like changing power world tomorrow have everybody
happy all the time have everybody love us at every moment how are kids be
thrilled make 8 billion dollars a year right
been pretty hard to meet that rule so sometimes the feedback you're getting
about frustration or disappointment is sometimes are saying you got totally
unfair rules for yourself sometimes when you're angry you may be saying your
rules are too stringent for other people maybe you need to remember about those
people with quintuplets have a few less rules you have a lot less anger does
that make sense 7 if you feel overwhelmed helpless or
depressed or unhelpful so depressed that's a message and the message that
your brain is giving you is you're over chunked what people usually say is all
man there's two my got to change everything in my life don't you can't
change everything in life at one time do it a step at a time where do you start
where you are sit down and reprioritize overwhelm or to process it then
prioritize that is just write a list of what's the most important for you to do
what could you do right away to start feeling better
we're going to need right away to start feeling better what can I do to take
control right away it won't solve it all we'll just what could you do
make a list an order and then go do the first one take action this is saying all
the ones saying you got to stop trying to do everything at once you need to
make a list of what you need to do and do one thing well as soon as you do that
one thing well you'll feel like you're in control of your life you keep one
commitment to yourself and all of a sudden you feel good again you start
feeling like you're in control you don't feel depressed anymore how many by this
theory I tell you if you do it it'll work feeling alone all that is is a
message you need to connect with people and you change the way you're doing it
right now you're perceiving you're alone change what your perception is you can
change your action go out and meet somebody go on talk to me go on initiate
wanna be more loving so you're feeling alone it means hey God Indians you need
to connect with another human being and nine if you feel inadequate that's a
message that you neither change your standards because you mean unfair to
yourself or get committed and mastering this area change your standards some
people like they feel inadequate unless they're perfect at something the day
they started how many were great the first day that you ever tried to tie
your shoes how many of you are confident in tying your shoes now let's each I've
had some your real confident note how do you feel like man you can flat-out tie
your shoes no problem you see if handsome no problem why that's right
because you do it all the time so you did anything you do over and over again
you get good at and feel inadequate maybe because your standard is you're
trying to be perfect the first time you're not gonna be perfect the first
time out dumb okay this is let's help you yes or no
you
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