Yo.
I'm sure this lighting is actually horrible but that's alright.
I want to talk about what to do when you're sad.
There's so many times in the past for me when I experienced sadness and then sadness
was this burst of many, many different emotions, thoughts, and feelings like the sadness led
to anxiety and then the anxiety led to 'Holy shit.
I'm going into depression' and I just created story after story after story when
I experienced sadness.
Instead of just feeling sad, I've been bred to believe that we're only supposed to be
chasing positive thoughts and positive emotions and if anything if any one thing else happens
that it's bad and so hard to remove yourself from the concept of good and bad because we're
really were pleasure seekers.
But the truth is that sadness is equal parts to joy and happiness like you can't have
one without the other.
And you can't always have joy.
There's so many painful things in life that call for sadness.
So in the past, when I would feel that sadness, it would really spiral into something else
like I would call it maybe despair or depression and I was almost doing it to myself.
Just going down the spiral of 'Holy shit.
I'm sad.
It must be depression.
It's coming back.
It's getting worse' and over the years, I've just realized that the sadness is really
beautiful.
It's really, really beautiful and I allow myself to experience it now and I go into
it now.
One of the things that I love doing is listening to amazing deep sad music.
Maybe Ludovico Einaudi, he's a pianist.
There's a couple other bands I listen to when I get really sad and I really just feel
the sadness, experience it, release it and it's really nice.
It's actually really strengthening to do that and go into it instead of repressing
it or creating a story around it.
And what happened for me is that I just had The Detox Dudes I had a 17-day meditation
retreat and I also had The Detox Dudes retreat where eight guys and my business partner and
me all came into Portland from around the world.
So I've been around people for the past twenty-five days and then everyone left and
I just felt this sadness like 'Holy shit.'
And today, I came out here to the river by myself to just experience it.
Feel it.
And you know I'll probably cry today and that's okay.
So especially after this retreat, I was just able to see the conditioning at play like
the men are so it's so hard for them to cry especially around other men like we just
have this thing that grips at us before we even if we feel like crying, there's this
thing that grips at us, that prevents us from crying.
It's like an internal voice of 'Man up.
Be strong.
Be tough.'
And that's so detrimental to our process, to our healing process and our awakening.
It's so detrimental because it doesn't allow you to be free of your you know you
pretty much run those programs.
When you experience a trauma or a pain or a sadness and you repress it.
It's like putting twenty pounds of shit in a five pound bag and it just comes out
somewhere else and you almost live through it unconsciously or subconsciously in other
ways throughout your life.
So in order to truly be free and whole, you have to go into those feelings, those old
thoughts, old emotions and we did a trauma release exercise at the retreat and just being
around men who are crying is such a beautiful thing.
It's okay to cry.
And that's one thing, that's one piece of the puzzle that I feel I really want to
convey in my business is that it's okay to cry.
It's totally cool to cry.
It's essential and it's not always about being tough and being a warrior and well part
of being a warrior is actually experiencing emotions but it's not all about just relentless
toughness and repression and manning up and pushing forward.
That's what lead that's part of what has gotten us so sick in the first place so this
isn't really is not just a conversation for men.
It's for women too and by the way, my whole business is equally open to women.
The retreat just so happen to be men but The Detox Dudes is for all women and men 100 percent.
There's ton of women in the Facebook group, it's not just men.
I think a couple people asked me in the past few months 'Hey, is this only limited to
dudes?'
like you know not by any means.
But the retreat just so happen to be men and I was able to see the conditioning at play
and one of the reasons people are so tough externally and I saw this with people at the
retreat is that they are in so much pain.
So the external toughness is literally just like a mask and a coping mechanism of something
deeper, of an inner child inside.
Tony Robbins said it best.
He said 'Heal the boy and the man appears' and that's what I'm trying to do each
day of my life is heal the boy and feel the boy.
So what to do when we have sadness?
Put on some music.
I'll put some tracks in the YouTube channel in the comments in the info section some tracks
that I listen to but you really just want to go into it and feel it.
Without the stories.
Just feeling that sadness.
And chances are you're probably crying.
It's really best to do it somewhere in the wilderness, somewhere safe maybe and if you
have your own apartment, your own house and really just feel it without the stories and
without the narrative and without the gnawing consciousness of 'Be tough' you know.
Give yourself that space.
You deserve it.
So and then you know I've heard this before like just feel it right like feel like it's
in all the spiritual books.
If you're having sadness, just feel it.
What does it feel like?
And you know what?
It really is that simple.
Like sit somewhere away from stimulation, away from the phone, phone's on airplane
mode, computers off.
Somewhere away from it all.
Just go into the core of your being.
Ask yourself: Why do I feel this way?
Why do you feel this way, Josh?
What happened?
What's going on?
Give yourself that space the way you would if a child was running, screaming, running
and crying over to you and saying 'Help me, help me.'
How would you act to that child you know?
Say 'Oh what happened?
Are you okay?'
Talk to yourself like that you know.
'You're okay, man?
What's going on?
Why do you feel this way?
I'm here for you.
What is it that you need to express?
What is it that you need to feel?
What's bubbling?
Just feel.
Just feel.
Drop the stories.
Just go into the feeling.
Feel the little boy.
Feel the kid.
Feel the hurt, the anger, the sadness.
What is it saying?
All right, you guys.
Peace.
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