CHRIS [voice-over]: I was the wrestling champion of the world,
until I lost it all.
Now I'm starting over, and I'm going to be
the greatest actor of all time.
If someone else said that to you,
you probably wouldn't believe them.
But I'm Chris Jericho.
♪ ♪ ♪
CHRIS: You know, you've got to
wonder how good of an acting coach this guy
must be if he's accepting Groupons.
>> I don't know.
I heard really good things about this guy.
> Yeah, maybe so.
But he's like ten minutes late.
>>> Exactly!
[German accent] Where is this famous
acting teacher if he's ten minutes late?
I demand a refund.
> Relax, it's --
>>> No! I will not relax!
I paid good money for this course!
Who is this person I hear so much about?
What's he doing, preying on our money?
It's bull-you-know-what.
And I will not stand for it!
If he's not here in ten minutes, I'm out of here!
> It's really not worth getting so excited about.
[laughs]
>>> Fooled you!
[laughs]
Ohhh, people.
It's me, your acting teacher A. J. Merkin.
Now how many people out there thought
that I was actually a young acting student,
eager to learn?
No, fooled you, newbie.
That was actually one of my most famous characters,
Horst Blueker, the German exchange student
from the 1986 indie comedy
School of Har-Har Knocks,
starring a very young Chad Blower.
Much younger than I had been led to believe.
Umm, I think it was Shakespeare,
William, who said
"All the world's a vampire,
and we are nothing but actors in it."
I think that that would've had more of an impact
if any of you had seen my Planet Suck series.
No?
No one?
Homework for you: why don't you watch
all of the Suck movies.
Anyway, enough about me.
Some of you might notice that we have a new one here.
A new eager student.
What's your name, eager student?
> Hi, my name is Chris.
Chris Jericho
>>> Chris Jericho
What a musical name.
Hmmm? What a historical name.
"Jericho."
"The walls of Jericho."
Tell me something, Chris Jericho:
if I blow your horn, will your walls come tumbling down?
[laughs]
> I don't think so.
>>> Give it time.
Chris Jericho, what is it about
the dramatic arts that draws you in?
> I...just want to do it.
I want to act.
>>> Not good enough!!
I'm going to ask you one more time.
What is it about acting that draws you in?
> Ummm, I want to study the craft of acting?
I want to become a better entertainer,
and just learn.
>>> Really.
>> Yeah.
>> I do it for the chicks.
[chuckles]
No, seriously, I do it for the chicks.
The chickens.
I keep chickens in my backyard,
for the eggs.
You know what we like to do, Chris,
with our new students?
We like to have them improvise a scene.
How about that, newbie?
Would you like to "do-bie" a scene?
>> It's okay. I'm good.
>> Oh, you're good.
If you're so good,
then why don't you prove it?
>> Oh, that's not what I meant.
>> Oh, really?
Is there anybody out there
who would like to help our "good" acting student,
Chris Jericho, prove how "good" he is?
Eve!
>> Okay.
Sure.
>> Come on.
Ohh, watch the props.
Good.
Chris, come along.
Get up!
>> Okay.
>> Up we go!
Watch your big feet.
[laughs]
>> Hi. >> Hi!
>> Get to know each other, I won't be far.
♪ ♪ ♪
Where'd that come from?
[laughs]
Come on, let's go.
Come along, Chris.
Don't be afraid. Sit down.
Oh, you're a big boy.
Ohhhhh!
So, here we are.
>> Mmm-hmm.
>> First scene.
Your first improvised scene.
Excited?
>> Uh, I guess.
>> Good. You should be excited.
Now, here's what's going to happen.
The two of you are teenagers
discovering the pleasures of the human body
for perhaps the first time.
CHRIS: Mr. -- umm --
>> Call me A. J.
Or "Aj".
>> Okay, "Aj".
I have to be honest with you,
and this is not a slight to you,
I feel really uncomfortable doing this.
>> Oh, okay.
>> He feels uncomfortable.
>> I'm sorry.
>> Yeah, we're both sorry about that.
But I'd like to say something:
this is a safe space. You're safe here.
Isn't he safe here?
>> Very safe.
>> This is all a little bit sudden for you.
Hmm?
Feel you've been thrust into things before you prepared?
Well, that's the nature of the acting beast.
In acting, you must always be prepared
for anything.
You must be ready to give yourself over
[whispering] to the thrust.
What if that young actor in American Pie
said he wasn't comfortable with sexing an apple pie?
>> That's not really a good analogy, Aj.
And, besides, American Pie?
In your acting class?
The acting in that movie was awful.
>> Hmmm....
Hear that?
American Pie factually was nominated for
two Teen Choice awards,
and managed to win both of them:
Choice Comedy, and Choice Sleezebag.
So....
>> Okay, whatever.
Alright, let's try this.
>> Okay.
>> Good.
So, in the scene, you will be football hero, Branson --
handsome, popular, charismatic, good-looking --
and you will be Gwen --
best student in school, most beautiful, most popular,
and the apple of her Daddy's eye.
[laughs]
>> Okay.
>> What will happen is
the two of you will be making love,
and I will walk in on you, as the father,
and catch you in flagrante delicto.
>> Okay.
>> Oh, yes, and action.
Now, I'll just be on the other side of this door,
so don't be afraid, I won't be gone for long.
>> Okay.
>> And, action.
>> Daddy won't be back until 7:00, so if we're gonna
do this, we're gonna have to just do it fast.
>> Okay, let's do this.
>> Chris, take her shirt off.
>> What?
>> Take her shirt off.
>> It's okay.
>> What kind of an acting class is this?
>> He does it every week.
>> What, soft-core porn?
>> I don't know.
It's okay.
Just breathe.
Ouch.
>> Chris! Chris.
Ask if she wants you to use a condom.
>> What?
Ask if she wants you to use a condom!
It's the 90s, get with it.
>> Do you want to use a condom?
>> Uhh...... Yeah.
>> Yes.
>> Yes. Yes.
For sure.
>> Okay.
>> Here.
What, you want me to put it on for you?
>> How far do you want me to go with this?
>> How far are you willing to go?!
Sorry.
Don't worry, you won't have to have sex with her.
I just want you to mime it with your clothes on.
Go!
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> Wait aren't you going to put the condom on?
>> Ohhh, yeah yeah.
>> It's okay.
>> I always hate unravelling these things.
>> Just stay positive.
That's pretty good.
>> Interesting choice.
Shoes!
Enter her!
>> I did!
>> Really?
Well maybe you'd like to practice on me then.
>> No, no, no!
>> He's in!
[ bed squeaking ]
>> Are you gonna come in here?
>> Huh? Oh, yes. Of course.
Hey there kids!
>> Pastor McGee!
>> What are you doing?
>> I'm sorry for having sex with your daughter.
>> Having sex with my baby girl?
>> Yes, sir, please don't kick me out of Bible camp.
>> Okay, I won't.
And..... scene.
Wonderful!
Oh my goodness!
You nailed it!
>> Thank you!
>> Yes!
Very good!
Everybody, give them a hand! Wasn't that wonderful.
[clapping]
Now, everybody stand up and shake it off.
That's right, shake it off,
and let's move on to our next class.
Cashmere!
Chris.
>> Yeah!
>> Over here.
Well!
Good first day.
>> Oh, thank you!
>> But there's always more to learn, isn't there.
>> Absolutely.
Yeah, that's why I'm here.
>> Yes!
Good for you.
I have this book that I'd like to read, for next week.
It's an acting -- uhh -- treatise, that I published?
Self published.
But anyways, it'd be helpful for you.
>> Oh, I'd appreciate that.
>> If you're not comfortable with
a physical edition, I can have an e-book sent to you.
>> Uhh, no this is fine.
>> Because I could have it digitally inserted
into whatever kind of reader you have.
>> No insertion necessary.
>> No?
>> No.
>> You alright with the old technology?
>> Old is good.
>> Good answer.
>> Thank you.
>> Not really a cover on this, but...
>> No, it's subtle.
>> Very!
>> Really great work. You should be so
proud of yourself, you felt amazing.
>> Oh, thank you!
[ chuckles ]
>> If you wanted to rehearse another time,
say, my place, I'm totally open to that, yeah?
>> Yeah, that'd be great!
>> Cool. Awesome.
>> Okay.
>> Okay! Bye Daddy! >> Goodbye.
>> Love you! >> I love you.
>> Hamburgers tonight?
>> Lovely.
>> Okay, bye.
>> Bye, baby girl.
>> She's really your daughter?
>> Oh yes. Be gentle with her.
>> Unbelievable.
[laughs]
>> Goodbye, son.
If things work out.
CHRIS: Groupon?
♪ ♪ ♪
A.J.: Tongue!
What is this, kindergarten?
Kiss her like you're in grade four!
More tongue!
Captioned by: InterKaye Services
www.interkayeservices.com
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