I had a degree in Lectureship and was freelancing as an RJ
I had got an ultimatum from both ends
I could choose to either become a Lecturer or Radio presenter
After years of efforts, I had become a lecturer
because isn't that what I wanted to become
But I can't leave the radio
Because if I leave radio, all my dreams will die.
My name is Sayema and
you hear me on the radio.
I cannot be seen on the radio
Which is why I warn about one thing
That when I come in front of you, your heart might skip a beat
You would be expecting Katrina or Madhubala to come, but I am not them
I am as I stand in front of you
It was true for a while, that my voice was my identity
But not anymore
Today on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram even your face is your identity.
I wish there was a world
where the relations we made through our voice, with hearts
and soul, stay the same.
But now the truth is that we can be seen.
I am often asked why I read so much of poetry.
Even I wouldn't know, why I read so many poems.
I later realized why I used to read
Because there were many instances where
I wanted to understand myself, and realize what I wanted
What did I want to make a career in?
I studied all that was needed
I actually wanted to become a lecturer in Delhi University
Because my father (abu) was a lecturer
Referring to the old saying that I would follow my father's (abu) footsteps
So I did all the correlated study and became a Lecturer
I was a Lecturer and had a degree too
But I got into Radio
The question was as monumental to me as to anyone else
And then...
Poetry
revealed a huge thing to me, about myself
Which I used to think was wrong
Every person used to tell that I was very practical
Even today people tell me that I am practical
Which means that you take all your decisions from your mind
Everything is charted out on an excel sheet
And in reality I had written my life out on a excel sheet
But I didn't know that I used to listen to my heart's calling the most.
My heart speaks out the most to me
And I shut it out every time
And that was the point when
when I make a choice between Delhi University and radio
a choice between teaching and radio
Where for the first time in my life, I listened to my heart's calling
And I got into radio
Because until that time
I wasn't ever ashamed
to listen to my heart's calling, whereas maybe I was ashamed earlier
Which is why I wouldn't sing openly
I would secretively sing
Everything that my heart would desire, I would do secretively
But coming to radio was a decision
where for the first time I listened to my heart's calling
And after that, the first thing that I realized about myself
was that I want to listen to my heart!
And then I listened to my heart
kept on listening to my heart
There were many times when I wanted to say things on the radio
And we were told that, it is not allowed
You can't be talking about it
But I had to speak, otherwise I would suffocate myself to death
And so I read it out, bol ke lab aazad hai tere( now your words are free)
Bol zabaan ab tak teri hai(your words still belong to you)
Just by reading this
I had said a lot
So who could stop me? Nobody.
People would say
you can't take the name of that Minister
you can't talk on 'this' specific issue
But I talked on every issue
In these times, you can't talk about such things
So I picked up Manto's books
Read up Manto
Manto has said, that after killing 1 lakh Hindu's, what did you think?
That you were able to destroy the Hindu religion?
But see, it is still alive!
And after killing 1 lakh muslims, what did you think? That you have destroyed Islam.
It is still alive.
Manto said it, I read it, I also said the same.
But my name didn't come forward
In the favour of poetry
Actually through the art of writing
We can speak about topics which we are prevented to speak on
I entered into a relationship
and he asked me..where are we heading in this relationship ?
I said, "I don't know". I haven't thought about it
So..
I read out some lines by Sahir Ludhianvi
If a relationship is not possible
We should end it on a happy note
I told him and I could end it on a happy note too.
and...
Life Moved On..
So
I have realised that in every moment
which is the poet
who will help me out in my tough times and be the answer to my problems
Poet Gopal Das Neeraj taught me what is love
"Phoolon ke Rang Se, Dil Ke Kalam Se"
"Tujhko Likhi Ek Baatein"
Then we keep finding the answer to "What is Love?"
I have found a lot of answers in my life
through poetry
All of those answers that my parents could not give me
But now things have changed
My parents ask me questions & I answer them back
What I want to do and What I do not want to do
This is what poetry has taught me
A phase had come into my life where
I had the degree to become a lecturer
and I was freelancing in the Radio Industry
My stint in the Radio was a part-time job and it was a hobby
There was one moment
Where I had to choose between Radio & being a Lecturer
I went home that day in a very bad mood and told my father that I do not want to do anything
I told him
That I am confused and I do not know where to go
Then my father told me, that you can do both the things, and it is your decision to do what you want.
For the first time, my father told me that the decision is yours.
This was a rare occasion
and that night..I could not sleep and did not know what to do
It took so many years to get this degree to become a lecturer so let's take that path.
But I cannot leave Radio
If I leave Radio
then all my dreams will be crushed.
I cannot go away from music
That night, I told myself
My heart is begging me to listen to it
My heart said just "Go, become a RJ" and my brain was dictating me.
The voice in my brain said, "Nothing Doing"
You are going to become a lecturer
That night, I decided..
Now, my the voice in my heart will never have to beg in front of me
I made my heart the king and joined Radio the next day
I chose the voice in my heart over that in my brain and since then I have been following my heart.
There is one question that keeps following us in life.
In every situation, every moment and in every decision
Whether we should listen to the voice in our hearts or that of our brain
There should be some clarity over this question
The voice in your heart
might make you wander but will never let you lose track of your life
The voice in your head
can fill you
with a lot of thoughts
that will make you lose track of your life
So whenever
there is a situation where
there is a question and a battle between your heart and mind
Then, Follow Your Heart
and whatever the heart wants
Make sure you use your mind to get it
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