It seems like being royalty would be the easiest job ever.
Sure, you get to travel the world, never have any financial worries, and eat all kinds of
amazing food… but there's a catch.
It turns out, mealtimes are so complicated it's enough to make anyone grateful they're
not a royal.
Even if you know your salad fork from your main course fork, you're only a fraction of
the way through royal utensil etiquette.
Royals aren't even allowed to use forks like most of us do.
Diners hold forks in their left hand, knives in their right, push food onto the back of
the fork and eat from there.
And it's the way the rest of the British population prefer to eat, as well.
That's not all.
If a royal needs to excuse themselves, they're expected to cross their utensils to signal
they'll be back, and they expect their plate to still be there.
When they're done, utensils are placed with the handles at the bottom right side of the
plate, at an angle.
Technically, this is the proper way for everyone to leave their utensils, but it's definitely
expected at royal functions.
According to Darren McGrady, who was Queen Elizabeth's personal chef for 11 years, it
doesn't matter how fast or slow anyone else eats.
The only thing that matters is when the Queen is done.
He told The Huffington Post,
"As soon as she put down her knife and fork from the first course... the footmen come
in.
The course was over and they'd start clearing, even if you hadn't finished, they'd be clearing
the table."
So, when you're dining with the queen at a formal banquet, eat quickly.
How do you know when a Queen is actually done delicately chowing down?
Just look to her purse.
When it comes to mealtimes, it's often hung from the underside of the table on a convenient
hook she carries just for that purpose.
When she places her purse on the table, that's a sign she wants the entire meal to come to
an end within the next five minutes, and what the Queen wants, the Queen gets.
But it turns out that diners aren't the only ones who have to follow the queen's whims,
because when the Queen sets foot in the kitchen to see what's going on, all meal preparation
stops.
McGrady said that it didn't matter what sort of dish you were working on when the Queen
stopped by.
All pans are moved off the stove, the chefs take three steps back and bow to the monarch,
answering any questions she might have.
Something's burning in the oven?
It doesn't matter.
It's only after she leaves that cooking can resume.
There's a way to make Royal tea, and it's very specific.
The tea goes into the cup first, then the milk is added.
When you're stirring, in can only with a back-and-forth motion while never touching the sides.
There are rules that need to be followed when you're drinking that tea, too.
Royals have to hold the cup a specific way, and contrary to popular belief, the pinkie
should never, ever be held out.
And if you slurp, or make any sound when putting the cup in its saucer?
Sorry, you're unworthy of sipping with the Royals.
There are a ton of old traditions beyond tea ceremonies that are still followed in the
Royal Family, and one of those is giving Christmas gifts to staff.
George V was reportedly the one who first gave royal staffers a Christmas pudding for
the holidays, and it's a gift-giving tradition that continues.
The royals give out about 1,500 puddings every December to their entire palace staff.
For a long time, the puddings were sourced from Fortnum & Mason, the royal grocer, but
recently, the royals have started shopping at Tesco.
That's sort of like giving everyone a fruitcake you bought at Walmart.
"Fruitcake?"
"Mm-hm."
Like long-time employees and some staffers stationed at Buckingham Palace and Windsor
Castle get something a little extra, but Christmas puddings?
It might not sound like much, but they're actually pretty delicious.
A world without garlic and onions is a world most people wouldn't want to live in, but
that's exactly the kind of situation the royals find themselves in.
Camilla Parker-Bowles explained on an episode of MasterChef Australia that the reasoning
is partly about hygiene and politeness: garlic-breath doesn't make the best impression.
It's said that the Queen's personal dislike of garlic has something to do with the ban
as well, but there's a bit of good news.
The Daily Express says this rule only applies to ultra-formal settings like state banquets.
Still, if you're dining with the Queen even casually, it's probably still off-limits.
It's no secret: the royals like their eggs.
"I can eat 50 eggs."
"Nobody can eat 50 eggs."
According to Prince Charles's former chef, there was one unbreakable rule for preparing
his eggs: they needed to be boiled for exactly four minutes.
Eggs are served with every royal breakfast and for tea, but it's usually brown eggs for
the Queen.
She says they simply taste better.
The royal obsession with eggs goes back at least to Queen Victoria, who used to eat her
boiled egg from a gold cup with a gold spoon, which is possibly the fanciest way to eat
such a normal food.
"Eggs are easy as 1-2-3.
Eggs!
In the middle of the day, anytime, anywhere, any way!
Eggs are great!"
If you expect royal dinners to be all caviar and steaks, you might be surprised to find
that's not always the case.
Former chef Carolyn Robb revealed just what got served up to royals when it was time for
just small, private meals, saying that they preferred game they killed themselves in hunts,
vegetables from their gardens, and wild mushrooms gathered from the property.
When it came to what they actually wanted to eat, it was small portions of hearty meals,
and best of all?
There were no fancy dinner settings.
Meals also included roast chicken and fish fingers for the boys, who sometimes pushed
their way into the kitchen themselves to whip up some spaghetti.
And when it was just the family, meals were often on trays in front of the fire, with
presumably no rules about which forks were off-limits.
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