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CLOSED CAPTION BY YOUTUBE! he told his parents is divorcing me how to save your marriage from the boss
stay tuned alright what's going on guys what's going all the way back here we
were talking about what is he he told his parents he told experience is
divorcing you all right and we talked about how say yeah all right Coco what's
going on were back here we're gonna talk about this email and long email
something about some side chick something about this dude talking to
experience he's gonna divorce her but she she's dealing with a lot of stuff to
tell me about the insecurities that basically occupy a woman's head when
they are basically heading in the direction of eventually shutting down
but it still there's to concerned about how the guy feels protecting his
feelings what does that feel like interesting
like the insecurities it's a lot that's a lot that's like a bottled up Sookie
insecurities right where a woman really want to say something but the kids in it
hmm what she's get to say she's scared or she's just protecting him or she's
telling ourselves like you know let me just be let me just be a good wife
we're watching the world Smith did a Smith yeah get up and kiss me video
right the red talked a ball right and she's talked about either what does that
feel like cuz I don't know what that feels like I always say what I feel Wow
usually that comes from you know issues on underlining issues you know maybe
they've been if you you know maybe the infidelities
maybe not sometimes it looks like it but it's not it what or maybe guys hiding
the weight when when your spouse changes you cannot know you can feel exercise
for women women convey that they can't really perform like 10 miles away cuz
everything just changes so it could be like the guys shut down the guys shut
down the guy has a hot someone is talking to on the side
Oh talks to his video games it talks to oh Jesus it's checked out he's just
doing all that things except hanging out with his wife especially if you you
already have that relationship before and all of a sudden you guys are not yes
just bottom line you guys had disconnected disconnected because I
wanted to reason what I kind of like I wanted to kind of like be clear there
yes and fidelity is one of them but it's just many things connect and the
underlining issue is the disconnection yes and somebody checked out so why did
becoming complacent yes they're taking each other for granted because you know
time they see each other every day the example of why somebody comes into the
house doesn't even go upstairs to look at look to the wife they just open the
games and just play off or the go downstairs into the basement to their
man cave and they're just doing that thing yeah those are signs of you know
checking out and that affects women you know so that's those kind of things can
both over the make a woman feel insecure yeah relationship especially if you're a
woman that you've been trained a certain way to suppress like you know people
come from different cultures cultures you as a woman you shouldn't be supposed
to just feel like you just take it you keep so pressing that suppressing it
it's gonna turn into something else it's actually gonna become a monster whereas
you have another woman that is just expressing how she feels at least she
can vent how she feels it's always better to speak out and to you know this
is one of the things that I have to take extra effort to think through
I know the answer I know what's supposed to be done but it's not natural to me
you know it's not because because my natural because I've sucked in the
unconditional love you go to a relationship to give things so much that
and I hear something like somebody shots off they don't feel like this you talk
and then I'm taking that back and little bit like way I mean yeah that's not the
part that you keep giving because the first true and then I will not go the
first rule to giving and go to additions give to remembers give to yourself you
know I don't like to give and take because it comes with the entitlement
but the give give give remember that you have to give to yourself as well don't
forget yourself in that process yes because if you are feeling like this is
a bondage like you because you have to love in a way that the other person
feels free I don't feel free then something must be addressed
however addressed in a loving way but it needs to be addressed yeah you know if
you're mad well we said if your mind don't get into the habit of we have to
talk that's not a very attractive or masculine you're not in your masculine
if you're a typical masculine person you're not in your masculine energy and
that's not a very attractive thing yeah if you're a woman it's okay to say we
gotta talk you know that we'll get a masculine man to pay attention because
he wants to be that man not if you say we got a talk there's a difference
between Maggie and we gotta talk Nagin is I guess I'm gonna have to tell you to
take out the garbage again today that's nagging mm-hmm like when you're
being sarcastic about it well you know most people have to say
when they say we gotta talk they don't know how to talk from a loving
standpoint like you just said right the usually one day come with that we gotta
talk you already being dramatic with it right so it depends on your attitude
still we gotta talk so you already lost them guys because
you could say you got to talk over the phone and it's your is how you carry
yourself when you're saying that that's my point I'm trying to make yeah you too
I do with you this yeah it's not the content of you gotta talk this about
your face your demeanor your body language I see we got to but babe can we
have a conversation that's right you know this is different from we got talk
yeah cuz I'm pissed off right now yeah and you know you you know I don't I
don't do that I don't take this guy yeah yeah you know I get out of you know okay
sure I got the real me I don't know how to be fake I got I gotta keep it real
you know you know happy you know you know this is me like no no if you say
that it's already all wrong yeah yeah because you have to remember you're
talking to a human being what doesn't necessarily know a hundred
is not all the time all the time how to process or how to receive all that right
you know and they may with mean well but they may not over react and then you
have a chaos basically yeah all right so we got an email here and I'm just gonna
go through it you know why don't you just read these but since the laptop is
gonna mean hmm yeah my husband says he doesn't have a
side chick but that's very hard to believe since he's a bouncer at two
nightclubs so basically all sorts of psychics yeah that's basically what
she's right every bouncer half side chicks is that the truth and I'm not
sure about his desk job during the week a lot of bouncers at their jobs too you
know yes we have had cultural differences due to his - due to his
Chinese and I'm Native American a Latina though we have always tried to
understand each other's culture and meter work you know culture baby is a
big deal Israel Israel it's very real in a sense
that even even us as Cheers yes like literally a few times
yoruba we're from a car the same tribe we're from the same try different
different state yes and that people still generalize about those state right
like people from this state I'm not like this people from this state I like this
so we go to that not to talk of crossing a bar across more than not the Kushan
yes it's really really real you know and a lot of that I want to point out a lot
of that is stuff away married for my appearance it's not absolutely
necessarily don't know generally Babu tells you that you know some courses go
from fourth generation to generation to fourth generation I think beyond fourth
generation and there are things like this because people inherit the
tribalistic tribalism differences contrary and they didn't really bring
that into their marriage and many times in subconscious ways yeah
they're necessarily aware or that they're doing this it's just it's just
natural to worry yeah and you need to be aware of that yeah it does have a
partial rule in this as he told his parents he's divorcing me you know
somebody had to run to the plant to say that divorcing somebody that's already a
red flag right is the person which does worry me but has not always done what
they have told him to do he has never done anything like this before in the 14
years we've been together 14 years he has moved out but his home on Monday
through Thursday evenings after work and half days on Saturday to visit had our
daughter so they have a daughter together but he also visits me we have
not stopped being intimate so so he comes over during the week and half day
during the weekend mmm yeah intimate that happens a lot you know people that
concerned to be intimate but they they claim I mean they are going to troubles
in their marriage yeah but they still haven't amazing here but he also visits
me here so we are intimate three to four times a week
yes really that's a lot if not every time he visits we get along with no more
fighting between us not confused I am too
and there are sometimes some things I am working on things that I have to change
for myself but also the things that made him feel that he no longer loves me he
no longer loves you we're still smashing for most men that sounds like he wants
his cake he wants to eat it yeah but he's able to do that because you let
him do that basically I'm going to forgive his infidelity this is okay yeah
Wow so she doesn't know that for the fact I don't think she does there's a
lot of people going through this kind of craziness they don't know for a fact but
they believed it and they're so sure not even confront confronted him
you know how yeah yeah yeah mention that but you know the woman the woman
instinct thing is real you know but women need to be careful about that you
can't say because women have yesterday I saw it in my head that you're kidding
and that's it oh I had a dream yeah shitting in my dream it definitely
cheating all right no you can't do it it's only suffering that comes from that
you have to at least confront the issue if you if that's bothering you chances
are you've seen reasons for you to be bothered right address the issue but
don't assume that is happening because you have women intuition and it must be
true it's only suffering that comes from yeah this studies our behavior you know
you punish yourself and you punish your loved ones along side basically so I'm
willing to forgive this infidelity that she doesn't know for a fact and not to
mention it again in the future if I did they how would our marriage grow if I
did then how would a marriage Grenache she's asking us I think you're right
he's not gonna grow and but I really believe strongly when people are still
intimate they may be going to debate the BS but that's a very strong thing that
can really hold them together for a long time even for a lifetime but it's still
very toxic to be an argument all the time right to be going back and forth
and again each other that's that's not fun that's not fun I'm really a matter
of time so white is gonna shut down all of that right let's see he has not filed
for divorce and he's letting me finish school okay he claimed he was divorcing
but he hasn't fought for divorce yes so in his parents yet is not sister's
parent - and chances are if you start the spirit its cultural differences this
chance that maybe this person the parents never really accepted accepted
why here I mean from a here - I mean into alpha - what is it a magnet of
American life yeah that can be a stretch for some parents yeah you know people
from all walks of life can be very racist and can be trouble istic and like
we just said from one town one state to the other we actually experience that
let's just fix it we experience that that time people have come from that
town these are the behaved is that and before we knew it it became a real
problem for us that actually manifested into a big problem Weibull black black
we're bouncing from the same place on so imagine if we're dealing with another
race well both bloody up again Adrian Africans so still a nation but this is a
real issue but it became the more important thing we should point out is I
became a really easy because we allowed it at the other day we all bring some
kind of baggages to the table you know my parents from where we're from but you
still as an adult retain the ability to retain
power to set boundaries you have to be thank you to to say no that's not true
I'm not gonna believe that but it's even harder to get into that zone if you
don't do self development you know because you're not yourself with kicking
and they can plant the appearances that people that gave birth to you they will
plant fear in your head unknowingly with love
and fear is a hundred percent destructive very okay so if I did the
how okay so here's not far but I want him back for good and just move on from
this rough time in a marriage and get back to working together on growing as a
couple I do say I miss him so much and it's a bit scary being alone you know
home with just my door and I I get so confused when he says in your future and
not ours and do you get discouraged at times always wondering if I'm doing the
right thing or what I'm doing is wrong thank you for taking the time to respond
there's a few things towards the end there will Anita does you have anything
I might yeah sure well I feel like in that situation some
things have definitely changed and I feel like if she focus on myself and
it's not so needy mm-hmm - cuz right now he can see how she's
desperately wants him if she can't just take herself out of that and just focus
on her own self first she has a higher chance of winning him back because
absolutely could they still have intimacy going on is it all comes around
yeah he's still coming on yeah yeah there's something missing and most
likely it has to do with happening yeah dance oh I'm so sweaty noggin she's
not saying that here right right so if somebody keeps coming back for the
intimate part but then they really want to disappear
in divorce and they're threatening you with that it's usually the mouth it's
not good you know she's mouthing off a lot and she said here she hinted here
that I'm willing to forgive is this infidelity and not mention it again
most two men do that but some woman that like I said somebody admitting it they
take it to another level where they're always nagging about something that did
you've never really caught them red-handed well you are accusing a lot
of my get to a space where they said if you're gonna accuse me of that I'm asked
what just do it do it yeah and we don't have it proof that he's doing that right
but yet your colony so there are insecurities there there are things that
she herself is not comfortable with and she needs to work on herself and they
feel yeah I think she can definitely win this guy guy back but she's so easy a
lot of work yeah and after she you know gets our 100 she has to make sure she
let him know this this this this is what I want without being scared that he's
gonna leave us yeah yeah she has to be blunt because he can sense that right
now yes he's scared yes that's because I mean he's threatening you and it's it's
working all right let me you with divorce but not working but he keeps
coming back three to four times a week there are many marriages in Corinth good
place that don't have one time week you know he's coming back three to four
times we chances are there's something that you know you're doing wrong that
keeps making you know when you do it then it threatens you again that's tough
now with that being said is absolutely unfair and unhealthy to be threatening
your spouse divorce in fact what you fear the most
that's gonna happen you will attract so it's going to happen so now the tucked
the tactical strategic good thing we need to do
that she needs to do before I get to that she mentioned here that I do miss
him so much that Sun of neediness oh yeah and say
that's not missing but you know it's just I could feel the energy the big
scary being alone I get so confused when he says in your future and not ours he
had to be okay with that okay because he's saying in your future are not ours
and that's really really making you afraid that means just that's a sign
that your state of mind is all wrong you don't feel like you're self sustainable
you don't feel like without this guy you cannot any knows it and he knows it and
it's killing attraction slowly he's still coming back three to four times a
week but the smash is only a matter of time he may end up completely shutting
down he may end up talking himself to hanging out with somebody at work break
and then it would completely disappear chances are is coming back three to four
times because he hasn't found a replacement yet for all that sexual
energy so I would definitely pay attention to your neediness all right
your lack of confidence nothing create your lack of confidence
is what makes people nag is when you have fear that your noggin you yell at
the top of your voice and you argue it's a lack of confidence on both parts
you're a man or woman it's cuz you're not confident that's why you're arguing
if I'm arguing with my wife about an issue is because I'm not confident that
she's gonna come to understand what I'm trying to say right I'm trying to force
her to understand that and we get into an argument it's a it's a sign of fear
at the end of the day and you get discouraged at times yeah so first of
all you don't have to worry about him saying your future and not ours you can
sense that that is making you afraid and you keep behaving that we're always
wondering if I'm doing the right and the wrong thing that's a sign of fear if
you're in your own home in your own marriage and you're always wondering if
I'm doing the right or wrong thing first of all I personally I'm not a big fan of
right and wrong I believe that belongs to ports it's
legal quote superior cause that you worry about that kind of story if I'm
driving right or wrong yes when we talk about matters of the heart right right
around is honestly truly never the solution it's really listening to people
and seeing where they're coming from right even if they come off wrong based
on your ideologies your tribalistic ideologies wherever you guys are coming
from you you have of course did we see writer on them is the standard again
very much and the second person may not necessarily believe in your standard or
they may feel choked and smothered by your standard and that kills attraction
as you choose so don't worry about right and wrong
okay you do what feels right to you and let everything forward they may work on
yourself you need to work on your self-love you need to work the arm and
you need to find your purpose you need work on yourself love obviously you need
to build a relationship with your own God
never mind is God right now right and you need to have those three things in
place and I would definitely watch the seven automate guide there's a video on
this channel the seven ultimate guide to save my marriage just type in seven
ultimate guide to save my marriage role on all are no space between Lola NOLA
just search that on Google it comes right up you need to watch that video so
that's something I would sit Oh sometimes don't say that I forgot right
now but um but what do you think here baby you think we did justice already
it's fear basically it is it's off here lack of self-esteem yeah insecurities
about someone in a smashing three to four times like that's not cool
so I wasn't about strategy the strategy is this unique take some time for
yourself there could be thirty days it could if
you're a Christian you could do some fasting and prayer during that period of
time it's a time for you to really find yourself find what you were when you
attracted this do this guy yes you need to get back to that it was something
confidence about you you had some kind of
evidence that attracted them and now that's lost because you find yourself
arguing you're arguing you're bickering you're you're talking about fidelity is
that you can't even prove is that reflects back on you and tell them that
you need some time to find yourself two things will happen when you tell
somebody you need some time to find yourself you need to take at least 21 to
30 days to do that okay two things will happen he will catch anxiety yep
he won't want to lose you okay he may start begging he may be stubborn and not
beg immediately don't worry about it it doesn't matter that this is not about
him because if you start thinking it's about him that's manipulation we don't
want to do that if anything want to build you you need to build yourself
build your self-confidence back so that you can attract the kind of love that
you deserve right that's the whole point of this as far as he's concerned don't
worry about him it's anything outside of Attraction would be basically
manipulation and that only works temporarily right that's all we get and
make sure you find the book as well too is free get my marriage back calm it's
absolutely free could download it read it 10 to 15 times okay 10 to 15 times
you can't cheat on that if you cheat on that you begin your purpose and
everything will backfire so 10 to 50 times go read that book and hopefully
been a lighten educated click like smash the like button share button comment
your questions below in this and yeah you know thumbs up thumbs up you know
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