Hey there, it's Nancy here, just hopped off Hay House radio where we have been
talking about the ways to make your priorities and your non-negotiables part
of your daily ritual. How to actually allow your day to inform your life.
There's this saying that I've heard from many people so I didn't even know who to
attribute it to, but, you know, how we do one thing is how we do everything, or how
we do anything is how we do everything. So the way that we set up our day is
actually the way that we set up our week, our month, our year, our life. And it's
really critical that we build into this time what's most important for us. I hear
time and time again from clients, and I've even heard it on the radio, that, you
know, isn't that selfish? isn't it selfish to look out for my priorities, or to make
my priorities and non-negotiables, put those first and foremost. But the truth
of the matter is, it is selfish. And selfish can be a great thing. And if I
leave you with nothing else today I want to really help you reclaim selfish. So
that you can see the importance of creating a life that is honoring your
priorities, your values, your needs, and your non-negotiables. Because from that
place you'll be able to serve even better, you'll be able to give even more.
Once you fill your own fountain you will be able to give even more. So I see my
peeps all loading in. It's so sweet to see you here. Hey Danita. And hey Jan. And
my sweet Stephen. And hey Chris, and Wendy. Stephen says the sunshine has arrived.
You're so cute. And Kari. And Steven you're my superhero
right back. And Jan, thank you for the welcome back. Yes, I was away for two
weeks. It felt like an eternity to be away from you guys but it was an
opportunity of a lifetime to go to Venice with my parents and spend a week
with them there. And it just so happened that it overlapped with two Thursdays. So
two Thursday's had to be Hay House radio reruns and two Thursdays I had to miss
being live with you but I am back. Hey Lynn, and hey Eugenia. And Chris, thank
you. And Marlene, thank you. And Jennifer, good, I'm glad that you need to hear this.
And hey Teresa, and Alyssa. And hey Debra, ageless Debra. And Michelle and Victoria.
Lovely to have you all here. And, as I was saying, you know, we're
talking about how to build a life that is honoring your priorities and your
non-negotiables. And I've got a freebie for you, just like I always do, so if you
go to NancyLevin.com/live, NancyLevin.com/live and you can download
the freebie for today, which is "What does your freedom look like?" And the
freebies gonna take you through an exercise, through a process, to help you
gain some more clarity so that you can build in these pieces to your life that
really support and honor you. Which I just saw a little note from Steven, so I
was reflecting on the picture you posted on of the two hands coming up out of the
canal in Venice, we all have supporting hands that hold us up that we don't
necessarily know. Exactly. And that... it's funny because that picture is called
'support' the picture, the sculpture is called 'support.' These two arms coming out
of the canal and Venice and the hands on a building, and it's called support sort
of in two ways, obviously about supporting the building, supporting each
other, and around the ways in which, you know, Venice is,
unfortunately, a sinking city. And global warming, and all of it. And I can't see
the whole rest of your comments Stephen but I see that Danita is on with us and
maybe Danita, can you pop Stephen's whole comment about the supporting hands into
slack, or, yeah, slack for me? That would be totally helpful. Then I can see the whole,
the whole thing, just in case I missed any part of it.
Hey Ed, and Kari, a wonderful trip, an example of which you speak. Thank you. I
do... I'm walking my talk peeps. I took a whole week off, actually even
more than a week, I think it was eight days or nine days, and barely checked my
email. My team is fabulous so my team was taking care of everything and I really
honored that. Oh I'm glad that you... I'm glad that I had Danita put the rest
of this in because Stephen you're so sweet. Thank you.
Stephen said we all have supporting hands that hold us up and we don't necessarily
know where they're coming from. Thanks for being my hands. It's very touching to
me Stephen, thank you. And hey Cathy. And Stephen, I love when you guys say hi to
each other so Stephen is saying hey to Kari. And Sherry, hello honey. And Eugenia, hi
Nancy, hi to the community, thank you for
talking about the importance of self-care, it's hard for a lot of us. I
know that. I really do and that's why I'm talking about it because I lived so much
of my life in the, as you know, you've heard me say it before, I lived so
much of my life really believing that like happiness and fun and pleasure work
for other people. I was, have been a workaholic, so keyed in to working, so
keyed in to just like let me get through this, let me get through whatever's
happening right now to get to the other side of it. Wishing away time, wishing
away trips, and wishing away experiences and opportunities, because I thought that
it, in some way it was almost like too much
for me to be in the moment with it. So I I felt safer, I felt safer being
productive then I felt being in the experience of what is good. And I talked
a lot about this actually in chapter 10 of Jump, about my -- how do I want to say it --
I could say my awakening to pleasure. To being able to be with pleasure and invite
pleasure and joy into my life. And to me it was really a culmination to be able
to be away with my parents this week and witness myself and see that why I have
no problem just being here in the moment, and oh it's, oh it's lunch time, let's go
have some Prosecco, you know, which is not a way that I've lived before. So, it was
beautiful to witness the change in me. Jan, loved the show today, heard your
comments about being able to be in the present. Yeah. An amazing thing, to be
present with... yes, when things are actually happening. Hey Denise, hey Lindarae.
Victoria, I think you appreciate, I think you appreciate you very much, I'm
grateful, however I'm working right now but I'm listening. Okay, good. Good, I love
it. Okay so, you know, I really, I want to encourage you to look at the routines
and habits in your life that are not serving you. And see how you can replace
them with what will serve you. With the ways that you can actually bring in more
nourishment, more resourcing, more refreshment into your daily life. So,
whatever it is for you, this can look like meditation, journaling, exercise,
cooking, whatever it might be for you. I'll be the first to say it's ironic
because I grew up in a family where my mother, my father and my sister are all
tremendous cooks and I never got the gene for
cooking and haven't enjoyed it and all that. Everything in my life changed when
I started actually ordering food from a service called Green Chef. I'm not, I'm
not an affiliate, I'm not promoting them, I'm just happening to
mention what's happening in my own life. And about a year ago my boyfriend broke
his collarbone and I realized that I was gonna be spending a hell of a lot of the
time in the kitchen because he broke his collarbone,
and I did not want to spend a hell of a lot of time in the kitchen because I
don't actually enjoy being in the kitchen. So I started ordering a food
service delivery called Green Chef. It has been, it literally has changed my
life, I kid you not, and it has actually become an absolute priority to me, an
absolute priority and absolutely non-negotiable that every week I receive
in the... you know, receive via FedEx or UPS three dinners for two people, all the
ingredients, the recipe, everything, and all I have to do is spend about 30 to 40
minutes putting it together. And, because I'm not stressed now by "what do I have
to cook?" and "what do I have to go get?" and you know all of that, I actually
enjoy the time in the kitchen. I actually enjoy the time in the kitchen. Sometimes
I cook, sometimes he cooks, sometimes we cook together. And it's changed my
relationship to cooking. And so for me now, that's become an absolute priority,
non-negotiable. And I've just built it in to my budget, I've built it into what
needs to happen. And it's things like that, you know, because the flip side of
our priorities and our negotiables are "what are we depriving ourselves of?" "what
are we depriving ourself of?" thinking in some way that we are
toughening up around the deprivation. It's really an important question
to ask. Amy, grateful for you too. And hey Rhonda and hey Carolyn. And Stephen
says Green Chef is amazing. I know he's another fan. Sherry, getting
back to New Mexico after my mother's departure for her heavenly home. I know
sweetheart. I'm so sending you love. And it feels good to reconnect with you too.
And Stephen said totally agree with you about the experience with Green Chef, it's
about the priorities of ourselves. Exactly. And Sherry, my daughter decided
to do this with her meals and she loves it. Excellent. And Kari, one of the most
challenging things for me, I feel like I do provide the nourishment but the
feelings of judgment and guilt are so hard to shake, that is my work.
I hear you Kari. I really get it. It's a process. I noticed in myself it has been
a process over time of being able to quell the anxiety that used to come
online for me around not being productive. That if I was doing something
just for me, it didn't count. Or if I was doing something just for me it sort of
took away from the ways in which I could almost like, put a notch on the... I don't
know, I want to say notch on the bedpost but that's not what I mean. Put it like
whatever, check off something I did for someone else. And the thing is that that
we have to learn how to sit with that discomfort. You know, and I know we've
talked about this before, but it's really about being getting comfortable with the
discomfort. Sitting with the discomfort long enough will actually have that
anxiety begin to dissipate, because you're taking action in another
direction. We're so geared, most of us, and I know if you are with me then you've
got, you know, you've got these pieces that I've got around, you know, the
people-pleasing and the workaholism and the you know I've got to do do do and
go go go. We get so ingrained, we get it so ingrained
that it's about action in terms of something that's going to produce. But
the truth is that we can take action toward being instead of doing. And that
will also alleviate our anxiety. I want you to really hear that. We can take
action toward being instead of doing. And that can also begin to alleviate our
anxiety. And, you know, I know for me that I'm I'm a better person when I'm taking
care of myself best. I'm a better coach. I'm a better. I'm better in my
relationship. I'm a better friend, all of that, when I'm taking care of myself. And
you know one of the things... you know another really important priority for me
is sleep. And what I'll tell you is I am an early riser so I like to go to bed
early. And in all honesty I like to be in bed, lights out by 9:30. That's a perfect
night for me. 9:30, lights out, done. My boyfriend is a night person and
he will often stay up til I don't know, 11, 12, whatever. And fortunately I'm a
good sleeper, I don't hear him when he comes in, and then I will... I'm always up
before he is in the morning. He's not like a late sleeper and often he has to
be up and out early to go teach but I know for me, the priority is, I get to
sleep early, he then gets his time alone at night to chill, like that's when he
likes to have his chill time, I get up early, I get my time to be alone and
chill. So it's also about the balancing out of
how do we, how do we get our needs met so that we can be, we can be giving
from that place of being in connection instead of it feeling resentment.
Let's see, Mona, our society focuses on doing. It's incredibly true. Karen, I've
always been quiet and listen now I'm looking at this in a different light.
Good. Alyssa, heading to a doctor appointment,
first time in a long time, steps to self care. Awesome. Mona, can you talk about the
boundaries around technology. I think I use it to quell my anxiety and avoid
sitting with discomfort. I am so glad you, I'm so glad that you asked this question.
So first and foremost I'll tell you that something that I've been doing for about
a year and a half now is that when I go to sleep at night I put my phone into
airplane mode and I do listen to a 10-minute sleep meditation on my phone
and then whenever I wake up in the morning, and when I get my phone it's
still in airplane mode, and I don't take it out of airplane mode until I'm ready
to face my workday. So in other words, after my meditation, after I've made my
coffee, after I've journaled, after I've done, you know, whatever it is that I want
to do for me, then I will go ahead and put it into, put the Wi-Fi back on. So
that's one boundary around technology that I use. I often throughout the day,
will also put my phone in airplane mode, when I know that there's work, a certain
kind of work that I need to get done, so that I, so that I am not distracted. There
I will also turn off the Wi-Fi on my computer. I'm disciplined enough that I
can actually just go to the little Wi-Fi signal and turn it off. I know many
others, especially writers, there is an app you... it's an app you can get or
software you can get for your computer called freedom.
And it essentially, you can essentially put your entire computer into freedom
mode, which means the only thing you have access to is I think Word, so that you
can actually write. But everything else goes out. So there are all sorts of
different ways you can play with technology. Another thing that I will
often do and I've talked about it before is that I will set timers to get things
done so that I'm not, you know, sort of in a
stretched-out time thing. I talked about this on one of the radio shows, there's
something called Parkinson's law which states that everything that needs to be
done can be done in the time allotted. Everything we need to do, we can do
it in the time we allot for it. So writing a blog post, if I allot an hour
I'll get it done in an hour. If I allow a week it will take me a week.
Mona, back to the piece about using your technology to quell your anxiety and
avoid sitting with your discomfort. Yeah, you know this is something a lot of, a
lot of us do. It's like we're scrolling through Facebook, or scrolling through
Instagram, or scrolling through our email, or looking for something to divert our
attention. So what when I talk about this what I'm really talking about is, is
looking at our avoidance strategies. We all have a go-to drug of choice. So
whether it's our phone, whether it's technology, or alcohol, or food, or
exercise, or work. Whatever it might be that we are that we are engaging in in
order to avoid feeling what we don't want to deal with. So the first step Mona
is actually, as you notice yourself engaging in technology, when in these
moments of discomfort. And now that we're having the conversation, it'll
become... you'll have an awareness around it. Begin, begin to ask yourself what is
it that I don't want to feel? What is it that I'm avoiding? Begin having a
relationship where you can actually have that conversation with yourself, where
you can actually Journal, perhaps, instead of flipping
through Facebook, what is it that I don't... what has me getting outside of myself
here. Because that's the first piece. You first have to have the awareness that
you're leaving yourself for the technology. So I'd start there.
Lis, can you repeat what you said about clarity of view, awareness? I'm thinking
what you're saying was that what I said on the radio about change, it's sort of
my what I call my transformation equation, change equals clarity of vision,
awareness, desire, that's sort of one piece. Clarity of vision, awareness, desire.
Plus choice plus action. Debra, how can you balance no electronics and bedroom
when spouse brings iPad and phone due to work? Well, this is a negotiation between
the two of you. So it sounds like it's not, it's not necessarily about a balance,
it's about, it's about you, it's about the two of you coming together to make, to
make an agreement. And if he's unwilling to make the agreement about the iPad and
the phone then there's a piece around acceptance and the way that you choose
to relate to it. You can still choose not to bring your phone or your electronics
in the bedroom, but unless he's willing to meet you in that, there's a difference.
So it's, it's perhaps not about the balancing of it, it's about what you
choose to do regardless of what he does or doesn't do. That's always, that's
always the answer there. Janice, thank you. And Kari, thank you. I love and
appreciate hearing how you balance and reframe your needs within the
relationship. Also tricky. Vortex, hi Nancy can you speak a little bit about your
morning process to align yourself? My morning process is simply I get up, I go
right to my meditation cushion for 30 minutes,
and as I was saying on the radio, I never thought I would be a meditator, went away
to a vipassana silent meditation retreat nearly two years ago in Thailand,
emerged a meditator. So it's a daily practice for me. It's not a question, it's
not a conversation, it's not should I meditate, should I not meditate, it's just
simply what I do. So I meditate, I literally from there go in the kitchen,
make the coffee. I pour a full mason jar a big one of water. I drink the full
mason jar before I have any coffee. I'm giving you the real. the real deets. and
then once my coffee is made I will sit with my journal and then from there I'm
ready to go flip on the Wi-Fi and look at my phone and look at my computer, but
none of that doesn't happen until this other part happens. And I would say that
this is all happening, it begins somewhere between 5:00 and 5:30 in the
morning. Janice, I watch Netflix too much to avoid feeling my pain. I get it. I've
been there. I honestly understand and so it's important that you recognize this
and the next time you go to Netflix, just see if you can begin the conversation
with yourself about 'what am i avoiding here?' 'what am i avoiding feeling here?' and
seeing if, see if you're willing to journal about it. Seeing if you're
willing to sit with it, seeing if you're willing to sit with that discomfort for
just a little bit instead of numbing out. I'm glad that you said that and
you're welcome Vortex. I'm glad that that was helpful. Alright my loves, I am
gonna sign off. I've loved being here with you today. So happy to be back at it
with you once again. You can get the freedom freebie
download it at NancyLevin.com/live and it's about what does your freedom feel
like to help you around this conversation of priorities and
non-negotiables. And I'm really glad that this has been helpful for you and thank
you all so much for being here and I'm sending you a lot of love and I'll see
you next week.
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