STEVEN: I'm singing my mailman song, I'm singing my mailman song,
- I wait, wait for the mailman to come!
- *GASP*
- HE'S HERE!
- OH, HI!
- DO YOU HAVE MY CHEESEBURGER BACKPACK??
JAMIE: no, wrong.
- i do have this,, sandwich
STEVEN: I don't want that!
JAMIE: eat it, bitch
STEVEN: I said I don't want it!
JAMIE: well, fine,, then, i'll get some more mail
- ohp, here it is, heres a box
STEVEN: *GASP* MY CHEESEBURGER BACKPACK..
JAMIE: eat it,
- please
STEVEN: I'm not gonna eat it! It's a backpack, ya dingus!
- I mean, besides! It's used for storing shit
JAMIE: oh, okay!
STEVEN: Okay, so like, can i have it now?
JAMIE: no,
STEVEN: BITCH, I'LL KILL YOU!
JAMIE: OH, OKAY! WELL YOU SEE, UH
- sign
STEVEN: UUGH FINE,,
JAMIE: happy hanukkah, bitch
STEVEN: I don't celebrate Hanukkah!
JAMIE: oh my god,
STEVEN: OH, WOW, THEY'RE BACK!
JAMIE: UR GAY!
GARNET: ugh i hate feathers- PEARL: AMETHYST WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!11!
PEARL: ???? AMETHYST: ugH, i was thinking of ur mom naked, PEARL
PEARL: So, Steven, what do you have? We went and retrieved this dildo from a museum,
- It's very old, and people liked to.. Shove it up their butts!
- so hot...
- ah...
AMETHYST: it hasnt even been washed,
PEARL: Oh, look at that, there's this-
- That's heaven. Don't go there, Steven, It's a bad place.
STEVEN: WOW, I WANNA GO TO HEAVEN!
PEARL: *NO*
GARNET: that's lame
PEARL: what is that-
STEVEN: It's not lame!
- so like,
- It has pockets, and it's made out of a cheeseburger, and it also stores my meth!
- OH YEAH BABY! I'm so cool - I got, like, this weed, and, uh-
PEARL: Uh, Steven, that's nice and all, but-
STEVEN: Uh, what? But I need to go!
AMETHYST: to the bathroom?
PEARL: Steven-
AMETHYST: uh, does it have- does it came- come with the drugs?
PEARL: Hm. Well, if it comes with drugs, then i suppose you can bring it.
STEVEN: You guys won't regret this! I promise, I promise, (I promise)
*squeak?*
MR QUEASY: OOOOH MY GOD, STEVEN, STOP TOUCHIN' ME
STEVEN: Oh, stop it!
MR QUEASY: OOOOHHH, I- T- I,, AHH-
PEARL: STEVEN! HURRY YO BITCH ASS UP! STEVEN: I'm coming!
- Why do you always gotta nag at me!
PEARL: Because um,, I don't know.
AMETHYST: Uh, Pearl's lame.
PEARL: Fuck yourself, Amethyst.
AMETHYST: UGHH, YOU'RE TOO FAT!
STEVEN: AHUHA!
PEARL: Do you remember how to do this?!
STEVEN: I DON'T REMEMBER A THING!
PEARL: DO YOU REMEMBER HOW TO DO ME?!
STEVEN: *LAUGHING*
STEVEN: *LAUGHING* PEARL: STEVEN!
STEVEN: Wow, this looks old!
AMETHYST: I'm 100% sure you have diabetes,
GARNET: i like this rock
PEARL: OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HOTEL?!
STEVEN: Oh, it doesn't look that bad!
PEARL: *SCREAMS*
STEVEN: Why are you screaming-
GARNET: wow ur such a fuckin dumbass
PEARL: STEVEN YOU NOOB, DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!
STEVEN: Oh, you made it alive! GARNET: im questioning wether this is worth my time or not
MR QUEASY: UUUGH, STOP SHAKING ME, GARNET: i feel like i should kill myself
PEARL: *STEVEN!* WHY DID YOU BRING THAT THING?! WE DON'T, NEED IT!
- ??
GARNET: c'mon- ok, we're leaving, oh- stop
AMETHYST: NO, NO
- UH, one night stand, everybody????
GARNET: uh,uhuh, no
AMETHYST: ..Ah.
GARNET: i-its water. watersports, anybody?
- nope, ok
AMETHYST: ah.
STEVEN: Oh, I got an idea!
AMETHYST: oh, what the fuck
STEVEN: I was gonna save these for like, when we were gonna fuck, but, I guess this is okay.
- *BREATHES IN*
GARNET: but we might need those
PEARL: STEVEN!
AMETHYST: SAVE US AN XXL!
PEARL: *SCREAMING*
GARNET: goodbye
AMETHYST: uaaagh
STEVEN: Bitch, I'm the main character, I don't die! WOOHOOHOOHOO!
- IMABOSS!
STEVEN: *HEAVY BREATHING* GARNET: kill yourself
AMETHYST: YOU'RE NOT LEAVING WITH THE DRUGS! BITCH, I'M COMING!
PEARL: O GARNET: a PEARL: My ass-
AMETHYST: Here's my girlfriends, I'm bringing my girlfriends.
PEARL: DONTEVERDOTHATAGAIN
STEVEN: Sure, whatever. O-
PEARL: Ah, as long as you got some crack, it's okay.
PEARL: Oh god, our hotel is a mess! Who- Who- Who- Someone fucked it too hard
- Oh..
- OOOH, MY HUSBANDO.. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR GLORIOUS FA- AAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!
- AAAGH!
STEVEN: Pearl! You need to calm the fuck down!
PEARL: It wasn't worth it anyway...
GARNET: i dont feel like seafood right now
STEVEN: I want that one!
PEARL: NOSTEVENDONTTOUCHIT!
GARNET: i feel like i need a bagel right now
PEARL: So, obviously, Amethyst, you go fuck these ones over here,
- and whip 'em, whip their assholes.
- Garnet, you stand up in the building, and fuck(?) 'em, while i-
GARNET AND AMETHYST: *complain noises*
STEVEN: WHO'S HUNGRY? GARNET AND AMETHYST: *complain noises*
GARNET: ok
AMETHYST: Oh wow
GARNET: they were too fat anyways
PEARL: HOW DID YOU DO THAT??
STEVEN: I ???? do it! I dunno about you, but I ????.
GARNET: cmon, lets g- cmon amethyst, lets go do lesbian things
GARNET: cmon, lets g- cmon amethyst, lets go do lesbian things AMETHYST: Ugh, these assholes are lame
AMETHYST: Yeah, Lets just- Lets touch each other
GARNET: oh yeya
AMETHYST: WET
PEARL: Someone just came.
AMETHYST: Wow, thats wet
*everyone looks at steven*
STEVEN: Why the fuck are you lookin' at me??
PEARL: UUUUUUUUUUUU-
GARNET: goodbye
- hiyah
- hiyah
- aYO
AMETHYST: AWWW
GARNET: hack
GARNET: i m i n
GARNET: aaaaa-
AMETHYST: AAAGH
GARNET: oh hello~
AMETHYST: FUCK ME GARNET
- yeya.. *EVERYONE SCREAMING IN THE BACKGROUND*
*EVERYONE SCREAMING IN THE BACKGROUND*
GARNET: goodbye
STEVEN: GASP, GASP, GASP, GASP
PEARL: WEEEHUUUUUUUUU-
GARNET: we, are the crystal gems
STEVEN: I'm bad! I'm stupid! ..I suck.
PEARL: Yes, yes you are, Steven. This is all your fault, It wouldn't have sunken if you hadn't brought that useless toy.
AMETHYST: I FEEL SO WET!
- AH..
STEVEN: ..Okay, I guess that makes sense! Okay, so, how are we gonna get home?-
AMETHYST: BITCH! PEARL: THE DILDO!
STEVEN: WOOHOO!
PEARL & AMETHYST: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
GARNET: ahh,,
STEVEN: Who wants a wet bagel?
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